“Dallas, no-” Nolan began, but I cut him off with a grunt. I didn’t purposely make the sound often, but it did what I’d intended and caught Nolan off guard. I worked my gloves onto his chilled hands.
“Thank you,” he murmured. “I’ll bring them back tomorrow.”
I shook my head and then pulled out my phone and began typing.
Keep them, I have another pair.
Before he could argue, I took the phone back and then reached into my pocket for my wallet. The second I began pulling cash out, Nolan began shaking his head. He refused the money I thrust at him.
Take it, I typed. Consider it an advance on your salary and buy yourself some clothes.
“No,” Nolan said, his voice firm and unbending as he read the note. “No,” he repeated, his eyes connecting with mine. “I’m fine.”
Frustration coursed through me and I quickly typed out, Then at least get a new coat. You know yours won’t keep you warm enough now that the weather’s changing.
He shook his head again, but I grabbed his chin and held him still for several beats before typing another message.
Do it for me, Nolan. Or I’ll worry about you.
It was a low blow, playing the guilt card, but it was the absolute truth. He held my gaze for a moment before I saw his eyes soften and he nodded. I handed him the cash.
“It’s a loan,” he said insistently.
I nodded.
“Thank you,” he said after a moment. I was glad his voice sounded so even. I really didn’t want him to leave here in the same broken-down condition he’d been in the day before.
“See you tomorrow.”
I nodded again and stepped back. Nolan climbed into the car. Worry niggled my insides every time he started the car and it sputtered before dying. By the fourth try I was about to tell him I’d give him a ride, but the car turned over. Nolan waved at me through the window and then put the car in gear and backed out of the parking lot. Once his taillights disappeared down the driveway, I snapped my fingers at Loki as I began trotting back to the house…and my truck.
I told myself that my need to follow him to make sure he made it home was just the normal actions of a boss worried about a valued employee, but I knew it was horseshit.
Just this one time, then I’ll get us back to where we should be. Employer and employee. For as long as he’s here.
Sadly, I didn’t need the power of speech to call myself a liar.
It wasn’t the one time.
It was every damn night for the two weeks that followed.
Even when he got the other car back, I still couldn’t stop myself from following him, especially as the temperatures continued to drop. For early November, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but since Nolan still hadn’t bought himself some warmer clothes, I’d found it harder to let go of my concern that he wasn’t staying warm enough.
He’d done as I’d asked and gotten himself a winter coat, but it hadn’t taken a genius to tell that he’d bought it from a thrift store, because it had been too large for him and wore the telltale signs that it’d had a previous owner. I wouldn’t have had an issue with that fact if he’d at least taken the rest of the money and spent it on some boots or something. But instead, he’d returned a large chunk of it to me, though not directly. He’d left it sitting on my office desk, so I hadn’t even noticed it until the very next day. When I’d tried to argue with him about it, he’d shut me down and insisted he was fine until payday.
Payday had come and gone and he was still wearing the same worn tennis shoes and threadbare shirts. My only hope was that he’d at least splurged on some thermal underwear to put on beneath the clothes.
I’d managed to keep my distance from Nolan, but hell if it hadn’t been one of the hardest things I’d had to do, especially in those moments when his vulnerability would show through.
And there were quite a few of those moments.
I hadn’t asked, but I suspected things weren’t going well for Nolan at home. I’d seen Nolan’s parents a few times in church when I’d been a kid, but I’d never really met them or seen how they’d interacted with Nolan. I’d gotten the impression of stiff, unbending people who were more invested in their church than their child, because I’d seen them every Sunday without fail, but I’d never once seen them at school for any of the performances Nolan had given, either as a solo musician or as part of the small school orchestra.
Despite the stress that Nolan seemed to continue to be under, he’d continued to work hard, and when I’d tried to shift his responsibilities so that he was spending more time in the heated buildings, he’d called me on it. For someone who was supposed to be meek and timid, the man had no issue with standing up to me. Afterward, color would heat up his skin and he’d seem surprised by his own actions, but he never backed down.
He was definitely out to prove something.
It was a need I was all too familiar with.
So I’d backed off and left him alone, though I still found myself checking on him several times a day, despite my own heavy workload.
Like now.
The little bit of snow that had fallen that morning crunched beneath my boots as I made my way to the enclosure where most of the livestock lived. Loki was trotting next to me, but I wasn’t surprised when he took off toward the barn. He’d gotten quite attached to Nolan and was starting to split his time between shadowing me and following Nolan around as he did his work. Fortunately, the other animals had grown used to Loki’s presence over the years, so there weren’t any issues with the wolf hybrid being around them and causing them to panic as their natural instincts to avoid predators kicked in.
As I neared the barn, I used the many trees lining the path to hide my presence from Nolan, since I didn’t want to explain why I was checking on him as often as I was. It was a creeper move, but it was what it was. I’d long ago accepted that.
It took me a moment to locate Nolan. I’d expected him to be cleaning out the stalls, but to my surprise, he was sitting on the edge of the water trough. Standing in front of him was Jerry. All the other animals had wisely sought out the warmth of the barn. I thought at first that it was some kind of weird stare-off as the pair watched one another. But as Jerry’s ears flicked back and forth, the truth hit me.
Nolan was talking to Jerry.
And the damn zebra was actually listening to him.
The one-sided conversation went on for several minutes, and while I’d been amused at first, I recognized the subtle changes in Nolan’s body language and at one point, he dashed at his eyes. His frosty breath came in puffs the more he talked, and I hated that I was too far away to hear him. When he’d seemingly finished telling his story, he hung his head, and I bit back the urge to go to him.
Jerry ended up beating me to it.
At first, I was afraid the animal was going to knock Nolan backward into the trough, and I cursed the fact that I couldn’t call out to Nolan or make any kind of sound he’d hear. But to my surprise, Jerry merely dropped his head and pushed his muzzle against Nolan’s chest.
And damned if Nolan didn’t wrap his arms around Jerry’s neck.
So yeah, I was jealous of my normally crabby zebra.
I was so much more than just a creeper.
I left Nolan to Jerry’s care and hurried to finish up my chores. I’d planned to keep my distance from Nolan, but the need to know what was bothering him overruled my common sense. I’d already written my invitation to dinner on my phone when I saw Nolan heading up the path from the livestock barn. I easily caught up with him as he neared the driveway. I tapped on the siding of the building next to us. Nolan slowed and eventually turned. I hated how gaunt and pale he looked.
I was working him too hard.
My invitation to dinner forgotten, I started a new message and handed my phone to him.
What’s wrong?
His brow lifted slightly and he handed the phone back to me. “Is there anything else you need me to do before I leave,
Mr. Kent?”
I frowned at that.
Why are you calling me that?
“Is that a no then, sir?” he asked tiredly.
Irritation went through me, and all thoughts of easing Nolan into a conversation about what was going on with him evaporated.
Tomorrow I’m going to show you how to clean the habitats in the small animal building. I’ll take over the livestock.
“No,” Nolan said calmly as he handed me the phone.
Disbelief went through me. No? That was it?
“Is there anything else, sir?”
I tapped on the phone screen at the message he’d already read.
“If you need me to clean the small animal habitats tomorrow in addition to my normal duties, that’s fine,” Nolan said stiffly.
I was typing my next message reminding him who the boss was when he turned on his heel and walked away from me. I tapped on the side of the building again. Nolan stopped and spun around.
Then he was practically in my face. The motion detector light above us showed the brittle anger in his eyes as he jammed his finger into my chest as he spoke.
“You said I was going to earn every penny of that money! Don’t you dare take that from me, Dallas Kent! Don’t you fucking dare!” he snapped.
I was too stunned to respond.
“You want to fire me, that’s fine. Do it! But you don’t get to ignore me for two weeks straight and then play the hero. I don’t need you to coddle me!”
I expected him to storm off, but he crossed his arms and looked pointedly at my phone. Despite the fact that he was pissed at me, he was showing me enough respect to let me say my piece, since I couldn’t just call out the words to him.
I shook my head.
What was I supposed to say?
I had ignored him and I was trying to play the hero by protecting him. I wanted to feel better about the situation. I’d wanted to protect little Nolan Grainger from a world that was too hard for him.
Only, he wasn’t little Nolan Grainger anymore.
He’d proven that by working his ass off for two long weeks without any kind of complaint. And he’d done a good job. In addition to being kind to his charges, he’d taken pride in the quality of his work. The stalls were spotless, the water practically sparkled in clean buckets, and everyone had been getting their proper feed, supplements, and medications.
Nolan turned his back on me and headed to his car. I told myself not to follow him, but the instinct was too strong. I couldn’t make sense of it. In my mind, I knew he could take care of himself – hell, he’d been doing it for ten years now.
So why couldn’t I stop?
Why couldn’t I not spy on him day after day to make sure he was staying warm and not wearing himself out?
Why was I obsessing over what was happening in his personal life that left him looking dejected day in and day out?
Why did the fact that he’d figured out I was purposely ignoring him hurt so damn much?
Why, even after everything he’d just said to me, could I not stop myself from hurrying to my truck so I could follow him to make sure he got home okay?
Once I reached the house, I snapped my fingers at Loki, who responded to the command and ran into the house through the doggie door. Since I was wearing jeans and a sweater under my coveralls, I quickly tore them off and tossed them into the back seat as I climbed into the front seat. My truck roared to life and I turned up the heat as I put it into gear. When I’d built the center, I’d wanted to keep the entrance to the center itself separate from the house, so I’d built a second driveway about a hundred yards west of the center’s driveway.
So the last thing I expected to see when I was halfway down my driveway was another car sitting in the middle of the road with the headlights off.
It took just seconds to realize whose car it was.
And to recognize the slim body of the man leaning against the hood of the car, arms crossed.
Oh yeah, he was pissed. My headlights flashing across his pinched features were proof of that.
I put the truck in park and warily got out. I’d already seen more of pissed-off Nolan tonight than I’d wanted. It was an emotion I didn’t like on him, especially knowing I was the cause.
“Going somewhere?” Nolan said snidely at my approach.
I didn’t bother pulling out my phone to type him a message, because what could I say? He clearly knew what I’d been up to. I absently wondered how long he’d known I’d been following him.
“What is this all about, Dallas?” he asked, his voice going quiet.
Too quiet.
“Are you seeking redemption or something?”
I shook my head, though I wasn’t sure why, since I knew what he meant. It was a conversation that was long overdue.
Nolan straightened, but didn’t move toward me. Despite the fact that he wasn’t yelling, the anger was still rolling off him in waves.
“Is that it?” he asked. “You still see me as that weak, pathetic sixteen-year-old kid who let those guys do all that shit to him?”
I shook my head emphatically and dug around in my pocket frantically for my phone. I had to tell him I never saw him that way. That I never would.
Despair went through me as I realized I’d tossed the phone in the truck’s cup holder.
“You know what, Dallas? You can fucking go to hell. I’m not that kid anymore! You want to feel guilty for standing by and doing nothing back then, that’s on you. I’m not a fucking charity case.”
I could hear his voice catching and knew, despite his anger, he was on the verge of tears. Helplessness went through me with every word and I was just turning back to dash to my truck for the damn phone when he said, “Keep your damn pity. I don’t want or need it. I quit.”
Panic went through me at his words. Nolan was striding around the hood of his car and I knew if I took the time to get my phone, I’d lose him.
And I couldn’t lose him.
Not like this.
I reached him in two strides and grabbed his arm. I frantically pointed to my truck and then my ear, hoping he’d understand I needed my phone so I could talk to him, but he was too pissed to even notice the hand gestures. I began dragging him behind me toward my truck in the hopes he’d figure out what I wanted, but he fought my hold.
“Let go!” he bit out. “I’m done talking to you!”
I ignored him and dragged him to the hood of the vehicle. I pinned him against it and tried once again to tell him I just needed to get my phone.
“I know you want to get your phone!” he snapped. “I don’t care! Nothing you say changes things. Don’t you get that? Do you really think I didn’t see you?” He was huffing from his struggles, but thankfully, he’d calmed enough that I was no longer worried I’d inadvertently hurt him while trying to keep him from leaving.
“You were checking on me every goddamned hour, Dallas! I worked my ass off to show you I could do the job and you still kept waiting for me to screw up! Well, you got what you wanted. Are you happy?”
I shook my head in confusion, because I was still stuck on the fact that he’d thought I’d been checking up on him because I’d been waiting for him to fuck up.
“I’m quitting! It’s what you wanted, right? You regretted hiring me out of pity, but you felt too guilty to fire me. But I didn’t screw up! I did the job and I did it great. If you’d just gotten off your high horse long enough to see that-”
If I’d been able to talk, I would have told him to shut up before I sealed my mouth over his, but as it was, silencing him with a kiss was all I could do to stem the ugly tide of words that spilled from his lips.
Nolan gasped as I crushed our mouths together, but instead of pushing me away in a fit of anger or surprise, he stilled for all of two seconds and then he was kissing me back.
I’d meant the kiss to be a means to silence him long enough so I could figure out how to get him to listen to me. But the second his sweet flavor hit my tongue, I was a g
oner. Bringing my hands up to clasp his face, I held him still for an onslaught of kisses. His hands wrapped around my wrists, but he didn’t try to stop me. In fact, he returned every kiss I laid on him and eagerly opened to me when my tongue slid over the seam of his lips.
I’d dreamed of what kissing Nolan would feel like for a long time. First back in high school, then again these past ten years whenever I saw someone who reminded me of the too-skinny kid with big, bright eyes and soft smile, and again in the weeks since he’d shown up at the center with an orphaned raccoon in the folds of his jacket.
But not one of those dreams even held a candle to what it was really like to kiss him.
In my head, I’d imagined someone I’d have to coax a passionate response out of, but the real Nolan’s hungry kisses were giving me a run for my money. If anything, everything he did, every brush of his mouth over mine, every touch of his seeking tongue served to drive me higher. The kiss that I’d meant to use as a time-out quickly became something else.
I forced myself to pull back before things got out of hand. But one look at Nolan’s plump, wet lips and expressive eyes, and I knew there were no words I could type on a screen or write on a notepad to make him understand why I’d done what I’d done.
Why I never had and never would see him as that lonely, weird, insecure kid that everyone else had pegged him as.
I pinned Nolan’s eyes with my own as I let one of my hands slide down his neck, over his shoulder and down until I reached his side. I asked him the question I’d never thought I’d have the chance to and waited for his response.
He was pulling in deep breaths of air, enough that his chest brushed against mine every other second. It seemed to take forever for him to answer me, but when he did, it was unmistakable.
And he didn’t have to speak it out loud.
One simple nod and that was all it took. I dropped my mouth back to his. I let the hand I had on his neck slide to cup the back of his head, and the other I wrapped around his waist. Our second kiss started off sweeter and more searching, but it flared white-hot very quickly. Nolan’s long arms wrapped around my neck and he reached up onto his tiptoes so he could make up for the height difference between us. I solved the problem by grabbing the backs of his thighs and lifting him. I took a single step forward and pressed him back against the grill of my truck.
Locked in Silence_Pelican Bay [Book 1] Page 9