His words are like a warm blanket that he wraps around me snuggly. Every time he mentions our baby, he’s reassuring me that I’m not alone, that he’s scared too, and that it’s okay. More than that, he’s stepping into his promises to me. We don’t have a clear plan for our future. When it was just the two of us, uncertainty felt easier to manage. Our plus one complicates things. I’m dumbfounded by all that I don’t know. But there is one thing that I do know; and as I stare down into his brilliant green eyes, the desire that pools between my legs and the breathless sensation that clenches my lungs beseeches me to hold onto this truth:
The man beneath me will always take care of me.
I lower myself across his chest, bringing the tip of my nose to kiss the tip of his before I speak. “You’re more than I ever dreamed I could have in a man. You’re my proof—my proof that God loves me unconditionally and without ceasing.”
“I love you unconditionally and without ceasing, too,” he whispers as he glides his hands down my back and around my butt. He squeezes my flesh and a pathetic whimper escapes me, my growing want robbing me of words. “How are you feeling right now?”
It’s a question I’m already starting to become accustomed to. Aside from my lack of period, I haven’t really had any pregnancy symptoms. Both of us seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Right now, though, all I feel is needy. “I want you. Sonny, I want to feel you inside of me.”
He reaches for my mouth with his, squeezing my backside as his tongue tangles with mine. After a moment, he frees one hand and traces his fingers along my entrance. He groans when he finds me dripping just for him. Always for him. He inserts one finger, then another, pumping in and out of me. His touch turns me on even more, but it’s not enough. As soon as I start to grind against his hand, he pulls out of me and grips either side of my hips. He lifts my lower half above him and I prop myself on his chest with my hands.
“Saddle up, sweetheart.”
I ease her down over my cock and she consumes me. She tilts her head back and draws in a couple ragged breaths as she gives herself a moment to get used to this position. I reach for her breasts and squeeze her nipples between my fingers. She moans as she begins to rock her hips back and forth. I swear, there is nothing sexier than seeing my girl ride my dick.
Absolutely. Nothing.
“Oh—Grayson,” she breathes.
Alright. Except maybe that.
I know if she keeps calling my name while she grinds against me, I won’t last but a minute. My hands roam over every inch of bare skin that I can reach, each gentle caress spurring her on even more. When I reach for her clit with my thumb and begin rubbing slow circles across her sensitive flesh, her hands slip. She catches herself on her forearms against my chest, her hair forming a curtain around her face.
“Sonny—” she pants. “Sonny, I’m—” She squeezes my shoulders, her movements growing wild and out of control. She grunts, her body begging for mine. “More—more—please. I’m—I’m—” She’s not speaking in complete sentences, but I’m aware of what she needs. I’m so close, and I know I can take her over the edge right along with me. I wrap my arm around her waist, stabilizing her as I buck my hips, meeting her thrust for thrust. She tightens around me almost immediately, beckoning my orgasm as well.
She lays still on top of me as we both attempt to catch our breath. I hold her against my chest, still buried deep inside of her. Today is a big day for so many different reasons. I know she’s nervous about this afternoon. I am, too. I’m also a little nervous about tonight. I planned something special for her that I hope she’ll like. Yet, no matter what we have ahead of us today, I’m grateful for this moment; grateful for the passionate reminder that we were made to love one another through everything.
“Happy anniversary, my gorgeous bride.”
She lifts her head so that she can look into my eyes. Her lips graze mine before she replies, “Happy anniversary, my handsome groom.”
Just then, the alarm clock sounds. We both groan, disappointed that our day must officially begin. When I roll us over so that I can stop the incessant buzzing, Ave giggles, wrapping her arms around me. Her voice is still coated in the haze of morning and the sexy sound of her joy goes straight to my dick. I can feel myself starting to get hard inside of her again.
“I’m not ready to let you go, yet,” I admit, pressing my forehead against hers. “I should have called out today.”
“We talked about this, Hottie. You’re already taking the after—”
“Yes, I know.”
The news of her pregnancy has stirred up a whole lot of questions we aren’t even close to addressing; however, the issue of our finances is one we’ve already attempted to tackle. My job is most certainly a Godsend, but we can’t afford for me to take anymore time off for the foreseeable future. Avery insists that she should find a part-time gig to help pad our savings, but I’m not prepared for her to do that yet. It’s a discussion that has been shelved for the moment. I don’t want anything interfering with her music.
That being said—anniversary or not, it’s Monday morning and I have to go into work. But I don’t have to leave for another hour…and skipping breakfast in order to spend a few more minutes in the shower would be more than worth it.
I pull out of her and stand to my feet. I can see the look of disappointment she tries to hide and a smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth. She gasps when I scoop her into my arms, cradling her against my chest. “You’re coming with me.”
An hour and five minutes later, I’m rushing out of the apartment with a toasted egg sandwich. Avery made it for me while I got dressed.
I love that woman.
Despite all that makes today significant, work feels a bit mundane. Time moves slower than molasses and I have to work twice as hard to maintain an appropriate amount of focus. It’s difficult not to let my mind wander to thoughts of Avery every other millisecond. It’s still sinking in that we’re about to start a family. Avery’s settling into our new reality a lot better than she was initially, but she’s always been my worry-wart. This has her so anxious. I know the pressure falls on me to assure her and reassure her that we can do this. I won’t lie, though. I’m scared, too.
I want to be good to this baby. I want to be the father that I never had. I want to be smart and prepared. I never want Avery or our children to ever want for anything. Not materially. Not physically. Not emotionally. I’m determined to do whatever it is that I need to in order to be the head of my household. My household. God has trusted me with this family and I won’t let them down.
It’s one thing to be responsible for someone’s heart. It’s another thing entirely to be responsible for their entire life. I don’t know how anyone is ever prepared for that undertaking.
When three o’clock rolls around, I’m more than ready to head home and pick up Ave. I couldn’t force myself to concentrate on numbers for another minute even if I tried. Just as I’m getting ready to head out, I hear someone calling my name. When I turn and look behind me, I see Jared, my boss and the head of the accounting division, standing at the end of the hallway. He appears to be wrapping up a conversation with Kyle, one of the lead accountants in the department. He holds up a finger, signaling for me to wait, before he shakes Kyle’s hand and begins to make his way towards me.
“Where are you off to, Grayson?”
“I’m on my way out, actually. I have the rest of the afternoon off.”
“Oh, that’s right! Well, I just need a minute. Let me walk you to the elevators.”
Jared’s probably the nicest guy I’ve ever worked for. He’s a no nonsense leader, straight forward with high demands; but he’s also an advocate for higher education opportunities and development. The entire reason this fellowship program exists is because of him.
“A couple of the guys on my staff have noticed a shift in your focus over the past couple of weeks. They thought it necessary to bring it to my attention.”
My stomach drops
and my pace slows as I reach my hand up to squeeze the back of my neck. “Um, about that—I’ve just got some things happening at home. I—”
“Well, they must be good things,” he interrupts with a grin. I crease my forehead in confusion. “They say that you’ve upped your game, Gray. I’ve been told to keep my eye on you.”
“Oh,” I mutter, releasing my neck. That one word is all I can manage, caught off guard by the direction this conversation is going.
“As you know, at the end of your fellowship, one or two from your class will be selected to stay on with the firm. You’ve proven to be quite the contender. Are you and Avery planning on staying in the Chicago area after you graduate?”
“Honestly? I don’t know, sir.” My mind is racing. The prospect of a full-time position waiting for me right after graduation, at one of the most prestigious law firms in the area, is like an answer to a prayer I haven’t even found the words to pray yet. That being said, this is an incredible opportunity I can’t just snatch up without speaking with my wife. We’ve yet to decide whether or not we want to stay in Illinois after the spring. With this baby on the way—
“Keep me up to speed on your plans, alright?” he says, clapping a hand against my back. “No matter what you decide, you’ll have my word to back you. You’re doing some great work here and it won’t be overlooked.”
“Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.”
“Tell that wife of yours I said hello. See you tomorrow.”
He parts with a wave and I watch him go as I wait for an elevator to arrive. I can’t help but smile. Knowing that whether I go or stay I’ve got the support of Jared Ingerson, it’s a sign—a sign that everything really is going to be okay.
When I walk into the apartment thirty minutes later, Avery’s name is on my lips before I even close the door behind me. “Shorty, where are you?”
“I’m in here,” she says with a laugh. “Our apartment really isn’t that big, my love.”
She peeks her head out of the bedroom and my heart skips a beat. She’s curled her hair, the long locks left loose to hang down her chest and back. Her smile lights up her whole face and for a second, I just have to take in the fact that I made a baby with her. Moments like this one hit me like a freight train every time.
“Hottie? Are you going to get changed? We have to leave in a minute.”
I stride towards her purposefully and she straightens, filling the doorway with all of her five-foot, two-inch glory. She’s wearing a red sundress and my mind fills with images of her skirt rumpled up around her waist as she straddles me. I can feel myself growing hard and I take a deep breath, pushing such thoughts aside as I cup my hands around her face and press a kiss against her lips. She leans into me, resting her hands against my chest. When I pull away, she offers me the sweetest smile.
“What was that for?”
“I had a good day. Well—I had a good end of my day.”
“Oh, yeah? Are you going to tell me about it?”
“Mmhmm,” I hum, stealing another kiss. “Let me change really quick. We’ll talk about it on our drive to the doctor.”
He holds my hand for the duration of our trip, absentmindedly fidgeting with my fingers as he drives. While we ride, we talk about what Mr. Ingerson said before Grayson left the office and all that his words imply. The question of where we wanted to go after graduation has felt up in the air since the moment we enrolled in our respective schools. We figured life would help us make that decision when the time came. I guess, in a way, it has. I just never imagined it feeling this way—this grown up. Our choice to stay in Chicago feels like a mature one, made for the sake of our child.
I’m in awe of the way this feels. Making big decisions not simply based around what we want, but what we think is best for our family. Furthermore, I’m surprised with how at peace I am with our decision. We’re so far away from my parents, from my sister and Beckham. I never would have thought we’d be raising a child away from them. The truth of the matter is, Grayson and I have a life here. We have jobs, dreams, and friends here. While that may have been easy to overlook before, the prospect of discovering more as we sought out adventure, just the two of us…it’s nearly impossible for me to imagine walking away from the foundation we’ve managed to build in the short time we’ve been here.
Now—now our next great adventure is growing in my womb.
I breathe in deeply and exhale slowly as we come to a stop in the parking lot of the doctor’s office. The butterflies I felt upon waking return with a vengeance. I can’t help but squeeze Sonny’s fingers, needing to feel something else; something warm; something safe. He leans over and kisses my cheek before opening his car door to step out of the Mustang.
“Come on, sweetheart. We’re right on time.”
Entering the waiting room is surreal. There are three expecting mothers waiting to be seen. It’s strange, realizing that I belong here…
One of the women sits alone, a magazine holding her attention. She looks like she could give birth any second now. I try not to stare, all the while wondering how she could possibly appear so calm; wondering if this feeling of panic really goes away; wondering if she’s just remarkably good at masking the fear I’m unable to hide or detach from the reality of motherhood.
The woman who sits with her partner is practically glowing. I couldn’t tell you how far along she is, but she’s definitely sporting a nice, round baby bump. The couple is talking in hushed whispers and whatever he keeps saying makes her laugh every other minute. I wonder if their pregnancy was planned; I wonder if that makes them a gazillion times more prepared for this than we are; I wonder how we’ll manage to catch up in the next few months.
The last woman looks to only be a few months along. She’s here with a toddler that can’t seem to sit still. She appears to be an extremely patient, if not tired, mother. I wonder at her strength, her endurance; I wonder at her bravery to do it all again; I wonder what her fear feels like…or if she’s too preoccupied to be afraid.
I look down at my flat belly and it dawns on me that in a few weeks, I’ll be showing, too. I know—I know—no duh! Right? But I haven’t really thought that much about it. I have a tendency to let my thoughts get ahead of me. I mean, way ahead of me. My mind has been consumed with what will happen when the baby is here. I haven’t really been too worried about what will happen to me as the baby bakes.
“You’re thinking loudly, again,” Grayson whispers in my ear. I blush as I turn to offer him a small smile. “What’s on your mind, Shorty?”
“I’m going to get fat,” I murmur so that only he can hear. He smirks at me and I can’t help but giggle, even though I’m hardly amused. “I’m serious, Sonny. I’ll probably waddle.” His smirk turns into a grin and his barely-there-dimples change the temperament of my stomach’s butterflies.
“You’ll be my sexy, little, waddling, mama.”
My chest fills with hope at his words. I slide my hand around the back of his neck, drawing his face closer. He rests his forehead against mine as I ask, “Do you mean that? Do you promise you’ll still want me?” I have no idea what having a baby will do to my sex drive, but I can’t imagine ever not wanting my husband. That being said, his body won’t change. Mine, on the other hand—
“Ave, did you really just ask me that?” Before I can find the words to explain myself, he gently takes my hand away from his neck and places it on the inside of his left arm. My fingers trace over his smooth skin, but that’s not all they touch as he reminds me of the first vow he ever made to me—forever inked on his bicep. “I’m always, vibrantly, entirely, reverently, yours, sweetheart. And you are mine, now more than ever. Don’t think, not even for a second, that being pregnant will make you less desirable to me. It won’t.”
I throw my arms around him, hugging him as tight as I can. This man impresses me every single day. Right now, he’s my sanity and I couldn’t be more grateful. To know that this last year is simply a taste of what I have to look forward
to for the rest of my life? It’s nothing short of amazing.
“I hate to break it to you, Shorty, but I think your hormones are making you completely irrational.” I hide my smile in his neck and he presses his lips against my ear. “And if you hug me any tighter,” he begins, his voice deep and just below a whisper, “Everyone in this room will be able to see just how much I want you. It’s hard enough to keep my thoughts in check with you across the room in this dress. With you practically in my lap…”
I free another giggle but I don’t let him go. This is how the nurse finds us when she steps into the room to call us back. I stiffen in Grayson’s embrace at the sound of my name. He rubs his hands comfortingly up and down my sides before encouraging me to stand. Together, we follow the nurse to a private room.
Over the next twenty-five minutes, Sonny and I are asked what feels like a million questions; I know it’s all just standard procedure, as our family medical history is needed, but I’m impatient to get this part over with. After the discussion portion of the appointment is over, Dr. Robins—a sweet woman who has done her best to help make me calm and comfortable through this process—announces that it’s time for the fun part. When my feet are propped up in the stirrups, my lady bits on full display, I reach for Grayson’s hand. He smiles at me before brushing a kiss against my forehead.
“You’re doing great, Ave.”
Just then, I feel the ultrasound wand thing being pushed inside of me. I gasp as I look over at Dr. Robins. She grins at the two of us before she points to the ultrasound monitor. “You see that? Here, let me make it bigger. Your babe’s just a wee little thing right now.” She does something with the computer and enlarges one part of the frame. “That’s your little peanut. And that little flutter, do you see that?” I nod, completely dumbfounded, and she laughs softly. “That’s the heartbeat.”
In an instant, my heart swells, my eyes fill with tears, and my grip around Grayson’s hand tightens. The sight of that tiny heartbeat chases away every practical thought, every logical bit of reason, every ounce of my anxiety. Without warning, I’m suddenly overcome with love for the little peanut on that screen. In this moment, my baby isn’t just a positive result on a pregnancy test or the reason behind my worry—my baby is an itty, bitty miracle.
The O'Conners: A Made for Love Novella Page 6