by J. M. Lamp
“No,” I say, laughing. “Well, maybe, but dinner first.”
“Romantic.”
“Just the Burger King around the corner,” I say.
“No need to empty your bank account on little old me, Mr. Everett.”
I switch to my stomach and lie on the right side of my face to look at Elliot.
“Should’ve brought a book or something,” I say. “Isn’t that what normal people do?”
“Yeah,” he says, digging into the bag he brought down and pulling out a manuscript. “Most normal people do.”
“You work while I take a nap,” I say.
“Did you put lotion on?” he asks.
“No,” I say. “Besides, I can’t reach my back.”
“I brought some down.”
“I’m fine, Elliot.”
“You’re going to burn,” he says, pulling out a highlighter from his bag.
“If I do,” I start, “will you rub aloe on me?”
“Maybe,” he says, flipping the page. “Just don’t complain to me if it hurts. I’m not babying your ass.”
“You look cute in those shorts,” I say.
“I like even cuter out of them,” he says.
We stay on the beach for a few hours and by the time we get up I am exhausted. The sun has dried me out and all I want to do is sleep.
“What time are we leaving here?” Elliot asks as he sits his bag down on the counter. The hotel room is chilly as the cool air hits my skin and I grow more tired as I make my way to the couch.
“After we take a nap,” I say and he smiles at me.
“At least go sleep in the bed rather than the couch.”
“I’m too tired,” I say, frowning. “Carry me?”
Elliot walks over to the couch and lifts me onto his back. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face into his neck. His cologne sends a tingle through my body and I close my eyes as he lays me on my back on the bed.
I grab his arm and pull it towards me as he goes to get off the bed and he smiles.
“I thought you were tired?”
“I am,” I say, dragging him to my left side, “but how am I supposed to sleep with you not cuddling me?”
He raises his eyebrow and rolls his eyes.
“One hour,” I say. “Two hours tops.”
***
Three hours later I wake up and it’s dark outside.
“Refreshed?” Elliot says with his lips buried in my neck.
“How long have you been up?”
“One hour,” he says. “Two tops.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, switching sides to look at him.
“I woke up awhile ago, but I wanted to let you sleep.” His smile widens as I exhale a deep breath and he says, “What now?”
“Burger King,” I say. “Or I thought we could go walk on the boardwalk a mile down the road and go eat at this little seafood place they have down there. Then lie along the beach and listen to the water. Star gaze and romantic shit like that.”
He scrunches his face and takes a minute to think.
“Burger King is fine,” he says.
“Shut up,” I say, pulling him closer into me.
“I just want you to know, this has been one of the best weekends of my life. I’m beyond thankful that you sat down next to me that night on that park bench.”
“Same,” I say, bringing his face closer to mine and taking his bottom lip in my mouth.
I get off the bed and go brush my teeth in the bathroom. My hair is a mess and I can see where my skin has reddened from earlier. I squirt some gel in my palm and try to calm down the waves on my head.
“Looking a little red there,” Elliot says behind me by the bed getting dressed.
I can see the edges and the definition of his muscles as he kneels and pulls up his pants. I focus back to myself in the mirror.
“Looks like your hands will be covered in aloe later,” I say.
“Can’t wait,” he says, grabbing his toothbrush from the counter in the bathroom next to me.
“How is it you look fantastic when you wake up and I have to reorganize everything?” I ask him, staring at his bag-less eyes and perfectly maintained hair.
“Blessed I guess,” he says, squirting toothpaste onto his toothbrush.
I make my way back to the bed and scrounge through my bag trying to decide what to wear.
“Jesus, Will,” he says as I take my shirt off and throw it on the bed. I turn my back to the mirror and see it is beat red.
“It will be fine,” I say.
“Until you wake up tomorrow and can barely move,” he says.
“I’m tough,” I say, flexing my arms to my sides and imitating a bodybuilder.
Elliot laughs and rinses the rest of the bubbles from his mouth. He dries his mouth on the towel and makes his way to the bed and says, “I don’t know what to wear.”
He looks through my bag and pulls out a light blue button up and the cream colored shorts I brought with me.
“Done,” he says, smiling up at me. I take off my pants and his eyes shift from my face down to my crotch. I slowly pull on my shorts and his smile widens.
“Trying to torture me?” he asks as I button my shorts.
“Maybe,” I say, bringing the shirt behind my back. I can feel it gently brush against my back and from how cool it feels, I can tell how hot my back must feel right now from the sun. I button the shirt up all the way and put my arms out.
“Good?” I ask.
He raises his eyebrows at me and gets off the bed. He stands in front of me and unbuttons one more button on my shirt, exposing some chest hair.
“I always feel like a douche without having it buttoned up to the collar.”
“I like it,” he says, turning around and going out to the kitchen. “The chest hair is nice.”
“What if other people think it’s nice tonight?”
“I hope they do,” he says. “Let them look. It doesn’t matter because I’m the one who gets to go back home and lay my head against it at the end of the night.”
***
We get to the boardwalk and there are just enough people that we aren’t shoulder to shoulder.
“Over there,” I say, pointing to the restaurant that sits out over the ocean along the boardwalk.
It’s a completely open, shack looking area and they have multicolored lights overhead of each booth. We make our way to the bar area and take a seat.
“What can I get you guys?” the bartender says, drying out a shot glass. She smiles once she sees us and her eyes wander to my collar. I try to contain my smile while Elliot bumps my shoulder.
“Can we order food right here too or just drinks?” Elliot asks her.
She pulls two menus out from under the counter and lays them in front of us.
“All of it is fresh,” she says. “Fish and chips is our most popular thing that people get. Pretty damn good, too.” Her eyes wander from me to Elliot and her smile never wavers. “My name is Stephanie, by the way, and once you guys know what you want just let me know and I’ll send the order downstairs.”
“I was wondering where the food came from,” I say.
“Yeah, the stairway is hidden on the other side of the bar. Most people don’t even know it’s there honestly.”
“I’ll just take a water for now,” I say.
“Same,” Elliot says, looking down at his menu. “Some wine once the food is out.”
Elliot smiles up at her and she blushes and she fills two glasses with water.
“Are you two on vacation?” she asks, sitting the glasses down.
“Wor—“
“Honeymoon,” Elliot says, before I can get out the word.
Her smile widens and she says, “I knew you two were way too pretty to be straight. You guys are gorgeous together.”
“Oh, he’s the gorgeous one,” he says, running his fingers through my hair. “I figured he would make beautiful children, so I said why not.”
She laughs and looks over
at me and says, “And you wanted to be with a comedian I’m guessing?”
“I love a sense of humor,” I say, looking over at him smiling. “We’ll just take the fish and chips I think.”
“I’ll be right back,” she says as I hand her the menus.
“Really?” I say, grinning.
“Free drinks, William.” He takes sip of his water and laughs and says, “Told ya people love that extra button. She probably would’ve gone home with you if you’d asked her.”
“She probably still would,” I say.
“Ew,” he says, shaking his head. “I don’t like to share. How’s your back feel?”
“I can feel the heat radiating off it, but it’s fine.”
He puts his hand on my back and gently rubs up and down the crease of my spine.
“Maybe next time you’ll listen to me, yeah?”
“Doubt it,” I say.
I look over to my right and see a drink list lying on one of the stools. I grab it and set it in front of the both of us and say, “What wine goes with fish?”
“I don’t want wine,” he says. “I don’t know why those words even came from my mouth to be honest. The house beer looks good here.”
I look up and to my right at the bar across from us and freeze. The guy sitting there, talking to the woman next to him, looks exactly like Evan and I start struggling to breathe. I can’t believe this is happening right here and now.
“Will,” Elliot says, touching my shoulder. “What’s wrong? Will look at me.”
I look over to Elliot and then back over to the guy at the bar. My head is clearer and I can tell now it isn’t him. I look back over to Elliot and am at a loss for words.
“Sorry,” I say, laying my elbows down on the counter.
“What was that?”
“It’s nothing,” I say, shrugging. “I’m fine.”
“It looked like you were having a panic attack and unless I’m making you super fucking nervous, I’m not sure what exactly would have caused it.”
“It just happens sometimes,” I say, taking a drink of water.
I look over at him and he looks away. I look back to the guy at the bar and see that they have left.
“I get it,” he says. I look back over at him and he locks his hands together on the table. “Not there yet. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
He looks over at me and manages a smile. He puts his hand on my back again and moves it back and worth.
“It’s fine,” he says.
Stephanie comes out seconds later with our food and Elliot tells her thank you for the both of us. The silence is deafening between us and I don’t know what to do.
“It’s PTSD,” I say, bringing a piece of fish to my mouth. Out of the corner of my eye I see him turn towards me, but I look straight ahead and down at my food. “My ex isn’t really an ex. He died last spring.”
Elliot’s face grows more serious, but he shows no sign of emotion - still focused.
“How long were you guys together?” he asks.
“Four years,” I say, taking a drink of water.
To our right, fireworks go off over the ocean. The sky fills with blues and reds and greens and everyone around the bar area turns to look at them. I turn towards Elliot and his gaze hasn’t wavered from my face.
“He was in a bad car accident last year. He was—“
“How does your guys’ food taste?” Stephanie says, cutting me off. A wave of relief comes over me and I turn back to my food.
“It’s great,” Elliot tells her, grinning from ear to ear.
Stephanie walks to the other side of the bar and Elliot scoots forward on his bar stool.
“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” he says. “Let’s change the subject. What all do you have to do tomorrow at your thing?”
“Present again. Early in the morning, though, so once I do we can get going. Our flight isn’t till two, though, so we still have time to eat and shop or whatever.”
“I still mean what I said,” he says, finishing off the last of his fries. “This really has been a great weekend. I just want you to know that.”
***
The sand is cool running through my fingers as we lie down outside our hotel. The moon is bright and all I can hear is the sound of the waves crashing in the distant.
“I wish I could stay in this moment,” Elliot says. “Here with you on this blanket, the moon radiating off the water. It’s great and peaceful.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Will—“
“No,” I say. “I’m sorry for earlier. And I’m sorry that it’s so hard for me to explain it to you.”
“I knew you had something that you were hiding,” he says. “Days ago we were talking and you got awkward at a point over something I don’t remember, but right then I wondered what it was that clicked in your brain. You don’t owe me an explanation anyway. It’s only been a few weeks of knowing each other.”
“It doesn’t seem like it, though,” I say.
“I know,” he says, “but it has been, so it’s fine. You can tell me when you are more comfortable.”
“Thanks for coming on this trip with me,” I say.
“Thanks for asking me to come.”
I move my head onto Elliot’s chest and he wraps his arm around me. I feel safe and comfortable in his arms, in this moment. I look up to the moon and realize that everything might be OK and that happiness is still out there for me to find.
I can’t help but think about Evan, though, and the sense of betrayal I feel for being here with Elliot.
Chapter Nine
Elliot
I T’S ALMOST TEN O’CLOCK and our check out for the hotel is at eleven. Will had me drop him off so I could have the car to leave in case he wasn’t out in time.
He was anxious this morning and I know it’s because of what happened last night at the pier. My reassurance won’t fix anything, so I’ll just have to wait it out and hope he doesn’t worry about it the whole way home. Something bad must have happened to have him this affected by it. But I’m not going to worry about it.
I check one last time to make sure I didn’t leave anything behind. I grab both of our bags and head out the door.
“Did you have a pleasant stay?” the girl behind the counter asks. She looks bored and her forced smile is causing her pain I’m guessing.
“It was super,” I say without grinning back. “Thanks.”
I make my way to the car and set the bags in the backseat. I check my face in the mirror and can see my skin has a tint of red. It isn’t, however, burnt like Will’s who got out of bed this morning rigid and tight like a piece of leather.
When I pull up to the curb outside of the building, Will is talking to some woman and shaking her hand as he walks away toward me. He opens the door and lets out a large exhale.
“Long morning?”
He turns to me and smiles and says, “That woman was one of the coordinators of the whole thing and she was asking me questions about Chicago and their education system as far as the suburban areas. Can we go eat?”
***
We get sat at the Italian restaurant beside a bubbly, heavy-set redhead who has worked at the airport for over five years and absolutely loves everything the area has to offer.
“It’s nice,” Will says. “I couldn’t live here, though. Way too hot.”
“How long are you guys in for?” she asks.
“Our flight leaves at two, actually,” he says.
“Well this was a good stop before heading out at least.”
“What do you recommend?” I say, holding up the menu.
She gets out of her chair and comes over and stands over my shoulder.
“This platter has a bunch of random stuff,” she says, pointing down to my menu. “Should fill you boys up.”
“Marcia,” the guy at her table says, getting out of his seat, “let’s go.”
�
��It was nice meeting you boys,” Marcia says, touching Will’s shoulder on the way towards the exit. Her husband looks back once she is in front of him and mouths ‘sorry’. I wave him off and smile and look over to Will who is zoned into his menu.
“She was nice,” I say, bringing him out of his daze.
“Quite the character that one,” he says. “This platter does look really good.”
“Then it’s a done deal.” I take a sip of my water and lay my menu down on top of his.
“How’s your sunburn?”
“I should have listened to you,” he says, putting his hands in his face. “It feels terrible.”
“At least you’ll be nice and tan this Fall.”
“Are you still going to aloe me up?”
“Absolutely.”
He smiles and looks down to his hands. A frown grows across his face and he scrunches his eyebrows and I say, “What’s wrong? Is this still about last night?”
“No,” he says, “sorry.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t enjoy teaching anymore.” He leans his head back and lets out a sigh. “I realized that this morning after presenting. I know bringing this up right now is stupid, but it’s bugging me.”
He looks up at me and forces a small smile.
“Let’s run away together,” I say. “Live in the woods and just have hot gay sex all day.”
“My thoughts exactly,” he says, laughing. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“This weekend,” he says. “Not freaking out last night. Being a good guy.”
“It’s all an act.”
“Well,” he says, “it’s a good one that I’m enjoying being a part of.”
“Hey guys, I’m Walter and I’ll be your waiter on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.” Walter is a smallish, older man with the most adorable smile and sharpest looking outfit I’ve ever seen on someone for his age. “I see she got you guys your drinks. Are you ready to order or still need some time?”
“We’re gonna have this Italian platter thing,” Will says, pointing to his menu.
“Alright,” Walter says, picking up our menus. “You guys sit tight.”
“So,” I say, leaning back in my chair, “if you don’t want to teach then what do you have in mind?”