“I’ve never topped anything you’ve done, have I?”
Dave chuckled, but the sound was cut short when he glanced at Tom. “Hey man, what exactly are we talking about here?”
Tom lit a cigarette, taking a long drag before answering.
“We’re talking about Mom, I guess.”
“Mom! Why the hell ruin the day by talking about her?”
“You were her favorite.”
“I was? Unless we’re just doing a Smothers Brother’s routine, I’d like to know how you came to that fucked-up conclusion.”
“She was proud of you. You’re a doctor forgodsake. You made the grade.”
Dave grimaced, slowly shaking his head. “No one made the grade with Mom. She never made the grade with herself, don’t you know that?”
Tom focused watery eyes on the far side of the lake.
“You’re a Class A guy, Tom, but something’s really kicked your ass. I’m no shrink, but if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”
Tom reeled in his line and swiveled around to face him.
“What do you think of Julie?”
“Whoa,” Dave said. “You threw me a curve ball on that one.” He grabbed a couple of beers from the cooler, handing one to Tom. “I love Julie like a sister, and that’s the truth.” He took a healthy swig of his beer. “At first, I didn’t trust her much, but that was because I didn’t trust any woman—thank Mom for that. But after I got to know Julie a little, I realized she was the perfect woman for you.”
“Perfect? We don’t have anything in common.”
“You’ve got Lindsay.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Dave grinned. “I know that’s not what you meant. Let me tell you something. I know quite a few couples that had plenty in common, and they’re divorced now—or should be.” He tipped the neck of his bottle toward Tom. “Sometimes opposites attract for all the right reasons.”
“Things have changed, and—”
“Yeah,” Dave shot back. “You’ve started taking each other for granted. Julie’s spending all her time with that shrew Patricia, and you’re out chasing tail.”
“I told you that’s over.”
“Then get over it. Talk to your wife and work things out.”
Fuming, Tom spun back around and started the engine. Without another word between them, they sped back to the dock. Leaving Dave to collect the fishing gear, Tom jumped out of the boat and stalked into the woods.
*
Julie stood on the terrace overlooking Los Angeles, her mind screaming. Think, for God’s sake, stop and think. What the hell was she doing nearly two thousand miles from home? Eddie and Patricia had kept her so busy since their arrival in the city, she’d hardly had a moment to herself in four and a half days. Last night, she’d awakened in a panic with the realization she’d actually asked Tom for a divorce. How had it come to that?
Behind her, Patricia stretched and yawned. And that raised another question. Why was Patricia sharing a room with her instead of Eddie? When she’d asked Patricia that question, the answer had been a vague “I don’t know. Eddie said …” For some reason, the usual got-an-opinion-on-everything Patricia had become an airhead.
“I’m starving.”
Startled out of her reverie, Julie turned to find a rumpled Patricia, looking every minute of her fifty years, squinting against the morning sun. Since they’d left Indianapolis, everything about the woman set her on edge.
Julie forced a smile. “Ready when you are.”
Thirty minutes later, the two women sat at a table across from a beaming Eddie.
“I have wonderful plans for today,” he said. “I made reservations at The Ivy for lunch. But first we’ll do some shopping on Rodeo—”
“I’d rather sit around the pool,” Julie said.
Eddie looked sharply at her, and for a second she thought she saw a cold glint in his eyes, but then he smiled. “Julie, love, you can sunbathe at home. We’re in L.A., City of the Angels, the land of milk and honey. Surely, you don’t want to just sit.” He glanced at Patricia, and she chimed in instantly.
“I can’t believe you’d suggest passing up a shopping trip.” She reached for Julie’s hand. “Stop this foolishness. After breakfast we’re off to spend Eddie’s money.” She looked at Eddie. “Aren’t we, dear?”
Eddie nodded furiously. “We are, my loves. We are indeed.”
*
When Tom returned to the cabin with Max trotting alongside him, he found Dave sitting on the porch with his feet propped on the railing and cigar in hand.
“I could smell the stink of that thing at fifty yards.”
“This is healthier than those damned Camels you chain smoke.”
Tom dragged a chair up next to Dave’s. He lit a cigarette, took a puff, and then held it out at arm’s length.
“Coffin nails, we called them. Remember? Then it was cancer sticks.” He took another drag, blowing a smoke ring as he exhaled. “You know, those things you smoke cause cancer too. You could be walking around without a tongue someday—like Kharis in those old mummy movies.”
“Klnh khnk hhrlh,” Dave said.
They both cracked up, allies against the injustices of life, as they’d always been. For a few minutes, they sat in amiable silence smoking their addiction of choice.
Dave reached out and noogied Tom’s head. “Since lunch was only liquid, I’m starving. Let’s raid the fridge.”
While Dave surfed the TV channels for a ball game, Tom filled a tray with chips, crackers, salty preserved meats and high-fat cheeses. He placed it between them on the sofa. They cheered for the Reds while they ate.
“I hate to risk sending you into another snit, but who’s this third person in your head?” Dave asked. “You mentioned it yesterday but never explained.”
Tom rested his head on the back of the sofa and studied the ceiling for a moment. “It’s a long story, a freaky long story, but I’ll give you a rundown.” He sat up, keeping his eyes on the television while he talked. “About two weeks ago, Julie and I went to the movies. When I paid the woman for the tickets, I accidentally touched her hand, and it caused us to have this vision or something.”
“Both of you saw something?”
“Yeah. I saw a woman in the woods, I was the man with her, and we were running from someone. Anyway, I got shot and killed and that was the end of the vision. The whole thing only lasted a few seconds. I was sort of stunned afterward. Besides, I was with Julie, so I couldn’t just stand there talking to this woman about what happened. So, a couple of days later, I went back to the theater to talk to her.”
“What did Julie say when you told her about the vision?”
Tom glanced at Dave out of the corner of his eye, then studied the tortilla chip in his hand. “I didn’t tell anyone. It … it was just too weird, man.” He shrugged. “So anyway, this woman said she’d never had an experience like that either, and we talked about what it could mean. She thinks it’s a reincarnation thing. You know, like we were those two people in a previous life? I don’t know anything about that stuff, so I sort of went along with it, but—hey, he was safe. Did you see that?”
Dave picked up the remote and clicked the game off. “Get on with the story.”
Tom frowned at the blank TV screen for a moment. “Well, I enjoyed talking to Annie, and one thing led to another, but I swear, I didn’t intend for it to. Things got real confusing. The deal is, I think this Jacob and Maggie—those were the names of the couple in the visions—”
“You had more than one?”
“Oh yeah. The first couple of times it happened when our hands touched. Then after that, we both started having them at any time—not just when we were together. And dreams. I’m dreaming about these two, so I assume she is too.”
“You assume?”
“I’m not seeing her, or even talking to her anymore. I told you that.”
Dave nodded. “Okay. You said it got confusing …”
&nb
sp; “Yeah, confusing because I started feeling like some of the time, this Jacob was … influencing me or something.” Tom searched for the right words. “Sometimes, lately, I’ve done or said things that just weren’t me. You know what I mean? At work, probably at home, I’ve felt like a different person most of the time. And the blackouts—man, I don’t know what I might have said or done during those.”
“You’ve had trouble at work?”
Tom chewed at his lower lip, not wanting to confess further evidence of how far he’d fallen. “To be honest, I was ordered to take this week off work.”
Dave got up and went to the door of the screened porch. “Let’s sit out here while I smoke. I know Julie doesn’t like it stinking up your cabin.”
They took seats in the two cane rocking chairs that sat side-by-side facing the lake. In his mind’s eye, Tom saw the two of them in their seventies sitting here, and he was comforted by the thought that no matter what, he’d always have his brother.
“I’m trying to be open-minded about this,” Dave began. “I know you’re not one of those New Age types, but it sounds to me like you’re trying to say this Jacob person is possessing you or something.”
“I know. I know it does, and I can’t explain it any other way—unless I’ve lost my mind.”
“I don’t think that,” Dave said quickly.
“I think this ghost, spirit—whatever—has been using me to get what it wants. And that’s ruining my life.”
“What does it want?”
“To be with the woman, this Maggie. And Maggie is Annie—”
“Aw shit, Tom.” Dave shook his head. “Don’t tell me you’re trying to use some ghost as an excuse to—”
“I know how it sounds, but I swear it’s the truth. I mean, I’m not saying that I didn’t find Annie attractive, but beautiful women are everywhere, and I’ve had my share of offers. But I’ve never screwed around before. And—” he lowered his voice, “I know you’ll think this is nuts, but I’m not so sure it’s actually me who’s been with Annie. At least, not entirely me.”
“Oh my God and Jesus, you are telling me Jacob made you do it.” Dave tried to choke back his laughter but failed.
Tom leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, head cradled in hands.
Dave stifled his laughter. “Sorry. I know this isn’t funny. I can see how miserable you are.” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Well, if there is a ghost that’s controlling you somehow, what the hell can we do about it?”
“I didn’t say he was controlling me now.” Tom sat back in his chair. “I haven’t been with Annie in a week. I saw her at the theater on Sunday, but that wasn’t my fault. And I don’t plan to ever see her again. So obviously, he’s—it’s—not controlling me anymore.”
“Then why have you been on a drunk for the last few days?”
Tom got up and walked to the edge of the porch to look out at the lake. The sun had begun its descent toward the horizon and the humidity was a layer of invisible gel suspended around them.
“Monday night, Julie told me she’s divorcing me. For real. She called from L.A.”
“I’m sorry, man. There was nothing you could say to make her—”
“We didn’t talk at all. She says there’s nothing to discuss.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Tom whirled to face Dave. “It means she knows I’m a cheating louse, goddammit. It means I don’t get a second chance.”
The weight of the conversation silenced them both for several minutes.
“I need some sleep,” Tom said and headed back inside. Absently he rubbed his temples where monstrous fingers of a headache had begun to probe. He was tired of talking about his fucked up life, tired of thinking about it—just plain tired.
“A nap sounds good,” Dave said, jumping up to follow. “Meet you later for cocktail hour.”
The sun hung low in the west as Dave walked down the hall toward the deeply shadowed main room of the cabin. Near the end of the hall, he stopped in his tracks. A figure stood at the fireplace, facing away from him.
“Tom?” There was no answer. Dave continued into the room, hitting the light switch as he passed it. Tom stood with his right hand extended toward the mantel.
“Tom,” Dave repeated, louder this time and from a distance of less than five feet. Slowly, Tom turned his face toward him, the tear tracks on his cheeks glistening. “Hey!” Dave punctuated his yell with a clap of his hands.
Tom blinked twice—and woke. He sniffed and then rubbed his eyes. “Must be an allergy,” he muttered. Then he grinned. “Hey, we sort of went into extra innings on those naps, didn’t we?”
“Yeah,” Dave said warily, “I guess we did.”
“I’m starving, man, but frozen pizza doesn’t sound so good. You want to head over to the marina for dinner?”
Dave studied his brother’s face. “Are you all right, Tom?”
Tom laughed. “Sure. Why?”
“Were you sleepwalking … or something?”
“Huh? When?”
“Just now. When I called your name, you didn’t answer. And you aren’t sniffing because of an allergy. You were crying.”
Tom wiped at his still damp lashes. They stared at each other for several seconds, but Tom offered no explanation for what Dave had seen.
“T. J… . I want you to promise me you’ll schedule an appointment with a neurologist. These visions, this ghost thing could be symptoms of something physical, something serious. Will you promise?”
“Yeah. Sure. I’ll do that when I go back home.”
Dave smiled and clamped a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “Let’s go eat. Your treat.”
Tom was grateful that Dave left the heavy talk until after they’d eaten dinner. Now, as they drank their coffee, he began.
“Let me tell you something about Mom,” he said. “I tried hard in those last months to understand her, to excuse her for being a rotten mother. She ignored my questions about why she’d done this or that. So I gave up asking, but I started listening. After a while, I heard the flip-side of all her complaints and realized what she was really saying.”
“You mean even her complaints were double-edged?”
“I mean that when she said, ‘I guess Tom’s too busy building half the houses in Indianapolis to call me,’ she meant she was proud of your success.”
“Ha! She meant what she said.”
“She loved you, Tom. She loved us both. And I finally realized that she loved Dad—”
“Like hell.”
“Will you shut up and listen? I believe it’s true. There was something in Mom that wouldn’t let her show emotional need.”
“She had no trouble expressing her material needs.”
“Exactly. Don’t you see? That was a mask.”
“A mask?” Tom shook his head in disbelief. “Since when did you switch your practice from cardiology to psychology?”
Dave drank the last of his coffee. “Actually,” he said, “it was Becky who pointed that out to me.”
Tom smiled. “Well, I respect Becky’s opinion, but I have a hard time believing Mom pushed us all away because she couldn’t say she loved and needed us.”
“Do you?” Dave leveled his gaze at Tom and held it. “How’s your relationship with Julie?”
*
Stoically, Julie had made it through the hours of shopping, the star-spangled lunch, Eddie’s tour of Beverly Gardens Park, and dinner at Matsuhisa, but she could not face the show at the Laugh Factory. She pleaded exhaustion, Eddie commiserated, and Patricia followed Julie to her room—their room.
Julie walked straight to the bar, grabbed a glass and a bottle of wine, and headed to the bathroom for a long soak in the tub. Quickly, before her shadow could sidle in to keep her company, she locked the door behind her.
24
June 25
Maybe it was Dave’s company, maybe it was also the respite from visions and dreams, but this morning Tom felt al
most hopeful. He poured himself another cup of coffee from the thermos and sipped it while he watched the wisps of morning mist glide toward him to mingle with the steam from his cup.
Dave guided the boat into a cove and lowered the trolling motor. “I’ll bet you twenty bucks I beat anything you pull out of the lake today.”
“You’re on,” Tom said. “I feel lucky.”
*
Julie lay in bed, eyes closed, savoring the sensation of peace in the space between sleeping and waking. The effects of the wine she’d drunk last night had long since worn off, but she was floating just the same. She’d been dreaming of when Lindsay was a baby and she and Tom were so much in love.
“You’d better get ready,” Patricia said. “Eddie will be expecting us downstairs soon.”
Julie’s pink cloud dissipated, crashing her back to earth. “Eddie can wait,” she snapped.
“Well, aren’t we grumpy this morning.”
“Are we, Patricia? We seem to be joined at the hip lately. Why don’t you and Eddie leave me alone for ten minutes today? Could you do that?” She got out of bed and turned toward her tormentor. Tears welled in Patricia’s eyes. Julie sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. I understand.”
“No, it’s not all right. I know you wanted this to be a fun trip and Eddie’s paying an arm and a leg for all this. I don’t mean to be ungrateful. It’s just bad timing … this thing with Tom.”
Patricia was by her side in a second, hugging her. “Oh, but I do understand. You’re stressed. What you need is some sunshine. How about a trip to Malibu? Eddie knows this place—”
“Yeah, sure,” Julie said. With another sigh she turned toward the bathroom, “I’ll be ready as soon as I can.”
*
When Tom and Dave stepped out of the boathouse, Lindsay called out from the porch. “Hey Dad, catch anything?”
“Let’s just say I’m twenty dollars richer.” Tom laughed as Dave grumbled. He climbed the steps to the porch and hugged her. “I’m glad you came out to join us. You come alone?”
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