by Jenna Harte
I showered and dressed in khaki walking shorts and a white sleeveless button shirt appropriate for the library. I slipped on sandals and then headed to the kitchen. Aunt Rose wasn’t up, so I left her a note that I was going to visit a friend before work and wished her luck in her Saturday Bunko game at the senior center. Hopefully she’d beat the pants off Carl Jackson.
I purposefully didn’t mention seeing AJ. While she accepted my dating him, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t hassle me about it.
The air was warm, but less humid now that fall was around the corner. I stopped at Jefferson Java Joint downtown to pick up two coffees, a spiced pumpkin muffin for me, and a chocolate éclair for AJ. Then the Brown Bomber and I lumbered up the mountain on the eastern side of town toward Jefferson Lake.
As I pulled into AJ’s driveway, I noticed another car parked next to his truck. I wondered who’d be visiting him early in the morning. I knew it wasn’t Bull’s car because he drove a bad ass motorcycle.
I grabbed my coffees and bag of yum yums and excited the car. Then I made my way up the walk, which was nicer now that much of the big work of renovating AJ’s home was done, leaving the yard free of debris.
We had gotten past the point where we had to knock at each other’s homes. Actually, AJ didn’t come to the door when he picked me up at Aunt Rose’s. But I was able to walk into AJ’s without knocking.
“Hello?”
I was first greeted by Dutch, who ran up to me and planted her butt waiting for a pat. “Hello sweetie.” My hands were full, so I couldn’t pet her, but I did give her a quick hug, since as a Great Dane, she was huge and could look me in the eyes. All I had to do was reach out with my arm to give her a little snuggle. She rested her head on my shoulder before I pulled away.
I heard a noise and looked up. In the entrance from the back hall to main living area, Becca Thoroux stood. I didn’t think anything of it until I realized she had long, dark tussled hair and was wearing one of AJ’s button shirts. It appeared that that was all she was wearing, as her long legs were bare.
There was only one other time in my life when I felt like everything I thought I knew about life turned out to be a lie and that was when I learned my father was not only arrested but was actually guilty of running a pyramid scam. As I looked at Becca, who eyes widened at the sight of me, I had that same feeling. Disbelief. Anger. Pain. All of them vying for equal intensity.
“Sophie.” Becca mustered a smile.
“Becca.” I made the decision right then and there that I’d play this out. I’d seen enough rom coms to know that things weren’t always how they look. Perhaps there was an innocent explanation. It didn’t seem likely, but I was also determined to not be the woman that went hysterical. “I’ve got coffee and pastries. I only brought two though, I didn’t know you were here.” See, I could be rational.
“I . . . ah . . .”
“Who’s at the door, Bec—” AJ walked into the living area wearing jeans. Only jeans. His chest and feet were bare.
I held the coffee and bag up, and tried to smile like I was clueless as to what I was seeing. “Just me.”
“Sophie.” His expression mirrored Becca’s. Surprise and then ut-oh. It was the ut-oh that had my gut clenching and my resolve to be strong fading.
I swallowed. “Here.” I thrust the breakfast food at Becca since she was closest to me. “You take it. I hope you like pumpkin spice muffins, unless AJ is willing to share the éclair.” Of course, he was willing. It appeared he’d shared his éclair with her during the night.
“Sophie. It’s not what it looks like.” AJ held up a hand. “Give me a minute to get my shirt on and we’ll talk.”
Was that what Randy told Vivie when she found another woman’s underwear under her bed? “It’s not what it looks like.”
What really sealed the deal that something was wrong was his leaving the room to put his shirt on. Why was he okay with walking around shirtless with Becca, but not me?
“Actually, I’ve got to get to work.” I turned to rush out the door, nearly stumbling over Dutch.
“Soph!”
I was almost to the car when AJ caught up to me.
“Sophie, please.” He reached out to take my arm, but I pulled away. “She has a client in town and was looking for a place to stay. That’s it. I swear.”
My head was telling me not to believe him, but my heart was tearing and not wanting to think the worst. “Okay.”
“Okay? You believe me?”
I didn’t know what to believe, but I wanted time and room to think, and I didn’t want to be the hysterical woman. “Of course. I trust you.”
He studied me probably because my words didn’t match my tone. “She was here when I got back from seeing you last night. It was late and I let her have the guest room.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
His jaw clenched as annoyance crossed his face. “Okay. That’s it?”
“What do you want me to say, AJ? You gave me an explanation. I have to trust you because without that, we have nothing.”
He raked his fingers through his thick auburn hair, and I couldn’t help but picture Becca’s hands there. I turned away to get in the car.
“How come you’re not mad?”
“You want me to be mad?”
He let out an exasperated breath. “Do you care about me? Because you act like what you just saw doesn’t bother you.”
“I never said it didn’t bother me, AJ.” I wanted to light him up with my words, and maybe a slap or two. He was upset at me for not being mad? How was I the bad guy in this situation? “But I trust you.” I bit the words out.
I looked across the tranquil water on the lake, the complete opposite of the blood roaring through my brain. I finally looked back at him. “If it were reversed. If you walked in on me and Randy—”
“I’d beat the crap out of him.”
“Even if I said, ‘it’s not what it looks like.’” I gave him back the same words. “He just needed a place to stay.”
“You’d never let Randy stay with you.”
Ugh. “That’s not the point. The point is either you believe and trust me, or you don’t. You’re saying I should go in and punch Becca,” which a part of me wanted to do. “But that would indicate I didn’t believe you. Which is it, AJ, we trust each other or we don’t?”
As he stared at me, my head began to overrule my heart. He doth protest too much. It didn’t make sense, because I would have never thought in a million years AJ would cheat. But his reaction had me rethinking that.
“I’ve got to get to work.”
“Sophie.”
Within seconds, I was in my car and heading down the mountain without a look back, my heart and mind in whirl.
“No!” I slammed my palm on the steering wheel. Even if it was true that nothing happened, I had to admit that there was a familiarity between them. A familiarity AJ and I didn’t have. He and I had never been intimate. Sure, there was kissing and heavy petting, but I’d never seen him naked. Except for a few times we went swimming, I’d never seen him without his shirt.
I couldn’t help but wonder if AJ had been faithful, but reluctantly so. Maybe deep down he missed Becca. I wasn’t there long enough to see more than surprise in Becca’s expression, but the chances were good that if AJ was interested in rekindling things with her, she’d light his fire.
By the time I reached Jefferson Grove, I’d convinced myself that I had to let him go. He had to explore what was going on with him and Becca. I even decided I was lucky to find out before I’d fallen for him more. If I hurt now, imagine how much I’d hurt later.
Somehow, I made it through story time and reshelving books without weeping. The busy work helped keep my mind focused elsewhere. When I was done, I didn’t want to visit Vivie and yet, I knew going home would give me too much time to ruminate over w
hat I saw and what it meant.
I left the library and headed to my car in the parking lot, my mind and emotions weighing down on me now that my brain wasn’t occupied.
“Sophie.”
Startled to hear his voice, I looked up to see AJ standing next to his truck, parked by my car.
“AJ.” My heart leapt at the sight of him, but it was immediately followed by the image of him and Becca that morning. Why was love so cruel? I stopped short. Love? Oh God, I did love him. I’d never told him, but that didn’t mean the feelings weren’t there. No wonder my heart was breaking.
“You said you weren’t working tonight. I hoped we could talk now.”
I should talk, but I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t believe I was happy that I had plans to visit Vivie. “I have a . . . thing.”
He stared at me a moment, his eyes sad. “You have to know that I’d never cheat on you. You know me, Sophie.”
There was a part of me that believed him, and yet, my brain reminded me that anyone can betray another person. “I never thought my family would lie, cheat, and steal . . .”
He cursed, “So now you can’t trust anyone, is that it?”
Seeing AJ and Becca tapped into the same sense of betrayal I’d felt when I learned that not just my father, but also my mother and brother had cheated people. If my own family could hurt me, anyone could. Including AJ.
I’d warned myself when we first connected not to get too attached to him. To not come to rely on him. I had to make my own way in the world. And I was. But I realized now that I’d come to depend on him emotionally. Whether he was faithful or not, the scene that morning reminded me that I couldn’t afford to rely on others for my security or happiness.
He stepped closer to me, but still kept some distance. “Why did you say you believed me if you didn’t?”
I didn’t have an answer for that. Instead, I responded with a question of my own. “Why did you get mad at me for not being more upset?”
“Because it didn’t seem like you believed it. Even now, you’re detached, which means either you think I cheated, or you don’t care if I did.”
Don’t care? My heart was ripping, and he thought I didn’t care?
“What are you really thinking and feeling, Sophie?”
“I do care, AJ. I care that I allowed myself to need you when I know I can’t rely on anyone but myself.”
His breath hitched, and he started to say something, but I kept going. “I care that seeing you and Becca together made me realize that you and her still have something—”
“No. Sophie, no.” He stepped closer again, and one arm stretched out, but I moved out of his reach.
“Then why were you both so comfortable being around each other half naked, yet you felt you had to cover up with me?”
“Is that why you’re upset?”
“Don’t dismiss my feelings.”
“I’m not. The only reason I didn’t have a shirt on is that I was asleep when you arrived. When I heard you, I got up and hurried out, dressing enough to be decent. I wanted to put my shirt on when I saw you because the situation was awkward and I was afraid you’d read more into it.”
“So, this is my fault?”
“No.” He gave a growl of frustration, followed by a deep breath, as if he was trying to calm himself. “It’s just a misunderstanding. Becca and I are friends. Her dad is my boss and I didn’t feel I could kick her out at three in the morning. She was already there when I got there after seeing you.”
I could understand doing a favor for a boss. After all, wasn’t that why I was going to endure Vivie; to help my boss Randy? While I’d dated Randy for a week in high school, my situation wasn’t the same as Becca and AJ. They’d had a relationship. And I’d never be caught dead nearly naked around Randy.
“Why was she in your shirt?”
He blew out a breath. “It wasn’t mine. It was Adam’s.”
“Your brother?” He had an answer for everything. So, had my father, until he finally admitted the truth.
“He stays in the guest room when he comes to visit. He must have left it and she found it and wore it to bed. I swear, Sophie, there’s nothing between me and Becca.”
“Why not?” We’d never talked about our past relationships. I’d known about Becca but not how or why it ended.
AJ’s auburn brows drew together. “What do you mean?”
“You’re friends. You’re very comfortable together.” Half-naked comfortable. “Maybe there are still feelings there.”
Annoyance flashed on his face. “I drove like a bat out of hell last night when we got back to Virginia just to see you because I couldn’t wait any longer.”
My heart betrayed me, doing a flip at the idea that he’d had to see me, even though his words came out angry.
“I missed you. But it doesn’t seem like you care.”
“I care.”
“Do you, Sophie?”
Annoyance went from a simmer to a flare. Why was I turning out to be the bad guy again? “Why are you angry with me? I’m not the one who had a nearly naked woman in my house this morning,”
“I’m angry and hurt, Sophie, because you dismiss my feelings for you.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You’re accusing me of cheating. You’re ready to let this thing between us go without hardly a fight. Maybe you don’t care for me as much as I do for you. That’s the only explanation.”
That couldn’t be right.
“I love you, Sophie.” He spat out as he glared at me, and then stepped back as if he needed a moment.
I, on the other hand, was reeling. We hadn’t used the L word. Before this morning, I’d have been elated that he had. Now, I was just confused.
Finally, he turned his attention back to me. He stared as if he was waiting for my response, but I couldn’t form any words. Not that I didn’t have any thoughts. Many were tumbling through my brain, but I couldn’t decide which to go with. Did I tell him I loved him too, and then let everything that happened that morning go? Did I tell him I wanted time to think because I was afraid to trust him?
“I . . . I have an appointment.” As the words came out, I knew they were the wrong choice.
He jerked back as if I’d slapped him. And I suppose that’s what it felt like.
“AJ—”
He waved his hand as he retreated. “No. That’s the answer.” He shook his head, scoffing. “I should have known.” Then he glared at me. “It turns out I shouldn’t have trusted you. I thought we really had something, but I was what . . . a little fling with the guy from the wrong side of the social economic line? I thought you were different.”
“What?”
“I’m an idiot.”
“AJ—”
“Go Sophie.” He turned away and headed to his truck.
“No.” I marched up to him. “You don’t get to make me the bad guy. I haven’t done anything wrong, AJ Devlin.”
“Neither have I, except to fall in love with you.” He scoffed as he got into his truck. “You know where I am if you change your mind.” He slammed the door shut.
He was going to drive off, and my heart that had been tearing, was now completely shattered. He loved me. I loved him. So why did this seem like the end?
Chapter Ten
Ididn’t want to see Vivie, and yet, I was glad to have something to do. I drove to Monticello Heights. There was no one at the gate, but when I pressed the buzzer on the check-in building, security picked up the phone and let me in when I explained who I was there to visit. I’d never been to the gated community when the front gate hadn’t been manned. People who lived there had bar codes on their cars that would open the gate. The guard was only necessary for guests and work services such as the plumber or cable guy. Looked like the community found a way around that through a call-in system.
>
I drove to Vivie’s and parked in front of her home. Both Vivie and Randy complained about money issues, but they had their nice colonial style home in the gated community. Things couldn’t be all that bad.
Vivie opened the door, and for once, she didn’t look like the perfect Stepford wife. I wondered if that was because she’d spent time in jail or because of Randy’s cheating.
She pursed her lips at me. “I don’t know why you’re here.”
That made two of us, but I plastered on a smile. “I’ve been where you are and thought you could use some support.”
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. I didn’t blame her. If she all of a sudden was nice to me, I’d be suspicious too. “I don’t remember you being in jail.”
“No, but I was questioned and a suspect. Twice.”
She opened the door to let me in. The house smelled of lavender cleaner.
“I’ve been cleaning Randy’s latest skank from the house.” She whirled on me. “Do you know who she is? I thought you were watching him at the restaurant.”
My mind grappled with whether or not I should tell the truth. “He doesn’t cheat at the restaurant.”
“No, he does it in my house.” She turned away and headed back toward her family room.
“The kids are still at their mema’s?” I wasn’t sure what conversation we were going to have; murder or cheating, but neither was something kids should overhear.
“Just until five.” She walked into her kitchen. “Do you want tea or a real drink?”
I wanted a real drink, but it probably wasn’t a good time to get tipsy. “Tea.”
She poured a glass of iced tea for me and a white wine for herself. I got the feeling it wasn’t her first glass of the day.
“It’s happy time somewhere,” she said as she sat on the couch.
I sat in a chair across from her. “I didn’t call the sheriff on you.” I didn’t know why I felt it was important to let her know that I wasn’t the one who told on her, but it was.