by Parker, Ali
We settled into our seats on the plane, both of us a little subdued as was typical at the end of a vacation. The excitement of getting out of town was gone and the reality of going back to one’s real-life was settling in.
“What else does Olin like?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “What are his interests? I don’t talk to a lot of teenagers. I want to be able to connect with him.”
I chuckled. “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be struggling to connect with him.”
She wrinkles her nose. “Okay, how about what I can’t talk to him about?”
I slowly shook my head. “Leila, you’re an excellent conversationalist. You don’t need a cheat sheet to talk to him. He’s smart and he can be funny when he isn’t being surly. Just be you. Don’t overthink it.”
She grimaced, rubbing her hands together. “But I feel so intimidated.”
“Don’t be. Remember the new, improved Leila. The woman who takes no prisoners.”
She made a face. “I’m not quite at that level.”
“Be confident in who you are. You are great just as you are. Talk to him like you would talk to a new student or a friend. Be casual.”
“I’m a very awkward person,” she mumbled.
“And that’s what is so endearing,” I said taking her hand in mine.
She nodded, settling back into the seat. I could see the emotions playing across her face. I didn’t want her to be afraid of Olin. I hated that I had talked about him in a way that made her think she couldn’t talk to him.
“Can I ask a really personal question?” she said in a quiet voice.
I shrugged, leaning forward as if I had a big secret. “You’ve seen me naked. You’ve seen me in the throes of an orgasm. I’m not sure how much more personal it gets than that. Ask away.”
She bit her bottom lip, the signal for her nervousness. “Have you ever thought about having more children?”
It was a bit of a gut punch. “Honestly, I didn’t think about it. Carlie had a hard time getting pregnant with Olin, when she did, it was nothing short of a miracle. We tried for years, but we realized Olin would be our only son. I never thought about it much after that.”
“You don’t want any more kids?”
I should have known the conversation was inevitable. She was a younger woman who would, of course, want kids of her own. I wasn’t exactly over the hill, but I was retired. I never imagined myself being a daddy again. I certainly never imagined myself being a daddy in my late forties.
“I’m not saying I don’t want them,” I said treading lightly into the conversation. “I’m saying I never thought about it. I never thought I would ever have to think about it. I never planned on being with another woman.”
“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. “I’m making you uncomfortable.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s just, after being with the same woman for nearly half my life, it’s an adjustment. Carlie always wanted a household filled with lots of kids. I hated that I couldn’t give her that.”
“Did you think about adoption?” she asked quietly.
I needed to be kicked in the ass. I should have been more sensitive to her history of being a foster kid, going through life with no parents, adopted or otherwise. “We did, but I’ll admit, we didn’t take it seriously. When we started to think about it, I was just getting going in my career. I was working long hours and I didn’t want to leave Carlie to raise two kids by herself. We tabled the idea. We always talked about revisiting adoption later, when things were more settled. Things were never settled. I worked more and she took on a lot of responsibilities with different volunteer groups.”
“Life has a funny way of getting away from us,” she replied.
“Leila, is there something I need to know?” I asked the question that had been lingering since she’d brought up the conversation.
She smiled. “No. It was just a question. Your wife sounds like she was a great mother. I just thought it natural the two of you would have more children.”
It was a subject I wasn’t ready to talk about. Not yet. I didn’t know how to talk about my late wife with my new girlfriend. “It was just one of those things,” I said, physically and emotionally pulling back.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have pried.”
“It’s okay, it’s just, I’m not ready,” I said, not specifying anything.
“I get it.”
“Maybe one day,” I offered.
She put her hand on my thigh. “Christopher, it’s okay. You don’t need to talk about anything that doesn’t feel okay. Her loss is still relatively new.”
“How did you get to be so wise?” I asked her with a warm smile. “You really missed your calling, I think.”
“Oh? What is my calling?”
“A shrink or a motivational speaker.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, yes. I can just see me up on a stage wearing one of those little headphone microphones and doling out words of wisdom. I can barely have a conversation in a crowded room. There is no way I would be able to speak in public.”
“You do it every day,” I pointed out. “Every single day you get up in front of students like me and talk.”
“That’s different,” she said.
“Not so much,” I argued. “When you kick off a new semester, it’s all new faces. You don’t know anyone, and yet you get up there and deliver some of the best lectures I’ve ever heard. I’m old. Trust me, I’ve heard a lot.”
She giggled, her cheeks turning a little red. “It’s different because I love Greek mythology. I feel comfortable talking about the subject because I know it so well.”
“I suppose, but I have to tell you, your life experience has given you insight into other things as well. I find you an absolute fountain of comfort and reason. You’ve helped me more in the last month than any of the professional therapists I’ve paid a lot of money to. They always had some canned, generic responses to my questions. You have genuine, heartfelt advice that resonates deep inside me.”
“Compliments and flattery will get you everywhere,” she quipped.
“I’m only speaking the truth.”
“Thank you. It means a lot coming from you. I’m glad I could be there for you and say the right things. Although, I would not suggest putting too much weight in my advice. After all, I am a felon.”
I burst into laughter, still amazed by what she had done for me. She had never admitted it and I wasn’t going to ask her directly again, but I knew it was her and I was eternally grateful for it. “We won’t mention that to Olin.”
Her eyes went wide. “No! Definitely not. I hope you don’t think I’m a bad influence.”
“Leila, you couldn’t be a bad influence if you tried. You are inherently good right down to your cute little toes.”
“You never know when the bad might come out,” she said with a grin.
“Lord help us all when it does.”
We were quiet for a few minutes when she turned to look at me. “Are you going to pursue that degree in religious studies?”
I knew she was likely asking how much longer I was going to be a student at the university. I was happy to know she was thinking long term. “I don’t know. It’s not something I’m fully committed to.”
“Don’t give it up because of me,” she said. “I’m probably going to waffle a lot over the coming weeks and, God willing, months. Don’t give up on me or your studies. Please. Promise me you won’t.”
I nodded. “I will talk to you if I feel like I’m leaning in that direction,” I said taking her hand. “There is always a chance I will drop out of school because of my responsibilities to Olin. I am not sure how committed I am to this idea of getting a degree. It’s just something I’m doing right now to occupy my time.”
“Okay, I can accept that.”
“Good. Now, how serious are you about meeting Olin?”
She shrugged. “I’m serious.
I want to do all that I can to make it better for you. I know you’re torn. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t have it all. If you want me to meet him, I’m game. If you’d prefer I didn’t, I will understand that as well.”
“I want you to meet him,” I said confidently. “How about today?”
“Today?” she squeaked.
“He’s at home. When I texted him this morning, he asked if I was going to be bringing you home. He wants to meet you.”
She was worrying that bottom lip again, revealing her nervousness. “Okay. It’s better to get it over with. Then we’ll know.”
“We’ll know what?”
“If this will ever work between us,” she answered. “If he doesn’t like me, I think we need to respect that.”
“I’m not willing to accept that,” I said firmly. “He might need some time to warm up, but I’m not willing to let you go because of one bad first impression.”
“Technically, it would be a second impression.”
I smiled. “Yes, but that first one wasn’t a set up for a successful encounter. It was doomed from the moment his girlfriend cheated on him.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Oh my gosh! The poor kid! I feel horrible I made it worse by being there.”
“It’s okay. He’s moved on. I’m excited for you to meet him.”
“I hope this doesn’t blow up in our faces,” she muttered.
I hoped not either. I wasn’t sure how I would deal with it if Olin took an instant dislike to her. I couldn’t imagine how he would, but my son surprised me at times. His attitude had been all over the place as of late and there was always a chance he could be in another mood swing when we showed up at the house.
I sent up a silent prayer to whoever was listening. I often talked to Carlie and asked for her spiritual help in a lot of things, but this wasn’t a matter I was sure she’d want to be bothered with. Could I really ask my dead wife to help me win over our son with my new girlfriend?
That probably violated a lot of ghost rules and ethics. I was on my own with this one. I sat back and did my best to look completely calm and unworried. If Leila sensed I was worried, she’d back out. It would only prolong the inevitable. I wanted to know sooner rather than later if my son would accept her. I didn’t want to get in any deeper than I was with her if Olin would never accept her as a part of my life.
The thought of not being able to see her again caused mild panic in my heart. I would beg Olin if I had to. I would order him to like her.
It just had to go well. I didn’t want to imagine my life without her in it. I couldn’t imagine my life without her, and that was the problem. I felt like I was in a do or die situation. I needed her.
Chapter 57
Leila
My palms were sweaty, and my stomach was churning. I was mulling over the many reasons why I had to go home. We’d gone to my house and now were in Christopher’s truck heading to his. He had checked in with Olin one last time to make sure he was comfortable with meeting me. I had almost hoped he would say no. I wasn’t sure I was.
When he pulled into his driveway, my nerves nearly got the best of me. He reached over and put his hand on my leg. “It’s going to be okay,” he said, instinctively knowing and sensing my nervousness.
“I swear to you, I will do my best to make him like me, but if he doesn’t, I apologize to you now.”
“Baby, I’m not worried so don’t you worry. You just be you. You are perfect.”
I inhaled, letting his words sink in. He pulled into the garage. As the door slid closed, the feeling of being locked in threatened to send me into a panic. I took a few more deep breaths and let go of the panic. I followed him down the hall. It wasn’t hard to find his son. The sound of him shouting and the faint sound of gunfire drew us to him.
We rounded the corner, stepping into the huge open living room. His son was sitting on the edge of the sofa, a headset on his head and a controller in his hand. The huge flat-screen TV made the action very authentic. I had never understood the appeal of video games.
“Olin,” Christopher said his name. When there was no response, Christopher walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. Olin turned to look at him, then me, before telling someone he had to go.
He pulled off the headset and got to his feet. “Olin, this is Leila. Leila, Olin.”
I smiled and stepped forward to shake his hand. “Hi, Olin.”
“Hi,” he said somewhat sheepishly. He had many of his father’s features. He was tall and lanky, and his eyes were a much darker blue than Christopher’s. He had the same color hair, but it was much longer than his father’s.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
He smirked. “I’m sure you have.”
“Your father tells me you’re going out for baseball,” I said, hoping to move the conversation right along.
“I am.”
I froze. It was going to be one of those conversations. The kind where it was like pulling teeth to get real answers. A conversation that was generally all one-sided. I looked to Christopher for help. He must have sensed my desperation. “Why don’t we go into the kitchen and grab a snack?” he suggested.
Food always made conversation easier, I mused. It was why they served appetizers at parties. It just seemed to relax people. At least, I hoped it relaxed him. Olin and I both took seats at the bar, leaving one seat between us.
“Where did you two meet?” he asked me.
I looked to Christopher, a little surprised he had told him nothing about me. I wasn’t sure if I was offended or hurt. “Um, at school. The university. I’m a professor.”
He didn’t look surprised, making me think he already knew that after all. “A professor of what?”
“Greek mythology,” I said with a smile.
That seemed to surprise him. “Like Zeus and Hercules?”
“Hercules is a Roman god, but very similar.”
“There are different nationalities of gods?” he asked with genuine interest.
I glanced up at Christopher who was obviously listening but pretending to be occupied with the fridge. “Yes, I suppose you could say that. The Greeks had Heracles, which is who Hercules was essentially modeled after. The Norsemen also had their own gods.”
“Norsemen?”
“Vikings,” I said with a smile. “The Vikings had Odin, Thor, Loki, and so on.”
His eyes brightened. “No way! Those are actual people? I thought they were Marvel comics.”
I laughed. “They are, but I believe the creator must have gotten his inspiration from the Norse mythology stories.”
He looked impressed, which made my heart swell. “That’s cool. I didn’t know there were so many different kinds. I’ve always kind of liked the Greek stuff. We only get like a few weeks of it in school. You teach it all the time?”
I nodded. “I do. I teach far more than what is glossed over in high school. That’s where I first became interested in it. It just kind of lured me in and I couldn’t stop thinking about this other world of super beings.”
“How long did you have to go to college to become a professor?”
I blew out a breath. “In total, there was about eight years of college and interning and getting the experience I needed to get a job. Fortunately for me, there are not a lot of professors that specialize in Greek mythology. There are plenty that teach it and they do okay, but I’m all about the mythology.”
“Why a professor?”
I shrugged. “I realized I liked Greek mythology and I wanted to do something that involved that. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of jobs out there that fit that bill. I’ve always liked the idea of teaching, but I didn’t want to be a high school teacher. It was just a good fit.”
I looked at Christopher again. He was smiling as he put a frozen pizza in the oven. “She’s a really good teacher too,” he chimed in. “I’ve never been all that interested in Greek mythology, but the way she talks about it make
s it sound cool. It’s like watching one of those movies.”
I blushed a little. “Thank you.”
“Maybe I’ll have to take one of those classes,” Olin offered.
Both Christopher and I stared at him. “Really?” Christopher asked. “Are you thinking about going to the university?”
Olin shrugged. “I’m thinking about it.”
“What do you want to study?” I asked. “Or,” I said with a silly grin. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“He used to want to be an astronaut,” Christopher joked. “I guess we’re in the right place for it.”
Olin laughed. “I don’t want to be an astronaut.”
“What are you interested in?” I pressed.
He looked thoughtful. “I don’t know. I kind of want to be a cop but I also want to be a lawyer or maybe a game designer.”
I smiled, remembering the days when I had been young and trying to decide what to do with my life. “I would advise to imagine yourself in the job and then pick it apart. Which one makes you smile the most? Do you see yourself in a business suit and working long hours defending people?”
He grimaced. “I don’t like suits.”
Christopher laughed. “That’s for sure. Why don’t we do one of those aptitude tests to see if we can help you narrow it down?”
“I don’t know. I’m still thinking about it.”
I didn’t say it, but I wanted to tell him it would be wise to start narrowing things down now. Then again, his father had the means to pay for classes, even if he ended up going in a different direction. I hadn’t had that luxury. I knew from the time I was very young that once I chose something, I was in it. I wouldn’t be able to afford a different course of study.
“You’ve got some time,” Christopher offered. “You’ll figure it out. If you need to take a semester off and narrow it down, you can certainly do that as well.”
I smiled at the man who was such a good father. I wished he could see how good of a father he was. He was loving and kind and ridiculously patient. Olin really had no idea how lucky he was.