The house is quiet when I enter, but her car was out the front and the door was unlocked, so I’m guessing she’s here somewhere.
“Em, you home?” I shout as I head towards the living room. I get no response. But what I find has every muscle in my body locked tight. She’s in the middle of her living room, already in her running clothes, minus the tank top, which makes me happy, but what makes me even happier is the pose she is in. I glance at the screen and see she is following a yoga DVD, and she is currently stood with her legs wide apart, completely bent at the waist with her hands and head on the floor. The view I’ve got is incredible. I lean myself against the doorframe and watch for a while longer. I know it’s totally pervy and creepy, but I can’t help myself. That arse, argh!
After a while, she must go to move and opens her eyes. She lets out the most earth-shattering scream when she sees me, and falls straight over onto the hearth of her fireplace.
“Ah, fuck!” she shouts and pulls her ear buds out. That was obviously why she didn’t hear me, although I kinda liked the idea that she knew I was there and watching her. Yep, as I said, pervy and creepy!
“Jesus, Ruben, you could have warned me you were there,” she says, trying to right herself. I watch intently as she rearranges her sports bra, ever hopeful for a flash of something good, but no luck. “Are you just gonna stand there staring, or are you gonna help me up?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I quickly go over, grab her under her arms and pull her up.
“Ouch,” she complains on the way up. Once she is standing, she looks at her side at the same time I do, and we both see a bright red, bleeding scratch from where she landed on the stone. “Brilliant.”
“Where is your first aid kit? I’ll clean it up for you.”
When she tells me, I go to grab it and come back to find her sat on the edge of the sofa. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. You just scared me and I was all lightheaded from being upside down. I’m not always this clumsy.”
“It was my fault,” I say, but can’t help myself and add on, “I was too distracted by your arse up in the air like that.” She looks away from me, embarrassed, while I grab the antiseptic spray to clean her up with. “Can you lift your top a little?” I ask, having cleaned everything I can see. She looks back at me over her shoulder and raises an eyebrow. “I just want to make sure I got it all. Just a little bit…or I could make you take off completely,” I add with a wink.
“I doubt that,” she snaps, giving me a death stare.
“One day,” I add, before tidying everything up and taking it all back to the kitchen. When I return, she is still staring at the same spot on the wall as when I left. I think I’m getting to her!
We grab our bottles and head out into the fields. I’m impressed with Emma’s improvement in just a week; she has obviously been out without me the last few days.
“You okay?” I ask, when we come to a stop.
“Yeah, I actually am. It’s getting easier.”
“Good, that means we’re doing it right. Let’s stop here for a few and do some stretches.”
“Okay, but we’re gonna have to head back soon. Look over there,” she says, pointing to a very black sky that is creeping up behind us. It’s been a scorching hot day, but it looks like that is about to change with one hell of a storm.
“We’ll do this then head back, yeah?”
We are about halfway back when the first crack of thunder sounds. “You’re gonna have to go quicker, babe,” I call behind me.
“I can’t,” she cries, just as I feel the first fat rain drop fall on my head.
I stop and reach for her hand when she gets close to me. “Come on,” I say, and start pulling her along as the rain starts to pound down on us.
“I can’t,” she heaves over the sound of the rain, “I can’t go any further.” I stop pulling her and slow us down so she can catch her breath. The rain hasn’t slowed at all. We are soaked to the bone, and the thunder and lightening are right on us.
“We’re almost back; you can do it,” I say encouragingly.
“No, you go and I’ll meet you back at mine.”
“Shut up, I’m not leaving you out here. Jump on,” I say, turning my back to her and lowering down slightly. She doesn’t do anything for a few seconds, so I look back to find her biting her lip in thought. She looks sexy with her hair stuck to her face and rain pouring over her. “Em, come on.”
“You won’t be able to carry me,” she says quietly.
Chapter Four
Emma
I really don’t want to show all my insecurities, but there is no way he can carry me all the way back. I know he’s strong and fit, but that is crazy. I weigh way too much.
“Of course I will. I backpacked around Australia with a bag that probably only weighed a little less than you do.”
“That was probably just the weight of my arse. I’m too fat and heavy for you to carry, so-”
“Don’t,” he warns. “Don’t ever let me hear you say that about yourself again, do you hear me?” he snaps as he steps up in front of me, so I have no choice but to tip my head back to look at him.
I’m shocked by the tone of his voice, and embarrassingly I feel my eyes pool with water.
“Now listen to me, and I mean really listen.” If it’s possible, the rain gets even heavier in this moment, so he has to shout it at me. “You are not fat or heavy. You are a stunning, curvy woman, with an awesome arse and a pretty insane rack. I’d have thought you’d have realised this by now, with the amount of times you’ve caught me staring. I’m not helping you do this so you can lose loads of weight and be all stick thin, I’m helping because I want you to be happy and confident with how you look. Personally, I don’t think you need to change anything; you’re hot as you are, and any man would be lucky to have you.”
I can’t stop the tears that spill over my eyes and mingle with the rainwater already pouring down my face.
“Ah, babe, come here,” he says, before he pulls me into his arms. I’m shocked by his affection, and don’t really know what to do for the first few seconds. It’s not very often I get held like this. I never knew how good it could feel, though. Eventually, I relax into it and put my own arms around Ruben’s back. He is well over a head taller than me, and he completely renders me speechless when I feel him kiss the top of my head.
To my disappointment, he pulls back after that. “Okay?” he asks.
I just nod my head at him and wipe my cheeks with the backs of my already soggy hands. He turns around again, and this time I do as I’m told and jump on. His hands instantly come to hold on to my thighs, very close to my arse that he just said he is rather keen on. The thought makes me blush, and I’m grateful he can’t see me. After adjusting me so it’s comfortable for him, he tells me to wrap my arms around him and, after doing so, he takes off jogging. I can’t help the laugh that comes from me at the utter ridiculousness of the situation.
“You all right?” he shouts up to me.
“Yeah, this is just insane. Are you okay?”
“Yep, just hold on tight.”
It feels like hardly any time later that Ruben is putting me down outside my house and I let us in. We go straight into the kitchen so we can drip over the tiled floor. I still can’t wipe the smile off my face. I don’t know if it’s the fact that we are both soaking wet, having been caught in a crazy thunderstorm, or what Ruben said to me out in the field. His words are still ringing in my ears. I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear someone say them, other than my family and friends.
Ruben looks at me with raised eyebrows, but soon begins to laugh along with me. “Wait here, I’ll just be a few minutes,” I say before heading upstairs.
I peel my wet clothes off me, which is easier said than done when they are skin tight. Then I quickly jump in the shower, before throwing on a pair of jogging bottoms and a vest. I’m aware that Ruben is still creating a puddle down in my kitchen, so I grab two towels, one for my hair and one for him, a
nd head back down.
What I find when I get there gives me the shock of my life.
Ruben is standing at the sink, pouring himself a glass of water, in only his black boxer briefs. I see the muscles ripple down his back as he turns the tap off and goes to turn around.
“I…uh…”
“Ah I didn’t think you were coming back. Here, have a drink.” He reaches his hand out with a full glass for me, but all I can do is stare at his practically naked body. Oh my God. His is fine. He is all taut skin and muscle. But it’s his legs that really set my pulse racing. His thighs are like steel.
“Em?”
I do catch his eyes drift down to my tits at this point, and realise that he can quite clearly see my nipples through the fabric now. That hidden support isn’t up to much. Shit, shit, shit.
“Yeah, here I…uh…got you a towel to uh…dry off.”
“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind, I used your tumble dryer.”
“No, yeah, that’s fine, help yourself.” To me, I think, but manage not to say out loud.
“Thanks.”
I continue to stand gawping like a lemon while he rubs the towel over his hair and across his shoulders, before I watch him wrap it around his waist and go about removing his boxers and adding them to the tumble dryer.
There is a naked man stood in my kitchen! What the fuck?
“Shall we go and sit down? They won’t take long,” he says, before striding past me and into my living room.
I lean myself back against the worktop and will my body back under control while I sip the glass of water he gave me. What is wrong with me? I have this huge urge to go and jump on him.
“Are you going to stay in the kitchen all night, or are you coming to join me?” he shouts, sounding amused.
I slowly move myself and head into the living room to weigh up my options. I’ve got a two-seater sofa and a chair. The chair is placed almost opposite the sofa, and I’m thinking that is not a good idea with Ruben sat relaxed back in a towel with his legs parted, so I opt to climb between his legs and coffee table and sit next to him. What I don’t plan for was the fact that I would trip over his legs and end up sprawled across his lap.
“Shit, sorry.”
“I thought you said you weren’t always clumsy?”
“Yeah, well, I’m not. It just seems to be around you.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he says, with a huge grin on his face because he knows exactly what he’s doing to me. The sight of his dimple popping up doesn’t help matters, either.
I put the TV on to distract us from whatever the hell is going on here, but it’s obvious that neither of us is watching it. I, however, continue to keep my eyes focused on it, because I can feel his stare burning into me and I’m scared to turn around and look at all his naked skin.
“Em?”
“Uh huh.”
“I didn’t have you down for a Jeremy Kyle watcher!”
“What? Oh…uh…I’m not. I wasn’t actually…”
“I know. You’re just avoiding me. Do I really make you that nervous?”
“It’s just that…you’re sat there…well…like that,” I say eventually, turning to him and motioning to his nakedness with my hands. “It’s not exactly a normal thing to me,” I say, then instantly wish I hadn’t.
“Well, I’d certainly hope you don’t have strange naked men sat on your sofa often. I like to think that I’m the exception,” he says with a laugh.
“Yes, you definitely are.”
“You know, I meant what I said out in the field earlier. You really don’t need to change anything about this body,” he says, running his fingers up and down my arm, giving me goose bumps.
I look away, embarrassed by his comment. Maybe one day I’ll be able to take a compliment.
“Hey,” he says, reaching his hand out to cup my cheek and turn my head back round to look at him. “I love how shy you are. It’s really endearing.”
We continue to stare at each other for a long time before he breaks eye contact by looking down at my lips. I panic when I see him start to move towards me. My heart starts racing and my palms start sweating. I jump up from the sofa, telling him that I’m going to make dinner. I quickly scurry out of the room, but not before I notice the slight tenting to Ruben’s towel. He clears his throat before saying that he’ll join me in a few minutes.
Dinner was seriously awkward. Ruben put his dry clothes back on after joining me in the kitchen, making me feel slightly less on edge about his nakedness, but no more confident about the situation I’ve found myself in.
After we’ve eaten the chicken salad I made, I leave Ruben in the kitchen washing up while I go to grab a hoodie. I sit myself down on the edge of my bed and take a few deep breaths, trying to get myself together. The picture frame on my bedside table catches my eye, and I look at the photograph of Hannah and me from a few years ago. We were on holiday with Molly after we graduated, and we were all on a night out. We’ve got glowing tans, and Hannah looks even more stunning than ever with her tan, sun kissed blonde hair, and slinky dress. My heart hurts when I look at the happiness that is shining from our eyes. Yes, I’ve managed to deal with the pain that losing her caused last year, but in no way has it got any easier, looking at the most important person in my life. She was literally the other half of me, and she was ripped from me the night of the accident. I’m sure I will always feel like I’m missing a huge part of me.
I promised myself after she died that I would never allow myself to get close enough to anyone else, so I would never have to feel even a tiny amount of the pain I felt when I lost her when they leave me, too. I’ve let my guard down with Connie, but I’ve been very careful to keep many of my walls built high. I don’t think she knows it, but there are many secrets between us that I have no intention of talking about. But Ruben…Ruben is another story entirely. In the short few days that I have known him, I can feel the bricks slowly crumbling around my feet. I can’t let that happen. He admits himself that he uses women and doesn’t stick around after he gets what he wants. Those stories Fin was spewing the other night show just how true that is. Even though he was exaggerating most of them, I know there’s truth in there.
If I allow myself to let him in, he is going to rip my heart out, and I have no intention of anyone doing anything to my heart. I need to put some space between us.
I square my shoulders and head back down to the kitchen.
“Sorry, but I couldn’t find where these go,” he says, pointing to some utensils that he’s dried up.
I grab them and turn my back to him while I put them away. I know I’m being a coward, but I can’t look at him while I do this.
“You need to leave,” I mutter quietly, but I know he hears because I hear his sharp intake of breath.
“What, why?”
“I just need you to leave. Please,” I say, still turned away from him.
“But-”
“Ruben,” I warn. I stand tall, so he can see that my mind is set and he has no argument.
“Fine,” he says sternly, before I hear heavy footsteps and my backdoor slam so hard it resonates through the whole house.
I turn so my back is to the worktops, and slide down until my arse hits the floor and I put my head on my knees. When I was upstairs looking at Hannah, I was sure that was the right thing to do; but why do I now feel like a huge bitch? And more importantly, why does my heart ache?
I keep myself locked in my house, working on my manuscript all day Saturday. My phone goes off, but I don’t even look to see who it is. I’m too scared that it might be Ruben trying to call me out on my bullshit yesterday. I don’t have an excuse for my behaviour that I want to talk about. I end up putting my manuscript to one side in favour of starting on a new idea I’ve had for a book.
Before I know it, it’s gone midnight, and I have a seriously numb arse from how long I’ve been sitting in the same position. My phone has gone off a few more times over the last couple of hou
rs, but again, I ignore it in fear.
I wake the next morning to my phone ringing incessantly. As soon as it rings off, it starts again. I begrudgingly pull the covers off and go in search of the irritating device. When I see that it’s Connie, I answer.
“Morning,” I say groggily.
“This is late for you. I thought you’d have been up hours ago.” She’s right, I’m usually an early riser. I guess working so late last night meant I got to have a lie in. “Anyway, do you want to come for breakfast? I got a load of food for Ru and Fin after their night out, but they left to go and play football instead. They won’t be back until late; they’ll end up in the pub with their mates, and now I’m lonely!”
I was still planning on avoiding Ruben after the disaster that was Friday night, but I guess it’s safe if Connie is saying they’ll be out all day.
“Please, Em. You can even come in your pj’s, I’m not planning on changing out of mine anytime soon. Please,” she begs, obviously sensing my reluctance.
“Yeah, okay. Let me just get changed quick and I’ll run over.”
“Wow, you really are taking this seriously. Don’t be long, I’m starving.”
I put my phone back down without looking at any messages I have, and quickly swap my pyjamas for my running clothes and head out of the house. It’s still relatively early, yet the sun is already starting to burn the bit of skin I don’t usually reveal on my back. Luckily, I see her front door ahead, just as I start to feel sweat beginning to run down my skin. I let myself in and am relieved by the coolness as I enter the kitchen and slip off my shoes.
Connie has her back to me, slicing up something on the worktop when I enter. To say I’m not disappointed about the lack of frying bacon smell right now would be a huge lie. Although I should have known better than to expect a full-on fry up. I already know they all eat healthily, and Connie has made sure to never eat anything naughty in front of me since I started my diet. Normally I love that she is so considerate of my weight loss, but this morning a little bit of grease would have hit the spot.
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