“I don’t care.”
Fern turned to stare. “What’s going on with you this morning? You’re being weird.”
“Just because I don’t want a cup of tea?”
With narrowed eyes Fern said, “Is this something to do with that man you were seeing? Because we talked about that, remember? I don’t want him here.”
Cora sighed heavily. When had the balance of power shifted between them? When had her daughter stopped asking her what she should do, and started telling her what she should do? When had Fern stopped being worried about her mother finding out what she was up to , and started monitoring what Cora was doing? She couldn’t pinpoint when their roles had reversed, but this was the day when she would put them back on the right footing. She was not only Fern’s mother, she was an independent woman, and the managing director of a business that kept nearly fifty people employed. She loved Fern dearly, but she had to take back her power.
“Honey, can you come and sit down, please?”
“Why?”
“I want to talk to you.”
Fern took her time pouring a mug of coffee from the pot Cora had made, before strolling to the table and plonking herself down into a chair. She took her phone out of the pocket in her silk robe. Cora reached over and snatched it out of her hand.
“Hey!”
“I don’t want to talk to you while you check your emails, update your status, or whatever else is more important than listening to me. I want to have a conversation, and above all, I want you to hear me.”
“How can I not hear you when you’re barking at me?”
Cora struggled not to react, or the conversation would be sidetracked and end up as a row which she did not want. After a moment’s silence she said, “I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I need you to know that I don’t like Russell.”
“What? This is about Russell? I thought it was about your ex-boyfriend. With the emphasis on boy.”
“It’s about both, actually. First, I want to talk about Russell. He’s much older than you, Fern.”
“Oh, duh, I hadn’t noticed. Anyway, you’re much older than thingo.”
“His name’s Alex.”
“So? I don’t need to know that, do I? Because you’re not going to see him again.”
“I can’t stop you seeing Russell because you’re supposedly an adult—”
“Supposedly? I am an adult.”
“Sometimes, Fern, you don’t behave like one, to be honest. Maybe that’s my fault, maybe I’ve been too soft with you because of your dad, but look, my point is that I can’t stop you seeing him, but I can forbid you to bring him here. I don’t want him in my house ever again. And this is my house.”
Indignant, Fern said, “I live here too.”
“Yes, but only if you follow my rules. If you don’t like my rules, you can find somewhere else to live.” Her stomach felt hollow. It wasn’t easy to lay down the law to her only daughter, but maybe some new guidelines would be as good for Fern as they would be for herself. First, though, she had to survive this conversation.
Gaping, Fern said, “You’d throw me out?”
“I’d rather not have to.”
“Oh my god.” Fern tossed her head. “Not that I care; I can move in with Russell if I want. It’s not as if I need to live here, but you’ll regret it if I do move out because you’ll be here all alone.”
Cora swallowed. The last thing she wanted to do was push Fern more firmly into Russell’s arms. She didn’t want to lose her daughter altogether, but she had to stand her ground, and hope that this relationship between Fern and Russell couldn’t last.
“You can come home whenever you want, of course. I’d love to see you as often as possible, but it has to be on my terms from now on. The other thing I want to say is...” she hesitated, choosing her words, “that if I decide to see Alex again, I will.”
Really, what she meant was, if he forgave her for cutting him out of her life as if he meant nothing to her at all — right after they’d spent a night making love. This time he’d taken her at her word and hadn’t contacted her since the day she’d sent him away. She missed his calls, but worse, she knew that his silence indicated that he’d had enough and wasn’t going to try to talk her around again. He’d been the one making all the effort, and as far as she could see, she’d done nothing to justify it. He had every right to think she was too much trouble after all.
“He’s too young.”
“You can’t have it both ways, honey. If Russell’s not too old for you, then Alex is not too young for me.”
After pouting into her coffee for a while, Fern said, “When you say ‘see him’, you don’t mean you’ll bring him here, to this house, do you?”
“Actually, yes. If I choose to, I will. As I said, it’s my house, and I have the right to entertain my own guests here.”
“It’s not just your house, though, is it? It’s the house that Dad built for you. What about his memory? Don’t you think about him at all anymore? Have you stopped loving him?”
Cora gasped before she could stop herself. Fern might as well have punched her. “Is that your problem with me seeing Alex? Do you think I’m being unfaithful to your dad?”
Fern’s eyes were wet with tears. “It’s not just what I think...it’s how it is.”
“But it’s been six years, honey.”
“I know how long it’s been since my dad died, thank you very much. You’re six years older than you were then, and at your age, you shouldn’t need anyone else.”
Cora shook her head. “I’m afraid that’s not true. I thought it was, though, I admit. I was prepared to be alone for the rest of my days. I haven’t looked at another man in any romantic or sexual way—”
“Ew, Mum. Don’t be so disgusting.”
“I haven’t thought about being with another man since your father died. Not until I met Alex, and he looked at me like I was still worth looking at.”
“Of course you’re still worth looking at.” Fern waved a dismissive hand. “I just don’t see why you care whether you are or not.”
Cora frowned. “I don’t know either. It’s not something I can explain, but I do know that he makes me feel—”
“Don’t say ‘young’.”
“Special. I was going to say special. And now that he’s gone from my life, I miss that as much as I miss him. I think everybody deserves to feel special to someone else, don’t you?”
Fern’s eyes closed and her lips pressed into a thin line.
“Well, that was all I wanted to say.” And probably more than she’d intended. “I have to go to work now,” she said as she rose.
Ferns eyes snapped open. “So, basically, you’re saying that you’re going to do what the hell you like, and you don’t give a— a toss what I say about it?”
“Yes. Basically, I am.”
“So why should I give a toss what you say about Russell?”
“Like I said, you’re an adult. You don’t have to listen to me, but if you’re going to continue to see him, don’t bring him here again.” She turned to leave.
“Mum, haven’t you forgotten something?”
“Yes, of course.” Cora walked around the table and gave her daughter a kiss and a hug, glad that Fern still wanted her to do it. “Have a good day, honey.”
Fern gave her a stony stare. “I meant, my phone.”
Chapter 10
The next day at the café near the office, Cora paid for sandwiches for Lily and herself and carried them over to the table near the window where Lily was waiting.
Once she was sitting down Lily said, “Gwen and I were a bit tough on you over coffee last week. Especially me, and I’ve been meaning to apologise for that.”
“No, don’t,” Cora said. “I needed to hear it. And now I’ve told Fern that I’m not going to be governed by what she thinks I should do.”
“Have you? Gosh. Well, good for you. How did she take it?”
Cora waggled her hand in a so-so gesture. “She sort of t
hreatened to move in with Russell.”
“Oops, that wasn’t the desired result. I hope we haven’t made things worse.”
“I have a feeling that she won’t go through with it. She didn’t make it sound like her preferred option.”
“Really? So there’s hope that she might be tiring of him, then?”
“Maybe. I’ll have to wait and see.”
“Is that why you wanted to have lunch, to tell me about Fern?”
“No, there’s something else. I’ve booked a flight to Sydney on Friday afternoon, and this time I don’t have any business to take care of in the city. I have one purpose in going there, and only one purpose. To see Alex.”
“Wow. Isn’t that a bit of a risk, though? You said he might not what to see you again after the way you treated him. What if you tell him you’re in Sydney and he says, “So what?’”
Cora nodded. “That’s the whole point. I need to show him that I’ve made an effort and taken a risk, so that he won’t think I’m likely to change my mind again in the next moment.”
“I’m impressed. Cora, warrior woman.”
Cora laughed. “Hardly. I’m shaking at the thought.”
True to her word, Cora waited till she arrived in Sydney before phoning Alex. She’d booked a return flight for Sunday, but no accommodation. If he wanted nothing to do with her, she’d find a hotel in the city and spend the weekend shopping. But she really hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
Her heart thumping, she made the call. “Alex? It’s me, Cora.”
“Cora?”
“I hope you don’t mind me calling.”
She registered the slight hesitation before he said, “What can I do for you?”
She shut down the inappropriate words that rushed into her head. She had to take this slowly, not behave like a mad woman. “I wondered if you’d like to see me this weekend?” Oh, God, that sounded ridiculous.
“Is this a trick question?”
“No.”
He sighed. “I’m doing what you asked me to do. I’m leaving you alone.”
“Yes, I know.” She licked her dry lips. “What would you say if I told you I was in Sydney?”
After a short silence, he said, “What do you want me to say?”
Cora took a deep breath. “If you’re still interested, I’d like to give us another go, and for that reason, I’m here in Sydney. If you don’t want to see me, or you can’t because it’s bad timing, just say so and I’ll go away. But if you agree, I’d like you to meet me anywhere that suits you.”
“For sex?”
She gasped.
“Because that’s all you want from me, isn’t it? I’m not good enough to meet your family, or your friends, or even be seen in public with you.”
Even as she opened her mouth to deny his words, she knew she had been guilty of treating him badly, and she couldn’t lie.
“Cora, I’m not interested in playing games. We could have been great together, but you were more concerned with appearances than with having a relationship. You couldn’t recognize something real right in front of your face. I’m sorry you’ve had a wasted journey, but I won’t be meeting you. Goodbye, Cora.”
She held the phone to her ear and listened to dead air long after Alex had hung up. What was she supposed to do now? Try and find a seat on the next flight home?
No. She hadn’t come here to be a coward again. She’d had enough of living only half a life. She wouldn’t go home until she’d tried to convince Alex that she wasn’t playing games.
She took a deep breath and dialled again. She wasn’t surprised when Alex’s answer was a wary “Yes?”
“I’m sorry, Alex. It must have seemed that I thought you weren’t good enough, but I promise I never believed that for one minute. It was never that.”
She heard him exhale. At least he hadn’t hung up on her.
“If you’ll give me another chance, I’m ready to try and have something real now. If you still want to, that is. I can’t promise to be brilliant at it, but I will try.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yes.”
“Hang on, someone wants to talk to me.” There was a muffled noise on the line. Cora closed her eyes, the tension making her belly quiver. “Right,” he said when he came back on the line. “So, tell me where you are and I’ll meet you there.”
“At the airport.”
She heard the rattle of computer keys close to the phone, then Alex said, “Damn. I have a meeting that I can’t cancel.”
“It’s okay. I can get in a taxi and wait for you somewhere.”
“What about the hotel where we met? It’s not far from my office. I’ll see you in the bar in...an hour and a half. No, sorry, it might be more like two hours, I’m afraid.”
“That’s fine. No problem. I’ll wait.”
Alex’s home was small, but fully-renovated, and only minutes from the city centre. She hadn’t seen much of it on Friday night, though. All through dinner she’d been aware of tension coiling her insides. She couldn’t take her eyes off his face while they talked, and by the time they’d arrived at the house, she’d been desperate to feel his skin against hers. They hadn’t even reached the bed.
Saturday had been a lovely day spent outdoors, exploring the area, shopping, and generally behaving like a couple, and now Alex was out in the private courtyard, cooking their evening meal on the barbecue while she tossed a salad in his black and stainless steel kitchen. Life was looking good.
When she heard a key in the front door, she looked up, startled, and watched a willowy redhead walk towards her, a little girl in tow. Recognising Sophie from the photograph Alex had shown her, she guessed that this stunner must be his ex-wife. Well, that was just great. As if she didn’t have enough insecurity about her older woman’s body, now she knew she was competing with his memory of his ex’s body as well. Fabulous.
The woman gave her a direct look. “Where’s Alex?”
Cora tilted her head towards the courtyard. “Barbecue.”
Cora smiled at the little re-haired girl trailing after her mother. She had Alex’s grey eyes. Very cute.
She tried not to hear the conversation going on outside, but his ex’s voice in particular was hard to ignore, and from the snippets she picked up, it was clear that she didn’t approve of Cora being there. Well, Cora wasn’t sure that she approved of Alex’s ex-wife letting herself into the house without an invitation, so they were even.
Just as Cora was wondering whether to join them outside since she was starting to feel awkward hanging about in the kitchen, the woman stormed back through the house, minus her daughter and without sparing Cora a glance.
Alex entered a moment later, his arm around Sophie’s shoulders, and gave her a rueful smile. He guided his daughter to one of the sofas and gave her a book from a woven wicker basket, then came over to the kitchen.
“Remember me saying that Annabel tends to dump Sophie on me when it’s least convenient?” he said in a low voice as he joined her. “This is one of those times.”
“I thought it might be.” Cora shrugged. “I’d better ring the airline.”
“Why?”
“To see whether I can change my flight, bring it forward.”
“Don’t go.”
He stepped closer and put his hands on her waist. Even that small contact gave her tingles.
“I know it’s not exactly what you were expecting, but we’ll be alone tonight once Sophie’s asleep. And Annabel promised to pick her up in the morning, so we’ll have a few hours to ourselves before you go to the airport.”
“I don’t want to spoil your precious time with your daughter. You should be able to focus on her while she’s here, and keep her here all day Sunday if you have the option.”
“I wouldn’t normally have had her this weekend.”
“But now that you have, you should give her your undivided attention. I took a risk coming over unannounced — it could have been your week to have her, and I di
dn’t even think about the possibility.”
She should have thought about it, because in all honesty, was this what she wanted? His daughter was a complication that she hadn’t even considered. She didn’t want to be a stepmother — admittedly that was a leap into a future they hadn’t even discussed, but she should think about it now, because clearly, Alex and Sophie came as a package deal. There was no chance he would cut his daughter out of his life; nor would she ask him to do so. What would be the point of waiting until she’d fallen in love with him, and then deciding that life with him and his child was not what she wanted?
On that road lay pain for both of them, especially for her. If leaving him now would hurt, she could only imagine what it would feel like to break up once she’d fully opened the barricades to her heart and let him inside.
What a complete idiot she’d been, not taking his role as a father into account when she’d rushed into saying she wanted to make a relationship with him work. She was at an age when she wanted to simplify her life, not make it more complicated. It was as much as she could do to manage Selwoods, and she hadn’t done such a crash-hot job of that recently. She’d dropped the ball in a couple of areas and Eric had made sure to point out her mistakes.
Raising her own children had exhausted her, and even now she struggled to maintain a rapport with Fern. The prospect of taking on even partial responsibility for another child was just too daunting to contemplate.
He seemed to sense that she was pulling back, having second thoughts about them. His hands dropped away from her waist and he stepped away, his eyes wary. “Let’s eat while the steaks are still edible. I turned the gas off and closed the hood. Hopefully, they’ll be all right.”
She nodded and reached for the salad bowl. How was it possible to go from such a high to such a low in such a short time?
Chapter 11
“So, Cora,” Gwen said as she handed her a plate of cake in the kitchen of their childhood, “how did you get on with Alex last weekend? Did it work out the way you planned?”
Cora put the plate on the table in front of her, took a mouthful of wine and swirled it across her tongue before saying, “He was glad to see me, and we had a lovely time.”
More Than Just One Night (The Selwood Sisters Novellas) Page 5