“I love you too, Ella,” he said. But he didn’t understand. He meant it platonically as was obvious by the way he looked at her warmly. He meant he was glad she was a part of his life, he was grateful to have her as a friend. But it was all wrong.
“No, Luke. I’m in love with you.”
His expression was blank, unreadable. Somewhere along the line, they had stopped walking and stood facing each other.
She wasn’t thinking straight. She stepped forward and pressed her lips against his. He was still for a moment. Then, he responded and Ella pulled him close. The kissed moved too quickly, deepening, growing more heated and needy at once. Because they knew they only had about a minute before reality would strike again and they would have to stop. In a minute, they will have to pay for this or realize this was wrong or do something other than what they were doing right now. And there was so much to communicate and experience in this moment. They couldn’t possibly feel every missed opportunity, every unvoiced though in that one moment. So she clung to him tightly and he pressed more fervently against her as if in doing so, they might be able to make each other understand.
When Lucas’ grip relaxed on the back of her shirt under her jacket, Ella felt it slipping away. She fell back on the flats of her heels; she didn’t open her eyes. He kissed the side of her mouth one last time, rested his forehead against hers. She struggled to regain her breath, trying not to remember the reason this was wrong.
Eyes still closed, she cupped his face in hers. His hands dropped but he didn’t move away. Then, she opened her eyes and the word that she had forced out of her mind screamed at her from her conscience.
Mary.
Her best friend. Her partner in crime. The only one of her friends who had made it this far. Her oldest friend. Her companion. Mary, who was inconsiderate and stupid at times but extremely loyal at heart.
Ella backed away.
“Ella…” Lucas begun but words failed him too.
“I’m sorry,” Ella managed to choke out as tears came to her eyes.
But Lucas felt a strange satisfaction, if he managed to push the guilt aside long enough.
“I should go…” Ella said, looking around as if expecting a door to appear where she can run to and hide behind.
“I’ll take you home,” he said.
“No, no, not home. I can’t-” Ella took a deep, calming breath and ran a hand through her hair. She couldn’t face Mary.
“Ella, relax,” Lucas said.
“Luke, I-” Ella’s voice was becoming increasingly high pitched now as she panicked.
“It’s been an emotional day, I understand.”
Ella looked at Lucas and realized that he was trying to offer her an excuse she can use as a shield. She felt a rush of gratitude for the boy who had always been there for her, always knew what she needed.
“I’ll take you home.”
They drove in silence. Lucas didn’t come inside when he dropped her and when Mary inquired as to why he didn’t, Ella feigned ignorance and retired to her room, stating that it had been a long day. Donna looked suspicious but let it pass, as she normally did.
Safely in the confines of her room, Ella picked up her phone and called the only person who would be able to help her.
“Hello, babe,” Adam’s voice sounded over the phone.
“Adam,” Ella said. “Are you home?”
“No.”
“I need you to come get me.”
“I’ll gladly get you,” Adam said.
Ella rolled her eyes. “Come now, please.”
“Alright. Is everything okay?”
“Help now, questions later.”
“So she said before. I’ll be there in five.”
Mary wasn’t in the living room as Ella left. She told Donna she had important work on which Donna did not comment. In the confines of Adam’s car, she could breathe easier.
“Drive. Go somewhere far away.”
“Just you and me?” Adam said, suggestively but he begun to drive.
Ella rolled her eyes. “Have you met Lucas yet?”
“No. What is this about?”
“I- I kissed Lucas.”
“About time.”
“Adam!” Ella complained.
“Is that what you’re so panicked about?”
“Yes!”
“Hmm,” he mused. “Well, is Lucas as panicked as you?”
“Not that I know of.”
“I thought so,” Adam muttered to himself.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, nothing. So you’re wallowing in guilt for kissing your best friend’s boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that is a dilemma.”
“What would you do if you- if you kissed Lucas’ girlfriend?
“Mary?”
“Let’s suppose.”
“Well, from my experience, cheating is a lot easier if there are no feelings involved. You case is a little different because of the feelings involved.”
Ella was silent as she watched the town rush away.
“Cheer up. It’s not so bad. On the bright side, at least Lucas knows how you feel now.”
“That’s the bright side?”
“Of course.”
“I only made myself look like an idiot by admitting it. All those times that he asked me and I turned him down. And now I’m in love with him. How the tables have turned.”
“It’s not so bad. Maybe the tables will turn again.” Adam hesitated and then spoke again. “You two are such idiots.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s still in love with you, Ella. The tables haven’t turned. The tables have become… even, I guess.”
“How do you know that?”
“He’s my best friend,” Adam said as if that should say enough.
“But that doesn’t prove anything. Unless he said the words. Unless he told you explicitly. I love Ella. Those three words. Did he say them?”
Adam sighed. “No,” he admitted.
“There you have it.”
When Ella still looked miserable, Adam said, “Let’s go dune buggy racing.”
Ella looked at him incredulously but didn’t protest. Anything to take her mind off Lucas.
Chapter 9
Lucas was in the balcony, smoking a cigarette when he was joined by Adam. It was almost 1am.
“Another date?” he asked as Adam came into view.
“Nah, I was with Ella.”
“With Ella?”
“Hmm.”
“Well, how is she?”
“She’s good.”
Lucas was quiet and Adam did not elaborate, purposefully.
“Where is she now?” Lucas spoke up again.
“You seem interested,” Adam said amused. “You always told me you were over the girl.”
Lucas shook his head.
“She’s back home now, I presume. She’s fine, just a little panicked about what happened between you two.”
“So- so she told you?”
“Hmm.” He took a puff of his cigarette. “Just tell her you feel the same way.”
“I would have if there was no Mary in the middle.”
“Ah, I never liked that girl.”
“I’m going to tell her.”
“About the kiss?”
“Yes.”
“You were never one to keep secrets.”
Lucas still looked miserable.
“What is with you two? You both look like your grandma just died.”
Lucas didn’t reply.
“Want to go dune buggy racing?”
“Yes.”
“Fucking hell. I’m not doing this twice.”
But they were already walking away, towards Adam’s car.
Ella woke up, feeling miserable. It took her a few minutes to remember the events of the previous day. She had kissed Lucas. Lucas had kissed her back. And then there was Mary. Ella wanted to sleep again and forget about everythi
ng. But of course, she had to get out of bed and get dressed. As luck would have it, she ran into Mary just as she thought she had successfully left the house while avoiding confrontation.
“Hi, Ella,” Mary sang. “It’s a beautiful weather, let’s walk today. No cars.”
“Sure,” Ella said. Mary excused her glumness for one of her moods and didn’t pay much attention to it. She chatted happily until they reached the campus. It hit Ella that they might come across Lucas here which made her panic. But of course, that was one of those unavoidable things which were bound to take place. Mary spotted Lucas and Adam and dragged Ella to where the boys were standing with Donna. A big basketball tournament was upcoming and the three (Lucas, Donna and Adam) were discussing something related to it when the two girls approached.
“Lucas,” Mary sang as she threw her arms around her boyfriend and kissed him. Ella tried to look anywhere but at the two of them. “How are the preparations going?” Mary asked them.
“Well enough,” Adam replied.
“I’m sure you guys will be great,” Mary continued.
“Yeah, yeah,” Adam said. “Ella, any words of encouragement?”
“Erm, good luck,” Ella said. Lucas was trying to avoid eye contact with her too. Donna just looked annoyed that their conversation had been interrupted; she took basketball very seriously.
“That’s helpful,” Adam commented. “Well, I’m free for the rest of the morning. I’ll drop you to your class, Scott.”
Ella could have hugged him right there. They walked away from the group.
“Geez, Ella. If you’re going to act like that, Mary would figure out in no time that something is wrong.”
“Was it obvious?”
“I think so. Or maybe I’m too observant.”
“Mary won’t notice.”
“In any case, you can’t avoid Lucas forever.”
“I know.”
“Also…” Adam hesitated. “You might want to know this: Lucas plans on telling Mary.”
Ella’s eyes widened but then she realized she had expected this all along. Of course Lucas was going to tell Mary. He would want to save his relationship. He would tell her it was one big mistake and ask for forgiveness.
“I- I expected that.”
Adam nodded. “It’ll be tough but it’ll pass, Scott.”
“I know.”
“You’re coming to watch the tournament?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
They reached their destination. “See you, Scott.”
“Bye, Adam.”
Ella managed to avoid Mary and Lucas for the rest of the day.
Lucas paced in his apartment, thinking of how to tell Mary. It wasn’t a question of whether he should tell her but of how. Guilt threatened to engulf him, the more he thought about it. If Ella had confessed her love for him a month earlier, they could have been happy. Now, he only felt miserable. When Mary knocked on the door to his apartment, he made up his mind. As soon as she came inside, he said the words.
“Mary, I kissed Ella.” He phrased them carefully so as to divert the attention away from Ella. He could have said ‘Ella kissed me’ which was what really happened but Ella had more at stake than he did.
Mary’s expression was blank at first and then she smiled. It was pained smile but a smile nonetheless.
“The Chevrolet,” she said.
“What?”
“The story you were writing the day we first kissed. The Chevrolet.”
“Okay…”
“The Chevrolet was the only thing that kept him going. Even though the sea crashed against him, threatening to drown him, to engulf him, The Chevrolet was there to save him. Not just from the sea but from life itself. The shield against the darkness, the meaning of life, the only light that shines when all else is lost.”
“You read my story. I get it.”
“You sent Ella’s paintings to the California Post. The painting of The Chevrolet. I’ve known all along, Lucas.”
Despite everything, Mary felt a sense of relief. She wasn’t one to stick to long term relationships and even though she enjoyed being with Lucas, she missed her freedom dearly.
“I forgive you,” Mary said.
“No, Mary, we can fix this,” Lucas said because he felt as though he needed to do something, anything, to quench the guilt he was feeling.
“Do you want to fix it, Lucas?” Mary asked.
“Of course. I- this is not me, Mary. I wouldn’t- I shouldn’t have-”
“It’s alright, Lucas. I’ve been the Ella in so many relationships that I don’t even blame Ella. At least she has a genuine reason. I just did it because of raging hormones.”
“What reason?”
“Come on, Lucas. Even a blind person can tell she’s in love with you.”
“No, Mary. This is all wrong.”
“Of course it’s wrong. I can’t believe Ella would ever do that to me. And you, too. But especially her.”
“It’s not her fault.”
“Oh give me a break! Of course it is her fault! She’s my best friend!” Mary felt a rage burning inside her but she wasn’t one to lose her temper. Wanting to maintain her calm, she turned away. “I’ll see you later, Lucas. I need to go home now.”
Lucas did not stop her as she left.
When Ella saw Mary enter their apartment, she knew that Mary knew. Mary gave her a cold stare before proceeding towards her bedroom.
“Mary?” Ella said.
Mary turned to look at her. “Yes?”
“You know, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Mary-”
“Later, Ella. I don’t want to talk to either of you right now or I’ll end up losing my head.”
When later came, Mary was much calmer.
“Let’s talk,” she told Ella. They had spent three days without saying a single word to one another. Donna had been flitting between the two girls, trying to get them to talk but Ella was too scared of what to expect and Mary was adamant that this was not the right time to talk.
“Okay,” Ella said wearily.
“Do you have something to say?” Mary demanded.
“I-I’m sorry,” Ella stammered. Mary looked at her without betraying any emotions.
“You kissed my boyfriend and you’re sorry? Is that it?”
“I don’t know what else to say, Mary. I…I’ll forget about the kiss. If that would mean you and Luke can go back to being the way you were before, I’ll forget about the kiss.”
Mary laughed mirthlessly. “I can’t go back to Lucas and pretend as if nothing happened. I may be a stupid slut but I do have self-respect.”
“Yes but if you want to fix things, I’ll... I’ll back off. I won’t talk to him. Not even as a friend.”
Mary shook her head. “Ella, even if you genuinely wanted to do that, you couldn’t. Let’s not fool ourselves.”
Ella sat in silence.
“It happened, Mary. I can’t deny it. I kissed him and you’re right… no matter what happens, I can’t forget him. I… I like Lucas, a lot. And I suppose you were right all those years when you told me to admit that I did have feelings for him. I wish- I wish this hadn’t happened but it did. Where do we go from here?”
Mary glared at her and then she sighed. “I don’t know.”
They sat in silence again.
“Can we ever go back to being the same as before?” Ella asked.
“I don’t know,” Mary repeated. “You’ve broken my trust.”
Ella’s eyes glistened. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are.” Mary stood up and with a last look at Ella, strode out of the room briskly.
“Look Ella,” Donna said as they fiddled with their microscopes in the Astronomy lab at night. “What you did was wrong. It was absolutely wrong. If I was Mary, I would have punched you or something.”
“Thanks, Don,” Ella replied miserably.
Donna threw her a wry look and adjusted the microscope.
>
“A simple apology isn’t going to fix everything.”
“Then what do you want me to do, Donna?”
“Fix things between Mary and Lucas.”
Ella stared at her. “I don’t think… I don’t think they want to fix things. And even if they do, how am I supposed to do that? Mary doesn’t want to look at me.”
“I still think you should try. As redemption. If it doesn’t work, you’re free to have Lucas.”
Chapter 10
“Hi,” Ella said.
“Hi,” Lucas replied. “Oh um, come on in.”
Ella had shown up at Lucas’ apartment. It had been two week since their kiss. Lucas’ place was (thankfully) empty. The clock read 10pm. He wasn’t expecting Adam to come back home tonight. Ella walked inside and they stood awkwardly in the doorway before Ella broke the silence. She walked up to him and hugged him tightly.
“Oh god, Luke, I miss you so much.” She breathed the scent she had grown so used to. He smelled of fresh shower gel and his signatory cologne. He hugged her back before pulling away enough to see her face. “I meant every word of what I said, Lucas. And I’ve felt so, so guilty because of Mary being there.”
“She’s not, anymore.”
“Because of me.”
“It’s as much my fault as yours.”
Remembering what Donna had said, Ella detached herself from Lucas.
“Luke,” she begun in a brisk tone. “I’m going to help you fix things with Mary. Even though it’s going to kill me, I’m going to try.”
Lucas shook his head. “I tried. Mary doesn’t want to fix things. I think she’s sort of relieved, to be honest. She always talked about how she missed her freedom when she was with me.”
“That option is off the table then.”
“But it’s good of you to try.” Lucas touched her cheek.
He leaned forward to kiss her. The kiss was gentle, sweet, elegant unlike the first kiss they had shared. Ella closed her eyes, relishing the touch of his lips against hers.
He pulled back first. “God, Ella, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”
“I think I know what you mean. It broke me every time you kissed Mary in front of me.”
They stood in silence again.
“Mary hates me,” Ella said, finally.
Romance: The College Bad Boy: A Young Adult Romance Page 39