by Rupi Kaur
that is the thing about selfish people. they gamble entire beings. entire souls to please their own. one second they are holding you like the world in their lap and the next they have belittled you to a mere picture. a moment. something of the past. one second. they swallow you up and whisper they want to spend the rest of their life with you. but the moment they sense fear. they are already halfway out the door. without having the nerve to let you go with grace. as if the human heart means that little to them.
and after all this. after all of the taking. the nerve. isn’t it sad and funny how people have more guts these days to undress you with their fingers than they do to pick up the phone and call. apologize. for the loss. and this is how you lose her.
- selfish
to do list (after the breakup):
1. take refuge in your bed.
2. cry. till the tears stop (this will take a few days).
3. don’t listen to slow songs.
4. delete their number from your phone even though it is memorized on your fingertips.
5. don’t look at old photos.
6. find the closest ice cream shop and treat yourself to two scoops of mint chocolate chip. the mint will calm your heart. you deserve the chocolate.
7. buy new bed sheets.
8. collect all the gifts, t-shirts, and everything with their smell on it and drop it off at a donation center.
9. plan a trip.
10. perfect the art of smiling and nodding when someone brings their name up in conversation.
11. start a new project.
12. whatever you do. do not call.
13. do not beg for what does not want to stay.
14. stop crying at some point.
15. allow yourself to feel foolish for believing you could’ve built the rest of your life in someone else’s stomach.
16. breathe.
the way they
leave
tells you
everything
perhaps
i don’t deserve
nice things
cause i am paying
for sins i don’t
remember
the thing about writing is
i can’t tell if it’s healing
or destroying me
do not bother holding on to
that thing that does not want you
- you cannot make it stay
you must enter a relationship
with yourself
before anyone else
accept that you deserve more
than painful love
life is moving
the healthiest thing
for your heart is
to move with it
it is a part of the
human experience to feel pain
do not be afraid
open yourself to it
- evolving
loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself
you are in the habit
of co-depending
on people to
make up for what
you think you lack
who tricked you
into believing
another person
was meant to complete you
when the most they can do is complement
do not look for healing
at the feet of those
who broke you
if you were born with
the weakness to fall
you were born with
the strength to rise
perhaps the saddest of all
are those who live waiting
for someone they’re not
sure exists
- 7 billion people
stay strong through your pain
grow flowers from it
you have helped me
grow flowers out of mine so
bloom beautifully
dangerously
loudly
bloom softly
however you need
just bloom
- to the reader
i thank the universe
for taking
everything it has taken
and giving to me
everything it is giving
- balance
it takes grace
to remain kind
in cruel situations
fall
in love
with your solitude
there is a difference between
someone telling you
they love you and
them actually
loving you
sometimes
the apology
never comes
when it is wanted
and when it comes
it is neither wanted
nor needed
- you are too late
you tell me
i am not like most girls
and learn to kiss me with your eyes closed
something about the phrase—something about
how i have to be unlike the women
i call sisters in order to be wanted
makes me want to spit your tongue out
like i am supposed to be proud you picked me
as if i should be relieved you think
i am better than them
the next time he
points out the
hair on your legs is
growing back remind
that boy your body
is not his home
he is a guest
warn him to
never outstep
his welcome
again
to be
soft
is
to be
powerful
you deserve to be
completely found
in your surroundings
not lost within them
i know it’s hard
believe me
i know it feels like
tomorrow will never come
and today will be the most
difficult day to get through
but i swear you will get through
the hurt will pass
as it always does
if you give it time and
let it so let it
go
slowly
like a broken promise
let it go
i like the way the stretch marks
on my thighs look human and
that we’re so soft yet
rough and jungle wild
when we need to be
i love that about us
how capable we are of feeling
how unafraid we are of breaking
and tend to our wounds with grace
just being a woman
calling myself
a woman
makes me utterly whole
and complete
my issue with what they consider beautiful
is their concept of beauty
centers around excluding people
i find hair beautiful
when a woman wears it
like a garden on her skin
that is the definition of beauty
big hooked noses
pointing upward to the sky
like they’re rising
to the occasion
skin the color of earth
my ancestors planted crops on
to feed a lineage of women with
thighs thick as tree trunks
eyes like almonds
deeply hooded with conviction
the rivers of punjab
flow through my bloodstream so
don’t tell me my women
aren’t as beautiful
as the ones in
your country
our backs
tell stories
no books have
the spine to
carry
- women of color
<
br /> accept yourself
as you were designed
your body
is a museum
of natural disasters
can you grasp how
stunning that is
losing you
was the becoming
of myself
other women’s bodies
are not our battlegrounds
removing all the hair
off your body is okay
if that’s what you want to do
just as much as keeping all the hair
on your body is okay
if that’s what you want to do
- you belong only to yourself
apparently it is ungraceful of me
to mention my period in public
cause the actual biology
of my body is too real
it is okay to sell what’s
between a woman’s legs
more than it is okay to
mention its inner workings
the recreational use of
this body is seen as
beautiful while
its nature is
seen as ugly
you were a dragon long before
he came around and said
you could fly
you will remain a dragon
long after he’s left
i want to apologize to all the women
i have called pretty
before i’ve called them intelligent or brave
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you’re born with
is the most you have to be proud of when your
spirit has crushed mountains
from now on i will say things like
you are resilient or you are extraordinary
not because i don’t think you’re pretty
but because you are so much more than that
i have
what i have
and i am happy
i’ve lost
what i’ve lost
and i am
still
happy
- outlook
you look at me and cry
everything hurts
i hold you and whisper
but everything can heal
if the hurt comes
so will the happiness
- be patient
the name kaur
makes me a free woman
it removes the shackles that
try to bind me
uplifts me
to remind me i am equal to
any man even though the state
of this world screams to me i am not
that i am my own woman and
i belong wholly to myself
and the universe
it humbles me
calls out and says i have a
universal duty to share with
humanity to nurture
and serve the sisterhood
to raise those that need raising
the name kaur runs in my blood
it was in me before the word itself existed
it is my identity and my liberation
- kaur
a woman of sikhi
the world
gives you
so much pain
and here you are
making gold out of it
- there is nothing purer than that
how you love yourself is
how you teach others
to love you
my heart aches for sisters more than anything
it aches for women helping women
like flowers ache for spring
the goddess between your legs
makes mouths water
you
are your own
soul mate
some people
are so bitter
to them
you must be kindest
we all move forward when
we recognize how resilient
and striking the women
around us are
for you to see beauty here
does not mean
there is beauty in me
it means there is beauty rooted
so deep within you
you can’t help but
see it everywhere
hair
if it was not supposed to be there
would not be growing
on our bodies in the first place
- we are at war with what comes most naturally to us
most importantly love
like it’s the only thing you know how
at the end of the day all this
means nothing
this page
where you’re sitting
your degree
your job
the money
nothing even matters
except love and human connection
who you loved
and how deeply you loved them
how you touched the people around you
and how much you gave them
i want to remain so
rooted to the ground
these tears
these hands
these feet
sink in
- grounded
you have to stop
searching for why at some point
you have to leave it alone
if you are not enough for yourself
you will never be enough
for someone else
you must
want to spend
the rest of your life
with yourself
first
of course i want to be successful
but i don’t crave success for me
i need to be successful to gain
enough milk and honey
to help those around
me succeed
my heartbeat quickens at
the thought of birthing poems
which is why i will never stop
opening myself up to conceive them
the lovemaking
to the words
is so erotic
i am either in love
or in lust with
the writing
or both
what terrifies me most is how we
foam at the mouth with envy
when others succeed
but sigh in relief
when they are failing
our struggle to
celebrate each other is
what’s proven most difficult
in being human
your art
is not about how many people
like your work
your art
is about
if your heart likes your work
if your soul likes your work
it’s about how honest
you are with yourself
and you
must never
trade honesty
for relatability
- to all you young poets
give to those
who have nothing
to give to you
- seva (selfless service)
you split me open
in the most honest
way there is
to split a soul open
and forced me to write
at a time i was sure i
could not write again
- thank you
you have made it to the end. with my heart in your hands. thank you. for arriving here safely. for being tender with the most delicate part of me. sit down. breathe. you must be tired. let me kiss your hands. your eyes. they must be wanting of something sweet. i am sending you all my sugar. i would be nowhere and nothing if it were not for you. you’ve helped me become the woman i wanted to be. but was too afraid to be. do you have any idea how much of a miracle you are. how lovely it’s been. and how lovely it w
ill always be. i am kneeling before you. saying thank you. i am sending my love to your eyes. may they always see goodness in people. and may you always practice kindness. may we see each other as one. may we be nothing short of in love with everything the universe has to offer. and may we always stay grounded. rooted. our feet planted firmly onto the earth.
- a love letter from me to you
rupi kaur is a writer and artist based in toronto, canada. throughout her poetry and illustrations she engages with themes of love, loss, trauma, healing, and femininity. she shares her writing with the world as a means to create a safe space for progressive healing and forward movement. her creative direction and photography have broken international boundaries and have since made it into galleries, magazines, and spaces around the world. when she is not writing or creating other art, she is traveling to perform spoken word, as well as hosting writing workshops. you can find more of her work at: www.rupikaur.com
- about the writer
milk and honey is a
collection of poetry about
love