“I love you, gorgeous. I’ll be upstairs if you need me,” he says softly, before getting up and leaving the room.
I let out a huge breath when I hear him get to the top of the stairs. My eyes instantly fill with tears as I contemplate what I’m going to do. Is his mum right? Am I not good enough for him? I’ve certainly thought it enough over the past few months, but Ryan has always made me feel stupid for thinking such things. What if he isn’t aware, though? What if she is right? What if I’m not cut out for this serious relationship thing? It’s not like I’ve done it before.
I turn my head into the pillow when the sobs hit to try to muffle the sound. I don’t want to be heard and have people asking questions.
I must cry myself to sleep eventually, because I come around when I feel myself lifted from the bed, before being placed back down and the covers pulled over me. After a couple of seconds though, I fall back to sleep.
When I wake up the next morning, it’s still dark outside. I turn over and see Ryan fast asleep next to me, looking peaceful and content. If only he knew what his mother was up to. I have no idea what time he came to bed last night, but I have a feeling it was late. I get myself comfortable so I can watch him sleep for a while. It’s not until I slide my hand under my pillow and hit the piece of paper that all the memories from last night resurface. I grab it and gently climb out of bed, grabbing a change of clothes on my way to the bathroom.
It’s a bitterly cold, sunny November morning, so I’m really glad I thought about grabbing my hat, scarf and gloves before I snuck out of the house this morning while everyone was still asleep. Once I was dressed, I left a note in the kitchen to say that the table is booked for one pm at the Fat Dog, and that I would meet them there. I know that as soon as I see Ryan he will be questioning me about where I went, but honestly I had more important things to think about than leaving a plausible note. I’ll just have to come up with something before I meet them later.
I sit myself back down after taking the dead flowers to the bin and fiddle with the new ones I bought for her.
“So…what should I do about Karen then, Han?” I ask. My voice sounds defeated even to my own ears.
I pull the piece of paper I’ve still refused to look at out of my pocket, let out a massive sigh, then turn it over.
My eyes almost pop out of my head when I see what is written on it. Five thousand fucking pounds. I don’t really know what I expected, but I was thinking she’d try to pay me off with a couple hundred. She must really mean business if she’s cracked out a four-figure pay-off. I laugh to myself, even though it really is not funny.
I spend hours talking myself around in circles about what to do with this situation. I know that no matter what I do, it’s going to hurt Ryan, and I can’t bear to hurt him. His mum was right with one thing: he has had enough heartache loosing Hannah than anyone should have to deal with at such a young age. So I guess the question in the end comes down to whether I rip his heart out and do what his mother thinks is the best for him, and in turn rip mine out, or tell all to Ryan about what his mum really thinks of me and rip his family apart, and hope that I don’t end up hurting him anyway if his mum’s predictions of me are correct. Hannah isn’t the most useful person to talk all this through with, seeing as she can’t answer me, but I’m not sure who to go to with this. My first thought was Megan, but then I remembered she has gone away for a long weekend with James and Oscar, so she’s out. I don’t want to bother Emma with any more drama, and Chris and Shane are snowed under with their wedding plans, so I don’t want to pull them down from their high. That leaves one person, really.
“Hey, it’s me, can I come up?” I hear a groan before I’m buzzed in. I’m hoping the groan is a result of the horrendous hangover he must have, not my visit.
When I get to the top of the stairs, Jax is nowhere to be seen, but his door is slightly open so I can let myself in. When I get to his living room doorway, I can’t help but smile. He is laid on his back on the sofa in only his boxers with a cushion over his head. I’m guessing it’s muffling any sound or light entering his head.
“Jax?” I whisper as I walk over and sit on the edge of the sofa next to him. He just groans again, so I gently prize the cushion away from his face so I can see him.
When he eventually lets go enough so I can get a look at him, I’m shocked. I’ve never seen him any less than perfect, but here he is with dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and he looks a little green. He looks up at me and I see compassion in his eyes, reminding me that I probably look a little like him from all the crying I’ve been doing.
“Molly?” he questions quietly. His concern makes a sob escape my throat and more tears to fill my eyes. “Come here,” he says, slowly lifting himself up and wrapping his arms around me. I do the same in return, and can’t help laughing when he jumps from how cold my hands are. Well, I have been sat in a cold cemetery for most of the morning.
We sit there for ages comforting each other. Jax is taking this break up with Abbi much worse than he did when he caught Lucy planning how to rinse him dry. Little does he know that the root of our problems is the same bloody woman.
When he eventually pulls back, I notice the clock on the wall showing it’s just gone midday. “Shit, I’m really sorry, but I’m gonna have to go. I will explain everything if you can do me a huge favour in a couple of hours.”
“Of course, anything, Molly,” he says as he wipes the last couple of tears from my cheeks.
After giving Jax his instructions and attempting to sort my make up out, I leave to go meet everyone at the pub. I checked my phone that I left in the car before leaving Jax’s to see that I have multiple calls and texts from Ryan and a couple from Abbi, which surprises me. From the tone of his texts though, I think he’s getting a bit concerned by my disappearing act.
I’m the first one to arrive so grab myself a drink, sit down at our table, and try to pull myself together enough to get through the next couple of hours. Luckily for me, the Morrisons arrive before the Evanses and distract me.
I know the moment Ryan arrives, because I feel his eyes burning into me. I look up to see him storming our way with everyone else following behind him. I’m sat with Emma one side and Lilly on the other, so he can’t get to me easily, which I think pisses him off further.
“I’m sorry, can I just borrow Molly for a couple of minutes?” Is the first thing he says to the Morrisons.
“Oh…of course, angel. Everything okay?” Susan asks, concerned.
“I just need to ask her something quick.”
Ryan practically pulls my chair out from under me before grabbing my arm and pulling me back out the way he came in, past a surprised looking Abbi, Liv and Dave. Karen on the other hand just looks smug, and I want to punch her in the face for doing this to us.
Ryan waits until the door is shut before he starts. “What the fuck, Molly? I wake up to find you gone and a vague note, then you ignore all my calls and texts all morning. Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been going crazy.”
“Sorry, I uh…had to go into work. I forgot to do something that is urgent for this week. I left my phone in the car, sorry. I didn’t notice until I was on my way here and I thought I’d see you soon, so…” I trail off.
Ryan reaches his hand out to cup my cheek and pull my face so I have to look at him. I can see concern crinkle the corners of his eyes, but he doesn’t question me.
“We’ll talk about this later. For now, I’m just glad you’re okay. Let’s go and enjoy our afternoon, yeah?” I mumble my agreement before following him back in to the pub.
Chapter Eleven
Ryan
I’ve just watched my mum and Molly disappear downstairs to look at some of Molly’s gran’s old recipes. I should be pleased that they have something to bond over, but I can’t quite rid myself of the feeling of dread that has settled in my stomach over Molly being left alone with her. I know she only wants what is best for me, but Mum can be brutal when she wants
to be.
“I’m just going to go down and check they're okay,” I say to the others once we have finished washing up.
“No leave them be. Some time alone might just be what Mum needs to get to know Molly,” Abbi says, dragging me over to the sofa. I mumble my acceptance, but something in me is still trying to drag my body downstairs so I can check for myself.
It’s only a couple of minutes later when I hear footsteps leading towards the living room and I let out a sign of relief that everything must be okay. Well, that is, until I see that it’s only Mum who has appeared. I watch as she pours herself another drink, then sits down between Abbi and Liv and starts a conversation about Liv’s new flat in Cardiff.
After a couple of attempts to interrupt them after Molly still doesn’t appear, there is a break in their conversation. “Where is Molly?” I ask Mum.
“Oh, she said she was getting a headache and to tell you she was going to have a lie down.” Well, that doesn’t help the feeling in my stomach one little bit, nor does the look that I can’t quite place on my mum’s face.
“Oh, well I’m going to go and check she’s okay then. I’ll be back in a minute.”
“She’s fine love, leave her in peace.”
“Grab me another beer, I just want to make sure she’s okay.” I repeat, and leave the room before she can argue any more. I need to see for myself that Molly is okay. God only knows what Mum could have said to her when they were alone.
When I get downstairs, I see that Mum was right: Molly is asleep on the bed. I gently lean over and give her a kiss and tell her I love her. I guess having everyone here this weekend has taken it out of her more than I thought. I ease myself off the bed and head back up, feeling a little happier.
We talk about what has been going on in our lives until the early hours of the morning. Mum tells us all about our aunt, uncle and cousins who live in Australia, and shows us the photos they sent her the other week. We all talk about our jobs and university before the conversation moves on to Abbi and her mystery guy. I try my best to deflect the subject, but Mum is like a dog with a bone when it comes to things like this. Abbi eventually reassures her that he was just a friend and they aren’t seeing each other any more. The news actually makes my mum beam from ear to ear before going to on to explain to Abbi the type of guy she should be with. I also then get a grilling about my next girl, which again I try to deflect.
Mum and Dad eventually give in just before two am and head to bed, followed closely behind by Abbi and Liv. I told Mum and Dad to sleep in my bed and that I would sleep on the sofa to save Abbi and Liv having to move from last night. I get a cheeky wink off Abbi when I explained this set up earlier; she obviously knows exactly where I’ll be sleeping and it isn’t the sofa! Mum didn’t look overly impressed by the idea, and tried arguing that she didn’t want me sleeping on the sofa in my own house. I’m not sure if that is actually the problem, or whether she’s was guessing that I wasn’t entirely telling the truth about my sleeping arrangements. Either way I didn’t really care; nothing could keep me from falling asleep with my arms wrapped around Molly.
When I eventually get downstairs, Molly is still fast asleep on top of the bed, fully dressed. I decide not to totally wake her up to take her dress off if she’s not feeling well, instead opting to just pick her up so I can pull the covers back and cover her over to keep warm.
When I place her back on the bed, she stirs and mumbles something about a cheque but she soon stills and begins lightly snoring again so I don’t think anything of it other than wonder what she could be dreaming about.
I quickly strip down and get myself cuddled up to her. I’ve missed her all evening and don’t want to waste another second where she could be in my arms.
I wake the next morning to a cold and empty bed. I look around the room and see no sign of Molly, so I pull on some clothes and head up to find her. I thought she would have woken me when she got up to make sure no one realised I was not asleep on the sofa like I said I would be. I’m surprised when I get upstairs and find it empty, but I notice a piece of paper on the side when I go to put the kettle on.
Ryan
The table is booked for 1pm in the Fat Dog.
I’ll meet you there.
Molly x
The moment I put the note back on the side, the unwelcome feeling from last night appears in the pit of my stomach. This is really unlike Molly. Firstly she doesn’t wake me, and then she leaves a vague note not explaining where she is going. She must know I will worry about her. I quickly grab my phone and dial her but it just rings and eventually goes to voicemail. I do this a few more times, but still nothing.
It’s another hour or so before everyone makes an appearance, and I have had nearly as many cups of coffee as I have rung and text Molly. I’m getting really concerned now, because she always has her phone on her.
“Ryan, are you okay?” Abbi asks as she watches me pace the length of the living room with my hand in my phone.
“No, Molly’s disappeared. She left a weirdly vague note and now won’t answer her phone or reply to any texts. Something isn’t right, I can feel it. I just want to know she’s okay.”
Abbi comes over and gently rubs my arm. “She’ll be fine, Ryan, just probably has her phone on silent or something. The note says she’ll meet us later, so I’m sure everything is okay.” I look at her but she can obviously see my concern in my eyes. “Do you want me to try ringing her as well?”
“Please.”
But again, no answer. I spend the morning moping around and snapping at everyone and, surprise surprise, everyone is sympathetic and a little concerned apart from my mother. Something tells me that whatever is going on with Molly has something to do with her.
Eventually, it’s time to leave to meet the Morrisons at the pub. I practically jog from the house and have the car running and ready before everyone else even has their coats on.
I’m fuming by the time we get there. We’ve been stuck behind every slow-moving vehicle known to man. My road rage may have got the better of me couple of times.
I leave everyone in my dust and march straight into the pub. I know Molly is here because I parked next to her car. As soon as my eyes lock on her, she turns to look at me, making me think she was aware of my presence, or maybe it’s just that everyone can feel the waves of anger rolling off me.
My breath catches a little when I look at her. She looks totally washed out. She’s pale, her eyes look a little red like she could have been crying, and her hair’s a bit of a mess compared to usual.
I need to find out what is going on now, so I walk over and excuse us from the table and practically drag her outside behind me. I don’t miss the smirk on my mother’s face as we march past them, still entering the pub.
I wait until the door shuts so we have privacy before I try to calmly ask what is going on. “What the fuck, Molly? I wake up to find you gone and a vague note, then you ignore all my calls and text all morning. Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been going crazy.” Okay, so maybe it didn’t go calmly.
I watch her look down at the ground before answering. “Sorry, I uh…had to go into work, I forgot to do something that is urgent for this week. I left my phone in the car, sorry. I didn’t notice until I was on my way here and I thought I’d see you soon, so…” Well if that isn’t Molly lying then I really don’t know what is, because she is refusing to look at me and her body is fidgeting uncomfortably.
I know that it’s not the best idea to get into whatever is going on outside of a pub with our families inside, so I decide that I’m going to have to let it go for now, but I will be finding out what is going on later. I reach out and place my hand on her cheek so I can bring her eyes up to mine. When I do, I see that they are full of unshed tears and she is biting on her lip. My heart breaks for her, even though I have no idea what has got her acting so strangely.
“We’ll talk about this later. For now, I’m just glad you’re okay. Let’s go and enjoy our afterno
on, yeah?” She mumbles a quiet agreement before we walk back into the pub to join everyone.
The food, as always, was amazing and everyone was getting on really well. Susan and Pete haven’t seen my parents since a couple of days after Hannah’s funeral, so they had plenty to talk about. Unfortunately, I had to sit the other end of the table to Molly, but I kept a very good eye on her and noticed that she was hardly talking to anyone and just played with her food. I think Mum kept noticing where my focus was and kept trying to distract me with another mind-numbing conversation about something Doreen said.
Eventually though, she did start a conversation up that got Molly’s attention. “Ryan and Abbi, you will never believe who has moved back to Liverpool…” we both just look at her, waiting to fill in the blanks. With our mother, it could be anyone, “Beth and Caleb. Their father’s contract in America came to an end and they decided to come back.” Beth and Caleb were the same ages as Abbi and I, and we went through school together. Well, that was until their family moved when Beth was sixteen and Caleb was eleven. They lived a couple of houses down from us and we all spent a lot of time together, Beth and I especially. I was gutted when they had to move. For a while I thought she was the one, and I know Abbi was much younger, but she adored Caleb.
“Oh really, that’s uh…good, I guess.” I don’t really know what to say to this news. It’s been so long that I’m sure none of us would have anything in common now.
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