by Moore, Lila
“And Nate?”
“Nate has been cooperative so far. If he continues to work with us, then we won’t have a problem with letting him go home. Though, to be honest, he will be working with us for a while.”
Nate had warned me that his may be the case. But it was worth it, if he was able to quit for good.
“Speak of the devil…” the man said.
I followed his gaze. Nate was being escorted around the building by one of the men who’d taken me from the hotel. I tried to catch Nate’s eye, but he didn’t see me. I rose to go to him.
The man grabbed my elbow. I didn’t like the way his grip tightened on my arm as I tried to pull away. When he saw the look on my face he released me.
“Nate’s being questioned,” he said. “You can talk to him later.”
I turned back to the window. He was gone, having disappeared into one of the small buildings in the back.
“You should get some rest,” he said. “A woman in your condition shouldn’t be put through this stress.”
“What about Mia? Where is she?”
“I’m sure she’s being debriefed as we speak.”
“Debriefed? Or interrogated?”
“There’s not much difference in my world.” He smiled and said: “Shall we?”
What choice did I have? I followed him to a small room at the back of the base. The room was sparse. It had a small, single-sized bed and a desk, nothing more.
“It’s not much,” he said. “But at least it’s a soft bed.”
I sat down heavily and looked over the room. There were no windows. It looked more like a cell.
“I’ll leave you to get some sleep,” he said.
I watched as the door clicked shut behind him. I waited a few minutes then went to the door. To my surprise, it opened. I’d expected it to be locked. Even though these men insisted I wasn’t being held prisoner, it was clear they weren’t going to let me leave until they were satisfied that I’d told them all I knew.
I peeked out into the hallway; it was empty. I could leave, but then what? There were armed soldiers and barbed wire fences surrounding the base. Even if I made it past them, there was still the desert to contend with.
I shut the door and laid down. There was nowhere for me to run to. Besides, these men might follow through with their agreement and send me home. I was so used to being betrayed and lied to it was hard to imagine anyone upholding their end of the bargain. I had to stay optimistic, if not for me then for my baby.
I rested my hand on my stomach and stretched my fingers wide over my growing belly. I drifted off to sleep wondering if I was having a girl or boy. In a few short months, I would be a mother. But first, I had to get out of here.
9
I poked at my bland food and waited. The substance on the plate before me was supposed to be scrambled eggs, but it had a strange artificial taste. I took a bite and swallowed it down with a big gulp of water.
There was still no sign of Nate. With every minute that passed, my concern grew.
The man I’d spoken to yesterday strolled into the small cafeteria. A few soldiers and personnel ate quietly around me; I hoped he was here to talk to one of them. He walked straight up to me. I thought he would sit, but he stood by my side.
“Time to go,” he said.
“Go where?” I sounded more than a little alarmed, even to my own ears.
“Home,” he said. “Nate honored his agreement. Now we’re honoring our end of the bargain.”
“You’re sending me home?” I said dumbly. I was in disbelief. “It’s over…?” I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be a question or a statement.
The man responded with a humorless: “Yes.”
“What about Nate?”
“Nate will join you in time.”
“In time…? How long is that?”
“I can’t say.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“I can see why Nate likes you.”
“Why is that?”
“Because you’re a pain in the ass. A lot of soldiers like women who won’t take any shit from them. They need a woman to put them in their place.”
“I don’t know about that…”
“It’s true. You’re a strong girl. You’ve done well. Don’t worry anymore.”
He put his hand on my shoulder and led me out of the cafeteria. Instead of going back to the waiting vehicles, he directed me towards a landing spot behind the main building. A waiting helicopter stretched out before us.
“Wait!” a voice called.
I turned to find Nate. He ran to me, then gathered me up in his arms. I could smell his skin, warm and fresh like he’d just stepped out of the shower. He held me to him as if he was afraid to let me go.
“Are you okay?” we both said at the same time.
“I’m fine,” I replied. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah. I’ve got a lot of work to do, but it’s nothing for you worry about.” He ran his hand over my stomach, caressing my small baby bump. “I can’t come with you, but I’ll see the both of you soon.”
“The both of us?” I asked.
“You and the baby.”
He kissed me hard. We stood together with our bodies pressed against one another for a long time. Finally, the man who ran the base cleared his throat.
“We’ve got a schedule to keep,” he said.
“Right,” Nate replied. “Take care of yourself. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said a bit too quickly.
He kissed me again, then broke free. The man who ran the base had an amused grin on his face.
“Time to go,” he said.
“Wait,” Nate said. He leaned in close and whispered in my ear: “You were right about Mia.”
A look passed over his eyes, somewhere between sadness and anger. It reminded me of the look he had on his face when he first returned home. I’d worried so much about him having PTSD, but he seemed better now. Having a mission seemed to revitalize him.
As the man led me to the helicopter, I still worried. PTSD doesn’t just disappear overnight. Hopefully, he’d be safe in the hands of these men, but I doubted it.
I stepped into the helicopter and watched Nate as we took off. He stood on the edge of the landing area. He didn’t move until we were out of sight.
10
The helicopter took me to a private airfield, where I boarded a waiting jet. After a nerve-racking flight home, I’d finally landed.
I kept expecting something bad to happen. During the flight, I watched the men on the plane like a hawk. I didn’t trust them, or anyone for that matter.
At one point, we hit turbulence. A tray fell with a loud crash onto the floor. My first thought was that it was a gunshot. I spent the rest of the flight having a panic attack even after I’d discovered the source of the noise.
Was this how Nate felt all the time? It must have been hell.
When we touched down, I felt immense relief. The men offered to provide me with a car and driver, but I declined. I didn’t trust them. I wanted to travel alone. I asked them for money then hailed a cab.
Free from the security team, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was soon to be replaced by a new weight as we approached my mother’s home. I would have to tell her the truth about my pregnancy.
The cab pulled up in front of my childhood home. I kept still, making no move to exit the car.
“This the right place?” the cabdriver asked.
“Yeah.”
“Well, are you planning on getting out anytime soon?” he asked, giving me attitude.
I paid him and stepped out onto the lawn. He peeled away quickly, leaving me with no retreat. I could have asked the driver to take me to a hotel so I could decompress and gather my thoughts before dropping this bomb on my mother, but I didn’t have any money.
I cursed my lack of resources. I looked down the street. Maybe I should take a walk around the block first? I was too exhausted. The trut
h was that I was desperate to avoid this conversation, but I knew it was best to get over with.
A door slammed close. I jumped. My mother ran across the lawn to me.
“Are you okay?” she asked, wrapping her arms around me. She squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe.
“Mother, I’m fine.” She held my face in her hands and looked into my eyes. “No, you’re not. What’s going on?”
I looked down at my feet.
“Has something happened to Nate?” she asked. I could hear the hysteria on the edge of her voice. It was her nightmare scenario; losing Nate in combat.
“No, he’s fine,” I said, though I wasn’t exactly sure that was true. “He’s gone back to work.”
“Oh God, he reenlisted didn’t he? I knew he would. Please tell me he didn’t reenlist?” Her voice was high-pitched. She was on the verge of either tears or anger, or both.
“No. He works for a private security company overseas. I don’t know much about it.”
“I see. Would it have killed him to call and tell me? For that matter, would it have killed you to call and tell me where you were?”
“Sorry. These last few days have been long and I’m really tired.”
My mother wrapped her arm around me and pulled me close. She started to walk me into the house, but stopped. Her eyes scanned my body, taking in my new round stomach. I sensed a shift in her.
“Olivia…”
Her eyes met mine. I could see the question lingering there: are you pregnant? She didn’t have to ask, and I didn’t have to speak. I simply nodded.
Her mouth fell open. We stood together on the front lawn in silence. Minutes passed. Neither of us knew what to say. Finally, my mother wrapped her arms around me. She held me for a time.
“Oh, sweetheart… I had no idea. How far along are you? How could I not have noticed? I’m a terrible mother.”
“Mom, you’re amazing. This isn’t your fault. It’s no one’s fault.”
“Who’s the father?”
She was angry now. Her eyes had narrowed and her mouth was set in a thin line. When my mother was angry, she was a force to reckon with.
“Do I know him?” she asked.
“Yes,” I responded weakly.
“Has he been in my house?”
“Yes.”
The interrogators at the black ops site could learn a thing or two from my mother. She doesn’t waste any time getting to the truth.
“Where is he now? Did he cut you off after getting you pregnant? Men are so typical. I swear, I’ll cut his balls off.”
“Mother! It’s not what you think.”
“What is it then?”
“The baby is… the baby is Nate’s.”
I stood very still before her as if I was bracing for impact.
“Nate…? My Nate?”
“Yes.”
“Your stepbrother, Nate?”
“Yes.”
She turned her back on me and ran her hands through her hair. “I don’t understand. When…?”
“It was a few months ago, the night of his welcome home party,” I said to her back. “I know it’s shocking. You’re not the only one who was shocked by this. Trust me. Nate will be home soon and we’ll get things sorted.”
“‘Things sorted’? This is a baby we’re talking about. Do you understand that? Your life will be changed forever. And what about Mia? Your stepbrother is married for Christ’s sakes-and expecting a baby with his wife!”
“The baby’s not his,” I muttered. “You know that as well as I do.”
“Don’t get an attitude with me-not about this. This is very serious, young lady.”
“No one understands how serious this is more than I do.”
My voice cracked. I didn’t want to cry, but the stress of the last few days had finally broken me. My vision clouded. I wanted to run into the house and lock myself in my bedroom like a little girl.
My mother’s arms were suddenly around me, pulling me close. She ran her fingers through my hair.
“It’s okay, baby,” she whispered. “We’re going to figure this out.”
11
Days turned to weeks, turned to months, and there was still no sign of Nate. My mother’s patience was running out. If she didn’t know Nate, I think she would have given up on ever seeing him again. My stepfather, however, was convinced he’d never return.
“You don’t understand,” he said. “When a man finds out he’s responsible for another life, a child, it changes him; it’s part of our nature. That responsibility is too much for some men. They can’t handle it.”
“Running away from an unwanted child is a luxury women don’t have,” my mother replied. “If a woman abandons her child, she’s thought of as a horrible human being. If a man does it, it’s just ‘part of his nature.’”
“Stop fighting,” I begged. “I can’t handle it.”
I left them to argue in the living room and went outside.
“Where are you going?” my mother called.
“For a walk.”
“Don’t be long. And don’t go far. If something happens, I need to be able to find you.”
“Yes, mother,” I said dryly.
Since discovering I was pregnant, she was incredibly paranoid about something happening to me. She was convinced I’d fall, or have some sort of medical emergency and die. She wanted me to stay in bed while she waited on me hand and foot. It was nice that she cared, but it got on my nerves. I was capable of taking care of myself.
My mind wandered as I walked. Where was Nate now? Was he safe? Was the deal he made with the intelligence agency enough to keep the security firm off his back? They were out to get him, and by extension me, because of what he knew.
The intelligence agents claimed they would protect us from the security firm if Nate told them everything he knew. What if he couldn’t do that? What if some secrets are too dangerous to tell?
I looked up and found myself standing in front of Nate and Mia’s house. She should have had her baby by now, but there had been no sign of her. The house had remained dark, until today.
A light was on in the upstairs bedroom.
I went to the door and knocked. No one answered. I tried the handle. The door was unlocked. I walked inside the house. The lights were off, but the windows were open casting late afternoon sun into the living room.
“Hello?” I called.
No one answered, but I heard footsteps above me. Excitement twisted in my stomach. What if it was Nate? What if he’d finally come home?
I ran up the stairs as quickly as I could. I was huge now. My baby bump was so big that I looked like I was hiding a basketball underneath my dress.
Out of breath, I made it to the top of the stairs. A baby cried in the room to my right. Slowly, I approached the door and opened it. Mia was inside. Her hair was longer and she had dark circles under her eyes, but she didn’t look all that different.
She paced the room with the baby in her arms. When she saw me, she stopped in her tracks. The baby squirmed and cried. She tried to comfort him, but his face was red and twisted with anger, or hunger, or discomfort. I wasn’t sure. Babies were still an alien species to me.
I rested my hand on my stomach and felt the life inside me move. Her eyes lingered on my huge baby bump for a fraction of a second before she turned away with disgust.
“He’s not coming back,” she said.
My whole world froze. Time stood still. My insides twisted into knots.
“What do you mean?” I asked cautiously.
“Well, why would he? Those assholes actually ran a paternity test on my baby. Can you believe it? Nate said it wasn’t necessary, but those pricks he’s working with took DNA samples from all of us without our permission. They ran blood tests. The baby is Jackson’s. You must be thrilled. You got exactly what you wanted.”
“This isn’t what I wanted.”
“No. You wanted Nate, but he’s not coming back. The only reason he ever wanted
to stay here was me and his baby. You were just a detour, a distraction from his pain. But he’s over you now. He’s already forgotten you exist. What we had was real. I was his wife and-”
“And you betrayed him. You had it all and you threw it away.”
A piercing cry cut through the room. The baby was getting fussier. Mia rocked him quickly. I could tell she was on the verge of losing her temper.
“Where’s Jackson?” I asked.
She smirked. “Gone. You saw to that. They’ll never let him go.”
“He killed innocent people. He has to live with the consequences of his actions.”
“So self-righteous. What about you? Are you living with the consequences of your actions?” She gave my expanding midsection a meaningful glare.
“Are you seriously trying to compare my affair with Nate to Jackson committing a war crime?”
Mia didn’t respond.
I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. “You’re insane.”
“I think you should leave,” she said.
I turned to go and noticed there were several boxes pushed against the wall.
“You’re leaving?” I said.
“We’re going far away. Just the two of us.” She kissed the top of the baby’s head.
“So this is goodbye?”
“I’m afraid so.”
We stared at each other in silence for a moment before I turned to leave.
“Olivia?” Mia called after me. “Should you see Nate again, I’d like you to give him a message for me.”
“What?”
“He’s not the only one with connections in powerful places. The both of you better spend the rest of your lives looking over your shoulder, because one of these days I’m going to be there.”
I considered her closely. Her body was silhouetted by the sunlight coming through the window. The light caught her hair giving it an orange glow. She rocked the baby in her arms aggressively as if she’d lost patience with him.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think you will be.”
“Excuse me?” She sounded as if she’d been personally insulted.
“You’re not going to do shit. Nate and Jackson were all you had and you lost them both. You’ll end up living some ordinary life in the suburbs where you’ll spend the rest of your existence bitter and alone, plotting revenge that never materializes beyond your sick fantasies. You’re done. I’m not going to live my life in fear of you because you’re nothing.”