Another groan. “Please don’t.”
I ignored that. “Oh, it’s happening, Cruz. Consider it my new mission in life.” I patted his leg when I saw his expression take on a surly quality. “Don’t pout. Chances are I won’t find it. I don’t even know the name of it.”
“Let’s keep it that way.”
I chuckled and returned my attention to the game. For the rest of the afternoon I reminisced over memories of the first few months of our relationship. How exciting every day with him had been. How I never knew what he was going to do or say next. How giddy I’d been every time he’d pulled up in his truck to collect me.
How innocent and naïve I’d been, in so many ways.
But also how he had never pressured me, not once, to do anything I wasn’t ready for. Even though, looking back on it, I knew it must have killed him. After all, he hadn’t been the blushing virgin back then. It felt sort of strange to think that Dawson was the only man I’d ever slept with. Strange, yet it also felt like the most natural thing in the world.
Only one man.
But I didn’t have any regrets. Not a single one.
And that made me pause.
If things had gone so well for us in the beginning without sex, who’s to say it couldn’t happen the same way this time? I mean, we already knew each other at this point, and we’d already had sex in pretty much every way imaginable. But since we were, more or less, building our relationship back up, it would stand to reason that eliminating sex from the equation could be a good idea.
Though my…urges didn’t agree.
I had a feeling that Dawson wouldn’t be so crazy about it, either.
But sex had never been our problem. Sure, lately it could have used a bit more spice. But it wasn’t something we’d had to work on from the beginning.
Communication, on the other hand, had always been worthy of improvement. And if denying ourselves sex forced us to focus more on opening up and talking, which could ultimately save our marriage, then I would deny myself pleasure for however long it took.
In my heart, I felt this was the right course of action.
Now, I just had to break the news to Dawson.
He was going to be so pissed.
Chapter Thirty-One
Dawson
“All I’m saying is that I think Cox should give Corbins a shot at relief pitcher,” Mason commented from across the table. “He’s almost being wasted as a closer. The guy is strong and he’s consistent. Plus, he set records as a reliever in college. I say give the kid a chance.”
After the Red Sox’s easy victory, we all went out for a bite to eat at a pizza joint we often frequented when Parker was in town. One where he wouldn’t be hounded by fans as much. Plus, we were in Baltimore, not Boston. He had fans all over the country, sure, but far fewer in this city.
Mason, Parker, and I were sitting on one end of our long table. The girls and the kids were at the other end. I’d been trying to pay attention to my brothers’ conversation, but I’d been having a hard time removing my eyes from my wife. She was so hot in all of her Red Sox regalia. She knew I never could resist her in a baseball cap.
And the looks she’d been sending me all day told me she knew exactly that, too.
“I don’t think Cox sees a reason to switch him now,” Parker said, though I still didn’t look at them. “Not when our relievers are still doing their jobs.”
“Yo, Dawson,” Mason called, finally drawing my attention.
“What?” I asked, somewhat dazed.
He smirked knowingly. “You want to weigh in here?”
I took a long sip of my beer, and waved my hand at him. “Whatever you said.”
They both chuckled and shook their heads. “A little distracted, bro?” Parker asked.
Whatever. The smartasses could laugh all they wanted. I wouldn’t apologize for ogling my wife. I was the only one who had the right to, after all. “Just got a lot on my mind,” was all I said.
Parker rubbed his chin, his own smirk forming. “We see that. Well, it’s nice to see that look on your face and not the usual scowl we’ve all become accustomed to.”
“And hear you and Mickie actually getting along, rather than hissing at each other like alley cats,” Mason supplied.
I rolled my eyes. “You two finished?”
They looked at each other assessingly and both shrugged. “I guess so,” Parker replied. “But seriously. How is that situation going?”
I blurted the words out before even thinking. “Other than the fact that my balls have been as blue as a Smurf’s ass lately, pretty well.”
Mason choked on his Coke, and Parker’s face broke out into a grin. “Experiencing some frustration, are we?” my youngest brother taunted. The annoying little shit.
I tapped my finger on the table as I stared him down. “I wouldn’t go there,” I warned.
“I thought you guys have had a few dates lately,” Mason questioned.
I fell back against my chair, slowly ripping the napkin in my hands to shreds. Since I couldn’t go release my frustrations at the gun range at the moment, it felt good to destroy something. “Let’s just say there were interruptions before much could happen.”
Parker tutted. “Dear, brother. I do believe you’ve forgotten how to woo a woman.”
“I’m not sure he ever learned in the first place,” Mason said, laughing.
I gritted my teeth. “I got Mickie, didn’t I?”
“That doesn’t mean she was wooed,” Mason said, pointing a finger at me. “That could just mean she was so blinded by love, there wasn’t much you had to do.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?” I asked.
Parker sighed a long-suffering sigh. “I see you’ve ignored my many years of tutorage on this subject. I told you taking notes would help in the long run.”
I shot daggers at him. “I don’t think you should be offering to tutor anyone,” I said. “After all, it took you over twenty years to lock down your woman. Mickie agreed to marry me after only six months.”
Mason let out a low whistle. “Point one for Dawson.”
Parker looked unaffected by the barb. “That notwithstanding, it’s now ten years later and you’re living apart.” My jaw clenched. He could see that he’d made his point. “I’m just saying, don’t be led around by your dick so much that you forget to be romantic.”
I waved my hand at him but looked at Mason. “This coming from the guy who gives his girlfriend a video striptease every time he’s on the road. Talk about romance.”
I was pleased as punch to witness the rare occurrence of Parker blushing. “Point, Dawson,” Mason said between breathless guffaws.
“How did you know about that?” Parker asked.
I raised an eyebrow. “Kinley let it slip during girls’ night one time.” I shrugged. “I get a lot of useful information from my wife’s pillow talk.”
Mason laughed again as Parker’s heated expression shifted to his girlfriend at the other end of the table. I took the opportunity to once again glance at Mickie, who was somehow wiping something off Gabby’s mouth while squeezing more ketchup onto Leo’s plate at the same time.
She really was the best mother in the world.
I loved watching her with the kids. Because not only did Gabby and Leo adore her with all their hearts, but she just made everything look easy. Though I sure as hell knew they weren’t. She had put up with a lot of crap from me over the years, and when you threw two kids into the mix, well… The woman was a saint in my eyes.
I could feel myself rise against my zipper, so I quickly changed the subject. I would get around to satisfying my bastard appendage later when I took Mickie and the kids home. For now, I didn’t want to suffer through another case of Smurf butt.
“I’m going to visit Mom tomorrow,” I said. “Parker, I know you’re back on the road tomorrow. But you’re welcome to come along if you want, Mace.”
“I would, but I’m taking Jamal to the Metro Car Show downt
own tomorrow,” Mason replied.
Jamal was a high school kid who had been apprenticing with Mason at his custom auto and body shop—Cruz Custom Cars—for the past few months. Sage was Jamal’s social worker, and I’d noticed that my brother had developed a bit of a soft spot for the artistic kid. After years spent worrying about Mason’s future—and whether or not he had one—this change in him was nice to see.
“I’ll probably go see her next week,” he added. He started talking about how his shop was doing, but my eyes once again flew to Mickie.
Though this time, she already had hers on me.
She smiled. Then winked.
And my dick hardened so fast, it was as if she’d climbed over the table, plopped herself right in my lap, and rode me until her legs gave out.
Time to go.
“I think we’re going to head out,” I announced, standing up.
“Aw, but I want dessert,” Leo whined.
“Me, too,” Gabby chimed in.
Mickie saw my look of desperation and came to the rescue. “You each can have one brownie when we get home. If you behave in the car.” The twins’ eyes widened, and they shot out of their seats.
I helped gather up Gabby’s and Leo’s things, and said goodbye to the others. My brothers must have seen something on my face, because they were both smiling at me like assholes.
“Have a nice night, Papa Smurf,” Parker said.
I glared at him as I led my family toward the door.
“Point, Parker!” I heard Mason call out.
They could joke all they wanted, but this papa was getting some relief tonight.
Thank Christ.
* * *
I was on the verge of falling to my knees and begging my children to go to sleep.
Between getting them home, waiting for them to finish eating their brownies, giving them baths, combing their hair, making them brush their teeth, and trying to wrangle them into bed—and getting them to stay there—I was one small step above pleading.
Anything to get some alone time with Mickie.
After reading her a bedtime story, I tucked Gabby into her bed and kissed her on the forehead. When I was at the door, about to turn off the light, I heard her soft voice break the silence.
“Daddy?”
My heart absolutely melted each and every time I heard her say that word.
“Yeah, sweetie?” I asked, turning around.
All I could see of her was her tiny head poking out of the covers. Her little head with her chubby cheeks, and her mop of dark curls she’d gotten from her mother. I thought I couldn’t love Mickie’s springy curls any more than I had from the day I met her. But when I saw those same curls on our daughter, I somehow loved them infinitely more.
She scrunched her eyebrows together as she looked at me. “Does this mean you live here again?”
My heart shattered.
I hated this shit. Hated living away from my family, and never knowing if and when they needed me. Hated not being here for story time every night. But most of all, I hated seeing that look on our kids’ faces. The confused one, because they didn’t understand what was going on with me and Mickie. All they knew was that their daddy wasn’t around all the time, and that wasn’t good. You could tell it worried them.
I walked back over to Gabby. “Not yet, honey.” I pushed her curls off her face. “But I’ll be back soon, okay? It won’t be much longer and then I’ll be here all the time.” I hoped.
Her mouth formed a smile and she nodded. “Okay, Daddy. I’ll miss you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and kissed her again. “I’ll miss you, too. I love you.”
She was already falling asleep when she murmured, “Love you, too.”
I quietly shut the door behind me, and checked to make sure Leo’s bedroom door was closed on my way to find Mickie. I walked into the living room and—
Her ass was in my face.
She was bent over, picking up random items off the floor, probably left there by the kids.
But I couldn’t take my eyes off her perfectly formed, heart shaped ass. It looked like a landing strip and I was circling the airfield, ready to land my jumbo jet right between those twin globes. Why did the woman insist on torturing me?
I walked over and grabbed her hips, pulling her into me. She gasped in surprise and stood up, placing her back flush against my front. I pulled the hair tie from her hair and buried my face in her freed curls.
God, she felt like home.
“How about we finish what we started the other night?” I asked, kissing the area of her neck just below her ear.
She tilted her head to the side to give me better access and hummed in her throat. “Dawson… You know I want to.”
I smiled against her skin, giving her neck more attention. “Then let’s go reacquaint ourselves with our bed. God knows we’ve ignored it for too fucking long.”
She whimpered, sounding as tortured as I was. “Yeah, we have.”
I moved toward the bedroom, prepared to drag her behind me or haul her over my shoulders, when she grasped my wrist and stopped me.
“But, wait. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Shit. This didn’t sound good for me. I turned around to see an apologetic expression cloud her features.
Definitely not good.
“Talk about what?”
She sighed and swiped her hand across her forehead. “I don’t think we should have sex. At least, not yet.”
Um.
How…who…why—
WHAT?!
“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” I forced myself to remain calm.
She bit her lip, and fuck if that didn’t make me harder. “I think we should step back and take things a little slower. Just to make sure we do everything right.”
Holy shit, she was actually serious about this.
“It’s been two months since I moved out, and much longer since we’ve had sex,” I said, flabbergasted. “How much slower could we go?”
She wrung her hands in front of her, as if she were nervous. “I’ve just been thinking about when we first started dating and how long we waited to have sex then. It allowed us to really focus on us and who we were first, rather than immediately getting caught up in our lust.”
I ran my hands through my hair, feeling like I was about to burst out of my skin. “Yeah, because you were a virgin and we didn’t know each other. This wouldn’t exactly be our first time all over again, Mick. And we certainly know each other well enough.”
“I know that,” she said wearily. “It’s just…” She trailed off and raised her eyes to mine. Her voice was strong, but her eyes were pleading, almost helpless. That took me back a step, forcing me to listen to what she was really saying. “I just want to do this the right way. I want to know that when this is all over, it was worth it because we’ll be so much stronger than we were before.”
My expression softened. “We will be,” I promised. “I don’t necessarily think we can’t do that if we have sex tonight…” A laugh bubbled out of her, and her shoulders relaxed. “But I understand what you’re saying. And if that’s what you really want, I’ll do it.”
I just might die in the process.
“I didn’t say it was what I wanted,” she said, locking eyes with me. “But I think it’s what we need.”
I nodded in reluctant acceptance and stepped back. If I inhaled any more of her scent, I might tackle her onto the couch. “Okay,” I said. “Then we’ll go slow and work our way up to that.”
Though that didn’t solve the problem in my shorts, which were becoming unbearably uncomfortable. I winced and tried adjusting myself without making it too obvious.
She noticed.
Her gaze shot down to my lower half and turned sympathetic.
Just what a guy always wants from his woman. Sympathy.
Something flashed across her face. As if an internal light bulb had clicked on. “You know,” she said, taking a deli
berate step toward me. “Back then, we did do…other things before we had sex.”
It took a moment for that to register.
Oh, please let her be talking about what I think she is.
My upper lip curled. “I do seem to recall certain…oral explorations.”
She chuckled as her delicate fingers reached the snap of my shorts. She flicked the button, toying with me. “I mean, I’m withholding sex from you after getting you all worked up today. The least I can do is let you release some of that tension. Right?”
Fuck. Yes.
“That seems like a reasonable request,” I said in a strangled whisper.
She rose to her tip toes and said against my parted lips, “It wasn’t a request.”
My eyes fell closed. Goddamn, this woman killed me.
The next thing I knew she had my shorts shoved down and my cock pulled out. She wrapped her hand around my shaft, and I let out a monstrous breath. With her mere touch, the pain was already beginning to ease.
I watched the way her hand worked me, stroking up and down, teasing the tip as her other hand massaged my balls. She lifted her head and offered a coy smile that was sexy as fuck.
“Keeping yourself cleaned up for your wife?” she asked. “Were you planning for something?”
Did she think that just because we hadn’t been sleeping together that I wasn’t keeping the lawn trimmed? I knew her preferences.
“A guy can hope,” I said, panting.
I had a brief glimpse of her eyes darkening with want before I felt her mouth engulf my flesh. Fuuuuck. She took me in her mouth all the way, sucking me in like it was her job. Her lips were tight around me, her tongue caressing my length in the most erotic massage imaginable.
“Damn, Mick.”
I fell back against the kitchen counter behind me, supporting myself with one hand while my other hand guided her bobbing head. She loved it when I did that. When I held onto her, demanding more from her greedy mouth, forcing her to take all she could handle. She wanted me to show her how good it felt and how much more I needed.
The suction of her mouth got more intense, causing me to tighten my hold in her hair. She moaned around me, sending vibrations shooting straight up my dick. I was careening toward my release at a furious pace. I thrusted my hips into her, chasing the relief.
Always Mickie (Cruz Brothers Book 3) Page 16