That night neither of us slept, both of us staring at the ceiling and knowing things would never be the same. I traced the little hairs on his chest and stared into the future, wondering if I was the stupidest girl in the world.
After I got to San Francisco, I called Christiano and told him I’d bought an old bar that had been closed down for a year, thanks to the horrifying recession taking it under. I explained to him that the loan went through and now all I had to do was paint it to renovate, and get a new sign. He didn’t say anything at first. I waited until he finally whispered, “So permanent.”
“No, it’s an investment. Remember what I told you? It’s easy to sell a thriving business for a profit. And I’ll have the experience under my belt and can open up a place in Italy if I come back.”
“When you come back,” he corrected.
We sat in silence, as we did so often when we talked on the phone. “I need to do something on my own. Why can’t you understand that?”
“I let you go, didn’t I?” His voice was tired. “I miss you, bella.”
With a heavy heart, I admitted, “I miss you, too.”
That was six months ago.
Tonight, I give two glasses of Sam Adams to a nice couple on a date, and take their cash. This is definitely their first date, and she hates beer but isn’t telling him that, yet. I can see it in her eyes when I hand it to her.
This is my bar, and even though it hasn’t found its stride… it’s mine. All mine. I did it. Now I’m just praying I can make it successful.
Smiling to myself, I head back to refill Barbara’s already empty glass. Hell, she might be able to keep this place afloat on her own. “You want another, Barb?”
“Do kids love cake?”
I chuckle and pour as she holds out her hand, bracelets jingling.
“Let me see a picture of this Italian boy of yours.”
I pull up his photo on my phone, the one I took the weekend we went to Venice. “Here he is.”
“Ooooooo. Look at him!”
I smile, leaning in to look at it, too. “Yeah. He’s not hard on the eyes.”
“How long have you been dating him?” Her eyes stay glued to the screen taking in his olive skin, dark hair and deep brown eyes. She starts to scroll for more pictures, but I grab it from her before she finds something naked.
“I met him right after I got there. He took me in. So, four and half years? Yeah.” I lean on the counter to make way for Manny loading up the refrigerator with more bottles of beer. “But we’re not dating anymore. I told him while I’m gone, he should date other people.” It hurts just saying it.
Her perfectly-lined eyebrows go up. “And here I thought you were smart.”
I stare at her. She’s mirroring exactly the same thing I’ve been thinking, and it’s unnerving to have your doubts stare back at you. Or is it just the nerves of financial uncertainty that has me doubting?
And if I really want to see Brendan, then why haven’t I contacted him yet? I know where he works. It’s pretty much common knowledge that Brendan is the Creative Director for the biggest advertising agency in the city. But what am I going to do, call up his assistant and say, hi. I think I’m in love with your boss. Is he in?
But thinking of him now, the memory of his eyes looking into mine, makes me feel more certain that I have to find out. This feeling hasn’t gone away in five long years. I have to make it go away, even if that means getting hurt all over again.
17
Brendan
Mark: heartbroken. Me: Over it.
________
I look at Mark’s sad sack of a face and shake my head. “We’ve gotta get you out of the house.” He doesn’t move off the couch. He looks up at me like I’m saying it’s time for your colonoscopy now.
“I’m fine,” he mutters, unconvincingly looking away.
I walk to the coat rack and grab his jacket, walk back and toss it at his long face. “Seriously. Get up. We’re getting drunk.”
Mark grabs the jacket and holds it to his lap. He and I have been roommates ever since he asked me to move in, after we graduated college. I have never seen him like this over some woman. It’s pathetic. He reaches for the clicker, but I lean down and grab it first.
“Oh no you don’t.” I hold it in the air. “I’m not watching Real Housewives of Alaska one more time.”
This draws a smile out of him. He jokes, “But I want to see if Alice was able to ice fish with her husband still banging the maid.” As if he’d ever watch that show.
“We’ll record it. And then we’ll get you some lipstick and a bra.” I chuckle. “Now come on.”
I grab my own jacket while Mark slides his arms through his, following. I don’t know how you can get so hung up on a woman who’s all the way in New York. Secretly, I think that’s why he’s this gone over her – because of the distance. It can’t be because he’s in love. He just met her. That doesn’t happen.
Mark locks up and we head for the street, taking the stairs down from the penthouse. We moved into this loft a year ago, as soon as the contractors put the finishing touches on it with walls that separate the bedrooms, and an office for me. “Hey, have you ever taken the elevator?” I ask him, throwing a questioning look his way as I shove my hands inside my jacket pockets to keep warm. It’s gotten chilly now that fall is descending into winter.
His voice echoes as our steps noisily clamor down the stairs. “Only when we moved the furniture in.”
“Oh yeah. That was a good day.” I open the staircase exit and step out into The Mission District, our neighborhood.
“Yeah,” he mutters, his thoughts still somewhere else. I toss him a glance, but he doesn’t catch the worried look behind my sneer. “Don’t say it.”
“You’re going soft of me.”
“You said it.”
“I did.”
We walk side by side, looking ahead, but I’m the only one who’s really here. He’s three thousand miles away, as he has been for the past month and change. The bite of the wind nips at my face and I hold back a shiver. I don’t know where we’re headed, but we’ll probably find one of the old haunts. The second I think that, I feel irritated, like I need something new.
I’m tired of running into the same old faces and we’ve gotten too comfortable, just like everybody else. The routine has become… routine. I’m not happy. I haven’t been in a long time, but it’s only begun to sneak into my consciousness. This feeling has been pulling at me, like something is missing from my life.
I need something. And I don’t know what it is.
If I’m going to get my heartbroken buddy back on track, I’m going to have to change the scenery… turn this train around to a different route. As we pass by Mission Bar, he says nothing, but when I pass Knockout, he turns to go in and double-takes when he sees me not following.
His eyebrows aren’t any more shoved together than they have been for the past four weeks, but there’s confusion in his eyes now. “Where you headed? What’s up?” He stands by the door with his hand on the handle.
I stop and look up at the sign, so familiar. I can even see Teri inside smiling at one of her friends. Teri’s always a great time and can your mind off anything. I’m very tempted to just say Fuck it. Open the door. But something inside, stops me. I step back instead, pulled by an urge I can’t quite put my finger on. “Let’s go someplace new. We need to change things up.”
Mark’s eyebrows go up and I think I see relief. He releases the door and walks back in line with me, moving away from same old same old, with less weight in his stride. “Where dya wanna go?” he asks.
I look around. “I don’t know. Let’s walk until we find a place. Anything to get that ugly mug of yours to stop looking so damned pathetic.”
He scoffs, replacing relief with frustration. “You don’t get it, Brendan.”
“I don’t get what? That you think you’re in love? Oh, I get it! You think walking around like this is the way to handle being dumped? L
et me tell you, there is no woman so amazing that you throw away a month of your time dragging your feet around when the best thing that’s ever happened to you is finally here.”
“What?” He looks at me like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
“Unbelievable!” I stare at him. Still nothing. I smack him in the shoulder. “Hello! You’ve got investors financing your app! Or they’re interested, at least. You’re sitting on a gold mine. You’re going to be able to quit your job and be self-sustaining! I mean, COME ON! I’m sorry, but I would be pretty fucking stoked right about now.”
He looks everywhere else but at me. He’s listening though. And he must hear the sense I’m making, because if he didn’t, he’d just tell me to shut the fuck up. We walk awhile in silence until he says, “How about that place?”
I follow the jut of his chin to see a small lounge bar, painted black, with a big window that runs floor to ceiling. I check out the metal sign. “Le Barré? Huh. Must be new.”
He nods. “They used Atlas. I like it.”
I step into the street. “Please tell me you’re not talking about fonts again.” He smirks and I mutter, shaking my head, “Dweeb.”
We cross the street and I hold open the door for him. “Since you’re being such a girl, allow me.”
“Shut it,” he mutters.
“If it’ll make you happy, dear.” I close the door and follow him in. A new place. Huh. I don’t know why, but my blood quickens as soon as we walk into the dark room.
It feels like something is about to happen…
The End of Part 1
What happened over those five years? More will be revealed as the exciting Hearts Series continues to unfold over several exciting volumes, each building on the last in a uniquely new way.
For Mark’s story, see “I Love My Fire.” By Sabrina Lacey.
For the Prelude to this story – Brendan’s weekend in Mendocino with Rebecca, get the Multi-Author box set of short stories, It’s In His Kiss (only .99)
BY SABRINA LACEY
I Love My…
The Completed Series of Three Loyal Best Friends
I LOVE MY HEALED HEART (JESSICA)
I LOVE MY SIDE OF THE STORY (AMBER)
I LOVE MY FIRE (box set - NICOLE)
Also Available is the entire I Love My… Series in one box set – I LOVE MY TRILOGY.
Hearts Series
Throbbing Hearts -Part 1 (free)
Reaching Hearts - Part 2
Crushing Hearts – Part 3
Part 4 is in the works – keep checking the website!
The prelude is available exclusively in the multi-author box set titled “It’s In His Kiss” as The Fall - Part 0.5
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_________________________
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sabrina Lacey used to shoot photography and for a while, fashion. She was like Diego, the photographer in I Love My Healed Heart who worked the tents at Fashion Week. It gave Sabrina all the insight she needed to create a fantastical tale about the glamorous lives those people don’t really live. ;) She grew up near San Francisco, went to A.C.T. and had her fair share of late nights dancing at raves in the city. Now she lives in Los Angeles, CA. with her dog Pippin. He wouldn’t comment for this bio. He’s an enigma, that one. A tiny, fluffy, white Maltese, enigma who captured her heart and ran with it. She however would like to say that she loves you for coming along for the ride. Cheers and Happy Reading!
Throbbing Hearts (Hearts Series) Page 8