“I thought you lived in Torquay?” I said as we got out of the car and collected our things.
His jaw tightened and he shook his head slightly. “My family lives in Torquay. This place is mine.”
“You aren’t worried it’s being watched?”
“No one knows I own it. The whole complex is run by a dummy corporation.”
I looked at the concrete above us. “The whole complex?”
He nodded. “I rent most of them out and keep one empty for myself. I divided my time between here, the boat and my mother’s house.”
“And they seriously have no idea that this is yours?”
Keying a code into the pad next to the basement door, he shook his head. “I needed something that was just mine. Somewhere I could find a little peace without any of them dropping in on me.” He pushed the door open and waited for me to walk through.
“Where did they think you were when they couldn’t find you?”
He shrugged. “I told them it was none of their business.”
“So many secrets between you all.”
“Too many,” he said, a tinge of sadness in his otherwise gruff voice. He was changing. I could see that. His proximity to his family having a profound effect on the way he held himself, the way he spoke, even the way he looked at me. Dread rolled off his body as he donned his old skin, the one we’d shed together. I could see my Toby slipping further and further away.
My Toby…
“Top floor,” he said, leaning across me to touch the penthouse button on the elevator.
“Fancy.”
“Hmm.”
The lift moved and I tightened my grip around the leather handle of my bag, breathing slow while I did my best to accept our return to reality. I needed to put my old skin back on too. Problem was, I didn’t want to. The idea repulsed me. But what choice did I have? We were there. At that place where shit got real.
“I fell over and bit my tongue,” he announced, cutting through the stagnant silence.
“What?” I turned my head to look up at him.
“The most embarrassing thing I ever did in front of a girl I liked.” He met my gaze, a small grin curving his mouth, his eyes glittering just a touch amid the storminess. “I was showing off on the beach and I tripped, my tooth went straight through my tongue and I spoke with a horrible lisp for a week.”
My heart swelled. He remembers. Maybe he wanted to go back to that moment too. Before we were robbed of time. “Did you end up getting the girl?”
He shook his head. “She went out with Nate instead.”
“Ouch.”
The elevator stopped, doors sliding open. “After you,” he said, gesturing with his hand.
There was one apartment door on this level, as well as a glass door heading out to what looked like a rooftop entertaining area. Toby entered a key code in the pad next to the main door then held his thumb against the tiny screen. The door clicked open.
“Very fancy.”
“I don’t like unwanted visitors,” he said, ushering me inside what was probably the most beautiful apartment I’d ever been in. It looked like something out of a movie. The kind of apartment a high level executive would have, with sleek modern furniture, marble countertops, automatic tinted windows, and climate control. Black, white, grey and chrome dominated the colour palette with a little blue and yellow splashed here and there. I was…dazzled. But it didn’t feel like Toby. Well, not the Toby I knew anyway.
“This is…” I ran my hand along kitchen counter, looking around the open living area as I searched for the right word. “Sleek.”
“Hungry?” he asked as he moved to stand in front of me, taking my handbag from my shoulder and setting it on a barstool.
“Not particularly,” I said, looking into his eyes and searching for the man I was missing. I saw hunger and I saw loss with just a shimmer of light. Just a shimmer. Don’t leave me.
He ran his hand through the side of my hair, brushing it behind my right ear. “Thirsty?”
I shook my head. “No.”
Then his fingers curled around the back of my neck before his mouth covered mine, taking me hard, his tongue colliding with mine possessively. Moaning, I practically collapsed against him, hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt as his other hand reached between us and unbuttoned my jeans.
With his fingers poised at the waist of my panties, he tore his mouth from mine and stared down at me, his eyes filled with a mix of anger and desire. I couldn’t help wonder if they were both directed at me, or if they were a reflection of what we needed to do.
“I don’t think I have ever wanted a woman more than I want you,” he said, slipping his fingers beneath the lace of my panties, dragging the middle digit across my clit before sinking two of them inside me. I moaned and pulled harder on his shirt. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted a man as much as I wanted him either.
Holding me tight against him, he stroked me until my legs quivered and I whimpered, desperate for relief.
“Do you think this makes us weak?” he asked, quickening his movement as I rocked my hips against him, spiralling towards my release. He dropped his lips to my neck and spoke with his teeth against my skin. “Needing another person so desperately?” Then he ran his tongue along my pulse point before he closed his mouth and sucked hard, pressing his teeth into the delicate flesh to mark me with his madness. He needs me too.
As a sharp pain pierced my skin, my body gave in to his. I cried out and shook against him, wrapping my arms around his neck and grabbing handfuls of his hair, pulling him closer as I gasped. “We aren’t weak, Toby.”
He lifted his head as he withdrew his hand from my insides, catching the hem of my black singlet and pulling it over my head. “I feel weak,” he said, palming my breasts through the lace cups of my bra, his head bowing to worship my cleavage. He moaned as his fingers found my nipples and twisted them into stiff peaks. “I don’t want to give this up.”
I arched into him as he unclasped my bra and slid it from my body. “Then don’t,” I whispered, just as he pulled his shirt from his torso and gathered me against him, his mouth devouring mine as he walked me to the bedroom and held me tight, lowering me to the bed.
He kissed me until I was gasping for air, lips bruised, skin alive with desire. “You are mine, Blair Page. Do you understand that?”
I nodded, touching him everywhere I could as he sat back and pulled my remaining clothes down my legs and shucked the rest of his.
Climbing back on top of me, he leaned down and sucked my left nipple into his mouth, releasing it with a pop then settling the tip of his big cock at my entrance without pushing in. I almost cried from the aching need. “I need to hear you say it,” he said, his eyes holding mine, desperate.
“Yes, Toby,” I gasped, moving my hips towards him. “I’m yours.”
He still didn’t push in. “That means you do as I say.”
“Yes.”
“It means you let me protect you.”
Now I was getting desperate. “Yes.”
“OK,” he said, leaving me whimpering for one more beat before he pushed inside, giving me exactly what I wanted. No, what I needed.
I was his.
That’s what I just agreed to. To be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure what being his meant, but as long as it meant we would find a way to keep doing exactly this, I was pretty much willing to do whatever he wanted.
“Oh yes,” I moaned as he thrust inside me, in and out, slow and fast. I exploded more times than I could count, taking everything I could from his body with blissful greed as we altered our positions and lost ourselves in carnal worship. I never wanted to stop fucking him.
When we were both finally spent, we lay in a tangled heap on the bed, the sheets and blankets twisted on the floor. I was so tired I could barely move, barely think. We’d had sex with feelings and I hadn’t even freaked out. I’d simply enjoyed him, wanted him, revelled in the fact that a man such as him wanted a woman such as me. He w
anted me. I was his. He was mine. And somehow—somehow—we were going to find a way to make this work. To have more than seven days, more than a moment of being unapologetically ourselves, unapologetically together. In my entire life I’d never felt that I belonged to anyone. Now that I did, I was going to protect that connection with everything I had. I couldn’t let him go.
Chapter Twenty-One
I’ll Hold Your Hand
Darkness enveloped me from all sides as the cold whispered across my skin. My confused mind tried to count the visits and the sporadic meals, trying to figure out how long I’d been there. I had no clue.
My breath caught as I heard a shuffle, the creaking of a door handle then finally a sliver of light that spilled into the room, causing me to hold my hand up to protect my eyes from the harshness. “I hear you’re not fighting anymore,” the monster said…
No. Don’t.
Forcing my eyes open, I swallowed hard, looking around the bright and airy room inside Toby’s apartment. It was too much to hope that my nightmares would be over the moment I talked about them, but at least it had ended before anyone touched me. That was progress.
Letting out my breath, I snuggled under the thick doona and rolled to my side, expecting to find a warm body still sleeping beside me. Instead, I found a note lying in the depression in Toby’s pillow with the words, Had some errands to run (no food in the house) won’t be long. T. Pushing up on my elbows, I ran a fingertip over Toby’s neat handwriting. I loved that each letter looked carefully formed, not one messy loop or hurried line. He’d been precise and sure, exactly the way he was in almost all of his actions.
Folding the note in half, I rolled onto my back and held it against my chest, watching the thin curtains billow softly in the morning breeze. My mind drifted back to last night and the pained look in Toby’s eyes before he’d kissed me, the words he’d spoken, the emotion I’d taken from him. He was just as frightened of what was happening between us as I was, he’d even called it a weakness. And I suppose it was, there had been more than a few moments where I’d wanted us to turn around and run the other way, continue being together instead of facing our problems head on. Unfortunately, being an adversary of my father didn’t work that way. If he wanted you gone, he moved heaven and earth to make sure it happened. There would be nowhere we were safe, not until Grey and his entire operation where taken down once and for all.
We didn’t have a choice.
With a heart that felt full and heavy, I hefted myself out of bed. I was pretty much out of clean clothes, so I grabbed an undershirt from Toby’s neat drawers and dragged my feet into the bathroom. The rainwater shower pure bliss against my weather effected skin, my aching muscles sighing happily after our long hours on the road, working in the harsh Aussie sun. I had a tan about ten times darker than any I’d paid for in a salon, and my hair desperately needed a treatment, my nails in dire need of a manicure, but I didn’t care. I felt more like me than I ever had before, and I was relishing in this newfound peace, thankful for the man who’d led me there.
“Toby?” I called out when I shut off the water and thought I heard a voice. It was a little far away, so I wasn’t sure if it was in the apartment or possibly from outside. Drying off, I slipped the clean shirt over my head and followed the sound, spotting bags of groceries and clothes on the counter. Clothes?
I peeked inside a stiff paper bag that had black ribbons for handles and pushed the tissue aside, finding a dress that was flirty and feminine and just my size. In another bag, I found sandals to match.
He bought me clothes? I held the dress up, swirls of coral and blue covering the soft fabric. It was beautiful, empire cut, down to my knees. Toby had great taste.
“I’m really happy for you, brother.” I put the dress down and turned towards the sound.
“What the?” If I hadn’t known the sound of Toby’s voice like I knew my own, I might have startled and pulled the revolver from my duffle bag, training it on the man I found standing on the balcony with a phone pressed to his ear. With his back to me, he was almost unrecognisable. All business: tailored navy pants, a mauve button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, shiny black shoes. And the clothes weren’t all, he’d had a haircut. The too long hair I’d grown used to running my fingers through was now neatly trimmed and styled: a little longer on top, shaved close at the sides. There was no way it would fall into his face now. His face. When he turned a little, it was clean shaven, smooth as a baby’s bottom. When he heard me open the sliding door, he faced me fully.
For a moment, I didn’t move. Startled by the clean-cut look, a little untrusting of this new man before me. Then he smiled. The same heart-stopping grin that reached his always hungry eyes as they took in my oversized T-shirt look. My Toby. He held out his hand and gestured for me to come closer. My heart flitted in my chest, and I rushed to him.
“Tonight is fine,” he said into the phone as he pulled me close. I’d landed against his hard chest, a woodsy cologne filling my nostrils and delighting my senses. “I think it’s best that the whole family is there. Brothers only looks like a meeting.” With his eyes locked on mine, he ran his free hand down the fabric of the T-shirt until he reached the hem and slid his hand underneath, fingers connecting with my bare backside. His eyebrows lifted in approval. “If that’s necessary. I need you all to bring me up to speed…”
Gesturing to the small glass outdoor table, he indicated that he wanted me to sit there. “Perhaps. Not for good.” After I did as he wanted, he took a seat in front of me then guided my legs so my feet rested on his thighs, knees apart so he could see right between my legs. He met my eyes then licked his lips. I reached out and touched his stubble-free jaw. He kissed my palm. “I’ll fill you in when I see you. But it can’t be left any longer. We need to finish what we started.”
Lifting his free hand, he trailed the tips of his fingers through the centre of my folds, closing his eyes for a split second as he connected with my wetness then pushed inside. I gasped and widened my thighs, allowing him better access to push deeper.
“She shouldn’t have interfered. I’d have come back on my own when I was ready.”
Using his thumb against my clit, he pumped his fingers in and out, the zipper of his pants straining against his growing cock. I opened my mouth as my climax drew nearer, swallowing my moan into silence as he continued his conversation.
“That’s bullshit. She always interferes. She can’t help herself.”
He picked up speed, curling his fingers up into my G-spot and stroking me in his expert way. My orgasm hit all at once, and I had to press my lips hard, biting into them to stop the sound from coming out. He stood and unbuckled his belt, quickly working the button and zip on his pants.
“We’ll finish this tonight,” he said, seeming to cut into whatever the brother on the other end of the line was saying before he disconnected and tossed the phone on the table beside me. “I have something far more important to do.” With a grin, he freed his cock and plunged into me, one hand gripping my hip as the other slid into my damp hair before he completely engulfed me with his hungry mouth.
Hips thrusting in time with his tongue, he fucked me out in the open, his new look doing nothing to change the way he felt during our connection. Thank god that hasn’t changed.
“Good morning,” he said with a pant and a smile when we finished, slowly pulling out of me and tucking himself away, moving back to sit while he watched the semen spill out of me.
I smiled and placed the balls of my feet on his knees, letting him enjoy the view. “I thought you didn’t like theatrics.”
“I have no desire to shoot cum in your face or on your chest. But watching me pour from inside you?” He released a grunt, an animal sound telling me it turned him on to no end.
“What’s with the new look?” I reached out and touched his smooth face before sliding my fingers through his neat hair.
“It’s an old look.”
“The old mask.” I rem
embered this look from the file photos Big Jim had sent me to find him. It made sense now. This was the man he needed to be to get the job done. A uniform of sorts.
“An uncomfortable mask,” he admitted, taking my hand and kissing the palm. “One I hope I won’t be wearing long.”
“I don’t know if I can put mine back on,” I whispered. I liked the woman I had become with him. I wasn’t ready to switch off my emotions and become that badarse I always was. This woman felt more right than any of the guises I’d donned in my years as a PI. I felt sick over the idea of locking her up to return to that ruthless version of myself.
“Then don’t. Let me take care of you. Wait there. I’ll get something to clean you up,” he said, standing before disappearing into the apartment, returning with a warm cloth which he used to carefully wipe himself away. So soft. So gentle. I couldn’t help but smile while my heart swelled. I like him taking care of me.
“If I was ever to love someone, Toby. I think that someone would be you,” I blurted, surprising even myself with the admission.
Lifting his eyes from his cleaning, he studied mine for a moment, possibly searching for the truth in my statement. Upon seeing it, he stood and took my head in his hands, his thumbs moving against my cheekbones. “Love yourself first,” he said, then he kissed me softly while my mind whirled. Love myself first? Isn’t that what I’d been doing for most of my life? Being selfish and keeping everyone else at bay? I didn’t understand.
Actually, I did understand. He wanted me to get my head straight, to quit drinking, to quit using sex as a bandaid to my mental anguish. Love myself first? I don’t know if I can do that….
“Was that your brother on the phone?” I asked, changing the subject when he pulled away and I pressed my knees back together.
Fool’s Paradise: Cartwright Brothers, Book 5 Page 16