Beyond Believing

by D. D. Marx

  “All I want to do is kiss ye. Do you know how irresistible ye are?”

  “Aw. I’m enamored with you myself, mister. Let’s make out when we get to the hotel. You know, like a good old fashion high school make-out session. I draw the line at hickeys, though. I can’t pull off a turtleneck in the middle of the desert.”

  “What was yer last relationship like and how was he stupid enough to let ye out of his sight?”

  “I haven’t had too many long-term relationships. After Dan, my philosophy changed. I don’t want to waste time. That might sound harsh, but if someone isn’t going to be in my life forever, I can’t invest. It’s too hard to get attached then have to let go. I know if something will work or not. It may sound corny, but it’s a feeling I get from the energy between that person and me. I have to feel it in my soul. I don’t do casual. I’m an all-in kind of girl because my heart loves deep and forever. That was never more crystal clear than when I lost Dan.”

  “I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m grateful yer here.”

  “Is it okay if I ask you about her?”

  “About who, Christine? Sure.”

  “Yes, I want to know everything about the woman who stole your heart. How did you two meet?”

  “When I was in culinary school in Paris, She spent a year in Europe on a study abroad program. She and I met at the restaurant and became the best of chums. I guess you could say it was a young, whirlwind romance. We were engaged within months. After Christine graduated, we got married right away, and we stayed in Paris to pursue our careers. She was a teacher, and I graduated to head chef at the restaurant at Benoit. After a couple of years, she got pregnant. We were ecstatic. Then about twelve weeks into the pregnancy, our world completely imploded.”

  “What happened?”

  “We thought she was having a miscarriage, so we rushed to the hospital. When they went in to stop the bleeding, her uterus was full of cancer. They performed an immediate hysterectomy. After further tests, they diagnosed her with Stage III breast cancer.”

  “Oh Finn. I am so, so sorry,” she says, wiping tears from her face.

  “We were lucky enough to have her in remission for two more years, but then it came back with a vengeance and spread to her bones. She went downhill quickly. We tried to get her into a clinical trial back here in the states, but it was too late.”

  “I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. I am so sorry.”

  We rode in silence for the next hour. We have a profound unspoken connection. She rubs the back of my head to comfort me until we pull off for dinner.

  We settle in at a dive-like diner and place our order when Olivia asks, “Is it hard for you to eat out? Don’t you find yourself judging and analyzing each bite?”

  “Ye wouldn’t guess how many times I find myself grabbing and shoveling in fast food. I’m usually so exhausted I search for whatever’s open. I don’t often get out to other restaurants but when I do, I’m so happy to sit down and have someone else wait on me for a change.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind for the future. I would love to spoil you some time.”

  “Sign me up.”

  “So, you mentioned you tried to get Christine into a clinical trial. It wasn’t by chance for a drug called Brcaxia, was it?”

  “Aye, it was. How do ye know about it?”

  “You’re not going to believe this, but that’s the company I just quit from or should I say blew up.”

  “Yer lyin’! What happened?”

  “I was hired as the marketing director for the Brcaxia product and, like you, was hopeful that I’d be part of a break-through team, transforming the lives of women pre-disposed with the BRCA1 gene. The results of the study are remarkably undeniable. From the moment, I crossed the threshold of that place, I knew it wasn’t right. I had this unsettling feeling. I don’t know how to explain it. I turned out to be dead-on.”

  “Bloody hell.”

  “I never gelled with the executive in charge. Something about him never sat well with me, so I started digging into his past. He stole the identity of one of his friends from high school, who passed away from cancer, to get himself into these elite situations. Unfathomable.”

  “What was his name?”

  “Doug Hemsworth. You would never think someone could be so evil. I didn’t tell anyone. I kept it locked up as ammunition in the event I needed it. It wasn’t long before I was the target. No one was safe from his outbursts. That day was my turn. He started berating me in front of my executive team. I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up in the middle of the meeting and dropped the bomb, completely exposing him. I walked out. Next thing I remember is I was standing on Garrett’s doorstep.”

  “This just happened?”

  “Yes, the day I arrived.”

  “Daft. And ye won’t believe this, but I can add to yer story.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Hellyxia rented out my restaurant a few months ago for some big product launch. It was a bunch of rich bastarts who thought their shit didn’t stink but the ring leader was that Doug fellow.”

  “No way,” she says, aghast.

  “Yes. One of our event managers took the call, and she and my business partner handled getting the whole thing arranged. I didn’t realize who it was until the day before they came in. I saw the name on the books, and my heart sank when I realized they were the people that couldn’t save my wife’s life. I mean, what are the chances they would rent out the restaurant dedicated to her? I’m not going to lie; I went into it with such a negative attitude about them and did they ever exceed my expectations. What a bunch of bastarts. Doug in particular. He was ordering my staff around like they were his puppets. He was so blottered he called one of my waitresses a ‘white trash’ bitch. Thank God, we didn’t have any other patrons. The CEO gave us a tremendous tip to make up for their deplorable behavior, but I let them all know they were never welcome again, even individually.”

  “That is un-fricking-believable. Makes my blood boil. I was supposed to be at that dinner but got out of it. I didn’t want to have to spend time with those idiots. The story sounds exactly like what I just lived through. Outrageous. What ordinary people conduct themselves like that? I am so glad I was the one to take that bastard down, and I’m even happier now, knowing what he did to you. Quitting was the best thing ever. I’ve never felt so free. My only regret would have been being silenced. Doug will see his day in court. He was immediately suspended, presumed fired, while they performed a detailed investigation. It won’t take much digging. I left them with plenty of evidence to send him to jail. I am sure you saw the coverage; it was all over the news.”

  “I didn’t see the coverage myself but my partner told me about it. I must say; I feel vindicated,” I respond. “And I am not going to lie, I think it is incredibly sexy that you are the one responsible for taking him down.”

  She blushes but continues, “I start getting hives whenever I hear their name or see their commercials. I can’t talk about it anymore. I feel like I could vomit. Let’s talk about something positive, like your business. Is it okay that you took time away from the restaurant? I mean, I’ll take every minute I can get but don’t want to put you in a tight position with your business partner. What’s his name?”

  “Jimmy Bolt but I call him Tex-Mex or Tex.”

  “How did you meet him?”

  “We met the first day of the reality show. He was my roommate. He’s from Dripping Springs, TX, right outside of Austin. A Scot and a Texan don’t seem to be a likely combination, but I knew we were aligned in our philosophies, styles, and tastes. Since we had different concentrations; his was more American Tex-Mex and I’m more formally trained in international cuisine, it only further inspired growth in each of us. The competition came down to the final taste. We were neck and neck, and I never underestimated his skills. He elevates my game which is why I partnered up with him right away. There are a lot of wannabe’s
in this industry, so I feel very fortunate to have found him. I trust him with my life. We became great friends on the show. He came with me to Vegas after I won. He was ready for a change too, so he followed me here. We had some legal logistics to work through because I’m not a US citizen. He’s majority owner and I’m the largest investor, but due to the nature of the arrangement, it requires full engagement from both of us. He is just as committed as I am. The end goal is to expand so we need to build a strong team around us.”

  “I look forward to meeting him. I’m envious of you. You’re lucky to have found such a perfect match. What a difference it makes to work with someone as passionate. I don’t think I can ever go back to the business world. Your value is only as good as the idiot above you says it is. You’re like cattle. They burn you out then bring in a fresh batch, younger and cheaper. Nothing rewarding or fulfilling about it.”

  “That’s bloody awful. I know the business side of the restaurant; of course, ye have to play nice and kiss some of the vendors’s arses, but once ye earn yer credibility, the tables turn. They want to be the known vendor associated with ye and yer brand. So, what’s next for you?”

  “That is an excellent question. I have no idea. I can say one thing for sure; I am divorced from Corporate America. Never again. I told Garrett I would help at the store for the time being while I try to sort it out. I’m pretending I’m on an extended vacation.”

  “But I mean, if you could do anything? What would you do?”

  “That’s easy. I’d be a writer. That’s always been my dream.”

  “Intriguing. Continue. What kind of writer?”

  “I’m not sure. I love story telling, so I would love to try any of it. I took classes at Second City at the strong encouragement of my friends, just to dip my toe in the water. I really enjoyed it but ended up dropping out because of my crazy work and travel schedule.”

  “That’s a pity. You should go back. Pursue it. Maybe Mac can put ye in contact with some of his connections. I mean, my best bloke is a superstar in comedy. He’d be the perfect person for ye to reach out to.”

  “Uh, yeah, that would be great. What do you say we get out of here,” she says, changing the subject abruptly. We pay our bill and get back in the car. I don’t know what it is with her but this is the second time I’ve gotten this strange vibe from her. Am I overstepping a boundary or does she just not want my help or input? I wish she would just be open with me.

  It’s a beautiful day. Clear blue skies. The air smells like sea, sand, and suntan lotion, pure heaven. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. Anxious to get down to business, I chime in, “What do you say we drive up about three to four more exits and pull off for the night? I’m getting hungry for some dessert.”

  “Mmmmm, me too,” she declares as she reaches over and gently rubs my earlobe.

  “This might sound like a strange question but do you believe in signs? Like, do you ever talk to Christine and ask her to send you things or help guide you?”

  I laugh. “Aye, only all the time. In fact, before she passed, I asked her to send me things to let me know she was okay. She said I’ll send rainbows and butterflies. Right after her funeral, I was so overwhelmed and inconsolable until a butterfly landed on my shoulder and I just felt like she was at peace; I couldn’t imagine going back to Paris without her. Mac and Jules asked me to stay with them for a bit in New York City to give me time to let the dust settle. Little did I know, they had ulterior motives. Mac invited me to his set to prepare meals for his cast. He was shooting in New York then. What I didn’t know at the time was cooking for the cast was an actual audition for the reality show. I was so lost and paralyzed with grief; I didn’t know how to put one foot in front of the other. Mac knew he had to keep me busy. Give me a reason to get out of bed. What better way than to concentrate on my passion? He was aware that it would get me through. It all happened so quickly. They needed an answer the same day. My head was spinning so I stepped outside of the studio to get some air and think about it. A crazy storm had just blown through, and a giant rainbow stretched out above my head. And that was all it took. I said yes. And here I am.”

  Through tears she says, “Wow, that is so beautiful. It takes your breath away, doesn’t it? Look how far you’ve come.”

  “I know. I can’t imagine my life any different.”

  “My signs are songs and license plates for the most part. “Small Town,” in particular, which is why I got so emotional last night. Dan and I used to go to concerts together all the time. I picked “Small Town” because the words summed him up. And he always comes through. I still can’t believe he’s gone.”

  “I can’t believe Christine’s gone either.”

  “I don’t tell anyone about it. You understand. I don’t want to sound like I’ve lost it. There are so many skeptics out there. To each his own, but I believe that Dan’s still with me, guiding me. I keep a diary of all the things I’ve asked for and all the answers I’ve gotten. Some are so crazy I don’t want to ever forget them. We fight, too. I get mad at him when he doesn’t give me what I want,” she says with a laugh.

  “But then he comes through with something ten times better. He’s trying to teach me patience, but it’s not working very well. I’ve been trying for years to put all the pieces of this giant puzzle together. The signs were so clear about me taking that job with the pharmaceutical company. I hadn’t been able to reconcile why he would send me down such a dark, destructive path full of tension, turmoil, and disappointment . . . well, until now.”

  “Until now? How so?”

  “He knew me better than anyone. He was aware that my spirit couldn’t be contained or controlled. I would never stand for something so unethical and immoral. If I was backed into a corner, he knew I would have to find a way out. It would build like a volcano inside of me, and I would be so miserable I would quit.” She paused. “Now I think it’s because . . . well, because he was leading me to you.”

  I pulled the car over with tears in my eyes, and we embrace. I whisper in her ear, “Please, tell him thank you for me.”

  My mind is swimming. Where did she come from? Time stands still when I’m with her. It’s effortless. I cherish every second.

  #

  We pull off at Venice Beach and check into a quaint Eco-Cottage. Mac and Jules stayed here when they were out searching for a place to live. The room overlooks the ocean just as the sun is setting. I don’t even have time to set our bags down, and she is already unbuttoning my pants.

  “So much for that high school make-out session, eh?”

  It’s the middle of the night before we come up for air.

  “We should have planned better,” I chuckle.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s three in the morning, we’re both starving, and nothing is open, including room service. I know I’m a chef, but my hands are tied here. There is no food or kitchen.”

  “Did you pack any goodies in that cooler?” “Brilliant. Right. I forgot. Ye distracted me when ye seduced me on the way in— which for the record was glorious, so much more of that, please.” I lean down to savor another kiss before getting out of bed to review our options.

  “I packed this earlier, anticipating a romantic sunset on the beach. We have champagne, a charcuterie platter minus the platter, and tomato, mozzarella, basil skewers. For dessert, I have chocolate-covered strawberries.”

  “Break it out. I presume you also packed utensils.” “Already pre-cut.”

  “You think of everything. You better be careful. I could get used to this.”

  “That’s the plan,” I respond playfully as we dive in.

  #

  After we fill our bellies, we get settled back in bed. She fits so perfectly in my arms. Like she’s meant to be here. I don’t ever want tonight to end.

  “I feel like I’ve known ye forever. Like we’re long lost best friends that lost touch and we’re picking up right where we lef
t off but with significant benefits, of course,” I profess.

  “I know. There’s such a familiarity about you. You feel like . . . well, you feel like home to me.”

  I pull her toward me to give her a long passionate kiss as my fingers trace her naked body.

  “You have such a tender heart,” I whisper as she responds to my touch.

  “You have a magical touch. Have I mentioned how happy I am that you’re not gay?”

  “See? That’s what I’m talking about. You are such a sassy lassie. I love our repartee.”

  “So yer going to have to ask your new boss for vacation next week.”

  “What? Why?”

  “This might seem crazy but my parents’s thirty-fifth wedding anniversary is next weekend. I would love it if ye joined me.”

  “In Scotland?”

  “Aye, in Scotland.”

  “I’m not going to lie. I saw the invitation lying on the counter when I arrived last night and hoped I would get an invite. Are you sure? Won’t your parents be in shock?”

  “They’ll be thrilled. Remind me again how yer not already married?”

  She takes a deep breath and says, “I’ve never said these words out loud before, maybe because I’m just acknowledging it myself, but I’ve been terrified to love someone as much as I loved Dan.”

  I reply, “I might be the only person who knows exactly how ye feel.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  (Olivia)

  Garrett is at the door to greet me when I get home.

  “Finally coming up for air, are you?”

  “Oh please, like you wouldn’t stop everything in your life to spend time with him?”

  “Guilty. Where did you guys go?”

  “We went to Venice Beach. I got his back story. His wife died of breast and ovarian cancer.”

  “Aw, that is so sad.”

  “I know. Heartbreaking. She was in line for the Brcaxia clinical trial but never made it.”

  “Oh my God, did you tell him about the grenade you threw?”

  “Yes, and you are never going to believe this, but Hellyxia rented out Christine’s a few months ago. He met the chief Dougbag and had to throw them out. He wasn’t shocked to hear what a corrupt organization they were after witnessing their behavior first hand.”