“The craziest part, though, is that I want to do what he said.” He searched my eyes, as if he would find all his answers hidden in their depths. “I didn’t respect the man one single damn bit. So, it sounds so ridiculous to say that I don’t want to be a disappointment.” He laughed bitterly. “I don’t want to disappoint a dead man, who was nothing but abusive toward me while he was alive.” One lone tear escaped the corner of his eye, and trickled slowly down his cheek. “How fucked up is that?”
God, he was killing me. Turning me into a blubbering, emotional wreck.
When I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around him, he immediately pulled me in tight and buried his face in my neck.
“Shh, baby,” I whispered. “You could never be a disappointment. You take care of your family. You’re the best, most loving man I’ve ever known.”
“How can you say that?” he murmured. “You are disappointed in me, Mick. You have been. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have kicked me out.”
Pain and guilt battled it out inside me. I clasped his head and made him look at me. “I only did that because we needed some time to figure out what had to change between us. We both have to improve, Dawson. But that’s normal in life. That’s a marriage. If we stopped evolving, stopped striving to be better every day, then we’ll have given up on trying to make each other happy.”
I kissed the tracks of tears on his face. “People change as they get older, which means their relationships have to change with them. Just because we’ve had to take a closer look at how we’ve changed doesn’t mean I’m not happy with you. I’m just excited to see where we’re going next. And none of that means I’m disappointed in you, Dawson. You’ve never once disappointed me.”
He held me tighter, laying sporadic kisses on my shoulder. “Things are going to change,” he said. “I promise. Despite what it may seem like sometimes, I’ve never wanted to stop trying to make you happy.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, kissing every inch of skin I could find. “I know.”
Things suddenly took a frantic turn.
His hands slid down my back and cupped my ass. He yanked me onto his lap, placing me right over his hardness. The mood had gone from sweet and comforting to hot and wanton in the blink of an eye. I yearned to feel his hands on my body. Remind myself of how possessive they could be.
I tugged my tank top over my head while his hands dipped below my waistband and underneath my panties, kneading the bare skin of my butt. He removed one to rip the zipper of my sports bra down, spilling my naked breasts into his ravenous mouth. After he shoved my yoga pants over my knees so I could kick them off, I ground my hips against him, using the coarse denim of his jeans to rub my center.
He pried his lips away from my nipple and said, “Why don’t you help me get these jeans off, so you can rub that clit against something that will feel so much better.”
I practically tore the shirt from his body in my urgent need to get him naked. Together, we wrenched his pants down his legs until we could connect skin against skin. He adjusted his position and laid against the seat cushions on his back. I sat atop him, propping myself up with my hands, while he put his hands behind his head and watched with wonderment.
“Jesus,” he whispered. “The way you look right now with the night sky above you, stars twinkling around your face, it’s like you’re my own personal angel sent from the heavens.”
I smiled as I brought him to my entrance. His eyelids drooped as I began to slide down his length, slowly working myself onto him until I was completely impaled.
We both gasped.
As I moved over him, rolling my hips in steady movements, he grasped at my breasts, tweaking my nipples. When he began to lose control, he grabbed my hips and encouraged me to go faster. My breathing became stuttered.
“That’s it, baby,” he rasped. “Feel me.”
When I couldn’t contain my moans, I let them break free. It felt liberating, knowing there wasn’t a single person around who could hear us. No kids, or brothers, or random strangers. It was just us, the serene waters, the diamond-studded sky, and our bodies joined in primal, exquisite intimacy.
He surged upward to meet me chest-to-chest, and drove his hips harder into me. We were there, holding each other close together as we both came in glorious, breathtaking fashion. The more we lost our minds at the sensations, the longer our climaxes seemed to last.
By the end of it, I was so overwrought with emotions I thought I was going to burst into hysterical sobs. Thankfully, I didn’t. But the war was not easily won.
He pushed my mass of curls away from my face and kissed me sweetly, deeply. “You are so damn perfect,” he said. “I still don’t know why you’re with someone like me. But I’m going to be grateful for every day that I’m able to keep you.”
I played with the scruff covering his cheeks, sitting comfortably with him still inside me. “You get to keep forever.”
“Always and forever,” he corrected, placing our joined hands over his tattoo.
He picked me up and carried me—without pulling out of me—into the cabin and gently placed me on the bed. He twitched inside me, and my center started to throb all over again. He may not have been a young man anymore, but he could still go all night long like he used to. He just needed longer breaks in between.
Apparently, not this time because he was beginning to harden.
He inhaled deeply through his nose. “I’ve missed that.”
“Missed what?”
His eyes drifted to my hair, which was fanned out around me, seeming fascinated by the sight.
“Your smell,” he answered. “Your hair has this particular scent that I’ve craved ever since I met you. That smell hasn’t changed in ten years. I’ve woken up to it every morning. I smell you before I see you, before I touch you. Even when you leave bed before me, it’s still on your pillow. That smell is home to me.”
He fell forward, propping himself on his elbows, and spoke against my parted lips. “And for two months I’ve missed that smell. Nothing else has felt right in my life since I’ve started waking up and haven’t automatically known you were lying next to me.” He pulled in another lungful of air. “I need to breathe you in, Mick. When I can’t, it feels like I’m not breathing at all.”
I was blown away, but he didn’t give me a chance to respond. He crushed my mouth beneath his, thrusting his tongue past the seam of lips. Unapologetically. Possessively. The kiss was the final step to bringing him back to full erection. He pulled out until his tip grazed my wet folds, and then slowly eased back into me.
I could tell this time would be lazier. Less frantic.
We had all night—all weekend—so there was no need to rush. But there was every reason in the world to savor.
“I love you, Mickie,” he whispered. “So much. I know I’ve probably made you doubt a lot of things lately. But please, don’t ever doubt that.”
I spread my legs wider, allowing my body to take him in deeper. We both smiled at the welcome contact.
“I never have.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Dawson
Going back to work after a weekend on the boat with Mickie sucked.
But I did so with a smile on my face because life was pretty damn good.
We’d lain in bed all day Saturday, doing nothing but…each other. It was like our second honeymoon. We talked, we laughed, we cuddled. We became reacquainted with each other. On Sunday, we docked at a smaller marina, picked up some fresh seafood at a local market, and had a feast back on the boat. Then we’d spent the rest of the day sunbathing, naked.
The cherry on top had been when we’d gone back to the house Sunday night, and didn’t even have to question whether or not I was staying. We’d simply dropped our suitcases, thanked Kinley and checked on the kids, undressed, and fell into bed together.
It felt like the past two months had never happened.
The time we’d been apart had melted away with gentle kisses and whi
spered declarations.
My phone buzzed on my desk.
Mickie: I sure hope you’re not thinking about our shower sex this morning, Mr. Cruz. You should be working.
Oh, yeah. And we’d started the day today by fucking in the shower.
I adjusted my pants, wincing at my sudden discomfort. I was still smiling, though.
Me: Thanks to you, I’m no longer going to be productive for the rest of the day.
Mickie: Just doing my part to make sure you’re ready for tonight. ;)
The situation in my pants wasn’t getting any better. She knew I was at work, the little vixen. We’d been having sex—multiple times—every night for almost a week. We were getting pretty inventive with not only our positions, but our locations, too. We had to wait until the kids fell asleep for some of the more out-in-the-open ones, but it was totally worth it.
Me: Do you really think I wouldn’t be ready for you? I was ready the minute I left the house.
True statement.
Mickie: Then I’m just giving you something to look forward to.
Coming home to her and the kids was always something to look forward to. It eased my stress, calmed my nerves, and reminded me of everything I had to be grateful for.
Me: Trust me, I’m constantly thinking about you. You don’t have to remind me.
Another true statement. In fact, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Of course, that had been true even before our weekend boat excursion. I looked at the clock and realized it was time for my meeting with Lieutenant Allen.
Me: See you tonight, baby.
I set my phone to silent and straightened my tie. I was going to talk to the Lieutenant about accepting the position of Captain.
Mickie and I had discussed it in detail over the last few days. She was supportive of my moving up the ranks, and I couldn’t deny that it appealed to me greatly. She actually acted very excited for me.
She’d assured me that this was the next phase of our lives, and that we would work through it together. Take it one day at a time. We’d be in it together, every step of the way. And if things ever became too overwhelming at any point, we would just take a step back and get some perspective.
I bumped into Kyle on the way to the Allen’s office. “Hey, you free for lunch?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Raincheck. Got a meeting with the Lieutenant.”
He assessed my clothing with narrowed eyes. “And you broke out the good suit,” he mused. “I’m guessing this is a pretty important meeting.”
“You could say that.”
He pulled me in for a one-arm hug. “I’m happy for you. Congratulations, man. Or should I say Captain?”
I returned his slap on the back, muttering my gratitude. “I wouldn’t start spreading the word just yet. There will probably be an announcement at some point.”
He squinted his eyes at me even harder, as if I were a lab rat he was studying. “You seem extra giddy today. But I know Lieutenant Allen doesn’t get your motor running like that.”
“Giddy, you say? Hm. I haven’t noticed.”
His eyes widened. “You got laid,” he hissed. “Holy shit, Cruz. Are you having an affair…with your wife?”
I rolled my eyes. “Real mature.”
“Hot damn,” he said cheerily, rocking back and forth on his feet. “I knew that boat was a chick magnet.”
I snorted. “What do you care? You have a girl.”
He waved me off. “Yeah, but she has really bad motion sickness. I’m just glad it was good for something.”
I patted him on the back before sidling past him. “And I owe you for that,” I told him. “Remind me to take you out for steak and beer.”
“You better save up, because I’m not a cheap date,” he called out as I walked away.
I steeled myself before knocking on the door, which was followed by a gruff “come in.” The Lieutenant was sat at his desk, pouring over stacks of papers when I opened the door, raising his eyes at my entrance. He dropped the papers and sat back in his chair with a pleased expression.
“I’m guessing by that goofy look on your face you’re accepting my offer,” he said.
“And I’m guessing by your satisfied tone that you’re happy with my decision,” I replied as I sat down.
“Can’t deny that.” He scrutinized me for a few seconds, a skill he had perfected over decades of working on the force. “Got to admit, though. You scared me for a second there.”
I frowned. “How so?”
His expression went blank. Another cop trait. “You seemed hesitant about it for a while,” he answered. “And with things being complicated between you and Mickie, you were acting unsure of your future. It worried me a little.”
I rubbed my chin in thought. I was pretty sure I was still smiling, though. “We had some issues we needed to work through. But we took some time to get away, and now we’re in a much better place.”
“Ah, yes, the anniversary,” he said. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
He eyed me specutively. “She’s onboard with this, then?”
“One hundred percent.”
“Good, good,” he said approvingly. “Because I would hate to see your potential in this department being wasted.” He must have noticed my confused reaction because he continued. “You’re a leader, Cruz. The other guys around here look up to you. They’ll respect you as their boss, and I know you’ll do a damn fine job as their Captain.”
My voice grew thick with emotion. “I appreciate that, sir. Thank you.”
We spoke for a few minutes about the logistics—when I’d start my new role, what the exact pay scale would be, and so on. He shook my hand when we concluded our business, expressing his support.
The meeting had reinvigorated me, and I walked out of there with an extra pep in my step.
I had a lot of work to do, but all I really wanted to do was see Mickie and share my good mood.
I checked my watch. It was still close to lunchtime. I could swing by the hospital, and see if she could sneak away for a quick bite. I’d pick up some flowers on the way first.
Stopping by a florist’s shop down the street reminded me that I needed to call my mother, and schedule a day to bring the kids up for a visit. Maybe we could even invite her over to the house for Christmas this year, since she was supposed to complete her program by November.
By the time I walked through the doors of the ER ward, I felt fucking invincible. Like nothing was going to penetrate this shield of positivity I’d suddenly formed around myself.
But, of course, the universe was once again out to prove me wrong.
I passed the break room on my way to the nurses’ station, where I could usually find Mickie, and stopped cold when I heard her voice. My feet were about to propel me into the room, so I could scoop her up and kiss her crazy, when I heard a male voice in there with her.
I pressed myself up against the wall and tried to listen to their conversation, even though I knew it was a dick move. And completely creepy.
That’s when I distinctly heard her refer to the man as Dr. Stein.
Stein. That fucker.
I’d sensed him creeping in on my territory from the moment I’d met him. And I wasn’t about to stand for it.
But something prevented me from storming in there, getting up in the bastard’s face, and laying my claim. The tone in Mickie’s voice kept me frozen to that spot in the hallway, listening to every word she spoke. As the conversation progressed, I became enraged beyond words at Stein. Hell, I was three seconds away from bursting in and pummeling the guy to the ground.
But I became even more proud of Mickie as I listened.
That was my wife in there. And shit if she wasn’t tearing him a new one, all by herself.
However, my delight was brief. Because what Stein said next threw me for a complete fucking loop. Absolutely turned my entire world upside down.
Mickie had a job offer…in New Jersey?
What the fuck?
Frankly, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. And that scared me more than anything else. My mind was spinning with the implications of what it meant. But when I heard Stein’s angry voice reverberate out into the hallway, I decided I’d heard enough.
I stepped into the doorway of the room, glaring hard at the other man. Their conversation paused, and although I wouldn’t look at her, I knew Mickie’s eyes were wide with shock and fear.
I clenched my hands into fists. “You want to back the fuck off my wife, asshole?”
Chapter Forty-Three
Mickie
Life had been so great the past few days, I couldn’t even find it in me to be upset when I had to clean up other people’s messes at the hospital. Figurative messes, not literal ones.
Although the break room could have used a good scrubbing. I couldn’t possibly have been the only one who used the microwave.
Eh. Oh, well.
I wasn’t going to worry about it today, because today was a great day.
After all, how could you have a bad day when you started off your morning with a toe-curling orgasm in the shower with your sexy stud of a husband? God. The way the water had sluiced down his ripped muscles, he’d looked like a Giorgio Armani ad.
I was going home to that later.
I hadn’t been able to get him off my mind. And my heart beat faster every time my phone buzzed with the hope that I would see his name on the screen.
I felt like I was eighteen all over again.
Although, Dawson wasn’t the only reason I was in such a good mood. I had called the hospital in Trenton earlier this morning and thanked them for their offer, but informed them I couldn’t accept it.
I’d made the official decision this weekend on the boat with Dawson. I still hadn’t told him, of course, but I figured out that I didn’t need to. We were back together. Living back together. We were going to be fine.
There had been no need to bring it up with him.
And now, it no longer felt like I was giving an elephant a piggy-back ride, because so much weight had been lifted off me.
Always Mickie (Cruz Brothers Book 3) Page 25