There was just no way to be sure.
Which meant Dallas was right.
I was blaming myself for something that I couldn’t have seen coming.
Jimmy had attacked me as a kid repeatedly, even though I’d never mouthed off to him. In fact, I’d done my damndest to stay off his radar altogether, yet he’d still come after me over and over again.
Dallas’s hands framed my face again. When he gently forced my head up, I saw the unspoken question in them. I nodded. “You’re right,” I said softly. “I couldn’t have known…anything could have set Jimmy off. If it had just been me he’d been pissed at, he would have come to my house or something. It wasn’t…it wasn’t my fault.”
I believed my own words. It didn’t mean I still didn’t hurt for Gentry and Dallas, but even just that little bit of weight off my shoulders made it easier to breathe.
Dallas’s fingers caressed my skin, then he was pulling me forward. His lips skimmed the bruise on my jaw before he pressed a kiss to the side of my mouth. He did the same to the other side. I closed my hands around his forearms as desire sparked to life deep inside of me. I shut my eyes and allowed myself to just feel. He kept teasing me with soft kisses that never actually landed on my mouth. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I opened my eyes.
“Dallas,” I whispered.
That was all it took.
That one word – his name – gave him permission to seal his mouth over mine. He absorbed my cry of relief and then he was pushing me down onto my back on the couch. I heard the tablet hit the floor, but I didn’t care.
We didn’t need it anymore.
I’d hear him just fine without it.
Chapter Fourteen
Dallas
Relief surged through me as Nolan kissed me back without any kind of hesitation. His body felt amazing beneath mine as I settled my weight on top of him. He let out a soft sigh when I trailed my mouth along his jaw and down his neck. I liked that he kept touching me, even as I began working my way down his body.
My arms.
My hair.
My shoulders.
Wherever he could reach, he touched.
Like he was afraid if he wasn’t touching me, he’d lose the connection.
I could have told him that whatever this thing between us was, it wasn’t going away anytime soon. But I knew it was something he’d have to figure out for himself.
I, myself, had gotten there already.
I’d been there a long time, I’d just been too afraid to admit it.
I used my right hand to push Nolan’s shirt up, exposing his abdomen, then his chest. I licked over his supple skin as he worked the shirt off. The physical labor he’d been doing had given him some muscle definition that I couldn’t not take my time exploring with first my fingers, then my mouth. Nolan’s body shuddered every time I touched him, and he let out moan after breathy moan as I played with him. When I covered his nipple with my mouth and gently sucked, he practically bowed off the couch. My name kept falling from his lips, along with pleas for more.
But I took my time savoring him. The last time I’d been too desperate to be buried inside of his perfect body to take the time to appreciate what he’d been offering. It was an opportunity I wasn’t going to squander a second time.
“Dallas, hurry,” Nolan groaned as I worked my way up his body, instead of down it to where I knew he wanted me. I kissed him hard and shook my head. His eyes held mine and we just hung there for a moment.
Talking without speaking.
Listening without hearing.
His fingers toyed with my hair as we watched each other, then he nodded. I kissed him softly, then began making my way down his body again. Before I reached his waist, I turned him over and lavished attention on his back. He was practically mewling into the couch cushions before I flipped him onto his back again. I let my hand play with his cock through his jeans.
His damp jeans.
The knowledge that he was leaking so much that I could feel it through a couple of layers of fabric had me tearing at the button and zipper.
I needed to taste.
I practically dragged the jeans off him and he was quick to kick them off. His flushed cock bobbed against his stomach. A line of pre-cum dripped from the head and streaked across his skin. His entire cock was glistening, proof he’d been leaking from the get-go.
I shifted back on the couch to give myself some room and then lowered my head to lick up his shaft. Nolan let out a rough shout and planted his hands in my hair. He tried to force my head where he wanted it most, but I resisted and moved lower instead. I used my fingers to roll his balls around before slipping my hand even lower. When I pressed against his hole, Nolan cried out my name. I chose that moment to swallow him down.
My sweet little Nolan let out a string of filthy curse words right before he began bucking into my mouth. I settled my hand on his abdomen to hold him down and used my body to pin his legs so that he was completely at my mercy. I alternated between sucking on him and licking up and down the length of his dick, all while massaging his hole. When I reached my right hand up and placed my finger on his lips, he eagerly opened and sucked it into the hot, wet cavern of his mouth. The suction on my finger was intense and I knew he was sending me a silent message.
One I was definitely going to take him up on.
As soon as I’d driven him insane with need.
I pulled my finger free and then placed it against his hole. Just as I began breaching his body with the digit, I closed my mouth around the head of his dick and sucked hard.
“Fuck, yes!” Nolan shouted. His grip on my hair hurt in the best way.
I played with his dick long enough to work my finger inside of him, then I began finger fucking him as I gave him long, powerful drags on his cock.
“God, Dallas, I need to come. Please, I need to come.”
If I hadn’t been so close myself, I would have given in to his request. But I needed to be inside of him when he and I blew.
I pulled my finger free and then crawled up his body and kissed him hard. He was dragging in huge gulps of air and his eyes were bright with lust. I gently kissed him until his passion had cooled enough that I knew he wouldn’t go over without me.
Because I wasn’t done with him yet.
I gave him one last kiss, then sat up long enough to strip off my shirt and open my pants. I pulled my dick out and then positioned myself so that I was straddling his head. I worried that the show of dominance might frighten him, but all I saw was unadulterated need in his gaze.
I fisted my dick and gave myself a few hard strokes. Just like Nolan, I was leaking like a faucet. I waited until Nolan’s eyes fell to my cock. When he lifted his eyes again, he must have seen my silent question.
“I want it,” he said eagerly. “Please, Dallas, I want it.”
Nolan’s hands were wrapped around my thighs and his fingers were biting into my skin through my jeans. His lips were shiny and plump from my kisses and his skin was flushed a gorgeous shade of pink. I leaned forward so I was braced above him, then fed my cock into his waiting mouth. He let out a moan of satisfaction around my flesh and began sucking hard. My position meant I was in complete control, so I was careful about how much of myself I gave him. When I finally pushed to the back of his throat, he gagged briefly, but then relaxed enough to take all of me. I fucked his mouth for a few strokes before I pulled free.
I was just too damn close to blowing.
I quickly moved my body back down his and settled on him so I could kiss him. I tasted my own flavor on his tongue and marveled at how different it tasted from his.
“Need you,” Nolan whispered between kisses.
I nodded because I was in the same boat. I would have liked to draw the whole thing out, but I was just too far gone. Based on Nolan’s blown pupils and trembling body, I suspected he was, too.
I climbed off him long enough to shuck my pants and grab a condom and packet of lube from my wallet. As soon as
I lay back down on top of him, Nolan was welcoming me with open arms and his legs were wrapping around me. Our dicks rubbed deliciously together. I somehow managed to work the condom on and added lube, but when I reached down to give Nolan some additional prep, he grabbed my arm.
“Too close,” he muttered.
I kissed him as I maneuvered my hand between our bodies. I positioned my dick at his opening and slowly pushed forward. Nolan immediately bore down on me so my crown was breaching him within a matter of seconds. I kept my hand between us and closed it over Nolan’s dick, spreading the lube on my hand over his skin. He gasped when I began stroking him.
I began fucking him in small increments, working my cock into his tight body a little more with each forward motion. By the time I slid completely home, we were both shaking violently. I was having trouble breathing, and a part of me began to panic because I knew what was causing it and the timing couldn’t have been worse.
Nolan’s fingers clasped my face. “Hey, slow your breathing for me, okay?”
I had no clue how he knew I was having problems, but I nodded and did as he said. Humiliation went through me and heat flooded my body, but not in a good way.
“Baby,” Nolan whispered. “Look at me.”
I did as he asked.
“Your breathing…it’s part of the injury, isn’t it?” he asked.
I nodded and closed my eyes.
“No, I need you to stay with me, okay?” he said as he gave me a little shake.
Embarrassment curled through me. I was lying on top of him, buried to the hilt, my hand on his dick, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about any of it because I couldn’t fucking breathe. I started to pull out of him, but Nolan’s hand covered my ass. “Nuh-uh,” he murmured. “You’re not ending this. Not like this.” He stroked my face. “Take a few slow, deep breaths, okay?”
I did as he said. My throat was tight, but the slower I breathed, the better it got. As air began to move through my lungs more freely, the tension in my body eased. When my breathing returned to normal, I buried my face against Nolan’s neck. He cradled my head and kissed my temple, the shell of my ear, my cheek.
“You can tell me about it later, okay?” he murmured. “And if we need to stop, we can. But you don’t get to pull away from me out of embarrassment, do you hear me?”
I nodded.
Nolan’s hands trailed up and down my back. His inner muscles began flexing around my dick, causing me to grunt. I instinctively began moving my hips a little.
Nolan moaned at the movement. “Dallas, do you need to stop?” he asked, his voice laced with worry.
I raised my head and shook it. I knew I’d have a lot to explain, but I also knew it wouldn’t scare him off. I kissed him and began gently thrusting into him. Nolan clung to me as our passion re-ignited. I could feel my orgasm right beneath the surface of my skin, so I shifted my hips enough so I could make sure Nolan went before me. The second my cock nailed his prostate, he let out a hoarse shout. His fingers dug into the skin of my back, then dropped to my ass. He gripped me hard as he urged me on. I quickened the pace until I was slinging in and out of him. Nolan’s wail of satisfaction rolled over me as liquid heat hit my abdomen and then slid down my hand. I came right then and let out a loud grunting sound that would have embarrassed me if I hadn’t been so far gone already.
The orgasm was violent and ongoing. Nolan’s ass clamped down on my dick as I continued to spear into him. I was sure it was a high I’d never come down from, but when it did finally ease its tenacious grip on me, I collapsed on top of Nolan. We were tangled together, limbs intertwined, sweat-drenched skin slickening each other, heavy breaths melding together as we tried to find enough oxygen to kiss. Several minutes passed before I was able to find the strength to pull out of Nolan and get rid of the condom. I shifted our bodies so we were on our sides facing each other and then snagged a quilt off the back of the couch and covered our cooling bodies with it.
“That was…” Nolan began, then he just grinned.
His smile did funny things to my insides. I was still embarrassed about what had happened that had almost derailed the whole thing, but I couldn’t deny how content Nolan looked. And I knew he wasn’t pretending just to spare my feelings. I’d figured out a long time ago that Nolan was an open book.
You just had to know where to look to see the things he couldn’t find words for.
And the things I saw just then as his eyes held mine left me reeling.
But God, what I wouldn’t give to hear the words too.
Chapter Fifteen
Nolan
I waited patiently for Dallas to type on the tablet. I could tell he was struggling with his words, though I wasn’t sure why.
Did he really think anything he told me at this point would change anything?
It was true that I was scared that whatever he was going to tell me about his breathing wouldn’t be good, but that wouldn’t change anything, either. I’d already noticed some changes in his breathing in the past few weeks, especially when he was particularly stressed out. Whenever he exerted himself, his breathing took on a wheezing quality, and I hadn’t missed how he’d slow down enough so that he could get himself back under control. His eating habits had changed, too. It took him considerably longer to eat and swallowing had seemed to become uncomfortable for him. I hadn’t wanted to embarrass him by asking him about the changes, since they were likely tied to his injury, but I’d hoped he would tell me in his own time.
Making love, unfortunately, had forced the issue and I knew that had left him feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.
Though he shouldn’t be feeling either, since being with him had been incredible. I wouldn’t have thought I could have come any harder than I had the first time he’d fucked me, but oh, how very wrong I’d been.
After we’d lain on the couch for a little while, Dallas had led me upstairs to his bathroom and we’d showered together. We’d crawled into his big bed, but neither of us had even tried to sleep. I hadn’t pressed Dallas to tell me what was going on, since I knew he’d tell me when he was good and ready.
He’d been ready five minutes ago when he’d grabbed his tablet off the nightstand. But ready and able weren’t the same thing.
I sat up so he could type easier and while I waited for him to finish, I glanced around his room. He’d left the light in the bathroom on, but I couldn’t tell much about his room other than it was spacious and minimally furnished. His bed took up most of the space and there was a small flat-screen TV on the dresser. There was a dog bed near the door for Loki, but when we’d gotten in bed, Loki had jumped up onto the foot of it, so I suspected the wolf hybrid didn’t spend much time in the cushy-looking bed.
Dallas handed me the tablet.
After I woke up from the coma, I couldn’t talk. But after a few months, I was able to whisper a little. My doctors had me meet with a speech therapist and I was able to make good progress. At that point, only my father knew because I’d stopped going into town. I’d drive to the next town over to get our groceries and stuff, but I didn’t talk to anyone because I was too embarrassed at how bad my voice sounded. I was hard to understand.
I glanced up at Dallas and saw him watching me with trepidation. I grabbed his hand and pulled his fingers to my lips and kissed them. I kept his hand in mine as I continued reading.
After my dad died, my voice started to go again. I also started having trouble breathing and swallowing. The doctors said scar tissue was forming on my vocal cords. They performed surgery to remove it. I was able to talk again, but I was still hard to understand. Three years later, the same thing happened. The scar tissue came back and I lost my voice entirely again. I waited as long as I could because it didn’t matter that I couldn’t talk. But when breathing and eating started to get too hard, I had to have another surgery. That was almost four years ago.
I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes, but managed to keep them at bay.
“So it’s happening ag
ain?” I asked. “You’re having trouble breathing and swallowing?”
He nodded.
“Did you go to the doctor?”
He took the tablet back. I made an appointment, but it was for a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t go.
“Why not?” I asked in disbelief.
He glanced around the room, and I could tell he was reluctant to tell me. But he did anyway.
I liked that it didn’t seem to bother you, Nolan. And I’ve gotten used to not talking – not being expected to. It’s easier not to sometimes. But if I have my voice, it might change things. And even if I get it back, I’ll lose it again. The doctors said there might come a point where removing the scar tissue won’t give me my voice back at all. I didn’t want you to get your hopes up, so I thought I could put it off until you left town.
I was too stunned to even speak at first.
“Get my hopes up,” I whispered. “Change things?” I shook my head as the tears I’d been trying to hold back fell. “You think so little of me, Dallas?” I asked. “After everything we’ve said to each other…after everything we’ve done…”
I shook my head and clambered off the bed, my need to escape overtaking everything else. I didn’t even care that I was naked. The lights came on as I headed for the bedroom door. Dallas grabbed me before I could leave the room.
He waved his hand, the confusion as clear as day on his face.
Which just made everything worse.
“I don’t care about your damn voice, Dallas!” I shouted. “I fell in love with you, not whether you could fucking talk or not! How could you even think for a second that my feelings would change if you got your voice back and then lost it again? I couldn’t love you any more than I already do, you asshole! If you started talking this second or never spoke a word for as long as you lived, I’d still love you.”
I managed to tear free of him and dart for the stairs. I heard him hit the wall behind me, which was his way of trying to get my attention, but I ignored him.
Locked in Silence_Pelican Bay [Book 1] Page 17