by Ruby Dixon
“I will go with you,” I say immediately.
“Nope.” L’z shakes her head. “R’jaal, you handle the tent and whatever supplies you need. I’ll talk with Hannah. You go do…fuck, I don’t know. Go do hunter shit, J’shel. You’re hovering, for fuck’s sake. Go stab something.”
I look at H’nah’s tears and they make me feel frustrated, helpless. “I should stab S’bren for making her weep.”
R’jaal just rolls his eyes at my words. “You puff with hot air like the Great Smoking Mountain.”
L’z reaches out and smacks one of my hands as if I’m a naughty kit. “No. Bad J’shel. That kind of talk is not cool. Just…go away. Okay? I realize you’re all hopped up on hormones, but we need to have girl talk.”
Everyone stares at me, waiting. I grit my teeth and pretend to head toward the beach, striding off. Immediately, the crowd disperses, and as I watch, L’z leads H’nah off toward her hut, one hand on H’nah’s shoulder and the other holding her kit to her teat. I can tell she does most of the talking, but H’nah is listening, and I want to know what they are saying. I look around for R’jaal, but he and S’bren are standing in front of the supply hut, talking to two other females. R’hosh chases his daughters—both of the older ones—down the beach. N’dek sits by the fire, throwing small stones at it. No one is watching me.
So I shift my camouflage, matching the rocky beach, and slip my boots and pants off. The chill is withering, but I will be noticed far less if I am naked, so I ignore it, one hand over my cock to protect it from the cold.
And I creep toward the cluster of huts at the cliff, moving behind them with careful, silent steps until I can hear the conversation between the women.
“Look, Hannah, I like you. I really do. You’re ten pounds of attitude in a five-pound bag and that speaks to my soul,” L’z says. “But you’re not going to win this fight, all right?”
H’nah is sniffing again, and it tears at my gut. She sounds so sad, so defeated. “I don’t want to be in a fight.”
“Then don’t pick one over furs, girlfriend. There’s plenty of food for everyone, I promise. The furs are only dwindling because everyone’s making huts and we’ve been eating a lot of seafood. Trust me when I say furs are not a rare commodity on this planet. The hunters will go out and get more, you’ll see.”
As I watch from a short distance away, H’nah wipes at her cheeks again. “I’m just…”
“I know. You’re trying to get control in a world where there’s no control. Girl, how I know. But there is a lot of testosterone in this camp right now, and you need to lie low. You know anything about hunting? Deer hunting?”
“What?” H’nah looks confused. “What does this have to do with anything?”
“Deer go into rut in the fall,” L’z continues. “They’re so fired up with wanting to mate and filled with testosterone that they’re unpredictable and dangerous. They destroy all the trees and foliage in the area and run out in front of your car. They challenge just about anything in sight all because they want to impress and impregnate females. That’s what it feels like in this damned camp right now—deer rutting season.”
“How do you make it stop?” H’nah asks.
L’z snorts. “You get all the females pregnant, duh.”
“That doesn’t help me!”
“Doesn’t it? I mean, look at your situation. You and Callie are fighting the good fight, but you can’t win against resonance. Trust me, I tried. It always wins. I’m not saying this is one of those ‘lie back and think of England’ situations, of course. Sex and mating gets messy no matter how you look at it, and I totally get needing to make your own decision. Problem is, your cootie isn’t a great listener. Ignoring the situation doesn’t help. The best thing you can do is sit down and have a calm, logical conversation with J’shel.” L’z pats H’nah’s hand. “But since you’re like me, I don’t imagine that’s going to happen. So just lie low, all right? This camp’s already full of drama and we don’t need more.”
She gets to her feet, her kit cradled against her body, and then puts a hand on H’nah’s shoulder. She pats her and then heads inside her hut, leaving H’nah alone in front of it.
I want to go to my mate, to ease the frustration from her face, but she looks miserable. I do not think she would appreciate it if I were to shake off my camouflage, show myself—naked—and confess that I had been listening in.
I do not know much about H’nah, but I know she does not like for others to see her as weak or afraid. So I walk away, even though it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I hope that she will come and seek me out, talk to me, tell me of her worries, so I retrieve my pants and wait by my tent. Perhaps we are getting somewhere, her and I, and she will come to me with her problems and her sadness.
But H’nah does not show.
6
HANNAH
Two days later
“Look at this good weather!” Brooke exclaims as she braids my hair. “It feels positively warm compared to the last week or so. This is awesome.”
“Is it? It doesn’t feel very awesome,” I grump to her. The tips of her fingers dance along my scalp as she pieces my hair out, tugging on one lock at a time. The ice planet sucks, but I admit that with Brooke here, at least we have nice hair. She’s obsessed with braiding all of us and she’s got so many different ways to do it that it’s a pleasure to sit by the fire and have her make you pretty. She told me she’s crafting my hair into a triple reverse-braid crown. I’ll have to take her word as to whether or not it’ll look nice, since there are no mirrors here, but Steph’s sitting across from me and her long, herringbone braid looks gorgeous, so I’m not worried.
“Well, this is warm for the brutal season, or so Taushen tells me. All this crazy weather. First we’re freezing our nuggets off—not that we have nuggets—and now it’s warming up. I don’t know why, but I’m grateful for it.”
“I should be too,” I say, and then can’t resist adding, “Maybe people will stop snatching up all the skins in the supply tent.”
Steph rolls her eyes at me, threading her bone needle. “Oh my god, let it go, Hannah.”
“I can’t let it go,” I protest. “We’ve been going through two baskets of kah—the hard tack—a day. At this rate, we’re not replacing it fast enough and we’ll be completely out of stores in a week.”
Brooke yanks on my hair, making me wince. “It’ll be fine,” she says. “There are plenty of caches around.”
“But if the weather’s too bad we can’t go out to the caches,” I protest. “I’m just saying we should think logically before using our supplies—”
“Dude, chill out,” Steph says, stabbing the leather in her hands. New leather, I notice, but I don’t say anything about that. “No one’s going to let you starve. And you could always go hunting? Callie and Nadine are out there today. Between them and Penny, they’re out there every day. You could do that.”
“Callie’s just trying to get away from M’tok,” I mutter.
“And Penny? Nadine?”
“Maybe they just like to stab things?”
“Look up,” Brooke commands me, and I tilt my head back. She grabs my chin. “See the sky? See the pretty suns? There’s no storm. That means there’s plenty of time to get food from caches and make more kah. The hunters are out. They’ll get fresh meat, and it comes nicely wrapped in its own skin. You can stop stressing.”
I make a frustrated noise. “I don’t know how.”
“Just try and enjoy the weather, all right?” She tilts my head back down and starts working on my braid again, as if I’m a mannequin she’s dressing up. “I’m happy about it. I heard if it stays clear tomorrow, Ashtar and Veronica are taking Pashov and Salukh back to Croatoan. If that’s the case, it’ll be nice enough for a vacation.”
“Vacation?” I echo at the same time Steph does.
“Yup,” Brooke says smugly, twisting my hair so I’m forced to stare straight ahead at Steph. It reminds me a littl
e of being at the salon back at home, gazing uncomfortably at my reflection in the mirror with a million foil packets perched atop my head. “When Taushen and I got together, he promised we didn’t have to stick around any place if we didn’t want to. Long as we weren’t burdening others, that is. So we wandered around for a bit before showing up here, and I’m kind of in the mood to go exploring again. My honey said that if the weather turned nice, we’d head out for a bit. Not too far, but there’s a fruit cave a few days from here and I thought that’d be a mighty nice mini-vacation.” She pats my shoulder. “We’ll even bring you guys some fruit back if you like.”
Steph sighs dramatically, pulling her needle into the air. “God, fruit sounds so nice. I could use a change from the meat-on-meat diet. New carbs sounds wonderful, doesn’t it, Hannah?”
“Mmmhmm.” I can’t stop thinking about Brooke’s words. “They let you just leave? Really? No one tries to stop you?”
Brooke chuckles. “This isn’t a prison camp, silly. No one’s going to keep you here if you don’t want to be here, but it’s a heck of a lot easier to survive in a group than alone. And Taushen likes helping out. I do, too, but I also like to see the world and get away. Kinda like a honeymoon.”
“So what kind of fruit?” Steph asks, not looking up from her sewing. “Is it like Earth stuff or completely different?”
“Pretty different. Isn’t everything here?”
“You’d be the expert on that,” Steph tells her with a wink, and both women share a mischievous chuckle.
I keep thinking about this fruit cave, though. Not its contents…but escaping. Getting away from this awful, tense camp. It just seems to get worse every day. Raahosh and R’jaal both look at me like I’m trouble. I still don’t fit in with the other women. All of the Tall Horn guys glare at me every time they see me. Shadow Cat are glaring at everyone, thanks to Bridget breaking up with A’tam. Bridget says they were never together, that it was just a hookup, but A’tam never got the memo. Combine that with the tense situation between Callie and M’tok and mine with J’shel?
This place has been pure hell.
More than anything, I want to run away. God, I would love to run away. But I know I can’t survive on my own. I’m dependent on the rest of the tribe until I figure out how to be useful. I need to figure out how to take care of myself, how to survive. Until I do, I’ve got no say over anything.
I feel so powerless, and I’m so tired of it.
I grab Brooke’s hand as she tugs another strand of my hair to weave in. “Can I go with you guys?”
“To the fruit cave?”
I turn to face her. Brooke’s got a cute face and perfect brows—I’m not sure how she does that given our situation, but they look amazing—but the most striking thing about her is the faded pink ends of her hair and her rather large bust that she likes to show off in form-fitting or low-cut tunics. She’s been nice to me, though. She wasn’t here when we first woke up from our stasis sleep, so I haven’t irritated her like I have the others, and she’s always been kind to me.
She might be my only hope.
I grab her hand and take it in mine. “What if I said I loved fruit and I wanted to go?”
Brooke gives me a mock-frown. “I’d tell you I’ll bring you some back.”
Ugh. “No, I want to go. Please.”
“You’ve never even shown interest in leaving camp,” Steph points out. “Not to hunt, or anything.”
I grit my teeth, wishing Steph would be quiet. “I’ve been struggling,” I tell Brooke, focusing on her instead of Steph. I lower my voice to a whisper. “Everyone hates me here. I’m miserable, and everyone’s solution is for me to just jump all over J’shel all because resonance said we’re mates. And because I haven’t done it, they all act like I’m some big problem that needs solving.” I squeeze her hand, and I can feel tears coming to my eyes. “Please, Brooke. I need to get away, even if it’s just for a few days.”
She bites her lip, studying me. “You’re welcome to come along,” she begins, and then hesitates.
“But?” I ask.
“But you need a buddy.” Brooke shrugs and pulls her hand free from my grip. “It’s kind of a honeymoon for me and Taushen, you know? Reconnect, get a little romance in…and while I sympathize, you’d be more miserable as a third wheel with us than here.”
She’s wrong—nothing’s more miserable than being in this camp. Nothing. Still, she hasn’t said no. She just told me I need a friend to bring with me. A double date, if you will. “I’ll find someone,” I say quickly.
“J’shel?” Steph asks, butting into the conversation.
I turn and glare at her. “Why does it have to be him?”
“Because resonance,” she says smugly and takes a flourishing stitch in her leather.
I want to smack it out of her hands. “I’ll find someone,” I grit out. There’s bound to be someone at this camp that wants to get away for a few days—and with the promise of fruit, no less—that won’t mind having me as company. I can offer to give pointers on human women or tell them details about the other ladies here if I have to. I’ll figure something out.
I just need to get away.
Brooke circles a finger in the air, indicating that I should turn around. I do, and she starts on my hair again. “Yeah, if you find someone, I’m sure Taushen won’t mind. My sweetie’s pretty easygoing. We just can’t babysit someone, you know? So you need to bring a buddy.” She chuckles and leans in. “I hear A’tam is free.”
For some reason, the thought is repulsive. A’tam’s really, really pretty, but no. Heck, he’s not even that pretty compared to J’shel. J’shel’s got broader shoulders and the longest hair and…
And I’m not thinking about him. I put my hands on my knees and stare at the fire, determined. “I’ll find someone,” I repeat again.
If I have a chance, I’m going to take it.
J’SHEL
“Your female is up to something,” N’dek says to me.
“What do you mean?” I get to my feet and begin to stuff gear into my leather belt. Because N’dek is injured, I must carry him and everything I need to get around, and sometimes it requires carefully arranging things. I sheath my knife and tuck it into my belt, loop my waterskin and food pouch there, and then add a second pouch, enough for him. I glance at my spear, leaning against the wall of the hut. I cannot sling it over my back if N’dek is there. I suppose I will just hold it.
“She is talking to O’jek,” he says, shifting his weight on the furs. He has not yet gotten up from his sleep nest and lazily pokes at the fire while I make ready for our trek down to the beach. “Or trying to. And earlier, I heard her speaking with R’jaal, and T’chai. She talks to all of the males in the camp…but you.”
I feel a stab of angry resentment at N’dek’s words. “How do you know this?”
“Because I have ears.” He shrugs. “You were sleeping and I did not want to wake you. You do not sleep much these days.”
He is right. Resonance has me so on edge that I do not sleep for long, constantly awoken by the ache in my cock and restless need that insists I go to my female and drag her to my furs, regardless of what she wants. But I would never do such a thing. I fight resonance because I do not want to see H’nah hate me, like C’lie hates M’tok. I do not know if those two will ever come to terms. I scrub a hand down my face, trying to concentrate even though my mind is as tired as my body. “How do you know it is H’nah you heard with O’jek?”
N’dek snorts. “I recognize her voice. You think I do not pay attention? I watch her for you, because you are my clan brother. And I am telling you that she has gone to half the males in camp this morning.”
I clench my jaw. I want nothing more than to storm out of the hut and find H’nah, to drag her away from O’jek if he dares to look at her. I want to breathe in her scent again, to taste her soft skin. I want to taste all of her, and my cock throbs so painfully that I nearly groan aloud. I must stay, though, because H’n
ah does not want me.
And because N’dek needs me.
I feel a stab of irritation as N’dek lies in the blankets, the same dull expression on his face that he has worn ever since the hunting accident. There are things he can do, ways to contribute other than hunting, but N’dek does not care. Not every human hunts, after all. Some of the females do, but most choose to stay around camp and help in other ways, from cooking to sewing to making hides. One has taken up fishing and another is interested in the plants of this world. But N’dek will not do anything. He does not care about anything at all, not even the possibility that he might resonate someday and have a family of his own. He does not care that we are no longer doomed to slow starvation on the island.
He cares about nothing and it eats at me.
I bite back those angry thoughts, because they will help nothing. It is my fault he is how he is, so I get to my knees and slap one shoulder. “Come on. We will go to the fire and sit with the others.”
“I would rather stay here,” he says, not moving.
“It is cold this day,” I say, and slap my shoulder again, indicating he should get on. I will not let him hide away in the hut.
With a heavy sigh, N’dek reaches out and grabs one of my arms, hauling himself upright. He balances on his one foot, then his big torso smacks into my back, one arm looping around my throat. I pull my long braid free so it does not yank on my scalp as I carry him, and then I get to my feet. He is heavy, but it is a load I will willingly bear if it will help him.
The moment we go outside, the wind hits me in the face and I shudder. It is much colder here, and dry. I think of the warm, sultry air from the island, and how when you climbed to the top of the trees, the air was fierce and cold. We never understood why, and now we do. It is because the rest of this world is cold and we were the only warm spot.