We were back on the street now, swiftly gliding through traffic and passing shops, homes, and pedestrians. We drove for too long and seemed to pass several counties, along with their police stations. This was so drawn out. I cursed myself for not taking more care with my speed. We headed into the hills.
“Ma’am,” said the young officer. “May we drop you off here?”
I tried to read his expression to see if I’d heard him right. We were approaching Chrysalis. The car glided up the sprawling driveway with Chrysalis rising above the arch of the hill. This revolving nightmare promised never to cease.
Dominic and Cameron were chatting away on the front steps of the house. With my seatbelt off, I waited for the car to come to a stop and the officer to unlock my door.
I flew out of there and stomped toward Cameron. “Did you send them to arrest me?”
Cameron arched an eyebrow.
“Did you?” I said.
“Were you read your rights?” He stepped past me and headed toward the police car.
“No,” I said.
“Then they didn’t arrest you.” He greeted the officers.
From the way Cameron spoke casually and shared a joke, he knew them well. Dominic moved toward me and I stepped back, focusing on the interaction between Cameron and the officers.
“See you Saturday.” Cameron waved goodbye and on my reaction he added, “They pick up extra hours as security for me. Very reliable, as you can imagine.”
The police car disappeared down the driveway. Although relieved to be no longer their passenger, my anger bubbled up and my fists tightened around my handbag, threatening to hit Cameron with it. He’d scared the hell out of me.
“Sweetheart,” he said, “let’s go inside.”
“I need my fucking car back,” I said.
Richard hurried out of the front door and he was holding my folder. “Mia, are you okay?”
“You had no right!”
“Shall we take this inside?” said Dominic.
“Come on.” Cameron gestured.
“No. I’m going to Napa.” I stared at the folder. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Cameron stepped closer. “Scarlet told you?”
I broke his gaze.
“Scarlet,” said Cameron, sharing a stern glance with Richard.
“You should have told me,” I said.
“We were waiting for the right time,” said Richard.
“You had no right to snoop into my private life,” I said. “Invade my privacy like this.”
“Take a breath,” said Cameron.
“Have you spoken to my Dad?” My lips trembled.
“No,” said Cameron. “Not yet.”
“Does Lorraine know?” I covered my hand over my mouth, trying to suppress my sobs. “He never died. You knew and you didn’t tell me.”
Richard reached out for me. “We just found out.”
I stepped back.
“Try and understand,” he said. “We were waiting for the right time.”
“The right time for you,” I said. “My father’s alive. I’m not wasting another second. I’m going to see him right now.”
“She right,” said Cameron. “Mia, I wanted to have a session with you first. Feel out how you felt about all this. Break it to you slowly. I’m so sorry you found out this way.” He clenched his jaw, the muscles working their tension.
“I need to borrow your car,” I said.
“You’re in no state to drive.”
“I’m fine.”
“You can’t go alone.” Cameron peered over at Dominic. “You’re me tonight.”
“Oh goody,” said Dominic.
“Get Scarlet over here,” said Cameron. “She’ll take your place, Richard. It’s the least she can do.” He rolled his eyes. “We’ll take the Benz.”
“What about the guests?” said Dominic.
“I’ll make an appearance later.” He took a step closer to Richard. “We’ll have Lotte come with us.”
Richard chewed his lip thoughtfully. “Good idea.”
Cameron glanced at his watch. “You sure you want to see your father today, Mia?”
“Yes.”
“Doesn’t Gabe Donnell have a house in Napa?” asked Cameron. “In fact I think it’s not far from Yountville.”
“One of many, yes,” answered Richard.
“Dom, tell Gabe we’re dropping in,” said Cameron. “Have a car ready for us when we arrive at his place.”
“Got it,” said Dominic. “Any preference?”
“Make it a convertible,” said Richard. “Mia loves convertibles.”
In a daze, I followed them inside.
Despite all the activity, I could do nothing but think of the words I’d say to my father. I hardly caught what Richard and Cameron were saying to me or each other. Something about the arrangements for here. Something about notifying somebody about something.
Waiting was killing me.
We made our way through the manor, passing room after room. Once outside, we walked past the swimming pool that had been lit from beneath with bright red lights the night of Chrysalis’s party.
Richard wrapped his arm around me and we followed Cameron and Lotte down the twisting pathway. Lotte was dressed in jeans and a sweater, a quick change from the black leather she’d been wearing twenty minutes ago.
A silver helicopter rested on a helipad.
“It’s an EC145 Mercedes-Benz,” said Richard. “Very safe.”
I looked around for the pilot. “We’re going in that?”
“Yep,” he said.
He assisted me into the backseat. Inside looked just as impressive with its stitched leather seating and wood trim. This day continued to spiral into the realms of revelations and unexpected risks, leaving me speechless.
Richard pulled a blue safety belt across me and strapped me in. “Comfy?”
I gave a nod, though still not sure about all this.
Richard trotted around to the front passenger side and climbed in beside Cameron. Lotte settled next to me. Her hand reached for mine and she gave it a squeeze. She handed me a set of headphones with a mouth piece and I placed them on. Richard and Cameron already wore their headgear. I could hear Cameron’s voice in my headset. He was conducting a set of checks and talking to someone in air traffic control. There were so many buttons and lights on the front panel I wondered how he’d remember them all. It all looked so complicated.
“What’s this one for again?” Cameron pointed to the panel.
“He is of course joking.” Richard’s voice echoed inside my headphones and he turned to glance back at me. He rolled his eyes.
I willed myself not to throw up over the leather seat.
Cameron’s voice came from my headphones. “As far as I can remember, you just jiggle a few gadgets and hope nothing falls off.”
Lotte burst out laughing. “Will you shut up.”
Cameron flicked a switch on the ceiling. “Look at this as a character building exercise.”
“My character’s just fine, Dr. Cole,” said Lotte.
“She has a point,” said Richard.
“I’m the only one who’s allowed to be right,” said Cameron. “Remember that memo?”
“Oh yeah,” said Richard, “I remember now.” He turned to look back at me again. “Seriously, he’s the best pilot I know.”
Cameron flicked switches on the front panel, setting off a whirring above our heads, scattering leaves around us. A swirl of dust blew outward. The engine hummed as the rotaries chopped through the air, blurring the blades.
“I usually keep my eyes shut during takeoff,” said Cameron wryly.
“Thanks for that,” said Richard.
Despite this adventure, there was a hole in my heart, and a knot in my gut making it hard to breathe. Feelings of betrayal welled along with that old familiar grief as pain found a home inside me again. Confusing, conflicting emotions twisted in my chest over the thought that I’d soon be reunited wit
h my dad.
Gravity pushed me down into my seat as the helicopter rose, banking left.
The grand view of Chrysalis shrank below.
WITHIN MY HEART LAY the possibility of forgiveness.
I couldn’t wait to see my Dad again. Though there was also a stirring of something unfamiliar for the man who’d put me through so much pain. It should never have been like this. I’d never stopped him from doing anything, ever. I couldn’t grasp why he’d rejected me. He might as well have been dead.
Had this been any other day, I would have raved about flying in a helicopter. It made me wonder what other skills Richard and Cameron might have. Perhaps I’d even have felt excitement for visiting the wine country for the first time.
We had made a smooth landing on Gabe Donnell’s helipad in Yountville. Abe wasn’t there because he was off training for Saturday’s game. As one of the Baltimore Ravens’ star players, he wasn’t due home for a while. His house was enormous, and from the air we’d gotten a good view of both his tennis court and an Olympic-sized swimming pool. We ignored his invitation to hang out there and merely walked the short distance to a waiting convertible Lexus.
We passed vineyard after vineyard with their lush bunches of green and purple grapes strewn upon vines that sprawled on either side of us. The greenery was a refreshing change from L.A.’s dry landscape. The open top car allowed this evening breeze to find us.
Sitting in the backseat beside Lotte, I balled my hands into fists of nervousness, willing Cameron to drive faster. He focused on the road ahead, having checked the location of the winery before we’d left. He drove with confidence since he’d memorized our route. Now and again I caught his reassuring smile for me in the rearview mirror.
Richard sat beside him in the front passenger seat and occasionally shared a word or two with him but mostly stared at the view. Lotte frequently offered a look of support and it went a long way to ease this uncertainty.
A well of emotions made me sigh.
And sigh again.
Running over the words I’d use to comfort him, I vowed to reassure my dad there was no anger but only joy with our reunion.
Forgiveness.
Richard’s love gave me the strength I needed to see this through.
There were so many questions. I was about to know more about my father than I ever had, and even other relatives too. Unanswered issues could be solved. I needed to know what he’d done with his life until now. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for him or me, but in my heart I knew we’d survive this. The thought of his embrace, the feeling of falling into his arms again, would be forever treasured. I marveled at my ability to let the past go. I’d come to understand. I knew I would. With Richard by my side, I could face anything. And Cameron too, with his remarkable ability to communicate with anyone. He’d see to it I was understood. He’d help me say the words that would no doubt come out scrambled.
A sign announced we’d arrived at Roscoe-Harvey Winery and Vineyards. Trying to calm my pounding heart and not leap out of a moving vehicle, I rested my hand on the door handle. Cameron slowed the car and brought it to a stop halfway up the driveway. I climbed out. A ranch-style house was surrounded by a white picket fence. Old brick surrounded by a lush landscape of trees gave away this estate had been here for years. A hundred at least. There was history here, the family kind, and I wondered how my father had found this place.
A ranch hand approached. “Have you come for the wine tasting?”
“We’ve come to visit Mr. Lauren,” Cameron told him. “Can you tell us where we’ll find him?”
“You have an appointment?”
“We do,” lied Richard.
The man pointed. “Over there.”
Richard gave me a well that was easy glance.
“Mia,” said Cameron softly. “This is a very delicate time--”
“I’m not wasting another second,” I said, squirming out of Richard’s hug.
“We’ll be right here, baby, okay?” Richard, seemed lost as to what to do with his arms.
“Mia,” Lotte called after me. “Go easy on him.”
“Call if you need us,” said Cameron.
I began the journey down the longest avenue, striding between the vines.
My mind looked for refuge, turning to the mundane, like what kind of wine these purple grapes would make. Richard loved wine. Cameron too. Maybe we’d get to taste their vintage. No doubt Cameron would want a bottle or two to take home.
I should have had them come with me.
There, ten or so feet away, stood my father. his heavy jaw clenched in concentration. He picked grapes off a vine, his sunhat pulled low. He painstakingly twisted each grape with a delicate motion, a care I couldn’t remember ever seeing in him.
I took a deep, steadying breath. “Dad.”
He paused, his face unreadable.
“It’s me, Dad.”
“Mia,” he mouthed.
I tried to contain my excitement at this moment I’d never dreamed possible, my joy threatening to fill the air and find its freedom.
A fiftyish blonde stepped into view. “Who is it, dear?”
Her cream colored straw hat flopped over her face and she eased it up. This was the woman from the photos, her cheeks flushed from the sun, her many lines revealing years of exposure to weather.
“It’s no one,” said Dad. “The girl’s lost.” He pointed. “The winery’s that way.”
My mind tried to reason with the truth, my own thoughts betraying me, reassuring that he hadn’t just denied he knew me.
The knot in my stomach tightened, bringing with it a wave of dizziness. Nausea threatened to spill. I reached out to the side and quickly withdrew my hand. With nothing but vines to hold onto, I feared damaging the grapes, feared ruining everything.
It was already ruined.
“She looks like a little lost waif,” whispered the woman.
With a nod of agreement, my father resumed easing grapes off a low hanging vine, his attention focused once more upon his delicate work.
My legs rescued me. Taking over where I failed, they guided me back along the pathway. The journey took longer to get back. Waiting for me beside the Lexus stood Cameron, Richard, and Lotte, their faces marred with confusion.
Walking a steady path back to them, I left myself behind. That innocent version of myself. That silly girl who in my mind’s eye lowered herself to her knees, clawing the dirt, her tears soaking the soil, her fingernails filthy, her wails reaching over this ranch and beyond its stupid perfect white picket fence and its hateful lies.
Its ugly betrayal.
This Mia, this new woman of the world, merely made her way calmly. I followed what Richard and Cameron had taught me about pain, forcing it into a ball to be dealt with later, manipulate it into whatever I needed it to be.
Vaguely, I felt Richard wrap his arms around me.
“Oh baby,” he said, burying his face in my hair.
“What did he say?” asked Lotte.
“It’s what he didn’t say,” said Cameron, resting his hand on my shoulder.
“What happened?” said Lotte.
“In her own time,” said Cameron.
The sob refused to leave my body, preferring to settle in my throat and threaten to choke me should I move, talk, or dare breathe.
“Let’s get back in,” said Cameron, breaking away and opening the front passenger door.
Richard took a step forward and his stare swept the vineyard. “I’m going to talk to him.”
Cameron grabbed his arm.
Richard looked heartbroken, as though losing his father all over again in that awful New York prison, thousands of miles away and so long ago.
“In you get,” said Cameron.
Richard climbed into the backseat and Lotte sat beside him. The soft leather saved me from falling. Cameron sat in the driver’s seat, his face still and fixed on the road ahead as though he too contemplated what to do next. He started the engine, navigating
the Lexus back down the pathway.
Silence screamed louder than I’d ever known. This aching, vice-like grip around my throat stole each breath, forcing a twisting in my chest. Despite the fresh air of the convertible, I couldn’t catch any air.
“We banish pain with pain.” Came the memory of Cameron’s words.
“Make it go away,” I murmured.
Cameron reached out and held my hand.
“Please,” I said.
He pulled the car off the road and brought it to a stop.
“Do that thing,” I said. “Take it away.”
“Oh Mia, right now that would be temporary,” said Cameron.
“But it will work.”
“How about we shower you with affection?” said Richard. “We’ll go get a drink.”
Cameron ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m so sorry, Mia, I should have thought this through better.”
“No,” I said. “There was no other way to do this.”
He stared skyward.
Caressing my chest, I feared this ache would never cease. “He doesn’t want me.” Cameron spun round and stared at Richard, his expression questioning. “We’ll get a hotel. Stay the night. Regroup.”
“Good idea.” Richard looked over at Lotte. “You okay with that?”
“Absolutely.”
I leaned forward, the pain suffocating. “Oh, God. It’s going to kill me.”
Cameron turned in his seat to face me. “Take a deep breath. We’re here. We’re right with you.”
There was nothing but an aching, a wrenching, making me fear I might disappear inside it. I pulled my hand out of his. “Do that thing.”
“Mia,” soothed Cameron.
“Do it.” I begged. “Please, just do it.”
“Cameron,” said Richard. “Help her.”
Cameron gave a consolatory glance my way.
Richard wrapped his arms around my seat and around my shoulders, grabbing my arms into my body, his hands gripping my wrists, holding me pressed back.
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