Enjoy the Dance

by Heidi Cullinan

  Tomás gripped Spenser’s shoulders. “Listen to me. No one can take you away from me, or me you.”

  Spenser couldn’t stop the tide now. He closed his fists over Tomás’s chest, pressing into the fabric of his leotard. “I need to adopt Duon, or I might lose him. But it’ll be harder without a partner. Except it’s better if I don’t, because if I did I’d lose my job for sure.”

  Tomás stopped the flood with a sweet, gentle kiss. When he spoke, his voice was soft and rough with emotion. “I love you.”

  The words stilled Spenser, catching his breath. His fists unclenched, his fingers drifting to the skin of Tomás’s neck. “I love you too. So much. And I love Duon. And your parents. Your whole family.”

  “Then why don’t you join it? You and Duon both.” Tomás stroked Spenser’s cheek. Once. Twice. Three times. “Marry me.”

  Denials and questions rose automatically to Spenser’s throat but didn’t pass his lips. It’s too soon. We shouldn’t. Are you asking me because of Duon? Because of your family? The objections died away, though, melted by the expression on Tomás’s face.

  He wasn’t playing around. He was serious. He wasn’t asking because he was trying to solve Spenser’s problems. They were simply an excuse to bring up what had clearly already been on his mind.

  One snarl, sadly, could not be denied. “I’d lose my job. No question.”

  “We’ll help you find another one.” Tomás smiled wryly, stroking Spenser’s face again. “I’m good at finding jobs.”

  Spenser let the resistance pull him a little longer. Then he sighed and let himself float away—into Tomás, the pit of fear and solitude melting away like snow on a sunny day. “Okay.”

  Tomás kneaded his arm and slid his hand to Spenser’s hip. “No you don’t. You have to say the words.”

  Oh, they were hard words. Harder than I love you. Harder than confessing his fear. This was the most dangerous moment of all, the one where Spenser let himself believe, where he surrendered to hope. But he wanted it so much. Ached for it. Burned for it.

  It was right here before him. Waiting.

  Spenser let out a breath, swallowed, and looked Tomás in the eye. “Yes. I’ll marry you.”

  The world he knew shuddered, shattered, and crumbled as Tomás kissed him again and urged Spenser out of his clothes as he struggled to get his leotard, tights, and dance belt off his own body. But even before Tomás pressed their skin together, before their mouths met once more and they chased release as one—as Spenser watched his old sense of his life fall away, he saw before him something new. Something strange and bright and full of possibility, despite the looming shadows.

  Hope. He saw hope. The most dangerous, wonderful, powerful drug of all.

  He took it into his body along with Tomás and found the hollows and spaces he’d tried to fill in so long ago. Let it flood him with joy and wonder and dreams of a life with a family, a partner, a future full of love and laughter.

  Let it fill the empty places inside him and make him whole.

  I’m going to marry Spenser.

  It wasn’t a question he’d expected to ask—not yet. And yet it had felt perfectly right. He did love Spenser. He did know, with bone-deep certainty, this was the guy for him. When Spenser had spoken about adopting Duon, the urge to be part of their union tugged at Tomás like an ache in his gut. It wasn’t why he’d proposed, but it made him realize he wanted Spenser in his life. He wanted to be the one who filled that space for Spenser, who welcomed him into his family.

  Still, he felt punch-drunk as he righted his leotard, kissed Spenser with a stupid grin, and led him back to the studio. Laurie halted the class to confront them. “What’s wrong? What do you need?”

  Tomás pulled Spenser to him, but before either of them could answer, he spied Duon lingering nervously in the background. “I think…we need to talk to Duon first.”

  Spenser nodded and addressed Laurie. “Can we use your office?”

  “Of course you can use my office.” Laurie studied them carefully. “Just tell me everything’s okay.”

  “Not right now, no.” Spenser squeezed Tomás’s hand. “But I’m hoping it will be soon.”

  Duon looked ready to throw up when they led him into Laurie’s office. Tomás realized he must think something horrible had happened in regards to him, that he was about to go back to his grandmother, to a shelter, or God knew what. He felt bad for putting him through that, but he didn’t know how to breach this.

  Spenser did. He took Duon’s hand and sat him on the edge of Laurie’s desk. “Sweetheart, we need to ask you something. Tell you, and ask you.” He reached for Tomás’s hand. “I wanted to ask if you would be open to being adopted by me. Formally. But now…” He bit his lip, staying a smile as he looked at Tomás. “We need to ask if you’d be open to being adopted by us.”

  Duon sat up straight, his apprehension sloughing away with the motion. “Are you telling me you two are engaged?”

  Tomás put his arm around Spenser, heart pounding but soaring too. “Yeah. We are.”

  Duon hooted, leaping off the desk and waving his hands in the air and shouting in joy before wrapping his arms around them both as he jumped up and down. “Cheah, I want you to adopt me. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.”

  He was laughing, and so were Tomás and Spenser, and when Laurie came into the office to ask what was going on, Duon pulled him into the circle too.

  “They getting married. They’re adopting me and getting married. We all getting married!”

  Laurie’s eyes went wide, and he turned to Spenser and Tomás, but then he was laughing too, and hugging them, and they were a hot mess of tears and joy and love. Ed was in the other room, and when he heard them carrying on, he joined them, and it became a party of Tomás, his boyfriend—fiancé—his soon-to-be son, and his best friends. They moved into the main room, where Laurie put on some music, and they all began to dance. The students joined in, thrilled for one of their favorite teachers.

  Spenser glanced at the stereo, then laughed. “This is the song you made me dance to at my school.”

  Laurie waggled his eyebrows. “But this version is mostly in English.”

  It was. The song, with its lyrics in a language he could understand, admonished Spenser to essentially relax and live. Pointed out he only got one life, so he shouldn’t waste it. And that, above all, he should dance.

  “Who sings this?” Spenser asked.

  Laurie danced casually in place as he replied. “MIKA is his stage name. He was born Michael Holbrook Penniman, Jr., Mica for short, but everyone got it wrong, so he changed it to a more phonetic spelling. He was born in Beirut, but his parents are American, his mother with Lebanese heritage. He attended a French boarding school for a time, but he was so bullied he stopped speaking. He was homeschooled until they moved to a school in England, where he discovered his love of music and received training. And now he’s an international pop star.”

  Spenser’s head spun as he processed the story. The man who sang so insistently to Emily to dance was singing mostly to himself.

  Laurie leaned in closer, eyes twinkling as he spoke sotto voce. “And I should mention MIKA confirmed publicly this year he’s gay. So he’s an out international pop star who was once so pushed down by life he couldn’t bear to speak.” Laurie stepped into Ed’s arms and took up a tango as he winked at Spenser. “Dance, Spenser, dance.”

  He did. They all did. In pairs, in groups, as a tribe. Laurie and Ed mostly danced with each other, showing off their considerable ballroom dance skills, but several times Tomás cut in, claiming first Laurie, then Ed. Duon followed suit, but he danced with Spenser too. It was a riot of dance, of joy.

  It was everything.

  When they finally left to go home, it was after several rounds of hugs and tears and Laurie’s promise to throw them an engagement party. When Spenser confessed this would unquestionably mean the loss of his job the second his school learned he was gay and engaged, everyone vowed to h
elp him find a new one. “You could always substitute until you found somewhere in the metro area you liked,” Ed pointed out. But when Laurie said he’d talk to his godfather, Spenser shook his head.

  “He’s already done so much for Tomás. I don’t want to impose on him for my problems too. Ed’s right. I’ll find something through substitute teaching, probably.”

  Laurie took Spenser’s hand. “You don’t understand. Oliver loves helping people. It’s literally his job. He’s never happier than when he connects people with other people. But what he loves most of all is helping people, especially when ridiculous laws and prejudice are keeping good people from happiness. He’s a huge, bleeding heart with money and influence. And he’s not going to be able to give you a job, only help you network with someone who has a job for you. Someone who won’t make you chose between being true to yourself and connecting with kids.”

  This comment started off another round of hugs and tears, but eventually they headed home. Tomás fully intended to spend the night in their apartment and have dinner with them. He’d take them across the hall to share the news with his mother and father and nieces and nephew, yeah, but then he wanted to be with this part of his family. The one he was building for himself.

  Maybe when the naturalization process was done and his parents were citizens, or at least when they were out of the woods, they could all move in together. Into a nice house with a yard. Rooms for the kids, his parents, and Spenser and Tomás. A big kitchen for his mom to cook in. A garage for his dad to putter in and have beers with the guys. A backyard to sit with Spenser in, for Tomás to mow and fuss over. Tomás could see it so clearly in his mind’s eye. It would be so perfect.

  He smiled to himself as he got out of the car, the image lingering. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, realizing he hadn’t checked it in awhile, hoping for a little insight on whether or not his parents were home, if the kids were in bed yet. He did a double take as he saw several text notifications and four missed calls, and he thumbed through them, trying to figure out what was going on, what he had missed.

  As he read, then listened, his joyful, buoyant mood crashed, destroying not only his happiness but his whole world.

  Spenser hurried up to him, Duon on his heels. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  It felt like someone else said the words, and from a million miles away. “My dad had a heart attack.” The world fell away to darkness as he added, “ICE is at the hospital, saying they’re going to deport him as soon as he’s stable enough to transfer.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  The hospital was chaos.

  Spenser followed Tomás through the winding corridors as they hurried to the ICCU, where Spenser and Duon waited in a lounge as Tomás went inside to see his father. As Tomás disappeared through the double doors, they caught a glimpse of the immigration officials. The sight left Spenser queasy, making him ache for Tomás and the rest of the Jimenez family. But all he could do was lead Duon to the waiting area and settle in to see what happened.

  Duon was restless, tapping his feet and glancing at the door every time the slightest sound came from that direction. “Are they going to take José away, for real? Can they do that when he’s sick?”

  “I don’t know,” Spenser admitted. “But he’s not a US citizen. So I imagine they can do whatever they like.”

  This answer didn’t please Duon. “We need to call that lawyer. Or call Laurie and get his godfather on the case.”

  That was a good idea. Spenser did call Laurie, who said Tomás had already been in contact with them. He promised not only to call Oliver but to get to the hospital as soon as they could. “Let us know if you need anything. You or Tomás’s family. Okay?”

  Spenser agreed, and then it was the two of them again, agitated and helpless. When Tomás returned to the waiting area, they practically jumped him.

  “He’s going to be okay.” Tomás rubbed his face, looking like he needed a stiff drink. Several of them. “They brought him out of emergency surgery just now. He’s out of it, but they have a Spanish-speaking nurse in there, and she says everything is normal. Triple bypass. My mom, though, is in the ER. They had to give her a sedative because she was hysterical, worrying about my father and then the children and now the immigration officers. I got in there in time to stop them from calling DHS for the kids.”

  Spenser noted the conspicuous absence of the children. “Where are they?”

  “Ed’s taking them to his parents until I can take them home. Or maybe I’m staying there tonight. I honestly don’t know what’s going on. Laurie’s playing politics in the hallway with the lawyers and DHS and immigration.” Tomás let out a shuddering sigh, and when he spoke next, his voice broke. “All I know is I’m terrified that my parents are about to be taken away from me and I’ll never get them back.”

  Spenser took Tomás in his arms, and Duon did too, enveloping them both in a sideways hug until Tomás and Spenser loosened those arms and drew him into their circle. “We’re going to get through this together.”

  But it was the three of them Laurie needed to reassure when he finally entered the lounge. He had a hot look about him, like he’d just stepped out of the ring and was ready for another round. “Nothing is decided yet, but I’ll tell you, Oliver called in the right favor. That lawyer isn’t messing around. I can’t promise he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, but if anyone can, it’s him.”

  “What can he do?” Tomás asked.

  “I don’t know, honestly,” Laurie confessed. “But he kept bringing up the children, that your parents are the primary caretakers. And when I told them you two were engaged—I hope that was okay—the lawyer dug his heels in deeper, arguing the government was putting undue burden on Tomás for its own convenience.”

  “But why did immigration get involved?” Spenser couldn’t understand that part no matter how he tried. “Why did they come after a heart attack, for the love of God?”

  Tomás’s expression was grim. “It happens all the time. The hospitals don’t want to foot the bill, and the Affordable Care Act is making it harder for them to deal with uninsured patients. If they repatriate them to a Mexican hospital, it’s cheaper. They’re not after my mom, but it’s not like she’ll have a choice. They’ll send him the second he’s stable. Preferably when he’s still unconscious. She’ll have to follow to take care of him.”

  “The lawyer made it clear they’ll get a whole lot of ugly attention if they do that.” Laurie looked smug. “They got a call from Oliver too. He runs their annual fundraiser. He’s not pleased.”

  Spenser’s heart dared to lift again. “So they won’t deport him?”

  Tomás shook his head. “It’s too late. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement is up their nose now.”

  “Don’t give up hope.” Laurie took his hand. “We’re in this together. Okay?”

  They stayed at the hospital all night, the three of them and Laurie, and Ed, once he joined them from getting the kids settled at his parents’ place. All of them called in sick to work and school—it was a terrible time of year for Spenser to do that, and his parting conversation with Harvey made things that much worse, but he couldn’t leave Tomás and his family, not like this. He supported Tomás however he could—getting him coffee, making him eat breakfast, running back to the apartment to get him a change of clothes. He took Duon with him, stopping by Ed’s parents’ house to gift them one more child and thank them for their help.

  Ed’s parents were wonderful, but if he were honest, Spenser fell in love with their neighborhood more. They had a charming three-bedroom bungalow in Union Park, not too fancy and not too run-down. Some houses were perfectly maintained, some less so, but the whole street said friendly and family. There was a realness about the place, though. It didn’t feel like a carefully manicured burb. It felt like a community full of people with strengths and weaknesses and quirks. It was, in Spenser’s mind, perfect.

  When Spenser confessed this to Ed’s parents, they brightene
d and insisted on introducing him to the neighbors. While the kids played in the yard, Duon leading them in a game of hide-and-seek, Dick and Annette took Spenser next door and to the house across the street, where the neighbors welcomed him with smiles and offers to come inside and have a cup of coffee.

  “He can’t stay,” Annette said before Spenser could decline. “His fiancé’s family is at the hospital. We’re watching the kids while the boys take care of the parents.”

  “Bless their hearts.” The woman they were speaking to put a hand on her chest. “I’ll have my church circle get some frozen meals ready. A good hot dish never goes amiss at moments such as these.”

  Dick nudged Spenser with his elbow. “Lizzy, Spenser here is a teacher, same as you were.”

  The women brightened. “You don’t say. What grade?”

  “Kindergarten.” Spenser’s heart sank, and he added, “Though I’m fairly sure I’ll need to look for a new job for the fall.”

  “Oh, really? Well, I’ll see if I can’t get word on open positions. I’m out of the game, but I still keep my ear to the ground.” She winked at him. “I’ll let the Maurers know if I find anything.”

  As they finished the tour, Spenser noticed a for-sale sign peeking out through the weeds of a house three doors down from Dick and Annette’s place. When his focus lingered on it, Dick came and stood beside him to gaze with him.

  “That’s the Davis place. Went up for sale last month.” He shook his head. “Old Mrs. Davis passed away in September, but the kids were such a mess they didn’t get the estate settled until now. Been empty since she went into the care center last spring. Asking the moon for the place, more than they’d get if it was in good shape. It’ll take the better part of a year to sell.”

  Spenser couldn’t look away from the house. Yes, it was rough, but…well, it spoke to him. The lawn was weeds, but he could imagine it cut short, flowerpots lining the stairs, once they were repaired and painted. The house resembled a barn because of the way the roof sloped, but it wasn’t overly big. Despite the peeling paint and general disrepair, Spenser could feel the strength of the place, could sense the solidity of the bones beneath the surface. It would look lovely painted a sunny yellow with mint-green trim. And light-brown shingles. And some shutters put beside the windows. Maybe those would be slate blue. Or robin’s-egg blue.