“I see you have many things to consider. I suggest you leave like you planned but instead of running away, confront your demons. Only then will you find true happiness.”
Bear couldn’t say anything. He nodded and turned to walk away. Walking Tall came closer and dragged him into a hug. “Take care my friend. I will see you soon.”
Chapter 43
Sarah woke late the next morning as the men broke camp. She immediately looked for Bear but she couldn’t find him. Her heart knew he had left. She had sensed he would, which is why she had tried to stay awake.
“Walking Tall, take me with you to your village please.”
“No Miss Sassy. You need to go home.”
“But I want to be with Bear.”
“He is not at my village. You need to let him go. You know this. Deep in here.”
Walking Tall pointed at Sarah’s heart before turning back to his horse. He mounted swiftly.
“Will you ride with me?”
She nodded. Almanzo helped her mount. She put her arms around Walking Tall and cried freely against his back.
It took two days for them to reach home, by which time Sarah was travel sore and exhausted, but her real pain was the loss of Bear. He obviously didn’t love her enough to risk a future with her. Almanzo and Scott tried to engage in conversation but she kept quiet. Walking Tall didn’t say much. He had a way of looking at her, making her feel he knew what she as thinking but he didn’t comment.
“We will be home in an hour. I think we should stop at my home and tidy up a bit,” Almanzo suggested.
“Tilly won’t want to see me,” Sarah muttered, her face going scarlet. She had treated Tilly badly as well, even if the girl didn’t know about it. She had said horrible things to Carrie.
“Tilly is just as worried about you as everyone else. She will help you clean up. I do not want Jo to see you looking like this.”
She looked down at her blood-stained dress and realized Almanzo was right.
Tilly came running as they rode into her yard. She went straight to Almanzo and hugged him tight. Then she spotted Sarah. Sarah dismounted and stood, unsure of her welcome. Tilly came over and put her arms around her, pulling her close. Almanzo’s wife’s gesture was nearly the undoing of Sarah. She tried to hold back the sobs but failed.
“Almanzo, get me some water. I’m sure Sarah would like a bath. Scott do you want to get home or stay for dinner? Walking Tall, you are welcome to join us of course.”
“Walking Tall and I will head up over to David’s. We need his help with something. Almanzo are you coming?”
Almanzo wasn’t going to, that was obvious until Tilly practically chased him away.
“Go on. This will take some time and Sarah needs her privacy,” Tilly instructed her husband.
Almanzo gave Sarah a long look before getting back on his horse. “Stay here. Do not go to Jo without me.”
Sarah bristled at his tone but she held her tongue. She just stared back at him as he rode out.
“He’s been worried about you. When he gets all masterful like that, it’s only because he cares,” Tilly explained.
* * *
Tilly couldn’t believe Sarah was standing in front of her. It was obvious from her clothes she had been through an ordeal. She was very thin and her body showed bruising and other marks. Tilly said nothing, feeling Sarah would talk if she wanted to. Instead, she filled the bath, made Sarah some tea and found her some clean clothes.
“Thank you Tilly, you are very kind.”
“We were all worried about you. I’m glad you’re home safe.”
“Tilly, I’m sorry I wasn’t more welcoming to you. I said some horrible things, too. I hope you can forgive me.”
“I didn’t hear you say anything,” Tilly said.
“I’m glad, but I said them all the same. I just want you to know I am not that girl anymore,” Sarah said quietly.
“I would like it if we were friends. Almanzo thinks the world of you.”
“I’m not so sure. Your husband wants to slap me right now. He got very annoyed with me out on the trail. I didn’t want to come back.”
Tilly stared at Sarah. “Why ever not?”
“I wanted to stay with Walking Tall and his tribe.”
“But why?”
“I fell in love. For real this time, with the man Walking Tall sent to save me.”
“An Indian?”
“He is the finest man I have ever met,” Sarah said.
“I’m sure he is,” Tilly said. “Almanzo’s mother found happiness with an Indian. It is not an easy path, but it can work for some.”
Tilly nearly fell into the bath water as Sarah spontaneously hugged her.
“You understand, thank you. Almanzo thought I was being silly.”
“I don’t think he would think that because you fell in love with an Indian, Sarah. He probably just wanted you to come home and see Jo before you decided to live somewhere else. Your family is different from most. I don’t think they would care who you brought home so long as the man was decent and treated you well.”
“Not like Edwin.”
“Your family certainly doesn’t like him,” Tilly said not wanting to be too hard on the man Sarah had run away with.
“They were right about him. He was horrible and I was so stupid. I thought I was in love, but I wasn’t. I just wanted to prove I wasn’t a child anymore. Instead I showed how selfish and spoiled I really was.”
Tilly knew Sarah was speaking the truth, but she wasn’t about to crush her when she was obviously distraught. Instead, she tried to reassure her all would be fine. “That is all in the past. You are home now and Jo will be delighted. Carrie too. She really missed you. She was so hurt when you didn’t write back to her.”
“I never got any letters. I guess we moved around a lot.”
Tilly was sure that was an understatement as she realized Sarah was a lot thinner than she’d first appeared. The marks of abuse were all over her body. The poor girl had been through a horrible time. “Do you want to go and see Jo now?”
“But Almanzo said to wait for him.”
“I know he did, but sometimes my husband says things for the wrong reasons. He is trying to protect both of you but I don’t see the point in putting it off. Jo needs to see you. She wants to see you and I think you need to see her.”
“Tilly, thank God Almanzo had the sense to marry you. Thank you.”
Tilly linked arms with Sarah and together they walked over to Jo’s house.
Chapter 44
Jo sat at the window nursing Richie. Feeling restless, she tried to pinpoint the reason for her anxiety. Almanzo had disappeared very quickly the other day. Scott too. It had something to do with Walking Tall. Surely there wasn’t more trouble between her neighbors and her Indian friends. She hadn’t heard of any and knew Walking Tall’s tribe would not be the cause of any dissent. She rocked her baby back and forth.
Looking up, she caught sight of two women walking up the trek to her house. Tilly she recognized, but the other woman, similar in age to Tilly, was a stranger. Jo looked closer. There was something familiar about the girl.
“Bridget! Carrie! Come quick.”
Carrie ran into the room followed closely by Bridget, both of them white-faced. “What’s wrong Jo? Is it the baby?”
“Carrie, Sarah’s outside. She’s come home. It is her, isn’t it?”
Bridget looked out the window as Carrie ran to the front door. Bridget and Jo stared as the young girl ran toward Tilly and Sarah and almost knocked them down.
“Thank the Lord, Bridget our little girl is home.”
Bridget couldn’t answer, tears running down her face.
Sarah came into the room hesitantly. “Jo, I am so sorry. I…”
“Sarah, darling, you’re back. Come here and give me a hug. This is Richie, your baby brother.”
Jo pulled the girl she considered a daughter closer. She held onto her as if she would never let her go, both
her and Sarah in tears. Tilly had her arm around Carrie, who was also crying.
The twins came running in to find out what the noise was all about. They came to a standstill when they saw Sarah.
“Get out. We don’t want you here. Go away.” It was Nancy who said it but, judging by Lena’s face, she spoke for both the twins.
Jo looked at her daughters in shock. “Stop it girls, don’t speak to Sarah like that.”
“You left us and didn’t say a word. You made ma cry. A lot. We hate you.” With that, the girls ran off leaving Sarah stricken looking after them.
“Sarah, I’m sorry. They will be punished for their behavior.”
“No, Jo, don’t. They’re right. I did hurt you and Rick. And I’m so sorry. I loved him so much.”
“He loved you too Sarah, and he would be delighted you came home. Bridget, can you bring in some tea. Carrie can you help her please?”
Tilly followed Bridget and Carrie, leaving Sarah and Jo alone.
“Sarah darling, I’m so happy you are home. Please tell me you’re here to stay.”
Sarah bit her lip making Jo’s stomach heave. She wanted to grab the girl and never let go.
“I promise I will never run away again. That’s the best I can do, Jo.”
Jo sensed Sarah’s story wasn’t over yet. She smiled through her tears. “That’s good enough for me darling. Now why don’t we take this little man out to the kitchen and see what goodies Bridget has baked.”
Sarah let Jo put her arm around her shoulders. Jo had to bite back a remark about how thin her daughter was. For now, she had to tread lightly. Sarah had been through some horrors, that much was evident, and Jo was going to make sure nothing hurt her daughter again.
* * *
Later Sarah lay in her bedroom. Alone. Carrie had opted to sleep with the twins who were still upset over Sarah’s return. Tilly had gone home to Almanzo. She said she and Almanzo would return tomorrow. Jo had stayed with Sarah for a while, but she didn’t ask any questions. She spoke about Rick, how ill he had been and how brave he had fought to keep his family safe. Sarah had cried when Jo told her how much Rick loved her and had regretted ever saying he would put the girls into an orphanage. That had simply been said in panic. He would never have been able to abandon them. Sarah didn’t tell Jo anything other than that Edwin was dead. Jo accepted she needed time to talk.
“Sarah darling, you can tell me anything. I won’t ask any questions. You do what you feel is right. But remember, I love you and I don’t care what you did or didn’t do when you were away. You are my daughter and nothing will ever change how I feel about you.”
Sarah knew her adoptive mother spoke the truth. It helped a little. But when she was left alone, she let the tears fall. She wished Bear were with her.
* * *
She didn’t get to see the other members of the extended Thompson family until church services that Sunday. She dressed with care, wanting Jo’s family to see she had grown up and matured.
“Sarah, they love you too. Everything will be fine.”
Sarah smiled at Jo wishing she shared her confidence. She was dreading meeting the rest of the family, Grandma Della and Becky in particular. Those two had been the most vocal about how selfish she had been growing up.
She walked into church grateful Jo was beside her. The family smiled at her but didn’t get to say anything as the Priest had started the service. Afterward, they met outside.
“Sarah, we are so pleased to see you back. You look well,” Eva said, smiling.
“No, she doesn’t Eva. She looks like skin and bone. No doubt you had a difficult time.”
Sarah swallowed hard as she returned Becky’s stare, looking her in the eye. “I was wrong to go, but I survived. And I came back.”
Becky smiled, the approval lighting up her eyes. She put her arm around Sarah and drew her close. “We are delighted you’re home.”
Sarah relaxed as Della also hugged her close. Nobody gave her a lecture and they all seemed genuinely glad to see her. Scott motioned her aside. “Walking Tall said to tell you he is safe.”
Sarah nodded, knowing they spoke of Bear. Her heart beat faster and the tears would come, but later. Now she had to keep a smile on her face for her family. She wouldn’t do anything else to upset these people who had only ever shown their love and support for her.
* * *
A few weeks later, the family found out the charges against Sarah had been dropped. Edwin’s body and the gold had been found and that was evidence enough of his involvement in the murder of the whore. Everyone assumed he had also killed Faulkner. Mrs. Morgan had collapsed when she was told. Some days later, she and her husband closed up their house and returned to the East. Nobody was sorry to see them go.
Sarah gradually rebuilt a relationship with her sister and the twins, Nancy and Lena. The children took a bit longer to come around than the adults, but they eventually seemed to forget their grudge. The fact Sarah spent hours playing with them, dressing their dolls, allowing them to bandage her as a patient as they played nurse probably helped.
Jo kept her promise and never asked questions. There were times Sarah was almost overwhelmed with the need to tell Jo everything that had happened, but she didn’t. She did tell Jo about Bear and how he had saved her from Edwin. From the packet of food that first day to getting away from Tyrell’s Pit. She left out the saddest parts. Jo had her own demons to deal with although, from what Sarah could tell, little Richie was helping her.
Every night Sarah went to bed wishing she knew where Bear was and how he was feeling. As the weeks passed, she gradually came to accept he didn’t share her feelings. He cared for her, but she loved him. She would never love another the way she felt about him. If only her love were enough for the both of them.
Chapter 45
Bear looked around the village. Nothing seemed to have changed, yet everything had. Everyone was friendlier to him than they had ever been. The older braves encouraged him to visit them and a couple had hinted they would be open to their daughters moving into his teepee.
“You look happy, my friend.”
“Thank you Walking Tall. I feel better.”
“You have cleansed your demons?”
“Yes. I found what is left of my mother’s tribe. They live on a reservation. My grandparents are dead, but I found an uncle. He told me the story of how my mother left. It seems my beliefs were not the true story.”
“It is often the case with childhood memories. Your mother may have told you things to help her live with her actions. She may not have told you everything. You may have remembered it a different way. It is normal. It happens.”
“But I spent so many years hating my mother’s people when they would have welcomed me and Snow Maiden. We could have lived with them. We would have been safe.” Bear had taken a while to believe his uncle spoke the truth, but finally saw he had no reason to lie.
“But then you would be living on a reservation. Is that what you would want?”
Bear shook his head. He had been filled with sadness seeing how his mother’s people lived. His uncle accepted that the ways of the past had gone. Even when Bear had told him about Walking Tall living free in the mountains, his uncle had warned him that in time even this tribe would find itself on a reservation somewhere.
“He is right. It may happen. But I will not go to live anywhere the white man tells me. I live in freedom or not at all. That is my choice and the choice of all those who live here.”
“How did you know I was thinking about that?” Bear asked Walking Tall, shocked at how easily the man had read his mind.
“It is the obvious question. Why are we not on a reservation? How much longer will we be free?” Walking Tall looked into the distance. “The war between the white men will last a long time. Maybe three seasons or more. Nothing will be the same once it is over. Maybe we will be allowed to live in peace when they have finished fighting each other. Who knows? For now, we must enjoy our life as it is
. Forget the past and the future and enjoy the present.”
Bear wished he were as wise as Walking Tall but he couldn’t forget the past. Not the recent past anyway. Every night when he went to sleep, he dreamed of her. It wasn’t just at night either. She was always with him. If he concentrated hard enough he could feel her skin, smell her hair. She was all around him. He wanted to be with her. He knew she was the one for him. He wasn’t interested in marrying anyone else.
“Miss Sassy has returned to full health. Jo and her family welcomed her home.”
Again, Walking Tall had read his mind. He looked at his Chief. “Is she happy?”
Walking Tall stared back at him. “About as happy as you are, I would think.”
“I want her as my woman. I want children with her. But I cannot ask her to share my life.”
“Why not?”
Bear stared at Walking Tall. What could he mean by that? He of all people knew how difficult it would be.
“You want her. She wants you. Everything else will work its own way out. It will not be easy, but at least you may find happiness.”
“Can we live with you?”
“Of course you will always be welcome here. But you may prefer to try living in the white man’s world. I do not think Miss Sassy is well suited to living in a teepee. She may prefer a house.”
Bear smiled. The chief was probably right. For all Sarah had said about wanting to live with him, the attraction of the Indian lifestyle may wear a bit thin.
“Will you ask her? Jo has invited us to visit her later. Mia, Almanzo’s sister, wishes to see him. It is a good time for you to see if Miss Sassy still wants you.”
Bear swallowed hard. He hadn’t considered the fact Sarah may have changed her mind.
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