“Can you forget I ever said that?” I ask, wishing I could hide under the table.
“It was cute,” he says, then stuffs a huge piece of pizza in his mouth.
What is it with men and taking large bites of food?
“Okay, fine. I wouldn’t mind helping capture a serial killer,” I say. “I mean, sure, I’d probably have nightmares for the rest of my life, but if I helped keep a creep off the streets, it’d be worth it.”
“And that is why you’re at Spy School,” he says.
I look into his blue eyes.
I could never get tired of the color.
“I’m at Spy School because I have a warped brain?” I ask.
“Yes,” he answers, smiling. “It’s why we’re all here.”
It makes sense.
I watch Dylan open the pizza box and grab another piece. I’ve had one piece so far and there is, literally, one piece left.
“How did you just eat all of that?” I ask, motioning to the one piece left.
“I didn’t. You had some.”
“I had once piece,” I say.
He stops midway to his mouth, then puts the piece on my plate. “You eat that.”
I shake my head, putting it back onto his plate.
“Nah, I don’t want it,” I say. “I’m just kind of wondering where you put it. There isn’t an ounce of fat on your body.”
“All muscle,” Dylan says, stuffing more food in his mouth.
He’s joking, but he’s also right. He is all muscle.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think they put steroids in the water at this school.
And then there’s me. I’m basically a noddle.
But only until I train more.
“Do you like MMA?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he answers. “It’s an important part of Spy School. You’ll probably be taking an introductory class later on. It’s mandatory. But most everybody here continues taking some kind of class after the intro one. It’s important to know.”
“Better than a gun,” I say, remembering my gun training class yesterday.
That was terrifying.
“Guns are important, too,” Dylan says.
He’s right. I know he is. This job isn’t exactly safe. It’s why they wanted us to leave Tokyo. It’s why we almost died in a plane crash. It’s why I’m not allowed to be by myself right now.
But it’s worth it.
It’s so worth it.
“I told my dad that I’m living with Zach,” I tell Dylan. I’m sure he already knows because Cam probably told him, but I still wanted to tell him myself.
“Cam said something about that,” Dylan says. “Was he okay?”
“As okay as he can be, I suppose,” I say. “I think it hurts him to know, but at the same time, he wants me to get to know Zach.”
“I’m sure it is hard for him,” he says.
“The hardest part for me is going to be telling my brother,” I say, tears coming to my eyes just thinking about it. “What if, once he finds out, that he doesn’t love me anymore?”
“That’s not possible.”
“He’s only my half-brother, though.”
“Aren’t your little sisters only your half-sisters?”
“Yeah, but that’s different,” I say.
“How is it different?” he asks.
Okay, it’s not any different.
He’s right.
But, still...
“I don’t want to hurt Jason. What if...” I take a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. “What if he is mad at me after he finds out? I’m basically the reason our parents got divorced.”
“Zara, you are not the reason for your parents’ divorce,” Dylan says. “I’m sure your mom’s affair was part of the problem, but you are innocent in all of this. And I’m certain that neither one of your parents regret you.”
Okay. So maybe he makes sense.
I’m supposed to be a logical thinker, but here I am letting my emotions control me.
“I’m such a girl,” I say, wiping at my face. I hate crying in front of Dylan.
“That is one of the reasons I like you,” Dylan says.
“Because I’m a girl?”
He nods.
“You are so weird, Dylan,” I say.
“I know,” he says. “You’re really lucky.”
“I’m lucky how?”
“You have siblings,” he says. “A lot of them.”
“Three and one on the way,” I say, smiling as I think about them. I miss Chloe and Charlotte a lot. This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing them.
“I’m an only child.”
“I can share,” I say. “Charlotte and Chloe will love you. Especially Charlotte. She has always liked guys more, even as a toddler. I swear she’s a better flirt than I am, which isn’t saying much, really.”
He smiles. “I’d like to meet them. But what about Jason? Will he be nice?”
“Ah, well, since you’re a guy he will probably want to interrogate you,” I say. “He’ll assume we’re dating or something.”
“What will he think when you bring home five guys to meet them?” he asks.
I laugh. “Come on, you’re saying that like I’m going to introduce my family to my harem.”
Which makes me laugh harder.
Can you imagine?
Me.
With a harem.
I can’t even manage to get one boyfriend, let alone five.
“I’m just saying... we all stick together,” he says.
“I haven’t even been on a date, Dylan,” I say, shaking my head.
“Really? I mean, I knew you haven’t been kissed and haven’t had a boyfriend,” he says. “But I figured you at least went to prom or something with a guy.”
“Nope,” I answer. “Never even been to the movies with a guy before, except family.”
“We’ve got to change that,” Dylan says. “We’ll go to the movies this weekend.”
“Just me and you?” I ask, trying to ignore the way my heart speeds up at the prospect of going on a date with Dylan.
“I think the guys would be jealous,” he says.
“Then they should’ve asked me first,” I say.
“You really want to go with me?” Dylan asks.
“Yeah,” I answer.
“On a date,” he says.
“Yes, Dylan. I want to go out with you. A date,” I say.
His mouth drops open slightly, but he’s smiling.
“I might even let you kiss me after,” I say.
Oh, my gosh.
Did I really just say that?
My face grows warm.
That hiding space under the table is looking better and better.
“I need to pee,” I say, standing up quickly, making things even more awkward. “I’m just... yeah.”
Hiding.
Running away.
It’s what I’m good at.
Everything.
Zach comes home semi-early, for which I am thankful. I have no idea how to act around Dylan now.
Did I really agree to go on a date with him?
And did I tell him that I want to kiss him?
That’s not me. I’m not the outgoing, popular girl who gets any guy she wants. I’m awkward. And nerdy. And despite the fact that my mother is Hollywood royalty, I’m just the weird daughter nobody notices.
I’ve always been shy, even as a kid. I wouldn’t talk to anybody who wasn’t family—family includes cast and crew members, because while we were traveling, I’d spend months with these people while Mom was filming. They’d become family.
That is completely opposite from my mom. She’s a star. Not just because of her movies. But for any room that she walks into, she is the center of attention. It’s like people can just sense her presence. They have to look. There is just something about her—the way she walks, the way she talks. It’s mesmerizing. I get it.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be like her. That’
s why, when I was five and she asked me if I wanted to audition for a small part in her movie, I said yes. I thought that if I did what she did—if I became an actress, I would be just like her. I thought it would automatically make me confident and pretty. But it didn’t. After I filmed that movie with her, I was the same person after as I was before. Nothing changed.
Well, a few things did change. I remember I had to walk the red carpet with my mom and lots of people took pictures of me and asked me questions. I didn’t like it, at all. In fact, most of the time, I hid behind my mom.
After that, I told my mom I didn’t want to be in anymore movies. She didn’t ask me again, until I was thirteen. She told me I was really talented and that it was a shame to let all that talent go to waste, but I just couldn’t do it. That wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. I told her that I wanted to go to college when I was older and didn’t think acting was really for me. She understood and didn’t ask again. I grateful for that.
I actually had one friend when I was a kid. Her dad was a director, so we spent a lot of time together on sets. When she was ten, her dad started putting her in movies. One time, she told me she hated it, but her dad didn’t give her a choice about it. She’s pretty famous now—a great actress. I haven’t talked to her in forever; I just hope she’s happy. Maybe in a couple of years, when she’s eighteen, she can quit if she doesn’t like it. I wouldn’t blame her.
There is a knock on my bedroom door, and I open it, seeing Zach on the other side.
“Hey,” I say, smiling at him.
“Do you want to... hang out?”
Hang out?
Zach wants to hang out with me.
“I just mean that we haven’t really gotten to know each other that much since you found out,” he says, talking much faster than normal. “I want to get to know you and have a shot at a relationship with you.”
Zach is nervous.
I make him nervous.
“I’d love to hang out,” I say. “Look, you’re my dad, you don’t have to feel nervous or anything. I want to get to know you. I think we probably have a lot in common.”
I follow Zach down stairs, into the living room.
“Did you get through looking at everybody’s psychological profiles?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he answers. “I found a few leads, but nothing panned out.”
“So we still don’t know who sabotaged the plane?” I ask, as I sit down beside him on the couch.
“Unfortunately, no,” he says. “Or maybe, fortunately. It sounds like it might not be somebody at Spy School after all.”
“That’s good,” I say. “So I don’t need a bodyguard anymore?”
“No. You do,” he says. “Better safe than sorry. Just because Spy School is the most secure location in the world doesn’t mean it can’t be breached. Trust me, it has been done before.”
Part of me is happy about that. I like having the guys around always. I just hate that they have to make so many sacrifices to do so.
I know they don’t care. They’ve told me that. They want me to be safe. But I still feel... guilty.
I hate it.
“Did you get your homework done?” Zach asks.
“Yeah,” I answer. “Dylan and I did our homework after we ate.”
“Your teachers say you’re doing really well,” he says. “Mr. Brown seems especially pleased with your work.”
“We have a pop quiz in his class almost every day,” I say. “I think he really wants me to get an answer wrong.”
“Nah, that’s just Mr. Brown,” Zach says. “He likes his class to be hard. I’m sure it drives him crazy that you’re so smart.”
I thought so at first, but now I think he likes it.
“I think I’m his favorite student,” I say.
“You’re probably every teacher’s favorite student,” he says. “I hear that you’re very attentive in class. You don’t try to text or talk to other students. You just do your work.”
“Because I was homeschooled,” I say. “I would focus on my work fully so I could get done quicker and go play. I remember I’d be done with my school work in just a few hours and it would take Jason all day to do his. But he was always distracted.”
“It seemed to work out well for him,” Zach says. “He got recruited right out of high school.”
“I know,” I say, smiling at the memory. “We figured he’d have to go to college before he would get recruited, like my dad did.”
“Jason is a great baseball player.”
I nod.
Because he is good.
Really good.
I’m very proud of my brother and all that he’s accomplished.
“I told my dad that I’m living here with you,” I say.
Zach looks at me for a while before responding. Like, maybe he’s trying to see if I regret telling my dad.
“What did he say?” Zach asks.
“He’s happy for me,” I say.
“Good,” he says. “I figured he would be.”
“I know why you did what you did,” I say, then take a breath. “If you had insisted on being a part of my life when I was seven, it would’ve been confusing. And I wouldn’t have the relationship with my dad that I have now. Everything would just be... different. So, thank you for doing what you did.”
“Ever since I found out about you, everything that I have done has been for you,” he says.
I don’t say anything for a moment simply because I need to process what he just said to me.
I have never felt more loved than I do in this moment. And it’s crazy to think that. I have a mom and a dad who both love me very much. But there has always been something. I feel like they’ve loved me, but Mom has always put her career first, and now she has Brad. And I know she loves me, but not like Zach does.
And my dad... he was only around some of the time. Baseball took up a lot of time. And then after his career ended, he moved to Northern California where I didn’t get to see him nearly as much as I wanted.
“The first time I saw you was in one of your mom’s movies,” Zach says, after a long moment of silence. “You were playing your mom’s character as a child in flashback scenes and you looked a lot like her, but you also looked like me. I knew the second I saw you that you were my daughter.”
His words bring tears to my eyes.
“I cried,” he says. “I had never seen such a beautiful child in my life. You were perfect.”
Perfect.
Not even close.
“I finished watching the movie, just because I had to. Seeing you on the screen was mesmerizing. You’re just like your mom in that way,” he says. “You light up a room.”
Not even close.
“No, I don’t,” I say. “I hide in a room.”
“You might try to hide, but you stand out,” he says. “After I finished watching the movie, I got on the first flight to LA and I confronted your mom. I wanted nothing more than to take you with me. But, thankfully, she talked some sense into me. I only watched you from afar after that, agreeing to wait until you were sixteen. From watching you, I knew that Spy School was a perfect fit for you.”
“It really is,” I say. “I have never felt more certain of anything in my life as I do about Spy School. I was born to be here.”
“That’s how I felt about it, too,” he says. “So, why did you never act again after that movie?”
“I didn’t like it,” I say. “I mean, the acting was fun. I liked getting my hair and makeup done. But I didn’t like the attention.”
“If you had continued, you couldn’t have come here,” he says. “Your face would be too recognizable.”
“My mom asked me if I wanted to,” I say. “I told her no.”
“I’m glad you did,” Zach says. “Look, I want to tell you something. Something my parents never told me, but I wish they had before they died.”
“What?” I ask.
“Zara, I love you.”
His words, once again,
bring tears to my eyes. “I love you, too.”
And I really do.
Zach Stone is my dad.
Friday, September 28
Admirable.
I like Fridays.
On Friday, they don’t have any extra classes after school and they don’t have many weekend classes, either. At Spy School, they like us to enjoy our free time so we are motivated to work harder when we have to work.
Today, Tristan picks me up from my house to take me to school.
My house.
Funny how it went from Zach’s house to my house.
“Is today your turn?” I ask, as I get into the passenger side of the SUV.
“About freaking time if you ask me,” Tristan says, then closes the door. He walks around and gets in the driver’s side. After putting the car in drive, he reaches his free hand over to me and holds onto my hand.
I like that he holds my hand in the car. I’ve noticed all the guys do that.
“Did you guys really draw straws to see who has to babysit me?” I ask.
“Nah, we just checked our schedule to see who was free on which days,” Tristan says. “It was torture to wait until Friday to get you all to myself.”
I smile at him. “You’re such a flirt, Tristan.”
“Only with you, baby.”
I giggle at his words.
Baby.
I’ve never been called ‘baby’ by anybody, but I kind of like it when Tristan says it. It makes my heart flutter.
“We should go on a date tonight,” he says.
“A date,” I repeat.
“Yes, a date,” he says.
“Dylan asked me on a date,” I say.
Tristan slows the car down, pulling off to the side of the road. He has a panicked look on his face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He puts the car in park and angles his body towards me.
“Dylan asked you out on a date?” Tristan asks.
I nod. “Kind of.”
“What do you mean kind of?”
“I mean... I told him that I’ve never been on a date with a guy, not even to the movies, and then he said we should go. And so, I kind of said yes,” I say.
“Do you like him?”
“I don’t know. I mean, kind of.” I bite my lip. “But I also kind of like you, too.”
Toxic (The Zara Chronicles Book 3) Page 6