by Dan Freedman
When Bernard arrived – generally in a suit and always looking serious but cool – Jamie and Rafael would simply pause the game and carry on the next day.
It was while they were playing Soccer Manager five days before that something quite amazing had happened. During a toast break, Jamie asked Rafael to talk again about what football was really like in Brazil. He asked Rafael the same question every day. Jamie was so fascinated by Brazilian football, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. What he really wanted to know was what made the Brazilian footballers so unique. What gave them the bit of magic in their play that no one else in the world possessed?
Rafael was always happy to talk about Brazilian football, but what had been different about that day was the way in which he had answered the question … the way he had spoken.
“Football in Brazil is our life, our religion … it is everything,” Rafael had smiled. “Every person in the country is in love with football… Me, for example, my dad took me to watch Palmeiras, his favourite team, when I was a baby! We go to watch them all the time and every game is like a party. The fans, they go to dance and sing. It is such a beautiful experience. Oh, and by the way, Palmeiras have a new young player. He is an attacker called Arnaldo and he has the most brilliant skills. He has the magic in his play that you are talking about. Believe me, everyone in the world will soon have heard of him.”
It was only when Rafael paused for breath that they both stopped and looked at each other. Rafael had not stammered once the whole time he had been talking.
“Rafael!” Jamie beamed. “What just happened?!”
“I don’t know…” grinned Rafael, exploring his new-found ability. “I spoke without a stutter … I still am!”
It had continued in the same way for the whole afternoon and evening, but as soon as they were back at school, Rafael’s stutter had returned. And Rafael had confided that it was still there when he was at home with his dad too. And yet these days, when it was just him and Jamie, chilling in Jamie’s room, there was no sign of the stutter whatsoever. It was a kind of little miracle that neither of them talked too much about, just in case it went away again.
“OK, we’ll play as Palmeiras this time, and I want to try to play a 3-3-2-2 formation,” said Rafael as Jamie loaded up a new game. They had been playing for four hours straight as Hawkstone United and had already conquered Europe in the last game but they still wanted more. Now, as a Brazilian team, they wanted to take on the world!
The pair managing Palmeiras was also part of an important deal that the two boys had struck between them: Rafael had agreed that, from now on, Hawkstone United would be his team to support in the Premier League. In return, Jamie would now follow Palmeiras as his favourite foreign team. It meant exchanging lots of information about the clubs and players of the past and it also meant playing twice as many games on Soccer Manager to ensure that both Hawkstone and Palmeiras got their fair share of success. But that was fine, especially as the half-term holiday was just about to begin!
“Playing 3-3-2-2 is an experiment but I think it can work,” Rafael explained, outlining his vision further. “We’ll have three defenders at the back to deal with the one striker that most teams go with, a bank of three in front to look after the forward runs of the opposition midfield, two creative central midfielders to cause problems between the lines … and two attackers – but not central ones. I want them to play out wide, to stop the opposing full-backs and, of course, also to cut in for lots of shots themselves. I want it to rain goals!”
Jamie did not respond. How could he? Just as Jamie’s brain could analyse and calculate speeds and angles on the football pitch, Rafael’s seemed to be able to retain all of the information off the football pitch. His powers of recall were phenomenal. It was as if he had a football version of a photographic memory.
“What do think?” smiled Rafael.
“I think you must be a genius!” said Jamie.
He was still staring at Rafael, in awe of his friend’s vast football knowledge, when the doorbell went.
Private Conversation
“You go and wait in the car, Rafa,” said Bernard. “I want to speak to Jamie’s mother for a minute.”
Rafael looked at his dad and nodded. Then he gave Jamie a quick high five and a big smile.
“Go on,” Bernard repeated. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“See y-y-ou s-o-on,” said Rafael.
“Cool,” said Jamie, realizing Rafael’s stutter had returned as soon as it wasn’t just the two of them any more. “Why don’t you come over next week so we can start another game with your new tactics?”
Rafael didn’t respond to Jamie’s invitation. He simply smiled again – almost as though he knew something that Jamie didn’t – and then left the house, closing the door behind him.
For a second, there was silence, both Jamie and his mum staring at Bernard, wondering what he wanted.
“Would it be OK if I spoke to your mum alone for a bit?” Bernard asked. He looked so serious, Jamie wondered if something really bad had happened, but that was how Rafael’s dad always looked: cool but seriously serious.
Jamie walked up the stairs, opened the door to his bedroom and then shut it loudly … but he didn’t go inside. The noise was just to make sure that Bernard and his mum thought he was in his room. There was no way he was going to miss this.
Jamie crouched down and, very slowly, so as not to make even the tiniest creak in the floorboards, crawled to the top of the stairs, where he would be able to hear what they were saying without them being able to see him.
“…I know it would make Rafael extremely happy and me too,” Bernard was saying. Jamie could hear the kettle boiling. His mum always put on the kettle when she talked to people in the kitchen.
“Milk? Sugar?” she asked.
“No, just black is great, thank you,” said Bernard. “So, what do you think, Karen? We think Jamie would love Brazil and it would be our absolute pleasure to have him with us.”
Jamie’s whole body froze rigid. Had he just heard what he thought he’d heard?
“There you go,” she said, her voice completely calm. “Listen, Bernard, it really is very kind of you to make such an offer and I’ve no doubt that Jamie would absolutely love to go to Rio with you but … well, there’s no way we can accept, I’m afraid.”
“I see…” said Bernard.
At the top of the stairs, Jamie was beginning to shake. This was too big … surely she couldn’t be saying no. Why? he silently mouthed in anguish.
“And why is that?” asked Bernard.
“Where do I start?” said his mum. “Jamie’s never even been out of this country before – Brazil is practically the other side of the world. The longest he’s ever spent away from home is two nights on a school trip, now suddenly we’re talking about a whole week … not to mention the fact that there’s absolutely no way on earth that we can afford it.”
Jamie clenched his fist and bit it as hard as he could. Going to Brazil would be, without doubt, the most exciting thing he could do in his life … and yet his mum was saying there was “no way on earth” it was going to happen. All he wanted to do was scream.
“Maybe if you could wait until the summer holidays … then the boys will know each other a bit better and we’ll all have time to prepare for it rather than just … springing it on us the night before.”
“I do realize this is last minute,” acknowledged Bernard. “It’s just that Rafael and I have to go back this week – we fly in the morning. There is something we have to be there for, that can’t be changed.
“We only had the idea last night. Rafael was telling me how much he likes Jamie and how kind Jamie has been to him and we just thought it would be a nice idea … make it a really nice half-term for him. We are sure Jamie would love Brazil.
“And, please,” he continued. “Don’t w
orry about the cost. It would be my pleasure to pay for Jamie’s ticket. It’s the least I can do. So just let me know if you change your mind.”
Help!
Jamie waited until he heard Bernard’s BMW start up and drive off. Then he sprinted down the stairs and unleashed his venom.
“Why did you do that?!” he screamed at his mum. His face was bright red with fury.
“Jamie! You were listening? You shouldn’t have been listen—”
“Do you have any idea how much this would mean to me? To go to Brazil with Rafael, to see them play football over there … to learn from them? I’ll never get a chance like this again in my life and you’re ruining it! Do you want me to hate you?!”
“Jamie! Do NOT talk to me like that! I’m not doing this to be cruel to you. I’m trying to do what’s right. It’s all way too quick to make such a big decision.”
Jamie had already slammed the door behind him. He was running. Sprinting as hard as he could, hammering out the frustration and anger through his legs on to the pavement. He was tearing through the streets, his body charged with rage.
If he knew where his dad was now, he would run to him and beg him to let him live there … but he couldn’t do that. There was only one place left to run.
“You should never say you hate anyone, JJ. Least of all your mum,” said Mike, once Jamie had got it all out. For the first few minutes after he’d arrived he had been so upset he hadn’t even been able to talk.
“You need to apologize,” said Mike, walking into the kitchen. “I’m up for toasted cheese. You?”
“No way!” snapped Jamie, ignoring Mike’s offer. “Why should I apologize? She should be the one saying sorry to me! She’s the one stopping me from doing the most amazing thing I’m ever going to do in my life! What’s wrong with her?”
Jamie’s whole body was a cauldron of boiling resentment. Why didn’t she just concentrate on her own life instead of ruining his?
“She’s not some cruel dictator,” said Mike, slipping a bit of cheese into his mouth as he prepared his sandwich. “She’s your mum.”
Jamie got up and smashed Mike’s tennis ball against the wall. He couldn’t sit still.
“Just do something, Mike,” said Jamie, trying to hit the ball again, even harder this time. But he swung his foot at the ball so violently he missed it altogether. This wasn’t the first time this had happened; when he argued with his mum, his football was always the first thing to suffer, which only made him even more frustrated.
“Make her understand what this means. This is Brazil! Aren’t you the one who said I should be asking Rafael everything about football over there? Well, this is my chance to actually go. Don’t you always tell me never to give up on my dreams? This is my dream! You know that! You’ve got to stop her, Mike! Please!! Before it’s too late!”
Mike took a firm grip of his grandson and held him in a cool stare.
“Jamie,” he said, with a strong, even voice. “Everything that you have in this world, including your existence, is because of that woman. Remember that. Now, do you want my help or not?”
Language of Football
Jamie and his mum had both been going mad, for different reasons. His mum knew she couldn’t be late for her shift at the hospital for the second time this week and Jamie was beyond desperate to know what Mike and Bernard had been talking about for this long.
Once Jamie had calmed down (having eaten two of Mike’s jumbo-sized toasted cheese sandwiches) they had both gone back to Jamie’s house and Jamie had finally apologized for losing his temper. Then Mike had suggested that perhaps he should just go and have a chat with Bernard, if only to get a bit more information. What harm could it do?
Jamie had given Mike the address and Mike headed off straight away. But that had been two and a half hours ago. Since then, they had heard nothing.
When Karen and Jamie finally spotted Mike walking back up the street, they could both tell from the look on his face that something was up. He was in a world of his own. He even stopped to sit on a bench outside for a couple of minutes, looking up at the sky.
“Sit down,” he’d said to both of them when he finally came in. “There’s quite a lot to tell you.”
Mike looked at Jamie for a second with such kind eyes that it made Jamie feel warm inside. Then his granddad started to speak.
“Rafael’s mum died two years ago,” he began. “Her name was Stephania and she had been ill for a very long time. It must have been … awful for them all, and since the day that she passed away, that exact day, Rafael has suffered from the most terrible stammer.
“They can’t find a cure. The doctors have told Bernard that the only way Rafael will get over it is by feeling comfortable and happy again. That’s the reason that Bernard brought Rafael over here: to give him a change of surroundings… To try to make him happy again. And to maybe find one person who Rafael can trust. And it seems that that person is Jamie. JJ, you never told us that Rafael doesn’t stutter when it’s just you and him.”
Jamie nodded.
“Anyway, this is exactly what Bernard was hoping for. He called the doctors this morning and they told him that it made sense. That trust and friendship and feeling comfortable are all elements that would help Rafael find his voice again.
“Bernard believes that it’s about the football too. He’s got this theory that when Jamie and Rafael are talking about football, they are speaking in another language. He reckons Rafael doesn’t stammer when he’s talking the language of football.”
Jamie nodded. Rafael was fluent in football all right.
“The last thing Bernard wants to do is split the boys up right now but he says that he and Rafael have to go back to Brazil for the half-term. There is an event they both need to attend. It’s been planned for a long time.
“That’s why he’d like Jamie to go with them. Not only do he and Rafael get to spend more time together but also as a thank-you to Jamie.”
Mike paused.
“It was so difficult hearing him talk, Karen. The man looked like he hadn’t smiled for such a long time.”
When Mike had finished speaking, there was complete silence in the room.
“Well, I can see why you were over there for such a long time,” said Jamie’s mum, kissing Jamie on the forehead almost without noticing. “I had no idea that Rafael had had such a difficult time. And if Bernard thinks that Jamie being there will help Rafael speak again, then I understand a bit better why he’s so keen for Jamie to go … but it all puts a lot of pressure on Jamie, doesn’t it?”
“Bernard’s not expecting anything,” said Mike. “He doesn’t see Jamie being there as some kind of magic cure for Rafael’s stutter. He just doesn’t want to split the boys up at the moment. He thinks they are good for each other, so he’s inviting Jamie to come along, enjoy Brazil and see what happens. He says he even knows a great coach that can teach Jamie all the Brazilian football skills.”
Jamie squirmed with excitement. Ever since Pratley had told him he wouldn’t make it as a professional, he’d been really depressed about his chances of fulfilling his dream. But if he could go to Brazil, if he could learn their skills, be trained in their magic, surely that would give him the extra edge so that one day he really could turn his dream into reality.
He didn’t say anything. Instead, he just stared pleadingly into his mum’s eyes. He had to make her understand how much he wanted this opportunity.
“I’m just … very worried about this,” said Karen. “It’s so soon and, if they’re going first thing in the morning, that means Jamie would have to fly by himself tomorrow night. I don’t know … I just don’t know…”
Mike looked at Jamie and then he looked at Karen. His eyes seemed to sadden a little.
“Do you remember how I reacted when you had your accident?” he asked.
Karen nodded. Jamie could
feel her body tighten.
Jamie knew his mum had had a bad riding accident when she was fifteen. Before that, she had been good at riding horses. Seriously good. She had been one of the best in the whole country until she had fallen one day and broken her back. Jamie knew she still kept all of her medals because he’d seen them in a special box under her bed.
“I told you that you weren’t ever allowed to ride again,” said Mike.
“And I … hated you for it,” said Karen. “But you were right. If I’d fallen again, anything could have happened. I could have been paralysed.”
Mike shook his head. “Once you’d recovered, there was no greater risk of you falling and hurting yourself than any other rider,” he said. “I just didn’t want you to ride because I was scared.”
Mike was twisting the ring on his finger as he spoke. Jamie could tell he was choosing his words very carefully.
“I should have listened,” Mike said. “I should have understood what my child wanted from life, what her biggest dream was … and supported her every step of the way. I didn’t do that for you, Karen, and I’m so sorry.”
Jamie’s mum started to cry, which immediately made Jamie cry too. Her being upset cut all the way through him.
“Don’t be sad, Mum,” Jamie said, giving her the biggest bear hug he could manage. For the first time, he realized that he got some of his sporting talent from her. “Why don’t you start riding again now?”
Karen shook her head, wiped away her tears and attempted to smile.
“I just think that, if he doesn’t go, Jamie will always be wondering what it would have been like,” said Mike. “And believe me, life is not about wondering, it’s about doing.”