“April,” he breathed, his warm hand sliding down my neck to rest against my pulse point where I’m sure he felt my rapid heartbeat. “Give me a chance. Let me show you the way it can be with us.”
“No, don’t,” I whispered without meaning it when his head lowered, knowing what was going to happen and that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Stop.” My lips trembled.
“I can’t.” His humid breath was a prequel to the firm press of his lips that followed. “Open for me,” he ordered his mouth moving with the words. The moment I complied, his tongue swept inside, teasing me, touching mine then retreating, stoking a fire that began to blaze hotter and hotter.
“Dizzy, please.” I struggled to free my trapped hands not because I suddenly wanted to get away but because I needed to touch him. I wanted to feel his muscles bunching and tensing beneath my tactile commands.
“Yeah, babe?” he replied after he trailed soft kisses across the round of my cheek and biting kisses down the column of my neck.
“More,” I moaned, and he gave it to me. His hand plunged beneath my tank and into my bra covering my breast, and I arched my back to show him how much I liked that. He rewarded me by plucking the nipple I’d shoved into his fingers. Pleasure sped from my chest to my core.
“That feels so good,” I breathed.
“I agree,” he rasped, molten gold eyes watching me, reading my cues, palming, and twisting each nipple as I panted my nonverbal request for more.
When I started to whimper, his mouth savagely silenced me, his lips hard and demanding on mine. This time there was no more finesse. This time there was only raw basic elemental hunger, and that was more potent than any practiced seduction could ever be.
No woman had ever felt so fantastic in my arms, so incredibly right. I was so totally gone, so lost in the taste of her mouth and the soft sounds of her surrender that it took longer than a moment for me to register that the vibration between us was her cell going off and not something to do with me.
With great reluctance, I ripped my lips from hers and released her hands.
Looking thoroughly and completely adorably kissed, she slid the phone from her pants and answered it. “Mom, what’s going on?” As she listened, her eyes widened. “Wait, slow down.” Her voice had risen, a frantic edge to it. She slid away from me, and I felt the loss, not just because we’d been interrupted, but because she’d broken away from me when she was obviously upset.
“Ok.” Her expression almost panicked. “It’ll be ok. Hold on. I’ll be there soon.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as she ended the call.
“My stepfather spiked a fever that won’t come down. Mom’s at the hospital with him now.” Her beautiful jade eyes filling, she moved to the door and reached for the handle. “I need to get John and Michael.” She turned to look at me over her shoulder. “Can you take me to them?” I heard her swallow. I’d never seen her so rattled. “I don’t…I don’t know where they are. Will you help me?”
“Of course, I will.” I put my hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently.
“Thank you, Diz.” She leaned back into me, and that simple trust was what I sought. I wanted to make things better for her. Hell, I wanted to right all her wrongs. “You’re a good friend.”
Ok, if that’s how she saw things. I could be that for now. I wrapped my arms around her. I didn’t care if I was taking advantage of the situation. I had to hold her.
She let out a long broken sigh that knifed through me.
“Let me.” I opened the door for her, taking her hand as soon as she went through. I led her to the elevator. She didn’t speak a word. I didn’t expect her to. I could tell she was beyond anxious. It pulsed off of her tensed body like shock waves. If we’d have been at the bar her fingernails would’ve been clacking on the wood.
We rode down the elevator in silence. She tried to tug free when we stopped in front of Justin’s door, but I didn’t let her.
“That was fast.” Justin answered after only one knock. Laughter drifted from within. He cocked a brow but didn’t say anything about it when he noticed our joined hands. “Come on in.” He propped the door open and swept an arm wide.
The layout of his apartment was basically the same as mine. We walked down a short hall and into a living room that looked like a hurricane had passed through it. Furniture, cushions, and knick knacks had been refashioned into fortresses for each of the three boys.
“John and Michael,” April called. “We need to go.”
“What’s wrong?” John was frowning as he stepped over Carter and around his fort. He didn’t say anything but glanced curiously at our clasped hands.
“Dad’s in the hospital.” April dropped from my grip and drew him to her, her worried gaze sliding to Michael. “Right now, Little Jobber.” Michael didn’t need to be told twice. He stood and his young features rearranged into somber lines that were way too old for someone his age. “Thank you for having them over,” April told Bridget who had moved to Justin’s side. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t apologize,” Bridget interrupted. Her brow creased. “You need to go obviously, but please call and let us know how he’s doing. We’d like to help in any way we can.”
“I will, thank you,” April said politely shepherding the boys toward the door. After a quick word of reassurance to Justin and Bridget, I followed. I found the three shuffling toward the elevator like zombies. April’s stepfather must have been some kind of man to have engendered the love his family obviously had for him. I could understand the concept in my head, but I’d never experienced anything like it in my own life. Not even close, except for maybe with Bryan’s mom. The uncle we’d lived with through high school certainly didn’t count. He’d been more of a reluctant landlord than a role model.
April didn’t protest when I put my hand on her lower back guiding her through the after party throng in the lobby on our way to the parking garage elevator. After I made sure everyone was buckled into the Panamera, she gave me directions to the hospital.
Her mom called on the drive over to let us know they’d moved him out of the ER and into the ICU. “Thank you for bringing us,” she told me her eyes wide in her pale face as I pulled into the front of the building.
“I’ll just park the car and met you inside.”
“No, Dizzy.” She unbuckled her seat belt while instructing her brothers to get out through the curbside door.
“I’m coming in,” I insisted. “No way am I leaving you by yourself.” I leaned across the console and grabbed her before she could escape. “You’re shaking. Let me help you.”
“You can’t.” She pulled free. “This is family stuff.” Those words hurt like fingers slammed in a car door. Hand on the passenger handle, she glanced at her brothers who were standing safely on the pavement and then back at me. I saw a tear trickle out of the corner of her eye. “I’m sorry. You are so…I wish…” Her soft voice cracked. “But this can’t go on between us. I’ve got to call my husband. Goodbye, Dizzy.”
She grabbed her brothers’ hands after she closed her door. I watched them disappear into the building. I stared at the spot where I lost sight of her for a long time. That goodbye had sounded awful permanent. I had a horrible feeling that I’d just blown my one and only shot with her.
In my daze, the hospital sounds seemed muted, nearly drowned out by the pounding of my heart that escalated with every step that took me further away from him.
Dizzy Lowell was more than just a sexy guitarist in a rock band. I’d witnessed a deep sensitivity in him that was completely unexpected and that I doubted he let many people see. Beneath his suave exterior, lay a man who made me feel centered, who made me want to believe in dreams again. It was just my shitty luck that he came along at a time when I wasn’t free to pursue them.
As that sobering reality crashed over me, I tightened my grip on John and Michael’s hands and turned my back on the game of pretend I should never have been playing. Dizzy wasn’
t mine, and I couldn’t be his. Better for us both if he moved on to Mel or any other woman before I fell any harder. Before I was forced to reveal truths that would be dangerous for him to uncover.
I found the elevator to intensive care unit, and we rode it up. A nurse at the desk went back to get my mom when I told her who we were. Face ravaged with worry, looking more shaken than I’d ever seen her, my mom faltered toward us. I wrapped my arms tight around her chest, and my brothers squeezed themselves in around her legs. Together we stood, one solid unit of strength from a sum of weak and weary parts.
My eyes and chest burned when we separated. I loved my family so much. I would give anything to make things better for all of us if I only could.
“Did you call James?” my mom asked.
“No.” I sniffed softly. “But I’ll do it right now.” My voice was strained, the emotion clogging my throat. I slid my cell from my pocket. “How is he?” I asked her while I waited for him to pick up.
“Not good.” Her gaze was steady, but the moisture in her eyes and the tightness around her mouth revealed what it was costing her to hold together. “He’s not been taking in enough liquid. They say that soon an IV won’t be enough, that he might need a feeding tube. I don’t think he would want that, though. I’m wondering if it’s finally time to let him be at peace.”
“Oh, mom,” I gasped.
Tears spilled unchecked from her eyes, and she swallowed before speaking again. “Let me take the boys back to see him while you talk to James.”
Tears of my own fell as I watched her lead my brothers away. James hadn’t answered by the time they returned, eyes red and swollen so I texted and left him a message. Then it was my turn with George.
“I know they say you can’t hear me,” I told him, laying my head on his chest, “but I don’t believe that, and I just want you to know what you mean to me, what you’ll always mean to me.” I paused to take in a broken breath. “You know I don’t even remember my real father, but I’ll never ever forget you. You were always there when I needed you, and I want you to know I’ll always be there for Mom and John and Michael, too. No matter what.” I don’t know how long I wept silently at his side.
I was in the small waiting room when James finally arrived. I was so torn up, such a complete wreck that I went straight to him, desperately needing anyone to lean on. I threw my arms around his waist, sobbing, and it wasn’t until a moment later that I realized how detached he was. A gigantic lump closed my throat.
“What do the doctors say?” he asked in a matter of fact tone as if he was asking me to tell him about the weather. I don’t think he even realized how much his apparent indifference was hurting me. When I didn’t immediately answer, he set me back and searched my face.
“They say the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours will be critical.” My voice warbled as I explained. “Mom’s trying to decide what to do.”
“Ok.” James nodded and glanced at the boys who were huddled together, a borrowed hospital blanket shared between them. “Do you want to stay here with her? I can take the boys back to the apartment. Put them to bed.”
“Yes. Thank you. That would be good.” The way we were speaking together, it was like we were strangers. Why did I suddenly think of Dizzy? And why was I so certain things would be different if he were here? I knew why. Despite a crappy childhood, Dizzy had demonstrated a lot more compassion with me since I’d known him than my husband ever had even though he’d grown up with all the advantages of two supportive parents. I wondered what they would think if they were aware of their son’s connections and what he did for a living. To this day, they remained completely clueless.
“No problem,” James said to me before calling for John and Michael. They scrambled to their feet. “I’ll need you to come get them by the morning though.”
“Why?” I raised questioning eyes to him.
“I know this is bad timing, but Mr. C’s asked to see me. You know how it is. I have to go. It’s not an optional thing.”
“Ok.” I licked my dry lips. My tears robbed all the moisture from me. “How long will you be gone?”
“A few days, probably. Five tops.”
We stared at each other, and I couldn’t even muster the strength to really care. It would actually be easier for me with him gone. Though I searched, in that moment, I couldn’t find even a trace of the man I’d fallen in love with.
He cleared his throat, dipping his head to my brothers. They shuffled closer. I watched them walk down the empty corridor together. They were about to lose their father, but he didn’t even offer them his hand. I shouldn’t have been surprised. What affection did he give me anymore? He’d come and gone without a kiss, without a hug, without any consideration. When he left, I felt more alone and empty than before he’d arrived.
I gave myself a mental shake, forcing my tensed muscles to relax. My family needed me. I couldn’t fall apart, and I wouldn’t. I had no one to fall back on.
I headed back to my father’s room. My mom was sitting in the chair beside his bed, his limp hand in her own. “Did James take the boys?”
I nodded, coming closer, placing my hand on her stooped shoulder and squeezed it. She reached back with her free hand and patted my arm. I moved beside her and leaned over to kiss my father’s smooth brow while trying to hold back the floodgate of memories.
“I need a cup of coffee,” my mom announced abruptly, slapping her hands on her thighs. “Would you come with me to the cafeteria?”
“Sure, Mom.” I walked with her out into the hall, and we stopped at the nursing station. She held up her cell and told them where we would be if they needed us. We made the silent journey together, weighted down with the burden of our heavy thoughts.
Once we settled into a booth, we just sat, staring across the table at each other, ignoring the steaming Styrofoam cups in front of us. Adrift in a turbulent sea, each without our anchor George.
“Mom.” I reached for her hand. It was soft but cold as ice. Her shoulders started to shake, the vibration traveling down her arm to the hand I held. I immediately pushed free from my side, but before I could get my arms around her, she started crying, loud wracking sobs that sounded as if they’d been ripped from her soul. My own heart began to crumble seeing my strong mother falling apart.
I pulled her into me, stroking her soft hair. The roles were reversed, daughter comforting mother now. I made the same soothing sounds she had for me when I’d lost Quinn. I didn’t try to make sense of it all. I just held her letting her know I was there and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I would always be there for her, the same way she had always been for me.
She clutched my forearms, and I tightened my embrace. I realized we would just have to be each other’s anchor from now on. A few people came and went. I gave them little mind as we sat together. Eventually her tears subsided.
She reached for a napkin and dabbed at her wet cheeks. “I want you to know, I spoke with the physician on call. We both know George is not going to get any better, honey.” Her voice was rough. She took a sip of coffee before continuing. “In my mind I’ve always known, but in my heart I still hoped…” She trailed off and pulled her shoulders back. “I don’t want him to suffer anymore, but it’s going to be hard. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to let him go, even though I truly believe he’ll be in a better place.”
“I understand, Mom. You don’t have to decide tonight, do you?”
“Actually, I already have.” She looked me in the eye for a long moment, and I knew she was trying to communicate a truth even deeper than our present circumstances. “When you love someone you have to do what’s best for them. Put their needs and wishes above your own. Sometimes that’s easy to do, and sometimes it’s really, really hard. But then those hard times are the moments when love is proven genuine.”
“Yes, I know that.” And I did. I really did. She was the one who’d shown all of us that by her example. She didn’t just say the words. She walked them out. But I’
d messed up. I’d looked at James, seen his good looks, and I’d been swept away by his persuasive words. It was just too bad for me that I’d misread him so completely.
“It’s just so difficult,” my mom whispered. “Worse to say goodbye than it was with your father because then I didn’t realize how terribly lonely I would be.”
I started crying again then. This time she comforted me, both of us grieving, a slow process we’d begun two years ago after the accident, but now underwent in earnest for the husband and father that would be taken from us way too soon.
April jumped when I called her name. She spun around surprise sparking life into eyes that were reddened, dull, and lifeless. I completely abandoned my plan to play it casual.
I crossed the hospital corridor and yanked her into me. I didn’t care how it looked. I didn’t even worry about where she’d put her hands. I just knew she was going to fly into a million pieces if someone didn’t help her hold the fragments together, and I didn’t want that person to be anyone but me.
She didn’t fight me. She didn’t resist at all. Her hands landed lightly on my shoulders. To my relief I didn’t flinch. She swayed and I caught her, sweeping her into my arms and cradling her to my chest. She blinked up at me in gratitude.
“Did he?” I couldn’t speak the words. I sucked my lip ring into my mouth. “Is he gone?”
She shook her head. “Not yet.” Her voice sounded hoarse as if she’d overworked her vocal cords. She buried her face in my chest. I could feel the wetness from her tears soaking into my shirt. I couldn’t have cared less. I wasn’t thinking about anything but comforting her. I tightened my grip wishing I had magic wings to fly her far away from her pain.
After a moment she lifted her head, studying me intently as she touched my face with gentle hands running her thumbs across my eyebrows and skimming her fingertips across my bottom lip. Mapping my features as if she never wanted to forget them. “You can let me go now, Diz.”
Relentless Rhythm (Tempest #4) Page 14