by Anders, S.
She wanted to tell him she thought he was making a mistake, but she realized she didn’t even know him well enough to offer such advice. And here she’d been kissing him as though they did know each other.
She moved away from his hand cupping her face. “I need to go anyways.”
He looked curious for a moment, as though he’d missed something, then he said, “I’ve got to talk to you about a few things. I’ll tell Ronan to cool it for a few minutes.”
She couldn’t imagine what he had to talk to her about, but she didn’t want to talk. She wanted to flee away from that video and any actions it would bring. “I would feel bad making him wait. Can’t you just call me later and we can talk on the phone.”
She started to scoot toward the bedroom she’d used last night.
“No, Liv,” he said. “It has to be now.” She raised her eyebrows at his firmness. “Come on into the living room for a minute, it won't take long.”
Reluctantly, Liv changed directions and followed Axel, who stopped to tell Ronan to wait. Once in the living room she sat in a chair so Axel had no choice but to sit away from her. He chose the couch and the morning sunlight outlined his muscular shoulders and threw light onto the black edges of his short cropped hair.
He cleared his throat, leaning toward her. “I just wanted to talk about what we do from here on. Make some plans.”
Her eyebrows scrunched. “I won’t come back here, Axel. I’ll get the farmhouse ready and ...”
“No,” he said, quickly. “Liv, that’s not what I meant.” He shook his head. “Of course you’ll come back here. I’ll get you a key.”
She started to say “no,” but he continued, “I meant plan what to do about our spouses. When should we confront them or should we wait.”
Whatever she was thinking flew from her thoughts. “I haven’t thought about when,” she muttered. “But why would we wait?”
“Well for you, definitely it would put you in a better position. I wouldn’t let on to your husband that you know, but first hire a lawyer and seek his advice.”
The first thing that popped into her head was ... “I’m not going back there and live with him. I couldn’t do that. Are you going back to your wife ... to pretend, while you see a lawyer?”
Axel looked as if he wanted to come to her but he stayed in place. “No, Liv.” He shook his head. “I can’t live with her, but I’m not telling her I know either. I’m thinking I might blow up some argument as an excuse to stay away, until I have everything thought through.”
She was surprised at how wise he was. She probably would have gone tearing to her husband to accuse him. “Okay, Axel, I think you’re right. Thanks for making me listen.” She offered him a small smile.
“And you are coming back here to stay?” He watched her like a hawk. “Please,” he added quietly.
She tilted her head. “It's so unusual.”
He smiled, and her heartbeat fluttered. “I don’t think offering each other support is that unusual. Who better to understand?”
She nodded.
“Great,” he said.
Liv pursed her lips. She’d been nodding to the part, “who better to understand.” She’d not been nodding her agreement.
“One more question,” he said. “Do you think your husband could become violent?”
Once again she completely forgot what she’d been thinking about. “I, ah,” she stuttered. Was Andrew violent? He had gotten so mad at her one time, he’d shoved her. Another time he’d trapped her in the bathroom, yelling at her, when she’d wanted to go. He did have a temper, and if he thought his money was at stake, she imagined he could get furious.
“Baby, I see you are not sure.”
The feelings Axel invoked, calling her “baby,” nearly made her cry. But it warred with what she’d been thinking.
“I don’t think he would, Axel, but you are right, I’m not sure.”
Axel nodded, looking grave, and not at all like he’d realized he’d called her an endearment. “Well, we need to keep that in mind when you make the plan on how to confront him with the affair.”
“How about you? Will you confront her right away?” She leaned toward him, now wishing she had sat closer.
There was some bitterness and anger shading Axel’s brown eyes as he shook his head. “No, I’d never try to confront her without the proof so air tight she couldn’t wiggle.” He sighed. “She has a way of turning blame on everyone else.”
Liv nodded, but she really didn’t understand, she just wanted to offer support. “You’ll do the best thing, Axel, thinking this all through.”
Chapter Seven
After their talk, Liv left Axel with Ronan, while she drove to the rose farm. Was she being a total coward not wanting to see that video? She gripped the steering wheel harder.
“Maybe I am,” she muttered, pulling into the driveway of the rose farm. She was going to tell her employees that she’d be gone for a while and they needed to take over for her. It was the slow season and she didn’t feel too guilty taking the time off so she could sort through her life.
Axel was right, she needed to plan better and she was going to start right away. Once she had the rose farm affairs straighten out with Carlos and Fran, who were happy to keep things on track, she dashed to her house. She didn’t want to take any chances of seeing Andrew and he never arrived home before the afternoon. On the way to her house, she broke the law talking on her cell phone to set up an appointment to see a lawyer that Ronan had recommended.
After she hung up she wondered if Axel would be using the same man. She gazed unseeing up at her house as she pulled in the driveway. Kiki and Andrew might never know she and Axel were using the same lawyer. They might never know they were together in this. Somehow those thoughts made her feel better. Kind of like ...
“Take that!” she snapped. “They deserve it, and Axel and I will be stronger because of it.”
She could feel it, every time she started to slump into despair, she thought of him. Axel was there with her ... she wasn’t alone. Andrew wasn’t getting the upper hand this time. Any guilt she felt about getting too close to Axel, too fast, was tiny compared to the betrayal and bitterness she felt over Andrew cheating on their marriage.
She’d never considered being close to another man before the infidelity. She was faithful and planned to be her entire marriage. Happy or not, bumps in the marriage road or not, she’d planned to stay wedded to Andrew until death.
Or maybe she’d just been stubbornly denying how much she wanted out. Out of Andrew’s constant indifference, out of his separateness pushing her to the side, and out of his bed.
Liv clasped a hand over her mouth in surprise — as if she’d spoken the words aloud, and hadn’t just thought them. She cringed, shaking her head. But it was true. Guilt swept through her. Maybe it was her fault Andrew didn’t want to have sex with her? If she’d dressed fancier and tried to be more sophisticated with country club style, maybe then Andrew would have found her attractive? He’d have at least tried to romance her as if he cared.
Tears burned her eyes. The last time they’d had sex it had lasted less than ten minutes, and then Andrew had rolled out of bed without kissing her, to go golfing.
Liv dropped her hand to her side. “But I let him.” She’d not stopped him or tried to make it better between them or make it more intimate. She’d just let him go ... glad it was over so quickly.
Pictures flashed through her mind of Andrew kissing Kiki; of Andrew pressing Kiki over the hood of his car. So passionately.
She banged the steering wheel. “Maybe if that’s how he acted with me, then I’d want him!”
No, she wasn’t going to take all the blame for this — she wasn’t going to think she could have done better. It took two people to make a marriage work.
Determined to stop wallowing, she wiped away her tears and climbed out of her car. She was going to pack and leave Andrew a note saying that she needed some space to think, because she
was unhappy with their marriage. The sad truth was she knew Andrew wouldn’t even come looking for her or become upset and demand she come back home. She knew he’d go straight to Kiki, thinking how lucky he was getting time away from his wife.
When Liv entered the house she looked at everything inside it in a different light. She wondered if she could see hints of cheating there. Now that she knew. It was stupid, however everywhere she went; to get a suitcase, her clothes, and her bathroom supplies — she looked for evidence.
Was there something in Andrew’s tossed off dirty clothes she could find? She barely caught herself from rifling through them. Were there condoms in his bathroom supplies or sexy oils used for an affair? Could she check their phone bill for phone calls?
“God!” She used it more as a cuss word than a supplication as she threw clothes into her suitcases. She’d drive herself crazy with those thoughts. Should she search for evidence? She closed the suitcase and grabbed her cell thinking to call Axel. But as she held the cell phone aloft, she thought about what he was doing or had done. Looking at that video. She couldn’t heap this on him.
Biting her lip, she looked around the bedroom. She nearly cringed looking at the bed she and Andrew shared.
“Are you going to let him get away with this,” she exclaimed, with fury rising. “Walk all over you again?”
She grabbed her suitcases; she was going to throw them into her car, then come back inside and search for proof. Thinking ahead, like Axel wanted.
Axel sat in the same spot he’d sat in to watch the pornographic evidence of his wife’s infidelity. He sat in the same spot he was in when Ronan had left. Twenty minutes later, he was still sitting there. He scrubbed a rough hand over the wiry nap of his short hair. God, Ronan was good. Well what had he expected? Ronan had been good in the service; a talented spy. Of course, Ronan would get graphic proof. He must have used a long lens and there had to have been an open window at the hotel. Lucky them ... getting such solid evidence.
Infidelity was such a tame word for screwing, and that’s what he’d seen; Andrew Darwin screwing his wife. Doing things he’d dreamed of doing with her, but she’d refused.
Axel’s fist pounded the table. It was as if the limb was detached, because it surprised him, as if he’d been in a fog. Kiki never gave him the intimacy of oral. She would complain he was too big or he smelled funny or he had too much hair down there, and god forbid he couldn’t control himself enough that he might come in her mouth.
“But she was giving Darwin a blowjob,” he snarled, tightening his fingers into a fist on the tabletop. A wife couldn’t for him, but would for a lover? His brain had a hard time with that.
He’d expected to see screwing on the video ... flat out screwing. But not that! That blindsided him. He’d thought they had a good sexual life. He’d imagined even though they were at odds much of the time that he’d at least satisfied her in bed. Where it counted, right? Loving your woman’s body with all your heart.
He. Would. Not. Cry.
Axel stood. Took a deep breath. Then another. He unclenched his fists and shook them out. Looking around the kitchen. Anywhere but at the camcorder. He was going to go talk to his lawyer, and then he was going for a twenty mile run. Whatever it took to bleed this out of him.
A couple hours later, as he ran in the low hills outside of town, he went over what his lawyer had told him. There was no better or worse position in divorces nowadays. It was all no contest. That meant timing wasn’t necessarily an issue for him, except his lawyer said it always worked out better for the man if he filed as quickly as possible. Once filed, any debt incurred by either party would be theirs.
The lawyer told him to not empty the bank accounts, not to try to cancel credit cards, or do any creative bookkeeping on his business, because it would all come out at disclosure. Axel had asked if Kiki would get half of everything and the answer was, likely. The lawyer said he might be able to swing things more in Axel’s favor, but generally these things went half ... and did it through mediation. There would be that ... no getting out of mediation.
So Kiki could screw a guy and get half of what her husband had built. It didn’t seem right somehow. But he wasn’t going to get angry over it, he just wanted out with as little damage as possible. He could rebuild what he’d lost again. He liked challenges, and he might just sell the rental shop. What he’d always wanted to do was be a pilot, so maybe now he had the time.
Axel stopped at the top of a hill for a moment, blowing breaths as he looked over the panorama. The only timing he had to wait for now was for Liv, and then he could hit Kiki, bam-bam ... one, two and she’d be out. Hit her with the evidence, and then serve her the divorce papers. If he planned it right he might not have to confront her, just take her out with no battered words between them.
He wiped sweat off his brow. He liked that idea. Then he turned to run back down the hill, wondering what excuse he could use for not coming back home, until he was ready to deliver his punches.
By the time he’d run over ten miles, and decided to give it up, he was one hundred percent calmer. When he reached his aunt’s house in the late afternoon, he felt pleasure grip him at the sight of Liv’s car in the driveway. He’d left her a key under the mat and text her it was there, but otherwise they’d not spoken all day.
He couldn’t believe how good it felt to have someone waiting that he could talk too about everything.
“Except keep a lid on it about the video,” he muttered, as he shut off his car. He would have to keep circumspect about that video, because Liv didn’t need to know the full of it. She’d made her choice not to see it, and now he was glad she had. She’d been right ... he’d never needed to see that.
Axel sat in his car looking at the house. He’d put it off all day ... finally he picked up his cell and he called Kiki.
“Hey,” she answered.
“You back in town?” he asked.
She sounded distracted. “Just coming back in and I didn’t get any more formals.”
He knew why she didn’t and he almost made her lie about it by asking. But he was holding onto it by a thread keeping his voice level.
“Ace is in a bad way, Ronan and I are going to go check on him.” She didn’t say anything. He huffed under his breath, then said, “I’ll be gone for a few days. Jax has the store, just leave him to it.”
“Oh I get off the leash, then?”
Axel blinked hard. What the hell did that mean? “I’ll text you,” he said quickly, before his voice rose in anger. “Bye, Kiki.”
He thought she said one more thing but he disconnected, not catching it. He stared at the phone, wondering what she meant. They worked together, sort of, Kiki only worked when she felt like it. She mostly wanted to buy, not really tend the store. Hell, half the time he didn’t know where she was at.
He cussed under his breath. If anything they were apart too much for a married couple. Shaking his head, he decided she was just trying to get under his skin, and he climbed out of his car, shouldering his duffle bag. Going around to the rear of the car he pulled another satchel out of the trunk. He planned to have the most important things he wanted, that were rightfully his, over to his aunt's house before he informed Kiki of their divorce. The sad part was he didn’t think Kiki would even notice his things were disappearing.
Moments later, he was looking forward to getting a shower and seeing Liv. He set his bags down in the hallway and he looked in both the living room and kitchen. He didn’t see Liv, but saw grocery bags on the kitchen counter as if she’d just been there. Something bothered him and he turned to look back into the living room. His gaze landed on the camcorder, lying on its side, on the couch.
“Hell,” he cursed. Instantly, he knew Liv had looked at it. He stood for a moment fighting his emotions as though he’d just looked at the video for the first time. But the rage and outright hurt were easier to subdue this time. “Bastards,” he ground out, going to look for Liv.
It took him a few m
inutes to find her out back, crying, while sitting on a wrought-iron patio chair. She had her head down, rocking her body. He slowly closed the backdoor and walked toward her.
“Liv, I’m so sorry.”
He felt the need to apologize, and he watched her flinching at his words and the realization she wasn’t alone. She didn’t raise her head as he crouched beside her, touching her hair. Her sobs grew harder as he felt pain fill him with each sound of anguish she made, then he did the only thing he could think of, he tugged her into his embrace. Her face landed against his shoulder, quickly wetting his tee shirt as he held her, then turning them both, until he sat with her in his lap.
“Axel,” she sobbed, and he ground his eyes closed, holding her tight.
Chapter Eight
Later that afternoon, Liv was embarrassed about Axel seeing her breakdown. He’d handled it well, getting her tissues and staying with her until she’d calmed down. After a while, she broke away from sitting in his lap, to pace in front of him.
“I see you bought some groceries,” he said quietly. He was completely avoiding her sniveling, and she cast him a sideways glance.
“Yes.” She hiccupped right in the middle of her answer.
His gaze looked worried, but he smiled. “How about I fix something for dinner and you sit out here and relax.” He said this while standing. “I can bring you some wine.”
She nodded while her head was down, not looking at him, as she muttered, “I didn’t know if your aunt had a grill. I got some small steaks.” She felt his hand clasping hers, then giving an intimate squeeze.
“She does. I will drag it out. You can see the hills from here.”
Then he was gone back inside, and she sighed. “At least he didn’t make me talk about it,” she muttered, dabbing her eyes.
Seeing the first parts of that video had rammed home the death of her marriage. “Annihilation, obliteration,” she paused. “The end,” she finished.
Maybe the fury had made her cry so much, but at the moment she wished she was able to punch Andrew in the nose. Give him a good down home beating. How dare he!