by Sue Grafton
Laurence
I didn’t know what to make of it. I realized, in a flash, that it wasn’t just that I hadn’t believed in an affair between Laurence and Elizabeth. I hadn’t wanted to believe. I wasn’t sure I believed it yet but why the resistance? It was so neat. So convenient. It fit in so nicely with what I knew of the facts and still I stared at the letter, holding it gingerly by one comer as I read it again. I leaned back against the bed. What was the matter with me? I was exhausted and I knew I’d been through too much in the last few days but something nagged at me and I wasn’t sure it had so much to do with the letter as it did with myself, with something in my nature, some little niggling piece of self-illumination that I was fighting hard not to recognize. Either the letter was real or it was not, and there were ways to verify that. I pulled myself together wearily. I found a large envelope and slipped the letter inside, being careful not to smudge fingerprints, already thinking ahead to Con Dolan, who would love it since it confirmed all his nastiest suspicions about what had been going on back then. Was this what Sharon Napier had figured out? Was this what she could have corroborated if she’d lived long enough?
I lay on the bed fully dressed, body tense, brain wired. Who could she have hoped to blackmail with this information if she’d known? It had to be what she was up to. It had to be why she’d been killed. Someone had followed me to Las Vegas, knowing that I would see her, knowing that she might confirm what I hadn’t wanted to believe. I couldn’t prove it, of course, but I wondered if I was getting close enough to the truth to be in danger myself. I wanted to go home. I wanted to retreat to the safety of my small room. I wasn’t thinking clearly yet, but I was getting close. For eight years, nothing happened and now it was all beginning again. If Nikki was innocent, then someone had been sitting pretty all this time, someone in danger of exposure now.
I saw, for an instant, the look that had flashed in Nikki’s eyes, unreasoning malevolence, a harsh irrational rage. She had set this all in motion. I had to consider the possibility that Sharon Napier was blackmailing her, that Sharon knew something that could link Nikki to Libby’s death. If Sharon had dropped out of sight, it was possible that Nikki had hired me to flush her out and that Nikki had then eliminated any threat with one quick shot. She might also have followed me back to Sherman Oaks for a frantic search through Libby’s belongings for anything that might have linked Libby to Laurence Fife. There were pieces missing yet but they would fall into place and then maybe the whole of it would make sense. Assuming I lived long enough myself to figure it out…
Chapter 18
*
I dragged myself out of bed at 6:00 A.M. I hadn’t slept at all. My mouth felt stale and I brushed my teeth. I showered and dressed. I longed to run but I felt too vulnerable to jog down the middle of San Vicente at that hour. I packed, closing up my typewriter, shoving the pages of my report into my briefcase. I loaded the boxes into my car again, along with my suitcase. The lights in the office were on and I could see Arlette taking jelly doughnuts out of a bakery box, putting them on a plastic plate with a clear dome lid. Water was already heating for that awful, flat instant coffee. She was licking powdered sugar from her fingers when I went in.
“God, you’re up awful early,” she said. “You want breakfast?”
I shook my head. Even with my penchant for junk food, I wouldn’t eat a jelly doughnut. “No, but thanks, ” I said. “I’m checking out.”
“Right now?”
I nodded, almost too tired to talk. She finally seemed to sense that this was the wrong time to chat. She got my bill ready and I signed it, not even bothering to add up the charges. She usually made a mistake but I didn’t care.
I got in my car and headed for Sherman Oaks. There was a light on in Grace’s kitchen, which I approached from around the side of the building. I tapped on the window and after a moment, she came into the service porch and opened the side door. She looked small and precise this morning in an A-line corduroy skirt and a coffee-colored cotton turtleneck. She kept her voice low.
“Raymond’s not awake yet but there’s coffee if you like,” she said.
“Thanks, but I’ve got a breakfast meeting at eight,” I said, lying without much thought. Whatever I said would be passed on to Lyle and my whereabouts were none of his business ��� or hers. “I just wanted to drop the boxes off.”
“Did you find anything?” she asked. Her gaze met mine briefly and then she blinked, glancing first at the floor and then off to my left.
“Too late,” I said, trying to ignore the flush of relief that tinted her cheeks.
“That’s unfortunate,” she murmured, placing a hand against her throat. “I’m uh… sure it wasn’t Lyle…”
“It doesn’t matter much anyway,” I said. I felt sorry for her in spite of myself. “I packed everything back as neatly as I could. I’ll just stack the boxes in the basement near the bin. You’ll probably want to have that repaired when you get the basement door fixed.”
She nodded. She moved to close the door and I stepped back, watching her pad back into the kitchen in her soft-soled slippers. I felt as if I’d personally violated her life somehow, that everything was ending on a bad note. She’d been as helpful as she knew how and she’d gotten little in return. I had to shrug. There was nothing I could do at this point. I unloaded the car, making several trips, stacking boxes just inside the damaged bin. Unconsciously, I listened for Lyle. The light in the basement was cold and gray by day, but aside from the splintered lathework and the shattered window, there was no other evidence of the intruder. I went out the back way on the last trip up from the basement, checking idly for smashed cigarette butts, bloody fingerprints, a small printed business card perhaps, dropped by whoever broke in. I came up the concrete stairs outside, looking off to the right at the path the intruder had taken-across the patchy grass in the backyard, over a sagging wire fence, and through a tangle of bushes. I could see through to the next street where the car must have been parked. It was early morning yet and the sunlight was flat and still. I could hear heavy traffic on the Ventura Freeway, which was visible in glimpses through the clumps of trees off to the right. The ground wasn’t even soft enough to absorb footprints. I moved around the building to the driveway on my left, noting with interest that the power mower had now been pulled off to one side. My palms were still ripped up in places, two-inch tracks where I’d skidded across the gravel on my hands. I hadn’t even thought to use Bactine and I hoped I wouldn’t be subject to raging gangrene, perilous infections, or blood poisoning ��� dangers my aunt had warned me about every time I skinned my knee.
I got back in my car and headed for Santa Teresa, stopping in Thousand Oaks for breakfast. I was home by 10:00 in the morning. I wrapped myself up in a quilt on the couch and slept for most of the day.
At 4:00, I drove out to Nikki’s beach house. I had called to say I was back in town and she invited me out for a drink. I wasn’t sure yet how much I would tell her or how much, if anything, I would hold back, but after my recent gnawing suspicions about her, I wanted to test my perceptions. There are moments in every investigation when my speculations about what’s possible cloud and confuse any lingering sense I have of what’s actually true. I wanted to check out my intuitions.
The house was situated on a bluff overlooking the ocean. The lot was small, irregular in shape, surrounded by eucalyptus trees. The house was tucked into the landscaping-laurel and yew, with pink and red geraniums planted along the path, its exterior made of cedar shingles, still a raw-looking wood brown, the roofline undulating like an ocean swell. There was a large oval window in the front, flanked by two bow windows, all undraped. The lawn was a pale green, tender blades of grass looking almost edible, curls of eucalyptus bark intermingled like wood shavings. White and yellow daisies grew in careless patches. The whole effect was of subtle neglect, a refined wilderness untended but subdued, curiously appealing with the thick scent of ocean overlaid and the dull thunder of waves crashing d
own below. The air was moist and smelled of salt, wind buffeting the ragged grass. Where the house in Montebello was boxy, substantial, conventional, plain, this was a whimsical cottage, all wide angles, windows, and unpainted wood. The front door had a tall oval leaded glass window in it, filled with tulip shapes, and the doorbell sounded like wind chimes.
Nikki appeared at once. She was wearing a celery-green caftan, its bodice embroidered with mirrors the size of dimes, the sleeves wide. Her hair was pulled up and away from her face, tied with a pale-green velvet ribbon. She seemed relaxed, her wide forehead unlined, the gray eyes looking light and clear, her mouth faintly tinted with pink, curving upward as though from some secret merriment. The languidness in her manner was gone and she was animated, energetic. I had brought the photograph album Diane had given me and I handed it to her as she closed the door behind me.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“Diane put it together for Colin,” I said.
“Come see him,” she said. “We’re making bread.”
I followed her through the house. There were no square rooms at all. The spaces flowed into one another, connected by gleaming pale wood floors and bright shag rugs. There were windows everywhere, plants, skylights. A free-form fireplace in the living room looked as if it had been constructed from buffcolored boulders, piled up randomly like the entrance to a cave. On the far wall, a crude ladder led up to a loft that overlooked the ocean. Nikki smiled back at me happily, placing the album on the glass coffee table as she passed.
The kitchen was a semicircle, wood and white Formica and luscious healthy houseplants, windows on three sides looking onto a deck with the ocean stretching out beyond, wide and gray in the late afternoon. Colin was kneading bread, his back to me, his concentration complete. His hair was the same pale no-color shade as Nikki’s, silky like hers where it curled down on his neck, his arms looked wiry and strong, his hands capable, fingers long. He gathered the edges of the dough, pressing inward, turning it over again. He looked like he was just on the verge of adolescence, beginning to shoot up in height but not awkward yet. Nikki touched him and he turned quickly, his gaze sliding over to me at once. I was startled. His eyes were large, tilted slightly, an army-fatigue green, his lashes thick and dark. His face was narrow, chin pointed, ears coming to a delicate point, a pixie effect with the fine hair forming a point on his forehead. The two of them looked like an illustration from a faerie book-fragile and beautiful and strange. His eyes were peaceful, empty, glowing with acute intelligence. I have seen the same look in cats, their eyes wise, aloof, grave.
When I spoke to Nikki, he watched our lips, his own lips parting breathlessly, so that the effect was oddly sexual. “I think I just fell in love,” I said and laughed. Nikki smiled, signing to Colin, her fingers graceful, succinct. Colin flashed a smile at me, much older than his years. I felt myself flush.
“I hope you didn’t tell him that,” I said. “We’d probably have to run off together.”
“I told him you were my first friend after prison. I told him you needed a drink, ” she said, still signing, eyes resting on Colin’s face. “Most of the time we don’t sign this much. I’m just brushing up.”
While Nikki opened a bottle of wine. I watched Colin work the bread dough. He offered to let me help and I shook my head, preferring to watch his agile hands, the dough developing a smooth skin almost magically as he worked. He made gruff, unintelligible sounds now and then without seeming aware of it.
Nikki gave me chilled white wine in a glass with a thin stem while she drank Perrier. “Here’s to parole,” she said.
“You look much more relaxed,” I said.
“Oh I am. I feel great. It’s so good to have him here. I follow him everywhere. I feel like a puppy dog. He gets no peace.”
Her hands were moving automatically and I could see that she was translating for him simultaneously with her comments to me. It made me feel rude and clumsy that I couldn’t sign too. I felt as if there were things I wanted to say to him myself, questions I wanted to ask about the silence in his head. It was like charades of some kind, Nikki using body, arms, face, her whole self totally involved, Colin signing back to her casually. He seemed to speak much more quickly than she, without deliberation. Sometimes Nikki would halt, struggling for a word, remembering, laughing at herself as she relayed to him her own forgetfulness. His smile in those moments was indulgent, full of affection, and I envied them this special world of secrets, of selfmockery, wherein Colin was the master and Nikki the apprentice. I couldn’t imagine Nikki with any other kind of child.
Colin placed the smooth dough in the bowl, turning it once to coat its pale surface with butter, covering it carefully then with a clean white towel. Nikki motioned him into the living room, where she showed him the photo album. Colin settled on the edge of the couch, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, the album open on the coffee table in front of him. His face was still but his eyes took in everything and he was already engrossed in the snapshots.
Nikki and I went out onto the deck. It was getting late but there was still enough sunlight to create the illusion of warmth. She stood at the railing, staring out at the ocean that rumbled below us. I could see tangles of kelp just under the surface in places, dark strands undulating in waves of paler green.
“Nikki, did you talk to anyone about where I was and what I was up to?” I asked.
“Not at all,” she said, startled. “What makes you ask?”
I filled her in on the events of the last few days: Sharon Napier’s death, my talks with Greg and Diane, the letter I’d found among Libby Glass’s effects. My trust in her was instinctive.
“Would you recognize his handwriting?”
“Sure.”
I took the manila envelope out of my purse, carefully removing the letter, which I unfolded for her. She glanced at it briefly. “That’s him,” she said.
“I’d like you to read it,” I said. “I want to see if it coincides with your intuitions about what was going on.”
Reluctantly her gaze dropped back to the pale blue pages, when she finished, she seemed almost embarrassed. “I wouldn’t have guessed it was that serious. His other affairs weren’t.”
“What about Charlotte Mercer?”
“She’s a bitch. She’s an alcoholic. She called me once. I hated her. And she hated him. You should have heard what she said.”
I folded the letter carefully. “I didn’t get it. From Charlotte Mercer to Libby Glass. That’s quite a leap. I assumed he was a man of taste.”
Nikki shrugged. “He was easily seduced. It was his own vanity. Charlotte is beautiful… in her own way.”
“Was she in the process of divorcing? Is that how they met?”
Nikki shook her head. “We socialized with them. Judge Mercer was a sort of mentor of Laurence’s at one point. I don’t imagine he ever found out about the affair, it would have killed him, I think. He’s the only decent judge we’ve got anyway. You know what the rest are like.”
“I only talked to her a short time,” I said, “but I can’t see how she could be involved. It had to be somebody who knew where I was and how could she have come by that kind of information? Somebody had to have followed me up to Las Vegas. Sharon’s murder was too closely timed to have been coincidence.”
Colin appeared at Nikki’s side, placing the open photograph album up on the railing. He pointed to one of the snapshots, saying something I couldn’t understand at all, an indistinct blur of vowels. It was the first time I’d heard him speak. His voice was deeper than I would have imagined for a twelve-year-old.
“That’s Diane’s junior-high-school graduation,” Nikki said to him. Colin looked at her for a moment and then pointed again more emphatically. He put his index finger in front of his mouth and moved it up and down rapidly. Nikki frowned.
“‘Who’s what, honey?”
Colin placed his finger on the picture of a group of people.
“That’s Diane and Greg and Diane�
�s friend, Terri, and Diane’s mother,” she said to him enunciating carefully and signing at the same time.
A puzzled smile formed on Colin’s face. Colin spread his hands out, putting his thumb against his forehead and then his chin.
Nikki laughed this time, her expression as puzzled as his.
“No, that’s Nana,” she said, pointing to a snapshot one page back. “This is Diane’s mother, not Daddy’s. The mother of Greg and Diane. Don’t you remember Nana? Oh God, how could he,” she flashed at me. “She died when he was a year old.” She looked back at him.
Colin made some guttural sounds, something negative and frustrated. I wondered what would happen to his temper when puberty really caught up with him. Again the thumb against the forehead, then the chin. Nikki shot me another look. “He keeps saying ‘Daddy’s mother’ for Gwen. How do you explain ‘ex-wife’?” She signed again patiently.