by Katie Curtis
Andrew’s face pulled, like he wanted to say something. “Sure, you should definitely bring him out.”
As she walked up the ramp, she turned around once. Andrew was watching her walk away. She waved, and he returned it with a nod of his head.
Alone, back at her uncle’s, Anna curled up in a ball on the couch. She was cold down to her bones. The chill from the wind wasn’t going anywhere, and she decided to build a fire. Her stomach felt like concrete one minute, and a leaky balloon the next. She had been so strong and peaceful yesterday, why did she have to go and mess it up by spilling her feelings out to Andrew? She lay the wood in the fire place, and crumpled up newspaper and struck a match on the stone mantel, watching the flame outline the paper, a jagged hot orange line that moved like it was alive then curled up like an enchanted snake. She opened the flue, and went into the kitchen to boil some water for tea. As the water boiled, she kept replaying the conversation. She couldn’t believe he didn’t say anything. Maybe he was so hurt he wasn’t even going to acknowledge her apology. But the silence was deafening.
She let out a deep sigh just as the tea kettle whistled. She poured it in her cup and decided to run a hot bath while she sat in front of the fire. That would warm her chilly skin and even chillier nerves. She texted Marie, who said she was feeling better today, then turned to go upstairs when she heard a knock at the door. She could see from the window that it was Andrew standing outside, his hands in his pockets. She felt her muscles clench, but turned and forced herself to open the door. She hoped he couldn’t hear her heart racing.
“Hey,” she managed. She tried to sound casual, even though the sight of him had set adrenaline racing through her.
“Hey, Anna,” he said, “do you think I could come in for a second?” His voice sounded so sincere, and she registered again the effect it had on her.
“Sure.” She pushed open the screen to let him in. She couldn’t believe she was watching him walk into the living room right now. The fire had warmed the room. “Do you want to sit down? Can I get you something to drink?” she offered, not sure if she sounded pathetic or like any good host.
“No, I think I’m fine. Unless you want one?” he said.
“I’m fine. I mean I have one,” she said, putting her mug down. They both sat down on the couch, and next to him her heart pounded in her chest. The picture window behind their heads had a reflection of the fireplace perfectly centered between them. Andrew took off his coat, and Anna noticed he had taken off his overalls. His cargo pants and boots looked like the same ones he used to wear. She picked at the edges of her jeans at her ankles, which she had tucked underneath her.
She was surprised when he grabbed her hand. “Look, Anna, I’m sorry I didn’t really respond to you today on the boat. I wasn’t expecting to see you, and I definitely wasn’t expecting an apology from you for breaking us up. I actually kept trying to say something back, but I had way too many thoughts about everything. And, well, here’s the thing,” he said, running his hands through his thick hair. “I’m not sure I agree with you. I don’t think it was all your fault.” He got up and walked over to the fire, and used the poker to adjust one of the logs that had fallen, he sleeves rolled up revealing his strong arms. He came back and sat down, and it seemed to Anna that his closeness set off something in every molecule in her body.
He let out a sigh. “Yesterday, I was at my parents’ house, and I watched my mom help my dad get out of the house before we all went out to dinner. He was having a really bad day, and she got him in his wheelchair, and got on his shoes, and brushed his hair, and put on his sweater, and then,” Andrew stopped, and took Anna’s hand. “She leaned down to kiss him. And they smiled at each other. And when I think…when I think about how she pours herself out, unselfishly, for that love, and how happy they are, I doubt every decision I’ve ever made. My choices just seem so…selfish.
Anna looked up at him. “No, Andrew, you’re not selfish. You were right, you belong in Maine. I’m the one who was selfish. I expected you to drop your whole life and follow me because I was mad at my dad. And then I left you, when you had shown me nothing but love. It’s my fault. I should never have hurt you like that.”
Andrew shook his head. “I can’t stop thinking about you Anna. I belong wherever you are. I know that now. I need you.”
Her heart thumped in her chest, and deep down, Anna knew she needed this strong, brave, honest person too. She was silent as she tried to think of everything she wanted to say to him. She didn’t dare hope that he would still feel this way for her.
But he did.
“I need you too.” Anna looked straight into his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Andrew. I didn’t know I was ending us,” she said quietly. Anna’s eyes filled with tears, and she wiped them away as they spilled on her cheek. She felt so relieved to get it all out, to tell Andrew how much she understood, and how she regretted her choice.
Andrew reached over and wiped a tear on her cheek. “It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry.” And he kissed her.
In that kiss was all the healing they both could have ever hoped for. It wasn’t cautious or tender, it was the language of their pure need and love for each other, made stronger through time, translated through something more powerful than words. She couldn’t believe what release, what relief, this kiss held. She could barely think. He held her head between his hands tenderly. Finally, he pulled away carefully and was quiet for a moment. He looked at her said, “I love you. I have always loved you. I realized a few years ago how much I needed you. When I did my research trips, I used to go into every museum or gallery I could find. Anyplace that had paintings on their walls, really. Every port, every town. I felt like I was looking for something, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. After a few trips, I realized what I was looking for was you. The paintings or galleries were the closest thing I had to you, to remind me of you. Now, I have you here, in my arms.” He looked into her eyes. “Is it really you?” Anna nodded and kissed him again, her heart overflowing with joy. Andrew did care. All these years, he had still loved her. She was not prepared for this gift.
Chapter 26
They fell asleep talking, catching up on almost seven years’ worth of their separate lives, and woke up the next morning to a high beeping noise, their necks stiff from sleeping on the couch. “Sorry to wake you,” he whispered. “My phone goes off at this time every morning.” Threw the slits of her eyes, Anna looked outside. It was still so dark out, she wasn’t sure she believed him that it was even morning. He held her close and kissed her neck from her shoulder to her ear, then whispered, “So are you going to crash my work today?”
She laughed and playfully shrugged. “I think I have sufficiently embarrassed myself doing that,” she said, her smile lighting up her eyes. Andrew bent down and kissed her.
He was a few minutes late to the boat.
Anna put on a sweatshirt and yoga pants and went downstairs to make coffee. It was strange going through a normal routine when her whole world had changed. Her love for Andrew was so strong and pure. Now she got to feel it, let it fill every part of her. It didn’t have to be buried or covered up or ignored. And the amazing thing was he loved her back. She thought of Raphael suddenly, and how hurt he must feel, how painful it was that she couldn’t love him back this way. She felt guilty to suddenly be this happy while realizing he was heartbroken. She told herself that he was probably already dating some pretty young girl who loved living in the city.
Anna worked down at the boathouse all morning, settling the art supplies she had brought, and sketching a little. She was right – something about the weathered walls of the boathouse let her ideas flow freely, and she did three rough sketches that she would try to turn into paintings for Miami. Around lunchtime, she made her way to Marie’s house. She couldn’t wait to tell her about Andrew. And Marie said she had news too when she had texted her. She wondered what it could be. In the middle of her thoughts, her phone rang. It was Georgia.
> “Hey, Anna,” she said. “I’m taking a quick minute for lunch but wanted to see if I could catch you.” Anna could hear the voices shouting inside the sandwich shop she must have been in. “You will never believe what happened.”
“What?” Anna asked.
“Jake asked if we could get back together.”
“No way,” Anna said, stunned. “I totally called that, remember? He would get out there and get lonely. Do you want to?”
“Are you kidding? And dump this cute new guy I’m seeing tonight? Not a chance.”
Anna laughed. “So glad you are on the mend. Can’t wait to meet him.”
“I know, just had to tell you the news. How’s Maine?”
“About as amazing as possible,” Anna answered smiling.
“Well don’t you sound happy! What happened?”
“Andrew came over last night. We talked and realized we still had a lot between us,” Anna said.
“Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it. Good thing you listened to that voice, Anna.”
“Thanks, Georgia. I am just thankful he’ll take me back.”
“Oh, I think fate is somewhere in all of it, don’t you think?”
“Yes, that’s what we call it when you end up with the person you are supposed to end up with, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Well, I guess I have fate to thank for not having to put up with Jake’s vanity sessions in the bathroom and chronic lateness. We’ll save that for some other lucky lady.” Anna couldn’t help laughing at her friend as they said goodbye and she hung up the phone.
When she walked into Marie’s house, she found Henry playing with blocks on the floor while he watched Elmo. She snuck up quietly until she got her hands right under his armpits; then she tickled him until his shrieking got so loud her ears were practically bleeding.
“How’s my little munchkin doing?” she said, covering him with kisses. He laughed so hard, his pure joy overflowing her heart.
Marie walked in with a slight smile. “Auntie Anna is here, and she is much better entertainment than red furry puppets” she said, laughing.
“It’s true,” Anna said. “That’s because I know how to tickle!” She tickled him some more, followed by more kisses, then let him return to his show. She got up and turned to her sister. “Are you feeling any better?”
“A little. Trying to eat something every hour or so and I think it helps. So what was the big news you had to tell me about?” Anna let herself think back to her amazing night with Andrew for just a moment. A huge smile formed on her face, and Marie was looking bewildered. “What is it?” she pleaded.
“Andrew,” Anna said, smiling.
“What! You are kidding me. What happened? Tell me everything, every detail . . . wait, not every detail.”
“Well, I went out lobstering with him yesterday, and I told him what I had been thinking. That I was sorry for everything that had happened between us. I had blamed him for so long, and that I realized it was my fault too. He didn’t say too much because Chris was there. But he came over to Uncle Charlie’s house later, and I don’t know. We just righted everything between us, I guess. We still have so many feelings for each other. It just feels very right.” Anna couldn’t stop smiling. “Actually, it feels more than right. It feels like Champagne on Christmas.”
“Oh my gosh. That is amazing. I am so happy for you. Wow, you’ve had a lot going on for being home for two days. Oh, speaking of having a lot going on, you’ll never believe who Dad just asked to bring to dinner here.”
“Who?”
“The woman from the new gallery over by Riley’s.”
Anna sat dumbfounded on the stool at her sister’s island. “Abigail?”
“Yes, that is exactly who.”
Anna tried to picture her father and Abigail together. Her dad was dating? The thought had never occurred to her. Of course he was free to date, but Anna had always assumed he was still not over her mother. Which was probably true.
“Wow, how long has that been going on?” Anna asked Marie. She thought of what she had told Abigail about her father, and wondered if she’d said anything to him.
“I’m not sure, but I think before Uncle Charlie died. I think it was so new at the funeral he wasn’t ready to tell anyone, but apparently now he is. I guess we know why he started to act so different.”
“Well, did he tell you about Aunt Sheila?” Anna asked. So much had happened she hadn’t even updated Marie on this piece of their history.
“He did, actually. He said he understood a lot better about why he treated you the way he did after Mom died. He said he tried to explain it all to you?”
“Yes,” Anna said. The relief of laying down the burden between her and her father swept over her again.
“He said that Abigail helped him a lot. To see it all more clearly.”
So she had Abigail in part to thank for her reconciliation with her dad, she thought. Love has such an amazing way of healing. She couldn’t picture her father with anyone else before, which was unfair. He deserved to be happy too.
“Wow. I am so happy for him. How are you feeling about it?”
“The same. Just happy, and relieved. I didn’t ever think about Dad dating someone. But based on the change in him, I would say it is just what the doctor ordered.”
Anna laughed. She just had a funny picture of everyone at Marie’s house for dinner. “So should I bring Andrew over too? Let Dad have another shock?”
“Why not?” Marie answered. “But get ready. You may have to cook. My nausea won’t let me near the stove.”
“No problem,” said Anna. “We’ll just have lobster.”
Chapter 27
Summer seemed to settle in New Harbor as soon as Anna decided to stay. Genevieve was so thrilled Anna agreed to show alongside her mother’s paintings in December she told her to paint every day. She had already hired a new gallery girl. The tourists started to trickle into New Harbor and Damariscotta. Anna worked every day and had completed a series of paintings she was calling Pemaquid. And every night, Andrew came over for dinner, and they sat outside, sometimes with a glass of wine, enjoying the quiet beauty of a Maine summer evening.
Anna worked on a few changes to her uncle’s house. She got rid of the linoleum. Andrew and Chris helped her put down some wide pine boards and she loved it. She also repainted the room she was sleeping in to a light blue that matched the color of the sky on most mornings. But her favorite addition was hanging the picture she had painted of St. Patrick’s over the mantel. She credited her moment of grace at her mother’s grave with her current happiness and all the healing that had gone into her relationships. That, and Abigail’s relationship with her dad.
She couldn’t believe the way her dad was around Abigail. So protective. A little like he had been with her mother. He was his best self. Gracious, loving, kind. And Abigail could share his love of art, and her sense of humor had them all laughing constantly. She couldn’t imagine anything better than finding love again with Andrew. Then life went and surprised her. Turns out her father finding love again made her pretty happy too.
She said lots of prayers these days. All in gratitude.
One night, as she and Andrew sat outside under the stars, his arms wrapped around her, they looked up at the North Star. He told her stories about fishermen who survived using the star to navigate home long ago. “You know, I used it too.”
“What do you mean?” Anna asked. She knew Andrew relied on his navigation equipment.
“I used to talk to the North Star when I was out doing research. I just pretended it was you. It always helped me stay on the path I needed to be. I actually should tell you about the last trip I took.”
Anna turned and looked at his face. “What happened?”
“That girl I brought to the gala. Her name is Elaine. She was on that trip with me. She lives in Oregon. We got serious, but we were alone, out on the water every day. It felt easy. As it got toward the end of the trip, it seemed like we might keep o
ur relationship going after we were done. But that night as we sat under the stars, I looked at the North Star and knew. I still loved you. And I beat myself up plenty for not getting over you, for not grabbing this chance at happiness with this woman. When I got back from that trip, suddenly you were here. Like it was meant to be. But then, you had a boyfriend, and I was totally confused. I flew her out for that weekend to see if I could maybe just get over it, when I knew you were with Raphael. But it didn’t work. When she left, we said goodbye. Now I know the stars were just making sure they led me back to you.”
Anna sat quietly for a minute. She wasn’t shocked or hurt by Andrew’s confession. She once again felt gratitude. And relief. Relief that Andrew waited for her.
She cuddled in closer. He held her tighter. She looked up at the stars again.
“I have something I should tell you too,” she said.
“What’s that?” Andrew said. He put his chin on her shoulder.
“You know that I worked in a gallery in the city, right?”
“Right,” he said.
“Well, it grew into something more. I had been painting all along, and a few years ago, my boss held an opening for me. It went really well. I sold out. Then she held another one and I sold all of it too. We were invited to Art Basel Miami, this big art show in December. She wants me to show with my mom’s stuff too. When I found out we were invited, I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop being just Anna Goodrich, to tell the world I was Therese McAllister’s daughter. But when my dad and I healed so much, I wasn’t afraid anymore. So I am showing there, in December, with my mom’s paintings.” She looked up to try to read his face.
“So can I come crash the show?” he said, smiling. “I have a great baseball cap and hoodie; I am sure you would never even know I was there.” Anna started laughing, and they couldn’t stop, remembering her in Andrew’s classroom.
“You can come if you want to, as my guest, of course.”