by Cara Coe
I walked around the side, noticing what would be a garden in the back. I loved gardens. I loved stumbling across plants that made it despite the absence of care from the gardener that put them there. If it was useful to me or particularly interesting, I’d uproot a couple and see if I could help them flourish in my own garden.
I thought of Alex’s roof garden as I worked the gate. It was stuck. I finally got the rusty latch open and stepped through.
And stopped.
And stared in horror.
No, it was not a garden. Or it was on the perimeter but in the middle was a large gnarled tree and hanging from that tree were the skeletons of people. Not just any people. These were tiny skeletons. Children and babies. And underneath these horrific hanging figures was a mass pile of bones. Bones upon bones. These children were killed. And tossed in this mass grave. My scream was loud at first but it competed with a sob and the sound finished strangled in my throat.
The air was deathly still around me. I didn’t sense Alex. The familiar weight of being alone settled on me and my pulse picked up speed. I blindly backed up but in doing so, I bumped the gate and it fell closed again. I yanked but the latch gave me more trouble and my panic wasn’t helping.
Alone.
My breathing got heavier.
Where was he? I needed him. Where was he?
I turned and stared down at the bones again. “Alex!” My voice finally burst out of me. “Alex!”
I whipped around and smacked into Alex who gathered me tightly into his arms and pressed my face into his neck as if I could un-see what I just saw.
“Oh shit,” he murmured in a shocked voice. He squeezed tighter.
“We need to leave,” I demanded, pushing away from him and stomping back out to the street.
I walked briskly away from the church, not paying attention to which direction I was headed. I didn’t care. I needed distance from that.
Alex jogged behind me to catch up. “Are you ok?” he asked.
I stopped walking and put my hands on my hips. “You needed olive oil,” I said, drawing my eyebrows together and squinting at the buildings as if I could detect which one had our needed supplies.
“Hey, Tasha. Forget the oil. Are you ok?”
“Oh, I’m fine. Perfectly okay. A hundred percent. Shit like that pops up. It’s unavoidable. You think you’ve scratched out some kind of normal existence. You go about your day, making of it what you can. And then you’re reminded of everything this world has been reduced to. Of everything you witnessed as the world went to shit.”
My eyes watered and then overflowed and then the struggle to breathe set it. Alex watched me helplessly.
I let out a sob. “People turned vicious. Everyone you knew died around you. And sometimes I wanted to die too. My friends and family had it easy. Had it so easy! Me? I stumble onto baby graves and I keep getting reminders of things no one should ever experience.”
I pressed a shaky hand to the back of my mouth to try to keep it in. Alex cautiously approached me and pulled my hand away. I looked up at him through blurry eyes. I was so good at compartmentalizing. I didn’t like him to see me crumble this way.
He brushed away some of the tears. His face was solemn. “It’s okay not to be sad, Tasha. But it’s also okay to be sad. And to cry. It’s okay to feel or not feel. It’s okay to deal with all of this however you need to.”
He broke the dam with those words and my method of coping with this moment included streaking his shirt in a mess of snot, tears, and saliva.
He hugged me to him for the better part of five minutes while I came undone. When my blubbering was reduced to an occasional hiccup, I felt him pull away slightly and press his lips to my forehead.
The feel of his lips both calmed me and electrified me. My sadness was spent and his kiss soothed the parts that lingered but somewhere else in my heart, my adrenaline picked up speed and I became hyperaware of everywhere his body was touching mine. It caused my muscles to go rigid.
I know he felt the stiffness in my body because he backed away. Only a fraction of an inch, but enough to break our contact apart. His hands still rested on my shoulders.
“You ready to head back?” He question was thick with concern for me.
Still reeling from his gesture and not trusting myself to speak without my voice cracking, I nodded and we headed back to the truck.
Chapter 26
Her
Something was happening to me. It was stronger than the something that I experienced when Alex and I were phone pals and he played the hero in my naughty fantasies.
Much stronger.
I was in my room (I guess I could call it that now. Remnants of me, things I found and things Alex found that he thought I would like, crawled all over the space and stamped it mine). Before me was a charcoal sketch I was working on of Alex’s face. He hadn’t seen it yet. Not because I was keeping it some big secret but because I started it when he went down to do some work on his research and I couldn’t stop his name from pumping through my thoughts.
Alex, Alex, Alex.
I liked thinking it. It made my stomach rise and plummet like I was on a roller coaster. To kill time, I had set up some of the art supplies Alex (roller coaster moment) found for me. I put coal to paper with a clear mind and before my hand began moving, I suddenly had the urge to draw him. And then I couldn’t be stopped. My fingers flew around the page as his image formed in outlines.
I don’t know how long I’d been at it but somewhere between shading his chin and jaw line I had to stop and stretch and rub my neck. I got up to rummage around for a snack.
I missed him.
Which is why when he poked his head in my room a few moments later and asked if I wanted to see the lab where he spent so much of his time, I immediately said yes and dropped a half eaten cereal bar on the nightstand by my bed.
We went down a flight of stairs and pushed through the door then turned left. Alex punched in a code and held the door open for me after it clicked.
“One, nine, one, two,” he said as I walked through it. “That’s the code if you ever need to get in here. It’s the year the Titanic sank.”
“Nineteen twelve. Got it. Kate and Leo fan?”
“Take it to your grave,” he said solemnly.
I followed Alex through the maze of machines. They were so large. Some were spinning, making whirring sounds and some were flashing. The pop of light was brilliant inside the glass enclosure. I reached out to touch one and then thought better of it and withdrew my hand. I didn’t want to disturb his project.
He had his back turned to me as he hastily straightened up his desk. Papers were fluttering as he did so and he reached out and caught them before they hit the ground with quick reflexes.
Today he wore a hoodie that was black except the sleeves and hood. They were a soft gray. His jeans were dark. My eyes traveled to his backside on their own accord and I had to snap them back up to his face when he turned to face me.
My ears flamed even though I don’t think he caught me staring.
“So here’s where I burn my hours,” he said, holding his arms out. “Not much to look at. Not like your art. But I promise, amazing things are happening inside these square and cylinder machines painted hideous shades of cornflower.”
“So which one tries to cure The Sweep?”
He wrinkled his nose. “It doesn’t quite work like that. These machines do different functions: like separate substances or hit them with infrared to determine their make up or combine elements…it’s not like an easy bake oven where I pop in a problem and it spits out a solution.”
“Not what I was thinking, Alex.”
It was totally what I was thinking.
I asked him a few more questions and he patiently explained to me the processes in his research. A lot of what he said went over my head even though I knew he was trying to translate the science into English for me.
“So you actually have live viruses in there?” I asked a
nd he nodded.
“They’re secure. I have them in different stages of the mutation. The ones that killed vamps and the ones that killed humans. I want to develop a cure in case they ever mutate into ones that will wipe us out for good. I have to know why you lived. And subsequently why that means I do too.”
“And…the other research?”
He nodded to the whirring machine. “That research is more like the easy bake oven,” he answered smiling and I stepped forward to rib him with my elbow. I liked the contact. It felt good to touch him. I did it again but slower because I was simmering in the feel of his abdomen against my arm. His smile left his face and his eyes partly closed. He swallowed loudly but still managed to answer me. “I put the blood in there and it breaks down in the serum.”
“But you’re trying to figure out how to make more?” My question was spoken softly. Alex caught the arm that was pressed against his side and his thumb slowly glided over my skin. The action drew me ever so slightly forward. I felt drunk on his nearness.
“I’m trying to figure out how to make more with less blood. The supply is very low. It won’t even make two years on what’s left.”
I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his hand on me. “Use mine.” I almost whispered it. His thumb stopped moving, leaving the skin there cold.
I opened my eyes. His own probed mine. “No.”
Now I was confused. “But you can make more in the meantime. While you figure out whatever it is you’re trying to figure out.”
Alex shook his head and stepped away from me. “I’m not going to farm your blood.”
“I’m offering it.”
“And I’m refusing.”
“But why?”
He looked angry. His hands clenched at his side and his gaze traveled around the room as he struggled for words.
“Because. I’m not going to reduce our friendship to this. I didn’t seek you out to lure you here because I needed blood.”
“I know. I called you on a whim and got to know you and you brought me to Houston to save my life. I was there. Well, mostly there. I was conscious for a great deal of how we came to be. So trust me, I know your intentions were honorable.”
“No. Just no, okay? I’ll figure it out.”
He was now too far away for my liking, leaning on his desk with his arms crossed over his chest. The ache to touch him raged in my body. What was happening? I walked over to where he leaned. I forcibly uncrossed his arms. I stood in front of him so that we were inches apart, my face staring blatantly at his stony expression. Slowly, the anger melted out of his eyes and a smile broke through.
“You will use me if things get bad,” I demanded.
The smiled dimmed. “I could never use you.”
My heart started hammering. I felt the small amount of air between us surge with something. His hand came up hesitantly and rested on my hip. My body leaned into it. My thigh brushed his in doing so. Sparks jumped off our contact.
It was hard to breathe. I glanced away to give me a moment of reprieve from whatever this was that was coursing through me. I’ve never felt it before. My eyes landed onto scribbled notes taped onto the wall.
Project C.
Project M.
Project K.
“What’s the third project?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. Alex had told me about two projects he was working on but there was clearly a third.
He turned his torso to look at the notes my eyes fell on and then turned back to me. I took a step back and around him, trying to make sense of his scribblings.
He hadn’t answered so I swiveled back to face him and saw the hesitation in his expression. My eyes narrowed further.
“I’m trying to grow a fetus. Without a womb.”
“You’re trying to do…what?”
Alex rubbed a hand over his face. “The hospitals are rich with eggs, sperm, and even some preserved fertilized eggs. I’m trying to do something useful with them.”
“Something useful? Those become people. You’re trying to grow people.”
“Yes. Yes!” Alex’s frustration was back. “Let’s put it that way. I’m trying to grow people.”
“Oh my god, we’re not vegetables in your garden, Alex!”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like?”
“It’s SURVIVAL! Not just mine, the human race as well. If I can do this…there’s a chance that this isn’t over. That The Sweep didn’t kill everything. Because even though you’re immune, you will die. There is an end to the human race. And to mine.”
“And I suppose it helps in the meantime that you can snag a few drops of blood? Are you telling me your reasons are entirely unselfish?”
Alex glared at me. “Of course I’ll benefit from it. I’m not denying that.”
“Oh, if those vampire myths were true, I’d stake you right now!”
I stomped out of the lab and up the stairwell and back onto the main floor. Alex followed me, creating just as much of an angry ruckus as I was.
“Get off your high horse, Tasha!” he yelled. “If our places were reversed you’d do the same!”
I whirled to face him and jabbed a finger in his chest. “I would not! Don’t accuse me of sinking that low. You won’t farm my blood because we’re friends? But you’ll farm people in test tubes, raise babies to drain them? Like cattle? That’s despicable!”
I banged through the door but he wasn’t finished with me. He hurried around to stand in front of me and stop me in my tracks. “Is it despicable to want to live?”
“Not like this.”
“Some humans can be such hypocrites.”
“Wow, strong term. Hey, news flash! Humans don’t eat vamps so they can live.”
Alex’s jaw twitched and his stare was hard. I don’t think I’d ever seen him so angry before. That only ratcheted up my own anger.
“I’m out of here! We’re both better now. Thank you very much for everything, but it’s time I give you back your city and I go to my city. We were doing just fine on our own. I wish I didn’t know this about you. It’s ruined everything. For a little while, it was like you weren’t even a vamp.”
The hurt in Alex’s eyes seared me but I pursed my lips into a hard line, turned on my heel, and ducked into the room I had taken over these past few weeks. My knapsack sat on a side table and I grabbed it and began shoving the few items I’d collected while here into it. My emotions were a tornado mix. Anger was definitely driving it but there were others in there. Troubling ones that I didn’t know how to process.
I could feel Alex’s presence fill up the doorway and I stopped my frantic stuffing of items to turn and look at him. He looked cold and faraway. The expression in his eyes was closed off, almost like I was seeing a stranger.
“It’s true, humans don’t eat vamps to live,” Alex parroted my words back to me in a deathly low tone. “But they don’t think twice about donating organs, blood, body parts, everything to a fellow human with a disease. Oh, there were plenty of humans who needed regular blood transfusions and the world clasped their hands to their chests with pity and donated it. I didn’t ask to exist. I didn’t choose this life. I was born this way just like the people everyone was so eager to help were. But because my method of consuming it is through my fangs and not through a needle in my arm, I was deemed a demon and my kind were hunted down and wiped out. I’ve lived with that. I lived with the fear of my mother and sister being found out by Containment for hiding me. For loving me. And I didn’t think anything could be as hard as that. Until now. What you just said – for a while you didn’t see me as a vamp – that hurt. I spent a lot of years hating who I was and I’m not going to fall back into that place. Not even to appease you.”
I didn’t try to stop him as he left. I couldn’t. I was frozen in my spot with one hand clutching the knapsack and the other holding a pack of charcoal watching him walk back in the direction of the stairwell.
I heard the click as the door closed behind him. I
glanced at the half completed sketch of him I’d been working on and something jerked in my chest.
What have I just done?
Chapter 26
Her
I padded down the hallway in my socks. A single light cracked through an office door like a beacon in the dark space. It wasn’t the desk he showed me in the lab. It was deeper in, around the corner, a place I had yet to explore. I didn’t know what I was going to say to him. I only knew I needed him back. My bags were half-heartedly packed for Tucson, most of the effort fueled by the heat of the argument.
I couldn’t erase what I knew. What I learned before I properly labeled him a vamp. Somehow that label kept sliding off. Like it didn’t fit. I didn’t even know what vamp meant to me anymore. In one impassioned speech, in the space of minutes, he struck shame into my heart and forced me to see the world through a vamp’s eyes. I had hurt him and I wanted to take it back. My heart ached for our conversations, and his eyes, and his infectious laugh. The rest of the world would have frowned upon these feelings I had but the rest of the world wasn’t here.
I pushed lightly on the door. It squeaked on its hinges. Alex turned from the desk he was sitting at and locked eyes with me. We remained frozen that way. Me in the door frame, him in the swivel desk chair. My words had been harsh. I needed to start this.
I shifted on my feet nervously. My lips curled in a timid smile and dropped. I cleared my throat. “Alex...” I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. He was just sitting there. Looking at me. I hadn’t come prepared with any words to undo some of the damage I did upstairs. The machines whirred on, oblivious to my plight. “Alex, I-”
I was cut off. In a swift moment, Alex pushed himself out of the chair and met me at the doorway. His lips pressing to mine swallowed my voice. His hands rose up to cup my cheeks, soft and desperate at the same time.