Finally we could tell from the screams that they was both rompin’ on home or else having heart attacks. Dolly Sue was buckin’ faster and faster until she suddenly stopped dead, just flat stopped, and stood still and took everything that Wilbur Tubbs could throw at her like she was savin’ up. Wilbur pounded her faster as he slid into his big finish and Dolly Sue hunched her shoulders and pushed back once, hard, and then threw her head back and shrieked this long, happy yell that echoed off the walls and startled the spit out of all of us. Wilbur Tubbs started jackhammering twice as hard as before, which I woulda sworn was impossible and unsafe besides, and then he let out a roar that matched her shriek and they both shuddered into the closest thing to a religious experience that I’ve ever witnessed, and it’ll do ‘til one comes along.
It was a long few minutes of stunned silence after the spasmin’ finally stopped before it occurred to Henry to yell cut, and by then Fat Jimmy had lowered the camera for the first time in four hours and wiped tears from his eyes. June seemed to come back from wherever she had been and she ran over and threw a blanket over Dolly Sue and gave her shoulder a little pat, and then dashed back and grabbed me by the hand and yanked me out of the barn, yellin’ over her shoulder, “We’ll go get some refreshments, y’all just wait there!” I almost fell over myself trying to keep up with her (having a bit more than usual in my jeans to deal with, you understand) and was trying to come up with the right thing to say to deal with whatever had fired her up so hard, when she bust into the kitchen with me right behind and she turned around and started ripping my pants open right there.
About ten minutes later me and Junie, dressed and hair combed, came back out with a load of sammiches and a case of beer. Wilbur Tubbs and Dolly Sue was dressed again, but they was staring at each other like they wanted to get undressed right away. Henry and Fat Jimmy was watching the playback on the little video camera and giving out low hoots, the Judge was sittin’ on a haybale fanning himself with his hat, and Tollie was still out, although it looked like someone had tossed a bucket of water over him. We commenced to handing out beer and vittles and Henry looked up and put on his biggest grin and said, “Friends and neighbors, I think we got us some porno.”
Not much to tell about the rest of the day. Henry and Fat Jimmy insisted on shootin’ some plot, so once he found out the nekkid part was over the Judge threw Tollie in the back of his truck and took him home. Wilbur Tubbs and Dolly Sue seemed content to do anything anyone asked them to, so long as they didn’t have to get more than lunging distance away from each other. Things seemed under control, so after leavin’ a plate piled high with biscuits and ham me and Junie turned in early to take care of a few things we hadn’t finished addressin’ earlier. My Junebug was livelier and louder than usual, and usual was pretty dang good, so since I hadn’t changed any I had to assume that makin’ porno movies agreed with her.
I don’t know how late our film crew was there but all of ‘em was present and more or less awake at church service the next mornin’. Judge Jackson was at the chapel door, glad-handin’ everyone within reach, just like always. He did give me and Junie a wink, though. Tollie’s eyes were glazed but he was there sittin’ with his momma, Fat Jimmy looked like he was ready to start snorin’, but Henry was wide awake to an alarmin’ degree. Dolly Sue and Wilbur Tubbs was nowhere to be seen. I reckon they had some restin’ up to do. After the service Henry run up to me and sez, “Ollie, we got ourselves a tiger by the tail, here!”
I sez, “Two tigers, from the look of it, but I ain’t sure which one’s got which one’s tail.”
“Lawsy, they was somethin’, wasn’t they? Better than watchin’ the circus. I couldn’t have done that in my glory days.”
I sez, “Well, I think Wilbur Tubbs has been savin’ up for a few years, but I know what you’re sayin’. We get enough for a movie?”
Henry sez, “We got a good four hours, so even if we edit it down we’re good. I’d like to get another scene shot, though, most of these movies got at least two scenes.”
We agreed on another shoot next Saturday, which I thought was good ‘cause I wasn’t any too sure I was up to another one of those right away and might need the week to rest up. Henry took off to do some more editin’ and I got back to business.
The next couple days, every time I showed up in town I thought for sure people were staring at me and smilin’. I knew I was bein’ paranoid, no reason to think everybody thought I was a porno-writin’ pervert, but damn if I didn’t feel like I was under serious consideration. Could one of our crew have blabbed?
After maybe half a second I thought, of course they did. That group couldn’t keep a secret from a blind deaf dog, and I was willing to bet that Wilbur Tubbs hadn’t touched the ground yet. But I figgered I was only marginally implicated, since they only got out two lines of my script.
Along about Wednesday Henry rung me up in a panic. “Ollie,” he sez, “we got troubles.”
Him and Fat Jimmy met up with me and Junie that night. “No one’s seen Wilbur Tubbs or Dolly Sue since Saturday night. Ain’t neither one been to work this week, and old lady Tubbs was just fixin’ to call the police and report Wilbur missin’, I had to tell her he was on a pickup run for some parts, be back soon as he could.”
No one asked if Dolly Sue’s aunt noticed her missing; common opinion held that Beatrice Hendricks hadn’t noticed anything since the Truman administration.
Henry sez, “And then today I got this.” He held out a card, and Junie took it. It was pink and scalloped and said “Billy Wenner’s All-Nite Chapel, Raleigh, NC.”
Junie’s hand shot up to touch her lips. “Oh, my,” she sez. When she opened it we all looked at a picture of Wilbur Tubbs and Dolly Sue… Tubbs, I guess, standing in a rinky-dink church in front of a reverend looked like a used-car salesman wearing a choir robe. Scribbled across it was “Thanks for everything! Wilbur and Dolly!” There was little hearts scribbled all over the bottom. “Oh my,” Junie said again. “That’s so sweet! Oh, they look so good together, don’t they?” We all agreed that they did, and that Wilbur Tubbs was an honorable boy.
“But,” Henry sez, “that still leaves us with a problem.”
I sez, “Why? You said we got plenty of footage. What’s the matter, they didn’t sign one of them model releases or something?”
Henry sez, “I wish that was it, we could fix it or fake it. No, I got ahold of the ay-dult video people, and they want to buy our tape. Offered us $10,000 cash money outright, without even lookin’ at it, so I’m bettin’ that once they see it we can jack that up a touch.”
Everybody stood up and cheered and smacked Henry on the back and generally whooped it up for a while, ‘til we noticed that not only wasn’t Henry whooping, he looked downright weepy. He looked up at us and sez, “They want more.”
I sez, “More of Wilbur and Dolly Sue? We could prolly manage that, once we get ahold of them again.”
Henry sez, “No, they want a different couple. They said that they can’t sell a tape of just one sex scene, we gotta have at least two. We need more porno stars.”
Well I tell you, that stumped us. I sat down and thought about who could possibly step up to the plate, so to speak, and I come up empty, and from the look of the other faces in the room they was just as dry. All of the single women I could think of were either too proper to consider it or too shy to manage it or too earthy to look good doin’ it or too innocent to know what to do in the first place. Findin’ a feller didn’t look to be much of a problem, there’s always a boy or a hundred ready to do most anything to get ahold of something soft and sweet, but finding a nice lady who’d get nasty on film was a whole different kettle of filth.
We tossed out ideas, but all of them got shot down right quick, sometimes by the person doin’ the suggestin’. Fat Jimmy asked about trying to hire some actors but we all figured it’d cost too much to be worth it. Henry finally sat back, defeated. “Damn it,” he sez. “’Scuze me, June. For the first time since the war thi
s town’s got something somebody wants to buy, and we can’t see it through. It’s enough to make a body cry. I was all set to use that money to go into production for ourselves. A whole series of ee-rotic mountain porno movies, home-grown and purty. Friends, I was lookin’ at a career.”
Well, that stopped everything, and we all stared at Henry like he’d just admitting to marryin’ a goat.
Fat Jimmy finally said what we was all thinkin’: “You was gonna work, Henry? For a livin’?”
After they left, me and Junie went to bed and lay there for almost an hour, just thinkin’. We started a lot of sentences we didn’t finish, like, “What about… no, she wouldn’t do it,” and “Hey, how about… no, she’s got that harelip.” Finally we just hugged and held each other for a long time.
Junie sez, “It’s a shame about Henry. I never seen him so worked up over anything, not even the time his home-made cheese spread idea fell through.”
I sez, “I know. It’s a damn shame, watching him get that close. And a shame to waste what we already filmed.” I hugged her once more and rolled over to get to sleep. “Wish there was something we could do.”
I was just at the edge of dropping off, just starting to drift away, when I could hear my Junebug’s little voice say real, real quiet, “Mebbe there is.”
We didn’t get any sleep that night, not a bit.
Next mornin’ it only took about ten minutes to convince Henry we was serious and were actually gonna go through with it, and considerable more than that to convince him to go along with Junie’s conditions. He sez, “June, I don’t know how I can film it that way!”
Junie just smiled at him like she would a mental patient and she sez, “Well, I’m afraid you’re just gonna have to learn, Henry. You’re young, you got time” We left him and Fat Jimmy arguing over the details and we stepped on over to Hattie’s for some breakfast. As soon as we left Henry’s place June looked at me all nervous-like and asked me again if we were doing the right thing.
I sez, “Well, neither one of us got family close enough to care what they think. The worst that could happen is that we’d be run out of town for being smutmongers and burned at the stake at the county line. Or we’ll just get the cold shoulder for a few decades, until we save an orphan from a burnin’ building or something. Or, most likely, no one’ll ever find out and it’ll be our secret. You remember what Henry said, they make thousands of these type videos and it ain’t like there’s a thrivin’ ay-dult supply shop ‘round here, so prolly no one we know will ever see it. No one’ll ever know.
We walked into Hattie’s and sat down at the counter just in time for her to bustle over to us and say, real excited-like, “You two really gonna be in Henry’s movie?”
Over the next two days we found out exactly how easy it was to keep a secret in Hinch Hill. We also found out a lot of things about our neighbors that we could have lived long and happy lives without ever needin’ to know. Wilhemina Brown from the hairdresser’s told Junie all about how to shave “down there, like the pornie stars do” and how long she had been doin’ it. herself. Steve Jr. caught up with me in the hardware store and told me he had an interestin’ cream he made hisself out of bear grease and tallow that was guaranteed to keep a man upright for a solid winter’s day. I thanked him kindly and told him I was gonna use the ancient Chinese secrets I had learned during my sojourn in Tee-bet, but I really appreciated his input. June had to leave her Garden Club meetin’ early because every woman there wanted to know exactly what she had to do and for how long, and every one of them had something their own men always wanted them to do and they all wanted to complain about it at considerable length. Junie told me later in confidence that husbandry bedroom antics wasn‘t exactly an uncommon Garden Club topic, but this time she was getting’ a lot more detail that she was happy with and that after hearing a few choice words from Jenny Brady she would never again be able to look Luke Brady or his horse in the eye again.
For the first time in my life, I noticed women noticin’ me. In a good way, I mean. Well, in a “checking out the livestock” way, I mean. Some of them was married women.
Friday night at supper Junie confessed she’d been having second thoughts, especially after Granny Hopkins, her old grade school teacher, came up to her in the grocery store and asked her if she was gonna be on the box cover. Junie sez, “Honey, I love you, and I know this was my idea, but I got to tell you I am scared.” I held her and told her I loved her and that she didn’t have to do nuthin’ she didn’t want to, and that helped a little. Good thing to tell a woman any time, in my opinion. We talked some more and argued over whether or not we should do anything the night before (I felt we should, to make sure everything was in working order; she took the opposing position that we should abstain, like athletes do) (she won) and then turned in for what I personally believe was the longest night ever recorded since God said, “Turn on the light.”
Saturday morning Henry and Fat Jimmy showed up after breakfast. They didn’t come roarin’ in this time, which was a blessing because June looked skittish as a newborn colt. They both sat down to coffee and treated her just like always, which helped.
Henry laid his hat down on the table and looked up at both of us. He sez, “Well? You gonna do it?”
Me and June kinda glanced at each other, and I saw just a touch of fear in her eyes. Well, I weren’t surprised, so I sez, “No, I’m afraid we ain’t,” but at the same time Junie sez real loud, “Yes! Yes we are!” Henry and Fat Jimmy seemed confused but I ignored them and asked her, “Honey? You sure?”
This time when I looked I still saw that fear in her eyes, but I also seen me a look I hadn’t seen so strong since our courtin’ days. She stepped closer and took my hands. Without lookin’ away from her, I sez, “Git your camera, Jimmy.”
Junie kept looking straight at me and sez, “Henry? You ‘member what I said?” Henry plainly did, and he didn’t look none too happy about it, neither. He twisted his hat in both hands while he backed slowly out of the room, like a youngun’ been told to go to sleep when he don’t wanna go.
“But June,” he sez, kinda whiny. “How’m I s’posed to dee-rect you if I can’t see what you’re doin’?”
She stepped into my arms and kissed me real gentle on the mouth. “I think we can prolly figger out what goes where.”
When we talked about it before, we decided that letting someone film us in our own bedroom was a mite too personal, and since we were getting’ kinda old to be doin’ it on tile floors and hangin’ from towel racks and such, we’d go with the family room. We fell on the couch together while Fat Jimmy scooted along behind us. Thinking about it beforehand I had been worried that having somebody watchin’ me would take the core out of my pickle, but it turned out it didn’t slow me down in the least. Wasn’t like Fat Jimmy was really watchin’, ‘cause I couldn’t see his eyes behind the camera, and I wasn’t lookin’ his way anyway ‘cause Junie was all I could look at just then. My Junebug is beautiful to me no matter what she’s doin’, and if she happens to be unbuttonin’ my shirt while I’m looking at her than so much the better. I kissed her gentle-like along her neck, something she usually goes for, but she wasn’t havin’ none of that today. She done grabbed my ears and kissed me like she was tryin’ to get licorice outta my teeth, so I shoved my hands inside her dress to catch up. She was breathin’ fast and her breath was hot and she couldn’t get my clothes off fast enough to please her so I stood up and let my overalls hit the floor while she skinnied out of her dress and pulled me back down. I think I heard Fat Jimmy gasp when she done that but I only remembered it later, I was too busy now tryin’ not to get hurt. Junie slid both her hands between us and grabbed onto me and made my eyes cross, and then all of a sudden she let go and pulled me down hard on top of her while she yelled past my shoulder. “Git outta here, Henry!” she yelled. She shuffled a bit to where I was completely covering her. “Quit peepin’ through our winders or I’ll call the po-lice on you, you see if I don’t!”
“You keep this up, I won’t let you see any of it ‘til you pay for it like everybody else! Go on, git!”
We waited ‘til we heard him crunchin’ away down the driveway before we got back to business. I had temporarily lost my handle, but Junie just eased me back on the couch and bent over me with that smile she always uses. She said she reckoned she could bring the big feller back and it was true, he was a’comin’ up to meet her halfway. I tried to ignore Fat Jimmy movin’ around for a better angle and just concentrated on the intoxicatin’ site of my pretty wife openin’ her pretty mouth and…
The phone rang, and I’m afraid I took the Lord’s name in vain, four or five times at least. Junie twisted around and picked up with one hand while she kept on tuggin’ at me with the other. Now we’ve been interrupted aforetimes, and any other time I might’ve been able to continue like that, but it would take a better man than me to stay focused while his wife is yellin’ into a phone and a sweating man looks like Junior Samples with a video camera is pokin’ it over my head for a bird’s eye view. It didn’t help none that the madder Junie got, the tighter she tugged on me, and Fat Jimmy’s breath was causing me to have grave concerns over his health. Suddenly I had a new appreciation for what porn stars had to do every day.
“Yes, we are filming it right now, and you are interruptin’! No, I will not tell you about it. No, I will not tell you what I am wearin’! We’re in the middle, Margaret, and you’re breakin’ my mood!” She slammed the phone down and turned back to me and Jimmy, still fumin’. “Don’t believe the nerve of some people, think they can just call you up whenever they please. I’m sorry honey, where were we?”
Giggling Into the Pillow Page 20