I had to wait in the airport for almost three hours before they were able to get me onto a red eye flight back home, but the further I got from Mexico and the closer I got to Boston, the more at peace I began to feel about my decision. It was almost a relief to know that Katrina and I were done, like I’d been trying so hard for too long to make myself feel more than I did, and that hadn’t been fair to either one of us. I’d set us both free from that burden.
The sun was barely up when we landed in New Jersey for a quick layover and then I was right back on a plane headed for Boston. I had my brother pick me up from the airport, and after we swung through a fast food place for breakfast and shitty coffee, I had him take me straight to Katrina’s. I knew it would be cold of me to just slip in and take all my stuff, leaving her to come back and find every trace of me gone, but it seemed less harsh than leaving it here to give her false hope, only to take it away later.
He gave me a ride to Ace’s after I’d filled a single duffel bag with all of my things from her place. Thanks to the coffee and the almost freezing morning air, I was wide awake and Bas used the drive to Ace’s to grill me.
“So, obviously the vacation didn’t go well. You want to tell me what happened that made you hop on a plane back to Boston, alone, and then collect your things from Katrina’s condo?”
“Not really, but I know you’re not going to let this go. Honestly, there’s not much to say, other than we weren’t working out and I got tired of pretending that we could.”
“So no reason, then, you guys just weren’t working out?” He turned his head away from the road briefly, to give me a skeptical look.
“Things have been, I don’t know, off between us for a while. Even though I didn’t really want to go, I thought a vacation could be good for us. She said she wanted us to have a chance to spend time together away from any distractions, and just focus on our relationship, so obviously she felt it too. Then, as soon as we got to the hotel Wednesday night, she tells me she has to do a shoot in the morning.”
“So you got pissed that she scheduled work over your guys’ vacation? I can see why you’d be upset about that.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t just that. I was pissed that she was the one who said no distractions and then booked a shoot anyway, but more than that, I just realized that we both cared more about our careers than each other. Our relationship has always come second to our dreams, and that worked, but I just . . . I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way. I see you with Lissa, and Ky with Jax and now Ace and Sadie, and how much you guys would give up for them, and that wasn’t me and Katrina. She was great and I cared about her, but it was never going to be more than that and I didn’t want to drag it out. So I told her, and then I left.”
“I get that, but are you sure that you’re not just running because it was getting serious? You’ve always kept things pretty casual. Katrina is the first girl you’ve been with semi long term. You sure that didn’t just freak you out? I know we’ve never talked about it and you always acted like it wasn’t a big deal, but I know Mom and Dad’s divorce really fucked with you. Can you honestly tell me that has nothing to do with your reluctance to commit in a relationship?”
I laughed dryly. “You’re right. Mom and Dad’s divorce did fuck with me. I was angry for a long time and trust doesn’t come the easiest for me, but if anything, it’s given me a better perspective on relationships. I’m not afraid to commit, Bas. Their divorce didn’t screw me up that bad, not like how Elaina fucked up Ky. My only reluctance is that I want to be sure. When I get married, that’s it. I’m only doing it once and I intend for it to be forever. I don’t see the point in staying in a relationship if I know she’s not the one I want forever with. I care about Katrina, but she’s not it for me, and I’m convinced I’m not it for her.”
“Okay then. I guess that’s it.” He dropped me at Ace’s with the invitation to join him and Lissa for dinner and spend some time with my niece since I’d missed out on Thanksgiving dinner yesterday.
Ace and Sadie were both home, so Ace and I took some time for band business. He let me know that while I’d been gone, the band had been booked for a last minute TV guest appearance coming up, and reminded me that we had to be in the studio all next week as well, filming a new music video for one of our singles. He also gave me some lyrics and music for a new song he and Ky had come up with, so I could work out the drum piece for it. Once we were on the same page and had band stuff sorted, I crashed for the rest of the day, napping until it was time to head to Bas’ for dinner.
It was still a little surreal seeing my little brother holding his baby girl. I was happy for him, that he and Lissa had made this beautiful family, and I was proud of him for the way he took care of them. I’ll admit that there were more than a few times that I had doubted they would make it. But after Lissa got over her jealousy of Jax, they were stronger than ever and now they’d given me a gorgeous niece who I wanted to hold all night. Between Abel and Abby, I wasn’t sure who was more adorable, and fuck if I didn’t love both of them like crazy. Being Uncle Chris was just about the greatest thing in the world.
Of course Lissa wanted to grill me all about Katrina, just like Bas had, but I told her the same thing I told Bas, only when I was done, instead of questioning me more, Liss just said, “About time,” earning surprised looks from both me and Bas.
“What? I never thought it was a good relationship or that she was right for you. She always seemed so stiff and detached. In all the time that you guys were together, she never tried to get to know the rest of us. We’re all a family and she just didn’t seem to get that, or even get you.”
As she said it I realized it was true, and that it was one of the things that had always bothered me even if I hadn’t acknowledged it before. There were so many little things that I was able to see now, and I knew they were the reason I’d held back with her. She’d been casual and fun and had never pressured me until now. It was easy to coast through our relationship, but that wasn’t the case anymore.
That didn’t make it easy to read the text Katrina sent later that night.
I was back at Ace’s when her message came, telling me how much she missed me and how much she wanted to repair our relationship. I wasn’t unaffected by it. It was hard to know she was so upset, and it wasn’t easy to just let go of something, someone, who had meant something to me over the last eight, almost nine months. I didn’t know what to say to her though. ‘Sorry’ didn’t seem like enough, but I didn’t have any other words for her, so I didn’t respond. I would talk to her again face to face when she got back, but until then she needed to get used to the idea that we weren’t going to be able to fix this. There was nothing to fix.
Chapter 22
Mia
“Wooo!” I yelled, wrapping one arm tighter across Kris’ chest to keep myself from falling to the ground. I threw the other up in the air in celebration. It was Friday night and we’d just returned to campus from the rink where BU had walked away with a three to one victory over Maine. I hadn’t thought I was going to make it to his game tonight since I’d gone with Sadie and Ace to his family’s in Connecticut and had planned to stay the whole weekend with them. I’d left early though, and driven myself back this afternoon. As much as I loved his family and as welcome as they made me feel, being around such a close and warm family had only made the chasm in my chest wider. I was insanely jealous of what they had. Even in their quirkiness and oddities, they were everything I wished my family could be. I wished I had a Grandma Helen who would show up to Thanksgiving dinner in a spandex, leopard print dress with black sequined, furry boots.
It didn’t matter that she’d embraced me like she was my grandma and spent most of the evening catching me up on the latest family gossip, I felt like an imposter, like I was only borrowing their family because mine didn’t want me.
It didn’t help any when I learned that Chris was celebrating Thanksgiving on a beach in Mexico with Katrina. I guess I’d been wrong about
things not being good between them, and stupid to think that I ever had a shot. It hurt, but I was trying to accept it. I just didn’t know how I was supposed to stop being in love with him or how to not let this ugly jealousy eat me up?
It was all too much. I was tired of being surrounded by and seeing people who had all of the things I wanted. Which is why, I woke up this morning at Ace’s parents’ house and after breakfas told them all I’d promised Kris I would be at his game. Then I drove myself back to Boston and actually surprised him by showing up. The game had been exactly the distraction I needed. Now we were going to celebrate his win together.
“Kris is king of the ice, bitches!” I hollered.
His whole body shook with laughter. The sack of bottles in his hand clanked as they smacked against his leg with each step he took as he carried me piggy back across campus toward my dorm. “Keep it down, you’re going to get us in trouble,” he said, amused.
“But you’re king of the ice! No one would dare mess with you on a night like tonight. You guys won! Thanks in large part to those two goals you scored.”
He laughed again. “They might arrest us for disturbing the peace.”
“Pfft,” I scoffed. “Arrest you, I don’t think so.” Another group of students was walking toward us, looking like they were on their way to a party or one of the bars around campus. “Go Terriers!” I shouted and they all hollered and cheered, congratulating Kris on tonight’s victory once they were close enough to recognize him.
We made it inside my dorm without incident and Kris dumped me on my bed, shaking his head, but he didn’t bother hiding his smile. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Whatever, are we celebrating or not?” I held out my hand for the sack he was still holding. After tonight’s game we’d received several invites to parties, but Kris opted out, in favor of coming back here and having our own celebration, just the two of us. He swatted my hand away and took the bag over to my makeshift kitchen area, which consisted of my mini fridge, a blender and a toaster oven with some shelves and one set of cupboards.
He rummaged around until he found two cups and then started mixing the different kinds of alcohol along with some juice he’d grabbed out of my fridge. I had no idea what he was making, but he swore I would like it.
“So why didn’t you want to go to any parties tonight? And why don’t we ever go to your place?” I asked him while he poured.
“Because,” he turned, handing me a cup. I took my first drink, and I had to give it to him. It was really good. “If you’re going to be drinking tonight, I’d rather have you in your room so I don’t have to figure out how to get you back here once you’re piss drunk, and we don’t go to my place because I live with a bunch of the dudes from the team. You don’t need to be around that shit.”
“Whatever,” I mumbled, downing more of the alcoholic concoction in my cup. “You just don’t want me to witness your slutty-man-whoreish tendencies.” He laughed, but otherwise ignored me, making himself a drink.
After we’d tossed back a few, we decided it would be a great idea to turn on the Wii. “Do you have Super Mario Bros? That game was the shit when I was a kid.”
“Yeah, but I’d rather play Mario Kart,” I told him.
“Fine. You’re on.” He dug through my stack of games until he found it and then he got the controllers ready and handed me one.
The drinking and driving rule should definitely be applied to video games. It wasn’t pretty. It was really bad. Neither one of us won a single race. We were lucky to stay on the track. Whatever he put in those drinks was really strong, and we were both laughing so hard every time one of us would crash that the other would follow.
“That fucking Bowser threw another banana peel at me!” Kris cursed and I giggled.
Eventually we moved on to Wii sports, but that wasn’t much better. Without the wrist strap, I would have thrown my remote through the TV at least half a dozen times during tennis and bowling.
“Seriously, you have Just Dance?” he said when he was looking for the next game while I made us another drink. I’m not even sure what I put in them, and at that point neither one of us cared. I think they were mostly vodka.
“Shut up, don’t make fun of me,” I told him. “Put it in, we’ll have a dance battle.”
“I will kick your ass,” he retorted, opening the case and taking out the game. I took a long drink from my cup, handing his to him once he had the game in and ready to go. He drank a third of the cup in one gulp before setting it back down.
I felt like Usher once the music started and I was up. I was nailing every move, or at least I thought I was. My score said otherwise. Kris acted like he was Channing Tatum or something when he started dancing, but Magic Mike he was not. We both failed miserably at the game, and were drunker than we thought. Our dance moves were all over the place, and I don’t even know how many times I fell on my ass, a couple of times taking him down with me.
“I can’t take this anymore,” he laughed when we were both lying flat on our backs.
“I jussss wanna dance,” I whined.
“No more,” he protested, but I dragged him back to his feet. I shut off the game and instead grabbed my phone, plugging it into my speakers and cranking the volume up on my favorite dance playlist. I grabbed his hands. “Come on, dance!”
He laughed, but indulged me, putting his hands on my hips and moving along with me. Our moves were clumsy and sloppy, but that didn’t stop us from getting completely into it. At one point he tried to spin me out. I ended up tripping and fell backwards onto my bed, but I didn’t let go of his hand and pulled him down on top of me. I grunted when he landed on me and then we both started laughing. He rolled off and then we were both lying on our backs, half on the bed, our legs hanging off. I turned my head to look at him and he did the same.
“You’re so hot,” I sighed, and then giggled. “Oops, did I say that out loud?”
“You think I’m hot?” He grinned.
“Like you don’t know you’re gorrrgeousss,” I gave his shoulder a shove and he captured my wrist in his hand before I could pull it away. He tugged me into his body, slipping his other arm under my back and rolling me on top of him.
Woah.
I had no idea what was going on, but my body was all for it. My heart rate shot up and my breathing became hard and shallow. His hands glided over my arms and then down my sides to my waist. Everywhere that he touched, my nerve endings were lit on fire and a heady buzz overcame me. I sighed, dropping my head to his chest and inhaling his scent. I could smell whatever soap he’d used in the shower after the game. I wanted to lick him all over.
“Mmm you smell good,” I mumbled with my lips pressed to his neck.
Holy shit, how did my lips get there?
It was like they had a mind of their own and pretty soon they were kissing up and down his neck. His chest heaved below me and he expelled a deep groan. His hands slipped beneath his jersey that I still wore and gripped the flesh just above my backside. Then my slutty lips decided to invite my tongue and teeth to the party and then I was nipping and sucking and licking at his skin while his hands roamed up and down my back, and even over my ass, caressing and massaging.
Not wanting to be left out of the fun, my naughty hands decided to get in on the action and I slid them up under his hoodie and t-shirt, running my fingers over the hard planes of his stomach. He might not be able to dance like Magic Mike, but he sure as hell had abs like Magic Mike. Every inch of him was like marble sculpted to perfection.
I bet they aren’t as hot as Chris’.
I should call him over here so I can compare.
I giggled at the thought. Too many Chris’, it would be a Chris sandwich, or a Mia sandwich with Chris bread. How did that work? I didn’t know, but in the name of research I wanted to find out. I giggled again.
Chris would never let me touch him though. He would never touch me like this Kris was.
Ooh.
Hands were pulling the
jersey up over my head, and then those hands were all over my bare flesh. That felt nice. Very nice. Probably not as nice as Chris’ hands. Chris probably had his hands all over Katrina right now.
Oh shit. Stop thinking of Chris. Think about Kris.
In my head that sounded so silly.
I lifted my head and my eyes met Kris’ hungry gaze. There was nothing silly about that. It was so hot I thought I might combust right there. One of his hands tangled in my hair and pulled my mouth down to his. I could taste the alcohol on his breath and tongue. I kind of liked it.
He rolled us over so that he had me pinned to the bed and I liked that a lot. There was an intensity and desperation in his touch and kisses that made them almost rough, but it felt so good to be wanted so passionately and fervently. The way his hands moved over my body bringing incredible pleasure, and the way he looked at me made me feel special and desired. I’d never felt so on fire, so needy and consumed all at once.
Almost in a frenzy, we helped each other out of the rest of our clothes. His body was spectacular. I leaned up on one elbow, wrapping my other hand around his neck and bringing his body lower so that I could place kisses all over his chest and up his neck until our mouths met and tangled again.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, staring down at my exposed body before dropping his mouth to cover one breast. From there everything was just a blur of intense feelings and sensations. I felt like I never wanted it to end and at the same time like I couldn’t take anymore without bursting.
When I finally did, I thought that I might have died for a minute. It felt like my heart stopped momentarily and all the oxygen was expelled from my lungs, before my heart picked right back up. I sucked in deep breaths and waited for my heart to slow. I felt Kris’ weight leave my body, and part of me was sad at the loss of connection. The rest of my body was so relaxed that I wasn’t sure I could move. I told myself that I would move in just a minute. I just needed one minute to recover, and then I would get up. That didn’t happen. I felt warmth surround me and slowly I drifted off.
Saving Ever After (Ever After #4) Page 21