Mattie had never known such mindless desire, such complete and utter pleasure, knew herself lost, wanted nothing more than to lie down and let herself be taken—
‘No!’ She came sharply to her senses, pulling away from him, stepping back to straighten her dishevelled clothes, unable to meet the heat of his gaze. ‘The weekend is over, Jack,’ she said hardly. ‘And—this, certainly wasn’t part of our deal,’ she added firmly.
‘But—’
‘It’s been a very long and emotional weekend, Jack, and even if you aren’t tired, I am,’ she told him bluntly, unable to actually look at him again. Because she was afraid of what might happen if she did!
‘I am tired, Mattie,’ he began slowly.
‘Good,’ she bit out tersely. ‘If you would like to get your bag, I’ll show you where you’re to sleep.’
She didn’t wait to see Jack pick up his case from the corner of the kitchen where he had dropped it earlier, turning to go out into the hallway to walk to her bedroom at the back of the bungalow. But, nevertheless, she was completely aware of Jack walking behind her down the carpeted hallway, could feel the darkness of his gaze burning down the length of her spine.
But she daredn’t turn and acknowledge that gaze, knew that at that moment they were both walking along a very fine edge between desire and reason. And that for both their sakes reason had to win!
‘Sorry about the décor.’ She grimaced as she opened her bedroom door and showed him inside, very conscious of how feminine the room was, made more so by Jack’s complete masculinity.
‘It’s fine,’ Jack assured her distractedly.
It was far from fine, Jack looking completely incongruous as he sat down on the pink and white lace on her bed, a dozen or so dolls from her childhood arranged on the ottoman at its foot.
‘The bathroom is outside, first door on the right.’ The awkwardness of that sudden earlier desire between them made her voice terse.
Jack looked up and smiled at her. ‘Thanks.’
Mattie still stood awkwardly by the open door. ‘I’ll see you in the morning, then,’ she said quietly before turning away.
‘Mattie…?’
She swallowed hard, stiffening her shoulders as she slowly turned back to face him. ‘Yes?’
His head tilted quizzically to one side, a perplexed frown on his face. ‘I—Earlier wasn’t the first time I’ve kissed you.’
It was the first time she had lost control so completely! ‘I know that,’ she responded impatiently.
‘I didn’t mean for things to go so far just now. It’s just…’ He paused. ‘You’re…different, somehow, since we got back to England.’
‘Different’! Of course she was different. Before they’d gone away she had found him attractive, enjoyed his company, quite enjoyed their verbal sparring, too, but during the last two days she had fallen in love with him. Of course she was different!
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she denied sharply praying silently that she hadn’t given her feelings away so completely!
But Jack persisted. ‘You seem—distant, not at all the feisty Mattie I’ve come to know this last week.’
‘I told you—I’m tired.’
Jack seemed unconvinced. ‘And that’s all it is?’
‘Of course.’ Her gaze was fixed on the rosebud wallpaper just above his shoulder. ‘I’m sure we’ll all be feeling a lot brighter after a good night’s sleep,’ she added offhandedly.
Jack nodded slowly, obviously still not satisfied with her reply, but not about to push for an answer any further this evening. ‘In that case, I’ll wish you goodnight.’
‘Goodnight,’ she echoed softly, closing the door behind her as she left the room.
Mattie hesitated in the hallway outside, very aware of the fact that she needed to be alone for a few minutes before going to the bedroom she was to share with her mother. The two of them had always been very close, but the love Mattie felt towards Jack was still too raw to share with anyone, even her mother.
Harry looked up briefly from his basket as she re-entered the kitchen, turning away disinterestedly when he saw it was only Mattie.
Mattie knew how he felt!
‘Sorry, boy,’ she murmured as she sat down at the kitchen table to look at the disappointed dog. ‘I guess we both love Jack, and only Jack, hmm?’
But how could love be like this? Painful as much as pleasurable? Pleasure in everything Jack did or said, in just being in the same room as him, let alone the ecstasy of being in his arms. But along with that the pain of knowing that he could never return the feelings she had for him.
At last she gave in to the tears that had been threatening for so long. Hot, uncontrollable tears that made her whole body tremble as she grieved for the loss of the man who had never been hers to start with, a man she had to let walk out of her life tomorrow without him ever guessing that Mattie loved him.
How could she bear it?
How…!
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘GOOD morning!’ Mattie greeted brightly as Jack came into the kitchen at eight o’clock the next morning. ‘Would you like a full English breakfast, or just cereal and toast?’ she offered even as she poured him a mug of strong coffee from the percolator.
This was how she bore it, she had decided in the early hours of this morning as she’d lain awake in the huge double bed beside her sleeping mother.
Jack seemed to want bright and cheerful, so bright and cheerful was what he was going to get. There would be plenty of time for tears later, Mattie had decided firmly. Once Jack had gone…
Jack winced, looking less than bright himself, dark smudges beneath his eyes, the dark shadow on his jawline proof that he hadn’t shaved yet, seeming to have pulled on only a shirt and denims before coming through to the kitchen, his feet bare. ‘Nothing else but the coffee just now, thanks.’ He took a grateful sip of the strong brew. ‘Where’s Harry?’ He looked around the deserted kitchen.
‘He went for a walk with my mother,’ Mattie reported happily. ‘He’s obviously feeling much better this morning,’ she added with satisfaction.
‘As are you,’ Jack observed, still not quite awake as he blinked at her owlishly.
‘I told you I would be,’ Mattie returned.
‘Are you always this cheerful in the morning?’
‘Pretty much,’ Mattie agreed, putting some bread in the toaster anyway. No doubt Jack would eat it if she prepared it; they certainly hadn’t eaten much yesterday, having had nothing before they’d left the hotel, Jack having had little appetite for the dinner she and her mother had prepared last night, either.
Jack strolled over to the open kitchen door, looking outside at the early morning sunshine. ‘The weather seems to be reflecting your mood,’ he said.
Which was more than could be said for him!
Mattie chuckled. ‘Are you always this grumpy in the morning?’ After all, this was the first time she had seen him after a night’s sleep, too; Saturday morning he had already left for the airport when she’d got up, and yesterday morning they had been up all night anyway!
He glanced back at her. ‘Pretty much,’ he dryly repeated her own reply of a few seconds ago, strolling back into the kitchen.
She gave a rueful shake of her head. ‘Just as well we don’t live together all the time, then, isn’t it?’ she retorted, putting the toast on the table with the butter and preserves already there.
‘Mattie—’
‘Would you like a refill on the coffee?’ she cut in busily. ‘Just help yourself if you do.’ She indicated the full percolator of coffee on the side. ‘I’m just going outside to see if my mother needs any help.’ She hurried out of the kitchen before Jack had chance to make any reply.
Keep it up, she told herself firmly as she walked quickly round to where the kennels were.
With any luck Jack would be gone in an hour or so, and then she could give in to the misery she was really feeling. But until that time Jack would continue to get the f
ull force of the preferred bright and cheerful Mattie Crawford.
Her mother wasn’t so easily fooled, giving her a searching glance as Mattie joined her in the kennels. ‘You were late coming to bed last night. I heard Jack come to bed hours before you did,’ she continued as Mattie would have replied.
Successfully preventing Mattie from inventing the excuse of a long conversation with Jack having delayed her!
‘I just wasn’t sleepy. All the excitement of the weekend, I expect.’ Mattie said.
‘Michael has already called—Michael Vaughan. The vet,’ her mother explained at Mattie’s blank look. ‘He called in a few minutes ago on his way to his surgery. He says that, as Harry seems pretty much back to normal, he can go home with Jack this morning.’ Her mother sighed her relief as they both turned to watch Harry in the large outside pen, Sophie happily ensconced in there with him. ‘They’re great friends,’ Diana added happily.
‘So I see,’ Mattie agreed; if Sophie’s—excuse the pun!—dog-like devotion was anything to go by, then Jack’s charm had spilt over onto his pet!
Her mother gave her another sideways glance. ‘Have you seen Jack yet this morning?’ she asked casually.
Too casually, for Mattie’s liking. Had her mother guessed how she felt about Jack? And, if her mother could so easily see how she felt about him, could Jack see it too?
That would be just too humiliating!
‘He’s eating breakfast,’ Mattie replied just as casually, collecting up the bowls ready for feeding. ‘I’ll go and do this, shall I?’ She didn’t wait for her mother’s answer, hurrying off to the room at the back of the office where they prepared the food.
Just another hour or so, Mattie, she told herself encouragingly. And then the only time she might possibly catch a glimpse of Jack would be when she went to his offices to care for the plants, and the flowers in Reception; as she had never caught a glimpse of him before on any of her visits there, that wasn’t very likely!
She took her time over preparing the food and delivering it to their guests, the dogs setting up a cacophony of noise at the mere suggestion of breakfast.
‘How on earth do you hear yourself think?’
Mattie’s hands shook, and she almost dropped the bowl of food she was carrying, at the unexpected sound of Jack’s voice. She schooled her features into neutrality before turning to smile at him. ‘You don’t,’ she answered loudly, her breath catching in her throat at his newly shaved and showered appearance, the creased tee shirt and denims he had worn earlier replaced with an obviously laundered shirt and smart black denims. He was also wearing shoes. ‘Harry is round the back with Sophie if you’re looking for him. The vet has already been, and declared him fit for home,’ she explained before turning away.
‘Mattie.’
He hadn’t gone yet!
She turned back slowly. ‘I’ll be finished here shortly,’ she said.
Jack looked at her consideringly. ‘Come and have a cup of coffee with me before I leave,’ he prompted.
And talk about what? The wonderful weekend they had spent together? What had happened between them last night. How they must do this again some time? Mattie didn’t think so!
The fact was they would never see each other again, and Mattie had never particularly liked goodbyes; this one promised to be more painful than most.
She gave a shake of her head. ‘I’m going in to my shop as soon as I’ve finished here,’ she told him.
Jack frowned. ‘But it’s a bank holiday.’
Mattie nodded. ‘But I have mail and—and things, to check up on, before I open up again tomorrow. I’m sure you know how it is when you’re in business, Jack,’ she offered, knowing full well that her little business in no way compared with the multimillion pound JB Industries.
‘Even I take holidays, Mattie,’ he countered.
‘Because you aren’t more or less a one-man band,’ she reasoned. ‘Do go and see Harry,’ she encouraged. ‘He really is so much better.’
‘Coffee,’ Jack bit out determinedly. ‘In ten minutes,’ he added firmly before walking away.
Yes, sir. No, sir. Right away, sir, Mattie fumed at his retreating back.
‘Was that Jack I heard just now?’ her mother questioned interestedly as she came out of the kennel she had been cleaning.
Mattie nodded, turning away from glaring in the direction Jack had so recently disappeared. ‘He’s leaving shortly,’ she confirmed.
Her mother gave her a rueful glance. ‘Cheer up, Mattie.’ She gave an encouraging squeeze of her daughter’s arm. ‘I’m sure you’ll be seeing him again soon.’
Mattie drew in a sharp breath before giving a shake of her head. ‘Mum, I hate to disappoint you, but, after the awful weekend I’ve just spent with him, I really don’t care if I never set eyes on Jack Beauchamp ever again,’ she admitted.
She didn’t want to see Jack again! Soon or otherwise! Seeing him just made the ache in her heart all the more unbearable!
But why did her mother look so stricken? Surely she was the one who—
‘That’s rather a pity, Mattie,’ Jack spoke icily from just behind her. ‘Because I know for a fact my mother has every intention of sending you an invitation to Sandy and Thom’s wedding.’
Mattie gave a pained grimace, unable to look at her mother, even as she sensed Diana’s sympathy. But how could she possibly have guessed that Jack would return so quickly from collecting Harry and overhear her last, scathing remark?
A Harry who was even now jumping around her feet, the attentive Sophie at his side.
But even if Mattie had seen the two dogs, she still couldn’t have known that Jack was close enough to overhear her last statement. Her last damning statement!
She turned slowly, feeling her face pale slightly at the unmistakable disappointment she could see on Jack’s face. Well, what had he expected—a Mattie as totally besotted with him as the overwhelming Sharon Keswick? No way would she ever make such a public fool of herself over Jack, or any other man, in the way that the other woman had all weekend. In fact, Jack was the one who had said it was Sharon Keswick’s clinginess that had put him off the other woman in the first place!
She shrugged dismissively. ‘I’m sure that I can come up with a feasible excuse for not being there,’ she answered evenly. ‘After all, your mother will only be sending the invitation because she believes the two of us are friends.’ And Jack couldn’t really want her there, either!
Jack’s mouth tightened, his expression grim. ‘Something we obviously aren’t,’ he rasped.
‘Of course we’re friends, Jack,’ she said impatiently, furious with herself and Jack, she for having made that reckless statement in the first place about never wanting to see him again, and Jack, because he had overheard it. Not very logical, she knew, but then logic just didn’t come into her feelings where Jack was concerned. ‘Just not the sort of friends your mother believes we are,’ she added reasoningly.
Jack looked at her silently for several long seconds, his enigmatic gaze giving away none of what he was thinking.
Perhaps it was as well not to know exactly what that was, Mattie consoled herself; she had no doubt that, charming as he was, Jack could have a rapier tongue if he chose to use it. And, after her damning statement of a few minutes ago, he no doubt thought Mattie deserved it!
He gave an abrupt inclination of his head before turning towards her mother. ‘Time I was going, I think, Diana,’ he said. ‘I’ve imposed on your hospitality quite long enough.’ His voice hardened perceptibly.
‘Not at all,’ her mother hastened to reassure him, shooting Mattie a reproving look as she walked past her to join Jack at the door. ‘Come and have a cup of coffee before you go,’ she encouraged warmly.
‘Thanks for the offer, Diana, but I really think it’s best if I go now,’ Jack refused.
So much for the cup of coffee he had suggested—ordered!—Mattie to have with him a few minutes ago. Not that she wanted to sit and have coffee with
him, but now that it was actually time for him to go she didn’t want him to.
Jack turned slightly in her direction. ‘Goodbye, Mattie,’ he added with hard finality.
Mattie drew in a deeply controlling breath before answering him, determined not to show how devastated she felt at the thought of him leaving, of him walking out of her life for ever. ‘’Bye, Jack,’ she returned with a lightness she was far from feeling. ‘Take care,’ she added impulsively, wishing there were something she could say to stop him leaving, but inwardly knowing she had already said enough—more than enough!
He nodded abruptly. ‘You, too.’
‘Yes,’ she acknowledged breathlessly, unable to look at him any more, turning away to studiously start filling water bowls as the tears stung her eyes, threatening to fall and betray how she really felt about Jack leaving.
‘Mattie? Mattie, aren’t you coming to see Jack off?’ her mother prompted in sharp rebuke.
A well-deserved rebuke, Mattie knew; her behaviour must seem incredibly rude to her mother when she and Jack had just spent the weekend in Paris together. But there was no way Mattie could stand beside her mother in the driveway and wave Jack a fond farewell without making that public fool of herself she so much wanted to avoid!
She blinked back the tears, stiffening her shoulders in resolve; she would not behave like an idiot and begin to cry. Not until after Jack had gone, at any rate!
‘I’m sure it doesn’t take two of us to wave Jack goodbye,’ she derided.
Her mother looked absolutely horrified at this continuing display of bad manners, Mattie easily able to feel the sharp sting of her mother’s disappointment. But if she backed down now then her mother might be even more disappointed in her behaviour; Mattie would look most undignified clinging to Jack’s ankles as she begged him not to leave!
‘Don’t worry about it, Diana.’ Jack was the one to speak harshly as her mother would have spoken. ‘Mattie assures me she is very busy today.’ Too busy to even take the time to properly say goodbye, his tone implied.
‘I’ll be in tomorrow evening as usual to see to the plants.’ The awkwardness of the situation compelled Mattie to say something.
In Separate Bedrooms Page 13