Finding Luna: A Lion Shifter Reverse Harem Romance (PRIDE Book 1)

by Becca Fanning

  Her hand snapped out to grab a hold of his knee. She stilled him with a pincer grip. “You don’t have to be them. You have to be you. I don’t want photocopied versions of them. If this is going to work, then we need to be true to ourselves. I’ve fought for that since I was sixteen, and I don’t intend to stop now. I certainly don’t intend to be with men who feel they can’t be themselves around me.”

  “My life will change now you’re in it, El,” he told her, touched at her harsh defense of him. “Certain things will relax, others will strain.”

  “It’s a learning curve. I see that.” She sat up straighter, stretched her arms into the air and wriggled in place. “I think I’m so accepting of all this craziness with the three of you because I… Well, I can feel it’s genuine. After so much fake bullshit, I know the real deal. But—” She bit her lip. “Please don’t let me down.”

  He let out a shaky breath. “I can’t promise that, El.” When she stiffened, he grabbed the hand she’d left on his knee and kept her in place when she’d have pulled away. “I might be supernatural, but I’m still a man. I still make mistakes. There will be times when I let you down, when we all do, but I’ll never break your heart, and I’ll never make your soul hurt.”

  Her eyes met his, and he was surprised to see they were drenched with tears. Softly, she whispered, “Thank you.”

  “It’s on my honor, El.”

  “I know. That’s why it means the world.” She shot him a soggy smile. “I think I’m ready to face the cops now.”

  “Oh yeah?” he asked, amused.

  She hesitated, but after a second’s pause, leaned forward and pressed her lips to his cheek. “I’m honored too. To be the woman that unites the three of you. I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand it, but I’ll do my best to be whatever you need.”

  “Like you said, El, we just need you to be you. I just need you to be you. No one else will ever compare. That I can promise you.”

  Chapter 8

  For a woman who’d been let down more times than she could count, El surprised herself by hugging his promises to her.

  She believed in them. Believed in him.

  It was a heady feeling. More overwhelming than the notion she had three men who thought she belonged to them. More powerful than the idea that these men wanted her enough to hit her problems head on, embrace them as their own.

  She’d been surrounded by family all her life. She knew that. Knew she had no reason to feel alone, and yet she did. Had always felt the ice cold chill of solitude simply because she was so different to the rest of her kin.

  Acceptance tasted good, she realized, as back in the lodge she headed up the stairs that led to ‘her’ room. On the way there, she heard a noise from behind a closed door and recognizing it as Shawn’s signature grunt when he was working out, she paused. Frowned.

  He was still here?

  Marc had said as much, she remembered now, she just hadn’t realized he was across the hallway.

  Warmth unfurled through her.

  Knocking on the door, she waited for him to call out, “Yeah?”

  “It’s me,” she replied softly.

  “Come in.”

  When she opened the door, he was picking up a towel and using it to swipe over his forehead. He was drenched in sweat and his chest was on display.

  Gulping, her eyes caressed him before she saw he was scowling at her. “I didn’t think you were still here.”

  “Where did you think I’d go?” he scoffed. “Just figured I’d leave you here with these strangers?”

  “Can’t get much stranger than these particular strangers, I guess,” she teased a little, folding her arms across her chest and leaning back against the door once she closed it again.

  He didn’t respond to her teasing. “What are you doing here, El?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She let her glance cast over him once more, this time not with covetous eyes but with concerned ones. He was the same old Shawn. Close cropped black hair, Irish blue eyes, stubble on his cheeks. A jaw so stern she knew she’d break her fingers if she tried to slap some sense into him, and a mouth so pretty it looked like it had been made for kissing.

  “That bastard didn’t manage to hurt me the other night, if that’s what you mean. Thanks to Ryan.”

  The begrudging respect in his voice had her brows rising. It also had her intimating… “You’ve spoke to him?”

  He nodded, draped the towel over his shoulders. “We discussed certain things.”

  “What like?”

  “Like the fact three men say you belong to them.”

  Her cheeks flushed a hot pink. “Oh. That.”

  He snorted. “Yeah. That.” His snort turned into a huff. “You never could do things simply, could you?”

  Her mouth dropped open in astonishment. “That’s so not fair! It’s not my fault this has happened.”

  “No, never said it was, did I? I’m just not surprised that if this crazy shit had to happen to someone, it had to be you.”

  She blinked, unsure whether to be offended or not. He seemed to sense that because he huffed again. “Don’t look at me like that. “

  “Like what?”

  “Like I killed your puppy.”

  Her nose wrinkled with distress. “Don’t talk like that. What’s wrong, Shawn?”

  He studied her, head tilting to the side as he asked, “Can’t figure it out?”

  “Maybe.” She sucked in a shuddery breath. “I suppose.”

  “I didn’t…” He broke off, shook his head, and turned away from her. “I don’t think we should be discussing this. Not when you have—”

  “Don’t leave me, Shawn,” she whispered, taking a hesitant step forward. “Please.”

  “I wasn’t going to,” he said softly. “But last night, when yet again you were holed up in your self-contained solitude, I realized you don’t need me anymore, El. Not with those three guys there to protect you. And I know Shifters. I don’t know a lot about them, granted. But… especially outside of combat situations, they’re loyal to a fucking tee. They’ll protect you with their lives. And because Ryan is who he is, the entire Pride will. You’re safer than your family could ever hope.”

  “They don’t give a shit about me,” she stated, disregarding all he had to say but focusing on that. She knew Marc, Ryan, and Trip would protect her with their lives. She knew it like she knew she’d do everything in her power to keep them safe too. She’d known them less than three days, and already they’d taken over her world.

  She wasn’t certain how it was possible. Wasn’t certain if it was even sane, but there was no fighting it.

  It was what it was.

  Just as her feelings for Shawn were as real as the ones she felt for them.

  She shuddered as she let the thought sink in. Those feelings had never gone anywhere, and weren’t going anywhere now. Three men to handle or not, it seemed her inner slut wanted a fourth.

  The minute the label slipped into her mind, it hurt. Badly. So badly it was like a knife to the gut. But then, she discarded it. She wasn’t a slut. She was, if anything, a good girl. Always had been.

  This didn’t change that. It just meant she was made for these men. As they were made for her.

  She’d stayed away from Shawn for two reasons. His age—she hadn’t thought he’d be interested in someone so young. Secondly, her parents. If they’d found out they were dating or sleeping together, she knew for a fact they’d have reassigned him or fired him.

  How could she say anything about age when Marc was one hundred and fourteen?

  Forty-four, Shawn’s age, was child’s play in comparison.

  He said nothing to her comment, but he turned around as she continued, “You’re the only one who ever cared. Don’t deny it. We both know it’s true. Whatever I am, I’m not a liar. I’m honest.”

  “Be honest with me then, El. What use am I here? You don’t need me.”

  “I do need you. More tha
n you know.”

  He shook his head. “It’s too late for us.”

  “How can it be too late when it never even started?” she argued, terror flooding her at the resolve in his voice. It was like he was giving up already, and she couldn’t stand that.

  He couldn’t stop fighting.

  Not Shawn.

  “You have three Shifters for husbands, El. They’re not easy going. They share among themselves, but not anyone else.”

  Her lower lip trembled. “I-I need you.” She kept falling back on that. Certain it would make him stay, but she closed her eyes at the sudden display of agony on his face. Lifting her hands, she covered her face. Was it fair to keep on saying that?

  She did need him. That was no word of a lie, but what would she be consigning him to? A life watching her be happy with three other men?

  Before she could do more than whimper, the door opened, jostling her as her back was still against it. She moved out of the way, and with surprise, watched as Ryan appeared in the entrance. He didn’t look mad at the sight of Shawn with barely any clothes on, and she still in another of Trip’s borrowed Tees. If anything, he looked resigned.

  What was that about?

  “You remember I showed you our connection last night, El?”

  She blinked, shocked at his question when she’d expected his anger. “Yes. Of course. How could I forget?”

  He pursed his lips. “I think you’re connected to Shawn that way too.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Shawn held up his hands. “I don’t want to cause any trouble here. I just want El to be happy.”

  “I know,” Ryan said softly. “I overheard. I wasn’t listening in,” he assured them both. “My hearing’s very sensitive, and you weren’t trying to be quiet. Plus, I’ve had my suspicions since you went toe to toe with me on staying here with El, Shawn.”

  “What kind of suspicions?” El asked softly.

  Ryan sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets as he strode over to the foot of the still unmade bed and sat on the edge. “The Triad brothers are linked through you. It’s a magic no one has even tried to understand before, because it just is. We meet before we meet our mate, but the link is spawned from the ethereal connection we have with our woman. I’ve never heard of there being a quartet. It’s always been a Triad. But…” He shrugged. “I have my suspicions. How long have you loved her, Shawn?” he finished, voice soft.

  Shawn froze in place, ducked his head. “I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.”

  “Doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t. Just answer me.”

  “Since she turned twenty-four.”

  The ease in which he uttered those words had El nearly staggering to the floor, her knees close to caving in with the weight of release she experienced at his admission.

  “After…?” she couldn’t even think about that time without everything inside her freezing up.

  Shawn’s mouth tightened. But he nodded.

  She clenched her eyes shut. “I’ve felt the same.”

  Ryan sighed. “See? I think that’s the problem. Your bond is a part of the Triad’s bond. It’s complicated, and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense… How can it? It’s unique. But at the same time, with both your permission, I’d like to see if there’s a link between us.”

  She bit her lip. “What if there isn’t?”

  “Then we can’t be together,” Shawn said softly, and the pain in his eyes hit her in the solar plexus.

  Ryan sighed again. “He’s right, El. It wouldn’t work if there wasn’t a connection. It means that the love you feel for one another isn’t… it’s that of friends. Not lovers.”

  She gulped, uncertainty flooding her. Were they just friends and she’d always misinterpreted it? She’d never been at one with her emotions. Had always been the kind of woman who brushed them away, preferring to deal with them at a later date.

  It meant she wasn’t very in touch with them, and so, was useless at understanding herself.

  Ryan cleared his throat. “Love is powerful,” he whispered. “Even if you’re just friends, we’d never expect you to forgo that friendship out of jealousy or fear.”

  Somehow that, more than anything, reassured her. Not to have Shawn in her life at all was more than she could bear.

  It didn’t matter if she had three men in her life or four hundred. Shawn was her rock. Always had been. Always would be.

  “Do it,” Shawn gritted out. “I need to know. I’d have walked away. After we had that stupid pissing contest on the driveway, it got me to thinking when I hit the sheets. I’ve felt this way for so long that I don’t even know how to deal with it. We either need to move on and have closure or be allowed to embrace it.”

  Ryan looked at her, a silent question in his eyes. She nodded. “I feel the same.”

  “Okay.”

  As he’d done on their first date, Ryan closed his eyes, then a charge shot through the room. She felt it more than she had that first time because she was aware of it, but Shawn, ever sensitive, jolted in place. Then, he jerked back when Ryan opened his eyes and the gold striations in the irises began to coalesce into thin shapes.

  One immediately banded out. It connected with Maryellen in less time than it took to breathe.

  The other day, the connection between them had been thick. Finger-width. Now? It was like the thickness of Ryan’s wrist. And he had huge forearms and hands.

  Her eyes widened at the sight, but it fit. She felt a million times closer to him, to them all today, than she had the first night when she’d been more confused than anything else. Time to process everything, distance in the safety of their home…

  It had enabled her to see the woods for the trees.

  The gold link joining them only confirmed that.

  Blinking down at the golden band, she looked over to him and saw the golden lines were so numerous, his blue irises had disappeared. The wispy links numbered in their thousands at that moment which, inadvertently told her how many people lived here on the compound—Jesus, this place had to be huge!

  She looked over at Shawn, trying to discern his reaction and had to smile at the look of terror on his face.

  She’d seen him face down the barrel of a gun. He’d even abseiled into a fucking bedroom window one night to help her escape a kidnapping attempt that had succeeded. Backing away from that thought, she thought of all the many dangerous situations they’d been in together, and realized he looked more scared now than at any other point.

  She studied Ryan’s links, and felt her heart break a little when she didn’t see one connecting to Shawn. But before tears could prick her eyes, tears she’d have to hide so as not to upset the men in the room, a thick strand unraveled from the link with her. Halfway down their bond, it shot off on its own, and hit Shawn square in the chest.

  Almost like it had been a physical punch, he gulped, then turned to look at her. Her smile was wet and teary, she knew it, but it didn’t stop her from striding across the room, and his astonishment didn’t stop him from opening his arms to let her in.

  The unease in the room was thick.

  She hated it, and felt no bones in admitting that, even if its presence was her fault. After all, it stemmed from the fact she had four mates. Four inexplicable mates, and the Triad were, quite naturally, reeling from that truth.

  Not that they’d said anything. Or complained. When the three of them had walked from the lodge to Pride House and had met up with Marc and Trip, Ryan had immediately divulged what had happened between them the second the door to his office was closed.

  Ever since, Marc and Trip had been quiet, and that had been facilitated by Erickson and Santiago’s arrival.

  The cops had a tablet in each of their hands, and they were talking amongst themselves while Ryan fielded a last-minute call that Adam, who seemed to be Ryan’s PA, had stated he couldn’t handle.

  When Ryan put the phone down, he looked over at her and smiled. The smile was warm and rea
ssuring. It was a silent promise that all would be well.

  He flashed his Triad brothers a look she couldn’t discern, then glanced at Shawn. They didn’t lock horns, and there was no tension, but there was a certain ‘measuring’ going on. She didn’t have to understand it to know what was happening, and she figured that was only fair.

  Marc, Trip, and Ryan were powerful men in their own right. They owned a very large restaurant chain, most with more awards than she could count and even a handful of Michelin stars thrown in for good merit. They were independently wealthy, and were the creators of that wealth. Then, there was their position in the Pride to take into consideration. Ryan was a leader of a huge population in one of the country’s largest states.

  Shawn, she was sorry to say, might have a hard time fitting in.

  Sure, he was affluent. The salary he earned was half a million a year, and as he didn’t have much of a life outside of what he had with her, she couldn’t imagine him having spent that. In fact, she’d always imagined he’d be saving up a nest egg so that when he could retire, he could buy a boat and spend his days fishing in some Louisiana bayou. Well, that is if you could catch fish in bayous. She’d never been, even though he’d always promised half-heartedly to take her to his home town.

  He’d been an officer in the Armed Forces, though he never told her which unit. And as she knew him, she could imagine it was one of those secretive branches that were in and out of the action before the press got hold of the news a week later. He was that kind of guy. Not a hammer blow to the solar plexus, but a swift, sharp jab to the nose that had the assailant down on the ground before he could do little more than blink.

  Amused at the notion, she turned to the cops when Santiago, the tall dark guy, cleared his throat.

  “We’ve spent the past forty-eight hours trying to figure out exactly why Ms. Forsythe-Drew could have been targeted by the Pantera, and most of the leads we have aren’t going anywhere. I’ll be honest, sirs, it’s a tangle.”

  Erickson handled his tablet and passed it over to El. She looked down at the picture of Jamie, and gulped. Around him there were around two dozen men. “Who are they?” she asked softly. “I know he was in the Army. Are they a part of his battalion or something?”