I climbed to my feet and Loki immediately trotted toward the driveway. I heard the sound of car tires crunching over gravel a minute later. I immediately tensed up because it wasn’t often that I got visitors and Doc Cleary hadn’t called to say he was bringing me a new charge. It was probably just someone who’d found an animal in need, though they likely wouldn’t be from Pelican Bay, since most everyone in town had learned to go through Doc Cleary.
Except Nolan.
I cursed the fact that my subconscious had managed to work the man’s name into my tired brain yet again. I hadn’t managed to go more than a few minutes without thinking about him and wondering what he was doing back in Pelican Bay. I hadn’t ever really talked to Nolan in school, but there’d been a big announcement right before the spring concert that the small high school orchestra had put on that Nolan had been accepted into Juilliard right out of high school. The announcement had been met with a smattering of applause and a couple of guys yelling out the various cruel nicknames they’d bestowed on Nolan. Nolan had steadfastly ignored everyone and just focused on the music stand in front of him as he’d gotten ready to play.
The principal had hushed everyone and the orchestra had started playing some kind of classical piece right after that, but it wasn’t until Nolan had played part of the song by himself that I’d straightened in my seat and let my eyes drink their fill of him. The lights had been low enough in the small amphitheater that I’d been able to get away with staring at him as he’d played his violin like it was an extension of his body. When he’d finished, I’d expected the room to erupt in applause because surely, they’d heard what I’d heard. But there’d been little response and I’d wanted to rail at everyone and ask them how they couldn’t hear what I’d heard. How they couldn’t see what I’d seen.
Nolan fucking came alive when he played.
A week after the concert, my own scholarship to Vanderbilt had been announced and the entire class had gone crazy. School officials had actually cut an entire period short by half an hour just so they could gather the entire school together to share the news. They may as well have announced that I’d won a spot on the next Space Shuttle expedition. And through it all, Nolan Grainger had sat quietly on one of the first-row bleachers – by himself – and politely clapped.
And I’d felt like the biggest fucking fraud on the planet.
I forced away thoughts of Nolan and headed the direction Loki had gone in. As soon as I rounded the corner toward the driveway, I ran right into the object of my unwelcome obsession.
And by run into, I actually did just that because Nolan had been looking over his shoulder, presumably at Loki who was just feet behind him. Nolan let out an oomph as his chest slammed into mine, and I instinctively grabbed his upper arms to keep him from falling as he stumbled backward.
“Shit, sorry!” Nolan said as he righted himself. I noticed he had a bundle of fabric pressed up against his chest that he was hugging tightly. I wondered if he’d managed to find another critter of some kind.
“Are you all right?” he asked. I wanted to laugh at that since I was a good four inches taller than Nolan and I probably outweighed him by at least thirty pounds.
I nodded and then realized I was still holding onto him. I instantly let go of him and stepped back. I pointed to him in the hopes that he would get what I meant by the gesture.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” he said with a nod, surprising me that he’d figured out what I’d wanted to know. “Just…can you tell your dog…wolf…dog…whatever, to stop looking at me like I’m a pork chop or something?”
If I could have laughed, I would have.
Nolan’s eyes kept shifting back to Loki, and I used his distraction to study him. He hadn’t changed too much since I’d last seen him at our graduation ceremony ten years ago. He was taller, of course, but he really hadn’t filled out much. His hair was still the same dirty blond color, though it looked a bit longer then it’d been in school. He’d barely been above the five-foot mark when I’d first moved to Pelican Bay. That, combined with his scrawny body, had made him look like a twelve-year-old kid until he’d finally hit a little bit of a growth spurt a year later. It hadn’t been much, granted, but I’d felt like less of a letch for admiring the sleek lines of his lithe body during gym class after he’d shot up to a whopping five-four. It had taken him another year to grow a few more inches and the last ten years had added a couple more, so he just barely came up to my shoulder now. He’d filled out a little, but he was still lean. Though his body reminded me more of a swimmer’s than anything else.
Nolan finally turned around, giving me a chance to take in the exact color of his eyes since we were standing so close.
I’d always thought them blue like mine, but, in fact, they were a mix of blue and green, and I absently wondered if one color tended to come out when he was experiencing a certain emotion.
Like fear.
Joy.
Passion.
I cursed myself because as soon as I thought of what passion would look like on Nolan Grainger, I imagined those long limbs of his wrapped around me as I drove into him.
Fuck, I needed to get back on track. I reached for my phone so I could ask him what he was doing here, but quickly realized I’d left it in the house to charge, since I’d forgotten to plug it in overnight.
Damn, this was going to be a pain in the ass.
I sucked at communicating even when I had the means to do it.
I pointed to the fabric Nolan was holding protectively against his chest and lifted my brows.
“Oh, um, no, I didn’t find another one,” he quickly said, again amazing me that he’d figured out what I was asking on the first attempt.
“It’s your jacket,” he murmured as he carefully unbundled the fabric and ran his fingers over the material as if to smooth out the wrinkles. His fingers were long and lean, but I could see the strength in them. God, what would they feel like stroking over my body like that?
Jesus, Kent, get a grip.
I took the jacket from him and nodded.
“You’re welcome,” he said with a nervous smile.
I pointed to the jacket and then to him. It took him a minute but then he said, “You have my jacket?”
I nodded and then motioned to the small office door. He followed me, though he kept glancing over his shoulder occasionally.
Still worried about Loki, presumably.
I went to the coat rack where I’d hung Nolan’s jacket a few days earlier. I’d expected him to return right away for it, but when he hadn’t, I’d figured he’d left town and forgotten it. The fact that he was still here had me wondering how long he was actually in town for.
I handed him his jacket and then put mine on the rack, but not before catching a whiff of the scent that clung to the material.
Nolan’s scent.
I had to resist the overwhelming urge to shrug off the jacket I was currently wearing and put the one Nolan had returned on instead.
Yeah, I was fucked.
Nolan needed to go.
Like now.
I turned around to show him out of the office and saw him standing frozen in place as Loki sniffed his shoes.
“He’s not going to pee on me or something, is he?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
I chuckled, even though there was no sound to accompany it. And it felt fucking weird. My only saving grace was that Nolan hadn’t heard the strange rumble in my chest.
I snapped my fingers and Loki immediately dropped to his haunches. I twisted my fingers and the animal stuck out a paw in greeting.
Nolan let out a wisp of air as he marginally relaxed, and then he was looking over his shoulder at me. “He won’t bite?” he asked.
I shook my head. I couldn’t fault Nolan for his line of thinking since Loki looked more like a wolf than anything else, and his silence often put people on edge. And while he still had the blood of a wild animal running through him and that needed to be respected, I’d had Loki since he w
as a pup, so he’d spent more of his life experiencing the world as a dog.
Nolan still seemed hesitant to touch the animal, so I grabbed his hand and forced it down to Loki’s paw. Nolan stiffened, but then he was returning the doggy handshake. He smiled when Loki licked his hand.
“He’s beautiful,” Nolan murmured. “You rescued him?” he asked when he turned back to me. My eyes fell to the bags beneath his eyes, and I wondered how long he’d been having trouble sleeping. I didn’t remember seeing the smudges a week ago when he’d dropped the baby raccoon off.
I nodded again and put my hands close together, leaving about a foot between them.
“When he was a puppy?” Nolan asked as his eyes fell to my hands. When I nodded he said, “What happened to him?” And right after that he seemed to realize his mistake because he dropped his eyes and said, “Sorry.”
It would have been better if I’d just ignored the question and sent him on his way, but something had me leaning down and motioning to Loki with a small jerk of my fingers. The animal instantly got up and came to me. He sat down and snuck a lick along my cheek. I took his right paw in my hand and gently pinched my fingers around it. My hand looked like a large claw surrounding the paw.
“He hurt his paw?” Nolan asked. I nodded and again showed him the claw around the animal’s foot. “In a trap?” I gave Nolan the okay sign with my fingers and then motioned him down so he could see better. I spread Loki’s paw wide so Nolan could see for himself that two toes were missing. A frown twisted his features as we both straightened, and I used two fingers to mimic a walking motion and then shook my head.
Nolan nodded in understanding. “He was hurt and couldn’t walk.” To Loki he said, “Poor baby,” and then ran his fingers over the animal’s head. He smiled when Loki licked his wrist.
Nolan’s gaze returned to me and the smile fell from his pretty mouth as his eyes held mine. My body instantly responded. Nolan swallowed hard and then his tongue was coming out to wet his lips. I groaned and Nolan snapped his head up at the sound. I half expected him to accuse me of lying about not being able to talk or something, he was staring at me so hard.
“Sorry,” he said, quickly dropping his eyes. “Google said you can still make certain sounds because you’re forcing air out of your body but I…”
His voice dropped off suddenly as he realized what he’d said.
I, myself, was stunned.
He’d googled my condition?
Why?
“Shit, I mean…Oh God, I’m sorry, Dallas. I wasn’t trying to pry into your business but I was curious last night and…fuck.”
I smiled because there was just no getting over how cute he was when he got all flustered. His skin had flushed a pretty shade of pink and I was half-tempted to reach out and touch it just to see how warm it was.
Yeah, I really did need to get him out of here.
Since his eyes were downcast, I tapped his arm and then flashed him the okay sign. He nodded but didn’t say anything. I didn’t like how dejected he looked. But I ignored the compelling need to touch him again and went to the door to open it, hoping he’d get the message.
He did.
I followed him outside and watched as he headed toward his car. It wasn’t the same car he’d been driving the night before, so I could only assume that one was in the shop. I watched as Nolan searched his pocket for his keys. He cast me a glance and nodded his head briefly. “Thanks again for last night.” He didn’t wait for me to respond as he went around to the driver’s side of the car. His eyes were downcast as he reached for the door handle, but once he wrapped his fingers around it, he just hung there.
I waited for him to move or, at the very least, say something, but it was like he was locked in place. I was about to tap on the hood of his car to get his attention when I saw his shoulders start to shake. Despair tore through me as I realized what was happening.
And how wholly unequipped I was to handle it.
“Dallas?” Nolan whispered. He didn’t look up as he dashed at his eyes.
At the tears I knew were there, but that I couldn’t see because he refused to look up at me.
“Can I…can I see the baby raccoon?” Nolan asked, his voice barely there.
Something inside of me twisted painfully at the all-too-familiar scene of the Nolan Grainger who’d haunted my dreams in school.
And not in the good way.
As badly as I wanted to send him on his way, I couldn’t. It was like I was back in my Jeep watching Nolan wipe those fucking eggs off his body as he softly cried.
But there hadn’t been anyone to hear him.
Except me.
And I’d been a goddamned coward.
I tapped on the hood of Nolan’s car to get his attention, since he hadn’t lifted his gaze after asking about the raccoon. He wiped at his eyes a bit more before he finally raised them. His pain-filled expression was like a sucker punch to the gut.
I nodded my head and then motioned with my fingers for him to follow me. When he finally did, I noticed Loki nudging his hand as he walked, and I wanted to hug the animal for sensing how vulnerable Nolan was feeling. Nolan smiled at Loki’s attention and I heard him suck in a deep breath.
I led Nolan to a small building behind the office and opened the door for him. I motioned him through first and barely refrained from grabbing him when his body brushed mine.
Once inside the room, Nolan stood nervously in the middle. I used the room to house the orphaned babies in my charge and while it was often jam-packed in the springtime, the raccoon was, thankfully, my only resident. I handed Nolan a pair of heavy gloves that would minimize his human scent getting on the youngster as well as protecting his fingers on the off-chance the baby tried to bite him. I grabbed a pair of gloves for myself and then got the baby raccoon out of the small cage. There was some initial awkwardness as I handed the baby over to Nolan, but once we got it figured out and the little animal huddled against his chest, Nolan let out a small smile that eased some of the pressure in my chest.
“Oh my God,” Nolan murmured as he studied the baby who’d settled in his hold a bit. In the week I’d had the baby, I’d been feeding it in the hopes of getting some weight on it, so it wasn’t completely terrified by the contact now. “Are you going to let it go again when it’s older?” Nolan asked.
I was about to tell him yes but then paused. I moved to the large whiteboard I’d hung on one wall so I could keep track of each patient’s feeding schedule. Grabbing the marker, I quickly wrote, Have a mother raccoon with a baby. Going to see if she accepts him.
A big smile lit up Nolan’s entire face. “You are? So he’d get a new family?”
I was so caught up in how happy Nolan looked that it took me a second to nod in response. I knew that smile of his had to have done something to me because before I knew it I was writing, Was going to try it later today but can do it now. Want to watch?
Nolan nodded vigorously. “I’d love to.”
I nodded and then went for the door.
“Dallas, don’t you want to take him?” Nolan asked from behind me.
I shook my head and motioned at him. He got the message. As he neared me, I put out my hand to stop him. Nolan tensed as I reached for the zipper on the bottom of his jacket.
“Right,” he said, letting out a breath as I began zipping up the jacket. “Don’t want the baby to get cold.”
But as soon as he realized that with the way he was holding his arms, the raccoon wouldn’t benefit from the closed jacket, he tensed again and his eyes found mine. My fingers were still on the zipper as I held him with my gaze. Yeah, I didn’t really have an explanation either for why I’d been worried about him getting too cold.
I was leaning toward him before I realized what I was even doing.
I jerked back at the same time Nolan did and I had to grab his arm when he stumbled. Once he was steady on his feet, he tried to hand me the baby raccoon. “Um, here, you should take him. I might fall.”
<
br /> If he’d just been babbling nervously, I would have passed his reaction off as a side effect of what I’d been about to do. But no, he was freaking out. Like he really thought he’d fall and hurt the baby.
I put my hands on his lower arms to push them back against his body and hold them there. Fortunately, the raccoon wasn’t reacting overly much to the commotion.
“No, Dallas, seriously, I might drop him. I’m a klutz and I don’t want to hurt him.”
Since I didn’t want to release him to go back to the whiteboard, I just held him there until he calmed. He fell silent and took several deep breaths, which seemed to ease some of his tension. When he finally looked up at me, he nodded, but said nothing.
I was tempted to reach out and touch his face just because I hated how pinched his features were.
But I refrained and motioned with my arm for him to head outside. I followed and then led him past a couple of pens to the building where I kept the animals that were nearing the end of their stay with me. Despite all the pens we were walking past, Nolan kept his eyes on the ground, and I couldn’t help but think he was focused on not losing his footing.
Once we stepped inside the building, he relaxed and finally began to look around. I knew what he was seeing. I’d worked hard on designing the entire center to meet the needs of my guests, but I was extremely proud of this building in particular. I’d worked with a zoologist to create pens that would be most conducive to acclimating an animal back to the wild. So instead of them being stuck in cages as they recovered the strength they needed to survive in the wild, they had small habitats that were most like their natural ones. The building we were in housed the habitats for the smaller animals.
Nolan’s eyes were wide as we walked past several habitats that included rabbits and various other small mammals, birds, and even some reptiles. While I had a couple of raccoons that were being rehabilitated, I’d kept the mother and her baby in a smaller, separate habitat. Since I’d been planning to see if the mother would accept the orphaned raccoon, I’d limited her and her baby to a small section of the habitat that I could easily access to remove the orphan if the mother showed any sign of hostility toward it.
Locked in Silence_Pelican Bay [Book 1] Page 5