by Anita Hughes
“I’m the same way.” Olivia felt the familiar tingle of excitement before a dive. “It’s so still and I’ve never seen such bright colors. I want to explore the coral reefs forever.”
“You must get it from Hadley.” Sebastian strapped on his fins. “When we were on Koh Tao island, I had to limit her to two dives a day, like a gambler you steer away from the roulette table.” He shielded his eyes from the sun. “She must love it here, her own aquatic playground.”
“My mother doesn’t dive,” Olivia said.
“That’s impossible, it’s the thing she loved most.” Sebastian frowned. “In South Africa she swam in a cage surrounded by sharks. We were going to go together but I got food poisoning. At least I thought that’s what it was,” he laughed. “It was probably nerves. She jumped into the cage wearing a blue bikini. God, I was jealous of those sharks being so close to her small waist and long legs,” he sighed. “It was the second most frightening fifteen minutes of my life. I made her promise to never do it again.”
“She never told me.” Olivia frowned.
“I suppose that’s smart. It’s like not telling your teenager you had a fake ID or rolled a joint in your parents’ bedroom.” He shrugged. “But these days they have all sorts of safety mechanisms, it’s like riding a bicycle.”
“Felix gets claustrophobic underwater,” she explained. “She wouldn’t want to dive without him.”
“She gave up all this,” he waved at the dappled sea and sun glinting on the boat, “because her husband doesn’t want to strap on a pair of fins?”
Olivia suddenly felt uneasy, as if she was being disloyal. “I’m sure there are other reasons. She says swimming in the pool is the best exercise.”
Sebastian was about to say something and changed his mind. He signaled to Gerome and stood up. “Well, I can’t wait another minute.”
Olivia jumped into the clear water and everything faded away: the heated discussion with Finn at the villa and wondering when he was going to propose and if she was being foolish letting Sebastian into her life. There were pink coral and manta rays and fish like fluorescent lamps.
A sea lion swam by and there were iridescent blue tangs and brightly colored parrotfish. Olivia saw a reef shark and a whole school of yellow silversides. The blue water enveloped her and she felt like she’d slipped inside a jewelry box.
“Being on the water is more invigorating than staring down a herd of water buffalo,” Sebastian said when they put away their gear and lay on striped towels on the deck. “Every time I dive I feel like Neptune in his private kingdom.”
“Do you dive often?” Olivia adjusted her sunglasses and thought she had never been so content. Sebastian was easy to be with and they shared the same passions.
“Not as often as I like.” Sebastian ate a bite of star fruit. “But I traded a painting for a day’s diving in the Gili Islands and I once spent a week in Tahiti. The wonderful thing about diving is you always discover something different: parrotfish in Malaysia and humpback turtles in Fiji and leopard sharks in Sipadan.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Olivia said. “I’ve only dived in St. Barts.”
Sebastian sat up and looked at Olivia. “But surely if you’re passionate about diving, you’ve been to Grand Turk or the Great Barrier Reef.”
“Felix and Hadley spend every Christmas and April in St. Barts.” She shrugged. “There’s no time to go anywhere else.”
“Felix and Hadley have the money, they should use it to travel.” Sebastian frowned. “It’s like owning a sports car and driving it to buy milk at the supermarket.”
“Felix doesn’t like hotels.” Olivia ate a cherry. “The mattress can be bad for his back and he’s allergic to some kinds of laundry detergent.”
“But you and Finn are young,” he continued. “You should build orphanages in Belize or ride llamas in Tibet.”
“St. Barts is perfect, why would we want to go anywhere else?”
“I have an idea,” he exclaimed. “A friend keeps a boat in Costa Rica. He invited me for a week at Christmas, you and Finn can join me. We’ll eat mahimahi and drive inland to see the jungle.”
“We always spend Christmas in St. Barts.” She hesitated. “Esther makes a feast of stuffed eggplant and grilled codfish and strawberry shortcake. After lunch we sail in the harbor. It’s glorious to soak up the sun instead of shivering in New York.”
“Now is the time to make your own traditions,” Sebastian urged. “What could be better than starting the year somewhere new?”
What would Hadley and Felix say if she announced they were going to spend Christmas with Sebastian? But if she said no, when would she see him again, and it was a wonderful invitation!
“You know when I said that watching Hadley swim with the sharks was the second scariest fifteen minutes of my life?” Sebastian began. “The scariest fifteen minutes was the moment you were born. We had you at an American hospital in Johannesburg; I painted a portrait of the surgeon’s wife in exchange for a private room.” He smiled. “Everything went smoothly until the doctor realized the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck.
“I saw the look of terror on the doctor’s face and prayed if God granted me this one wish, I’d never ask for anything else. Suddenly I heard you cry and your skin was wrinkled like a lizard and I’d never seen anything so beautiful,” he finished. “I may not be the best father but I couldn’t love you more.”
“I’m beginning to understand that being a parent is more complicated than I thought,” Olivia said slowly.
“It’s not complicated really.” Sebastian looked at Olivia. “You’re grateful for being given the greatest gift and you only want to be worthy. You make mistakes for years and then finally there is a possibility to set things right. You hope and pray you haven’t missed your chance.” He paused. “You and Finn should come to Costa Rica at Christmas.”
“It’s a fantastic offer and I do appreciate it,” Olivia said and smiled. “I’ll ask Finn what he thinks.”
* * *
Olivia opened the fridge and took out a jug of iced tea. It was mid-afternoon and Sebastian had gone upstairs to take a shower. Felix and Finn were still at the club and she could hear Esther running the vacuum cleaner in the living room.
Scuba diving with Sebastian had been so exciting. She thought about his invitation to Costa Rica and pictured underwater caves filled with exotic fish. But would Finn want to spend a week on a boat with her father?
“There you are.” Hadley entered the kitchen. She wore a patterned dress and leather sandals. “I had lunch at the club. Finn said you went scuba diving with Sebastian.”
“He invited us last night after dinner,” Olivia sighed. “The ocean was like a sheet of glass and the fish were all the colors of the rainbow. We had a marvelous time.”
“I’m glad you had fun.” Hadley looked at Olivia. “Finn was concerned you went without him.”
“Sebastian did invite him, Finn just didn’t hear him.” Olivia flushed. “And I had to go, Sebastian is only here for three more days. I couldn’t miss out.”
“You promised Finn you would watch the match, and he was very disappointed. Men can be so superstitious, he didn’t think he could win without you. Just don’t forget Finn is the man you’re in love with.” Hadley filled a glass with ice. “Sebastian is like a sailboat on the horizon. You’re busy admiring its billowing sails and sleek wood and the next minute it’s gone.”
“Actually, Sebastian wants to be around more.” Olivia took a deep breath. “He invited me and Finn to go scuba diving in Costa Rica at Christmas.”
“He did what?” Hadley exclaimed.
“It would only be for a week,” Olivia explained. “We could still come to St. Barts for New Year’s.”
“What an intriguing invitation.” Hadley’s eyes flashed. “Did he say why Christmas specifically?”
“His friend owns a boat and we would be his guests,” she explained. “It would be nice for Finn and Sebastian to spend tim
e together.”
“Oh yes, it was very thoughtful of Sebastian.” Hadley pursed her lips. “I’m surprised he didn’t mention it to me.”
“I think he just thought of it,” Olivia said excitedly. “We were having so much fun, we didn’t want it to end. We really are very similar, we like the same foods and books and movies.”
“Sebastian makes a chameleon look like a simple lizard.” Hadley fiddled with her earrings. “He wears more coats than Joseph in The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”
“I know we always celebrate Christmas in St. Barts but he’s trying so hard.” Olivia put her glass in the sink. “He’s making up for all the years he missed.”
“I’m sure that’s exactly what he’s doing,” Hadley said and walked to the stairs. “I’m going to have a quick word with him.”
“You might want to wait,” Olivia called after her. “He was going to take a shower.”
“In that case I’ll fix him an iced tea with a splash of gin.” She took a bottle out of the cabinet. “He’s going to need it.”
* * *
Olivia closed the door of her bedroom and untied her caftan. She thought about the conversation with her mother and wondered why she seemed upset. Didn’t Hadley want Olivia to spend time with Sebastian?
The holiday in St. Barts was supposed to be about celebrating her birthday and Finn proposing and lying on a white sand beach. But now Finn was unhappy and even her mother seemed unsettled. Maybe she should tell Sebastian going to Costa Rica wasn’t a good idea.
She opened her bedside drawer and took out the wooden box. She sifted through the letters and removed a red envelope.
Dearest Olivia,
I’ve never written at Christmas before because I was afraid I’d say the wrong thing and spoil your vision of Santa Claus. What if I asked whether Santa Claus ate all the oatmeal cookies when you actually left him brownies? Or if I wondered if the reindeer enjoyed the carrots and you and Hadley fed them celery?
But since you are now a teenager, it is safe to assume you know that Santa Claus means something different to everyone. I am in Tokyo and the Japanese have the strangest Christmas tradition. They all eat Kentucky Fried Chicken! You’ve never seen so many red and white tubs of drumsticks.
I hope you have a wonderful day filled with fruitcake and presents. There is something magical about the holidays. All over the world people sing carols and drink eggnog with the people they love.
Enjoy my gift. Your mother might be angry with me if you don’t have your ears pierced, but I hope she lets you keep them.
Merry Christmas, my dearest Olivia. One day we will exchange presents in person.
Your loving father,
Sebastian
Olivia remembered the jade earrings nestled in the envelope and her heart turned over. How wonderful to finally celebrate the holidays with Sebastian! And it was only one Christmas; it wouldn’t hurt to do something different. She slid the letter back in the envelope and stuffed it in the box. She’d just discovered her father; how could she give him up now?
Chapter Six
HADLEY POLISHED THE WALNUT CABINET in the living room of the villa and twisted the cloth in her hand. She had always loved polishing furniture; it was so satisfying to make the coffee table gleam and the crystal vases sparkle and the glass chess set glint in the sun.
Often she arrived home from a long day dealing with temperamental artists and demanding clients at the gallery and picked up a bottle of Lemon Pledge. She polished the grand piano in the conservatory and the bookshelves in Felix’s study and silver picture frames in the den. Felix would see the fiery look in her eyes and laugh that they didn’t need a housekeeper, no one could make a Regency desk shine like Hadley.
Now she heard Sebastian singing in the upstairs shower and grimaced. He was lucky she didn’t shut off the hot water. How dare he invite Olivia and Finn to go scuba diving in Costa Rica at Christmas?
She tried to remember when Felix had come into the living room and told her Finn was going to propose. Sebastian hadn’t been there; could it be a coincidence he suggested they go scuba diving the same week Finn wanted to get married?
But she remembered Felix and Sebastian spending time together admiring Felix’s art collection and drinking aged cognac. Felix could easily have confided in Sebastian.
What would Finn say when Olivia mentioned Sebastian’s invitation? Finn couldn’t tell Olivia why he didn’t want to go without ruining the surprise engagement, and they would get into another argument. If this were a boxing match, Sebastian would perform a knockout in the opening round.
She would tell Sebastian he had to take back the invitation before Olivia mentioned it to Finn. He’d already caused a small rift; he couldn’t create a bigger tear.
The shower turned off and she thought no one could make her blood boil like Sebastian. She clutched the dust cloth and suddenly remembered the first year they were together, when his determination was intoxicating.
They had been traveling in Africa for ten months and Sebastian painted sunsets that were pink and yellow and orange. At night they ate bobotie and malva pudding and mapped out where to go next. And when they lay in each other’s arms with the moon as big as a platter, Hadley couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
* * *
Hadley stood in front of the closet and admired the black chiffon dress. She glanced at the quilted evening bag and silver wrap. It had been so long since she’d worn anything but windbreakers and khakis, she wondered if she remembered how to apply lipstick and mascara.
It was late July and the African winter had been mild. Occasionally she and Sebastian waited out rainstorms in a farmhouse on the Laikipia Plateau or in the foothills of Mount Kenya, but mostly they rode buses and painted and fell more deeply in love.
Hadley kept telling herself they were just travel companions and eventually she would do a course in Italy or return to Connecticut. But every day was crammed with new adventures and when Hadley watched Sebastian hunched over his canvas, his dark hair streaked with paint, something hard pressed against her chest.
And the food! They ate Swahili cakes in Malindi and fried plantains in Ghana and lamb stew with spices in Tunisia. Hadley loved the food in South Africa best: breakfasts of milk tarts and dark coffee and dinners of boerewors and sweet potatoes. She loved everything about the country: the fragrant hibiscus and green valleys and sharp cliffs with views of the ocean.
Charles Lang called and said one of South Africa’s wealthiest diamond merchants wanted to host Sebastian and Hadley at a house party. At first Sebastian hesitated: he didn’t want to rent a tuxedo and sit around drinking dry sherry. But Charles reminded him that one good sale could finance months of traveling on the Ivory Coast. And how difficult was it to spend the weekend at an estate in the most exclusive suburb in Johannesburg?
The bedroom door opened and Sebastian entered, carrying a stack of boxes. He wore a wool sweater and loafers and his wavy hair touched his collar.
“Did you see the grounds on this place?” he whistled, setting the boxes on the four-poster bed. “It’s big enough to house an elephant. And the swimming pool has gold-inlaid tiles. It would be like diving into Tiffany’s.”
“I thought you didn’t like wealth and luxury.” Hadley pulled her robe around her waist. She was getting over a winter cold and spent the afternoon reading magazines and taking a hot bath.
“Certainly not as a steady diet.” Sebastian sunk onto a satin love seat. “But forty-eight hours of heated bathroom floors and a sideboard set with fresh oysters and bottles of Absolut isn’t as bad as I thought.”
“And a host predicting you’re going to be one of the greatest artists of your generation.” Hadley smiled.
“That’s all about you.” Sebastian was suddenly serious. “You walk into a gallery and tell people they should buy my paintings and they believe you.” He kissed her. “You’re elegant and sophisticated and I wouldn’t be anything without you.”
They rarely
talked about their relationship. The future was like the African plains during a downpour. You knew there was a road somewhere but for the moment all you saw was mud and sheets of rain. When the rain finally stopped the sun was so bright and the hills were so green, you couldn’t see anything else.
But sometimes Hadley wondered if she should be applying to graduate school or starting a career or doing something other than posing for Sebastian. But then she would see his sketch of her sitting under a jacaranda tree and her heart stretched.
“Maybe in the beginning,” she smiled, “but now everyone wants a Sebastian Miller.”
“In a small circle but not in New York or Paris.” He shrugged. “But together we will conquer the art world. One day we’ll visit the Guggenheim and see the portrait of you on top of Table Mountain.”
“Right now we have to dress for dinner.” Hadley held up the dress. “I only have the black chiffon, do you think it will do?”
“Derek’s driver took me into Johannesburg.” Sebastian handed her a box. “These are for you.”
“We can’t afford this,” Hadley gasped, taking out a gold lamé dress. There was a pair of sheer stockings and black stilettos.
“If we want people to pay a lot for my paintings we have to dress the part,” Sebastian explained. “We can’t let Derek’s guests think we’re two American kids bumming around Africa.”
“We’ll have to go home if we don’t save money,” she protested. “This must cost more than the sale of your last landscape.”
“You said everyone wants a Sebastian Miller, why shouldn’t we enjoy it.” He stopped and looked at Hadley. “And how could I resist, when the fabric makes your eyes look like cornflowers.”
Hadley felt a heady rush, like she was standing on top of a waterfall. “Thank you, it’s lovely. I can’t wait to put it on.”
“I brought you something else.” He reached into his pocket and drew out a black velvet box. She snapped it open and discovered diamond teardrop earrings.