by S. K Munt
It was the way she said ‘Oh My God’ that cut him the most. It wasn’t exclaimed or even whispered, but ejected in flat, toneless clumps. Ryan’s heart faltered, and the puppy in his arms whined gently as though it sensed that his owner was about to disintegrate. He tried to say something- anything- but his own words clumped and clogged in his throat and when Leigh reached out, placed her hand over the blonde guy’s one and pulled the latch up and firmly closed, he felt the metallic clank echo within his chest. He could barely see her through the mesh, and he ached to see her! To hold her! So much that he hadn’t been able to sleep or eat or function beyond the steps he’d taken to get back to her- and her reflex to seeing him, was to lock him out?
‘No, I haven’t been waiting on any sort of package,’ Leigh said, her voice arctic despite the stifling heat. ‘And I’m afraid that my signing hand has been cramped for about three weeks so…’ she moved to push the inner door shut and Ryan winced, not missing the fact that it had been three weeks since they’d signed their marriage license.
‘Honey, sweetheart please-’
‘I am not your sweetheart and I was never your ‘Honey,’ Leigh said firmly and dully, not slowing the closing of the door. ‘And in case you traded your sight in for your memories- I have some very sexy company- the kind who thinks to call me every day, instead of once a month so… Merry Christmas, Ryan, and good-bye.’ She turned her back to him, leaning against the door to finish closing it like he was an afterthought or a Jehovah’s Witness on her welcome mat, rather than her husband. ‘Come on beautiful- let’s go to bed and sweat the fun way…’
‘Really?’ the other man asked, just before the door shut.
Ryan flinched as the door slammed in his face, almost dropping her Christmas present in shock. She’d already started sleeping with someone else, after years of cherishing her purity so? She was a married woman! She was HIS married woman! He only existed because of her, but she was just going to cast him aside like he was completely inconsequential to her? Pain made his heart throb and he stumbled back from the door, hugging the puppy tightly and wondering if maybe Imogen had everything wrong. He’d thought that he and Leigh had some epic love, and he didn’t begrudge her feeling furious with him and shocked and betrayed- but if she could bring herself to breathe heavy with someone else while Ryan couldn’t manage a complete inhalation without her, then what the fuck was he fighting for?
It was just like that night that he’d gone out with Callie and laid his heart on the line, only to have her leave with Hunter, and pain blistered his insides. He glared up at the porch railing above him through blurry eyes, and when he felt a tear slip over his lashes, he swore that it sizzled on the driveway beneath him. No, no this was how his last story had ended- he’d come back from it once, but he couldn’t go through it again. The woman he loved had to love him and only him, and on that he would not compromise.
Burning with rage, Ryan stalked away from her doorstep, but distancing himself from her door did not mute the memory of it closing between them, and the tears began to fall more rapidly.
Leigh
‘Okay so… what in the actual fuck was that?’ Lachlan demanded, bending over the counter to regard Leigh with mystified blue eyes as she hugged herself and rocked. ‘I knew you were a bit special, sweetie- but are you actually due for a dose of something?’
Ryan… board shorts… puppy… long legs… dear god...
‘She’s having a breakdown or something, can’t you see that?’ Lachlan’s boyfriend Jules knelt beside the pantry, his brown eyes full of concern. ‘Leigh, I know we’re total strangers but…. but you can talk to us, okay? And you should.’ He reached out to take Leigh’s hand, but they were curled in her dress and as badly as she wanted to be comforted in that moment, she knew that such a thing was impossible. Ryan was back but she couldn’t allow that to matter to her. She’d held her poker face long enough to close the door in his, and that was an accomplishment- but actually attempting to talk or move? No. No that wasn’t going to happen- even with Lenny Kravitz now singing that ‘It ain’t over’ through her twenty-year old speakers. Her tears were being held back by a damn wall behind her eyes, and if she allowed even a single one to breech…
Flip flops! He was wearing flip-flops and even his fucking toes are perfect I HATE him!
‘Who was it?’ Lachlan joined Jules on the floor, staring at her as though she were an African frog or something equally exotic and dangerous behind a glass wall. ‘And I’m sorry but where can I get one?’
Jules punched him in the arm. ‘Uh… hello? Significant other? Right here!’
‘Oh please,’ Lachlan dusted off his sleeve fussily. ‘You’d drop me in a heartbeat if he played for our team- I think every day is leg day for that one…’
‘I didn’t see him,’ Jules said nonchalantly. ‘That good, eh?’
‘It was an ‘It’. Beautiful things like that are not people- they’re mirages.’ He turned back to Leigh. ‘No seriously love, how did you shut that door? That’s like closing the curtains on an ocean view from a penthouse!’ He laughed. ‘Actually, know what’s funny? Surfie-attire aside, that’s kind of how I imagined Ryan Weaver from…’ his voice faded, and Leigh felt her bottom lip wobble, challenging her entire poker face. Pale blue eyes widened, reflecting her spinning mind. ‘Oh sod off! That was the guy from Niagara, wasn’t it? The one you had a run-in with? Holy hell!’ He got to his feet and clicked his fingers at her. ‘Get out from under there and chase it! My god! A guy like that follows you home to Australia and you play hard to get? Newsflash honey, you don’t make fellas like that jealous- you make them husbands!’
The damn burst. ‘He is my husband!’ Blurting out the truth made her feel lighter, but just enough so that the current of sadness ebbing through her could catch her off-balance and begin to drag her away. ‘He’s also the reason why I can’t write you a love story…’ she managed to choke out. ‘I’m sorry Lachlan… it’s a wonderful opportunity but you’re going to have to find an actual writer. I was a dreamer but… but I’m not anymore…’
‘What happened?’ Lachlan looked like he’d been smacked upside the head. ‘It can’t be that bad, not if he chased you here!’
Leigh’s fingernails dug through the fabric of her skirt and into the flesh of her knees. ‘I thought we fell in love. I gave him my virginity, and he swept me off to Vegas to be married… I tried to tell him that it was too fast, because the thing is… he had amnesia and…’ she hiccupped. ‘But he said he loved me and it didn’t matter. That we’d always be together. But then he got his memory back twenty minutes after we were married and he- he-’
Lachlan took hold of her hands and yanked her out from under the bench. ‘He…?’
It was too humiliating. Leigh buried her face in her shoulder. ‘He got them back before he saw his ex! And she’s famous! And she has his child! I freaked, I ran and he chased me and for a minute, I thought it would be okay but then a car almost ran me down and someone else saved me and she saved him and…’
‘HOW famous? DISH!’
‘Lachy!’ Jules flanked her left shoulder and she rolled her face into the stranger’s shirt, getting it all teary and snotty.
‘I woke up in the hospital and he never came! I was in there all night and he never showed! I went back to our room and waited the whole day, but he didn’t come so I flew back to his house in Niagara to pack, thinking maybe he’d come straight back looking for me but…’ she lost her words, it was all too pathetic. ‘He called me for the first time a few days ago…’ she moaned. ‘And he’s come today, but it’s been three weeks since he left me for dead.’ She drew in a shuddering breath and exhaled, regarding Lachlan’s astounded expression through one eye. ‘So tell me, as a reader… what would you rate that love story?’
Lachlan swallowed. ‘Um… I wouldn’t?’
‘Exactly. Would you have opened that door, or slammed it?’
‘Slammed it.’
‘Is there a single excuse you can
think of that would make any of that okay? Even if he could explain not contacting me for two and a half weeks… what reason on earth is there for me to stay married to a man who is still in love with his ex and their child?’
Lachlan stepped forward and embraced her. ‘Sweet Jesus Leigh…’ arms coiled around her. ‘I’m so sorry. Well, if I believed you at all, I’d be sorry…’
Leigh snickered through her tears. ‘That’s where I’m at.’ She pushed out of their arms. ‘And it’s why I can’t write at the moment, and I’m not just talking about trying to come up with something you can represent, but at all. I don’t even want to live. I just…’ she hugged herself, wiping at her eyes. ‘I want my pork crackle, to crackle. I want my heart to last long enough to get me through Christmas for my family, and then I want to die. My list of demands is exact, but it’s short- so I hope Santa can manage it.’
Lachlan hoisted his lip at her in a sad, wry smile. ‘Even when you’re off your face with misery, you still know how to work those words, Honey. And you wonder why I changed my holiday plans to include a trip north to meet you?’ He jerked his thumb towards her interior staircase. ‘That and the steps… we’re soul mates, love- and you’ve got one hell of a story to write!’
Jules wrapped his arms around Lachlan’s shoulders and pulled him in to plant a kiss on top of his short blonde hair. ‘I’m sure she appreciates the gesture babe, but I think it’s fair if you let her get over the suicidal tendencies before you nag her into writing you a Happily Ever After.’
Lachlan turned and wrapped his arms around Jules waist. ‘Always so rational and considerate. Gosh, it must be dull inside that pretty head.’
Leigh didn’t want to smile, but their affectionate banter warmed what little heart she had left. ‘You two are-’
The back door flew open, and the laundry across from her filled with bright sunlight- the door she hadn’t thought to lock. Dust motes danced in a swirl around the white chandelier dangling from the ceiling in there and out the door along with the last of her trapped air-conditioning cool, and Leigh flinched when Ryan swaggered in and stood in the interior doorway between the kitchen and her washing machine, staring at Lachlan and Jules with unrestrained shock as the two broke off a sweet kiss and whirled to regard him. ‘Gay? Thank god.’ He glanced over his shoulder, gesturing to the laundry he’d just trespassed through as het a large leather duffel bag slide off his arm and onto her floor. ‘I know you’ll hear me… how nice is that laundry?’
‘V-very nice…’ Lachlan stammered, looking pie-eyed.
‘Whoa,’ Jules said, turning to blink at Leigh as she backed into the nook between the fridge and the pantry wall. ‘He is hot…. Are you SURE you don’t want to like, hear his side?’
Leigh shot him a withering look. Gay men were so forgiving of pretty faces! It was amazing that they could find a lasting relationship at all!
But then she made the mistake of looking at Ryan, and almost became a honey puddle on the floor. He was flushed and sweaty, his eyes gleaming with determination, his jaw set in defiance while his eyes were wet with emotion. Those beautiful blue eyes took in the sight of her ‘lover’ in another guy’s arms, and the navy hue within them softened to sapphire. Then, he looked over and saw her, and his expression fell and she winced to know how pathetic she must have looked, hugging the fridge for protection. He stepped over the threshold, bending to put the adorable sharpei puppy in his arms on the floor at his feet. It had a red and gold Christmas bow around its neck, which was almost the same size as the dog, and it wagged its stub of a tail warily as it looked up and broke her heart with its adorable-ness.
‘I was going to get you flowers,’ he said softly. ‘But they’re so-’
‘Cliché,’ Leigh finished for him in a fractured whisper, her heart making her voice wobble. She realised instantly that she’d said the wrong thing- she’d acknowledged their history as though it mattered at all and that was weak and stupid, and so she attempted to backpedal immediately. ‘Ryan look I don’t want-’
‘Guys?’ Ryan stepped around her would be agent and life partner, not taking his eyes off hers. ‘I don’t know who you are, but I’m going to make love to my wife on her dining table in about five seconds. You can either take the dog for a walk, or watch- bothers me none.’
Leigh’s legs went, and Ryan rushed forward to catch he and he did as he’d promised he would- three weeks too late to break her fall.
Nineteen
‘Will you be stripping off-’
Jules clamped his hand around Lachlan’s mouth and dragged him towards the back door. ‘Come on, light of my life- before I put yours out.’
‘Guys please-’ Leigh couldn’t believe that the other guys were leaving her alone with a man who’d clearly screwed her over, but they turned and held up their hands in helpless gestures before vanishing from sight. She glared at their retreating backs, but Ryan gently steered her face up to his.
‘I love you,’ he whispered, and Leigh groaned and pulled herself out of his grip, turning her face away. He was so much easier to handle when she wasn’t looking at him! ‘Honey, please-’
‘Fuck you Ryan,’ she said to one of the many pieces of paper trapped against her fridge b a magnet. ‘You and the puppy you rode in on! It wasn’t enough that you ruined my life, you had to come and wreck Christmas as well?’
‘I came here to fix it- to fix it all!’
Leigh sucked in a breath. He thought he could undo what he’d done? She’d been about to collapse in a useless heap yet again, but his offer to slap a Band-Aid over her broken heart infuriated her to no end. She twisted her head to meet his earnest gaze and felt nothing but rage. ‘Fix it?!’ She pushed off the wall and then with the same arm, pulled back her hand and struck him. It wasn’t a slap but a smack that landed so hard that it felt like she’d broken her wrist on him. ‘The only way you can fix a single part of this, is if I hit you hard enough to cause a relapse so that you FORGET ME! And I thought you HAD!’
Ryan turned with the blow wincing, and almost immediately, a red splash of color bloomed near his brow. She nursed wrist and sobbed, feeling marginally better emotionally but much worse physically. ‘Honey we’re married! We’re going to be together for-’
‘Don’t HONEY me!’ Leigh stepped around him but he snatched her hand and dragged her back. ‘My rings are gone Ryan and now that you know what your real name is, our marriage license is moot and if you try and fight me on that I swear to Zeus that I will expose your fraud and-’ she yelped as she was spun into his arms.
‘I don’t care,’ he said stubbornly. ‘Baby I know that you probably think I’m a monster right now, but I can explain everything.’ She made a scoffing noise and went to turn away but he trapped her face in his hands and stared deeply into her eyes, forcing her to see the tear tracks glistening on his face. ‘Except how sorry I am, Honey, that I can never explain.’ He shook his head. ‘Don’t you think that if I’d been able to, I would have been at your side in a heartbeat? I love you!’ He shook her gently. ‘It looked bad with Melody Marks I know and yes she is the girl I was dreaming of- but I don’t dream about her anymore, Honey! It’s you! It’s always and forever, going to be you!’ He leaned in and kissed her roughly, and she tasted both of their tears. Gasping, she tried to pull away but he pressed her up against the refrigerator and moved his mouth against hers hungrily and her heart swelled as though his tears were feeding her emotions and strengthening them once more. She knew that she was a fool to believe him but he was so convincing! And their chemistry was still so strong- if anything it had doubled in strength and Leigh felt both intoxicated and like she was being electrocuted just from the feel of his long lean body against hers.
‘It’s you…’ he kissed her again, his hand sliding into the bodice of her dress and tugging on something. Leigh breathed in sharply again, amazed that he’d try to cop a feel so quickly and was working herself up for going for head-smack number two, but Ryan pulled back just enough so that he could hol
d her pocket watch on its chain between their eyes. Leigh flushed as he exposed her lie, swinging the chain so that her engagement and wedding rings clinked together, and then flushed twice as hotly when his elated eyes latched onto hers. ‘And it’s still me.’ He dropped the chain and pushed her hair out of her face. ‘And once I explain, I hope it always will be.’
Leigh didn’t know what to do or think. She wanted desperately to believe that he had a good enough reason to justify abandoning her as he had, but at the end of the day, she didn’t believe that he could, and what was worse- she honestly didn’t care. What did she have to lose, by falling into his arms? How could embracing him do any more damage that surrendering her grip on him already had?
‘You ruined me,’ she whispered, hot tears sliding out of her eyes.
Ryan’s face contorted and he leaned in and kissed her. ‘You brought me back to life.’
Leigh rested her head against his chest and the feel of his pounding heart mowed down the rest of her reserves. She cried hard, her entire body shaking, and Ryan’s hands slid through her hair while his lips pressed against her head and cheeks.
‘I love you,’ he croaked. ‘You don’t have to believe a word I say because it’s going to sound crazy… but I love you Honey.’ His hands slid down her back and she clung to him, relieved that if nothing else, at least his company was better than the loneliness. At least for a few moments, she could fool herself into believing that he needed her, like she needed him. He kissed her forehead then pried her palms free and began to kiss them too.
Maybe he had a relapse...
‘Tell me everywhere you were hurt,’ he croaked. ‘I need to kiss every bump, every bruise….’ Leigh closed her eyes as his lips moved back to hers and he cupped her hips and lifted her, moving her away from the fridge.
Maybe he hit his head and only just woke up three days ago...
Ryan’s lambent tongue darted into her mouth and that simple movement was all it took for her to begin overheating. She moaned and kissed him back and Ryan’s hand caught the tie at the neck of her dress and pulled it until the bodice went slack. His hands slid over her sweaty shoulder blades and then began to fumble with the clasp of her bra and she sighed for the bliss of the intimacy and the Novocain that was his touch. Her bra fell away and her wedding bands and watch went with it, and then he was cupping her and groaning into her mouth and the blood rushed to her head.