“It…” my voice gets stuck in my throat and I have to cough to clear it. “It’s okay, he should be here…I guess,” I manage to whisper.
The sonographer nods and asks him to come in and shut the door behind him. He does as he’s told and just stands awkwardly by the door, looking more and more confused by the second.
“Pull a chair over and sit next to Connie,” she says, as she turns the screen towards us and my heart skips a beat.
Fin
“Oh, look out, the boss is about,” Ollie sings from his place on top of the ladder I’m holding. We’ve been on site all of about ten minutes, and Ollie has managed to cause a leak already. The last thing I need is Ruben here sticking his two pence in.
“Fin,” Ruben snaps, “You need to come with me,” he demands, and starts marching back the way he came.
Once Ollie is back on solid ground, I jog after Ruben. “But I’ve got Ollie here with me, I can’t just le-”
“Mark is coming as his job’s at a standstill. He’ll be here in a couple of minutes. Get in,” he instructs when we reach his car.
I expect him to say something when he starts driving. After all, he’s taking me somewhere for a reason, even if it is a deserted field so he can kill me for touching his sister.
Eventually, the silence gets too much. “Where exactly are we going?”
“Somewhere you need to be,” is his cryptic answer, then he says no more. Brilliant!
When he turns into the hospital car park I start to panic. “Shit, what’s happened? Is everyone okay?”
“Yes, don’t panic. Come on.”
After paying, I follow Ruben towards the west wing of the hospital, confused as fuck. I pause when we get to the entrance. I hate hospitals, and this is even worse, because I have no idea why I’m about to go in one.
“Come on, Fin,” Ruben grumbles.
“But…I…”
“Hate hospitals, yes I know, but Connie needs you.”
That makes my head snap up. The panic I was feeling triples, and dread fills my stomach. “Connie?” I question, in case my mind is playing tricks on me and I misheard.
“Yes, now come on, we might already be too late.”
“Too late?”
“For fuck’s sake,” Ruben complains as he grabs my upper arm and gives me a good tug towards the entrance.
Once inside, I follow Ruben as he marches up to a reception desk and demands to know where Connie is. Other than hearing her name a couple of times, I don’t make anything else out. My ears fill with a buzzing as panic flows through my veins.
“Right, she’s through that door. Go on.”
“But…I…uh.”
“GO!” he shouts, and once again pushes me in the right direction. I stumble past the couple of people sat waiting outside the room I’m heading towards, and swing the door open.
As soon as it opens, I see her. She’s lying on a bed with her top pushed up, exposing her stomach. When she props herself up to see what’s going on, I get even more worried than before. She is pale, almost grey. Her eyes that usually sparkle are sad and filled with unshed tears.
The other woman in the room says something. I can only presume she telling me off for intruding, but my focus is glued on Connie and all sorts of thoughts are filling my head with what could be wrong with her.
My senses start to come back to me a little when Connie talks. She reassures the woman that I can be there, and after being told to pull up a chair, I sit down next to Connie.
I just open my mouth to ask her if she’s okay, when the woman turns her computer around so we can see it. Fuck knows why, though; there must be something wrong with it, because it’s all back, white and fuzzy.
And then my world stops spinning.
“There’s your baby’s heartbeat. Everything looks absolutely fine. I would say you’re about eleven weeks. Congratulations.”
What. The. Fuck?
I look from the smiling woman down to Connie, who is staring at the screen unblinking as those previously unshed tears run down her cheeks.
“Everything’s really okay?” she asks, and the woman reassures her and points things out on the screen.
I just stare at them in total disbelief.
Connie’s pregnant.
Connie’s eleven weeks pregnant.
And that means…fuck!
My legs are moving, making fast wide strides. When I feel fresh air hit my face, I take what feels like my first breath in hours. I bend at the waist and rest my hands on my knees as I pant and allow the world to stop spinning around me.
This can’t be happening. No, I must be dreaming. Or having a nightmare is more accurate.
I knew I never should have touched Connie, but get her pregnant? No that really never should have happened. She told me she was on the pill, and I trusted that would be enough.
Fuck.
What if it happens again? What if my family’s fucked up genes strike again? I can’t lose anyone else, I can’t. That is why I’ve always said I didn’t want kids. It ripped my mum and dad to pieces. I wouldn’t survive it after everything else. I’m not strong enough.
Chapter Seven
Connie
“If you can take a seat outside, a nurse will call for you when she’s ready,” the sonographer says with a sympathetic look on her face. “Everything will be okay, my dear,” she adds on just as I open the door. I give her a small smile in response. It’s all I can manage.
The first person I see when I walk through the door is Ruben. Well, I wasn’t expecting Fin to be stood there waiting for me. He pushes himself off the wall he was leaning on and comes over to give me a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Con. I thought…well, I clearly didn’t think.”
“It’s fine. I know you were doing what you thought was best. I guess he’s made it obvious how he feels about having a baby, then.”
“Oh, I thought when he stormed out that you’d-” he stops himself and shakes his head. “Everything’s okay with the baby?”
“Yes, everything looks fine.”
“It was just a shock for him to find out that way. He probably just needs some fresh air and thinking space. He’ll be back,” Ruben says with confidence. I know differently, though. I would put money on him never walking back through the doors again.
It’s another hour before I’m allowed to leave. Ruben stayed with me the whole time, although he was the other side of the room when they started putting needles in me to get blood - wimp!
We’re almost home and not a word has been spoken. I must have looked rough, because he point-blank refused to let me drive home myself, instead insisting that he’d arrange for my car to be picked up later. He can obviously sense that I need some quiet time. I’ve been sat staring at my scan picture, totally lost in my own little world, so when he does speak, he scares the shit out of me.
“I’m really sorry, Con. I thought he needed to know and to be there. I didn’t expect…that.”
“It’s fine. I think the real reason I hadn’t told him before was because I was scared of his reaction. Something told me he wouldn’t take it well. He’s always been so secretive about his family that I guess it made worry about what he would think of having one of his own.”
“I wish he’d let us in. It frustrates the fuck out of me that he won’t let us help with whatever it is.”
“Same,” I mutter. “I’ll give him some time, then I’ll go and find him. I can’t just leave it at that.”
“Are you going to be okay, or do you need me to stay?” Ruben asks when he pulls up in front of our house.
“No, I’m fine. I’m just going to go back to bed for a bit.”
I lie straight down on my bed the second I get into my room. It’s only eleven o’clock in the morning, but I’m exhausted. All the excitement that today has already given out is obviously too much for me these days. I put my head down on my pillow and continue to stare at the scan picture while placing my other hand on my belly. I feel myself tear
up again the longer I stare at it.
That’s our baby.
I make a promise there and then that, no matter what happens with his daddy, I will make sure I love him enough for the both of us. Yes, I think it’s a boy - no idea why, but I have this really strong feeling that my tiny bump is on team blue. A little blond haired, blue eyed version of his dad. A tear drops at that thought. I don’t want to do this alone; I want Fin by my side and holding my hand. That might be out of the question, though.
When I show my face at the coffee shop later that afternoon, I find Mum behind the counter as expected, but what I don’t expect to see is a tall, slim blonde with her.
“Lilly, what are you doing here?”
“I came to see Emma, but she hasn’t got home from work yet, so I came here. Your mum was run off her feet, so I said I’d help out.”
Lilly and I got talking at Emma and Ruben’s engagement party, and we instantly hit it off. We’ve kept in touch ever since. She may be a couple of years younger than me, but it hasn’t stopped her checking to see if I was okay after all the drama that kicked off that day. She’s a real sweetie.
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
“Are you feeling better?” I feel awful about not telling Mum about my appointment, but it felt like the right thing to do. She doesn’t need any more reason to worry about me.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve actually been to the hospital - look,” I say, passing over my scan picture.
“Oh my God,” Mum gasps as she rips the picture from my hand and stares at it with tears in her eyes. “Oh, my first grandchild!” she says all soft and lovingly, causing my tears to start up again. Fucking hormones.
Once she’s over the shock, or excitement, the questions start. “Why did you have to go to the hospital? Is everything okay? Why didn’t you ask me to go with you? You had better not have gone alone.” There are more, but I stop listening!
“Everything is fine. I was getting a bit of pain so the doctor thought it best to check it out, but everything is okay,” I say again to reassure her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t want to worry you. I was pretty sure everything was okay. I did go alone, but at the last minute, Ruben turned up, because Emma told him about the appointment, with Fin in tow.”
“Oh, well that’s…good?” she says as a question when she sees the look on my face.
“No, it wasn’t good,” I say, then go on to explain all of what happened.
Both Mum and I decide that Fin should have had long enough by the time we close up the coffee shop that evening. Plus, he should be home from work by now - that’s if he went after all that.
I jump in my car, that Ruben had delivered as promised, and head towards his house.
I haven’t been here for years. Fin always comes to us and makes excuses as to why we shouldn’t come here. I have vague memories of the place. It’s a big manor house looking building with loads of windows and huge grounds. I’m not sure how they ended up in such a big place, because Fin’s family have never really had money. I can only presume it was handed down.
Standing here on the gravel driveway, I understand maybe why Fin hasn’t wanted us to come. The place is a complete mess. Everything is overgrown, the house has crumbling render everywhere, and is in serious need of a lick of paint. The front door is peeling its former royal blue paint, and looks really drab. The whole place just looks unkempt and unloved, which surprises me because that isn’t how I would imagine Fin to live.
His van is here, so I swallow down my nerves and walk up to the front door. I can’t see a doorbell, just an old-fashioned knocker, so I reach up and knock it a couple of times. After a few seconds, I hear movement inside, but no one answers the door. I stand there longer, waiting and hoping. Well, that is until I hear an almighty crash and a loud shout. Without thinking, I reach for the handle and let myself in. The entryway is huge, with amazing chunky oak sideboards and large mirrors on the walls. The once stunning, I would imagine, parquet flooring is dark and drab, and the walls and ceilings are in need of some serious freshening up.
Another moan sounds out, and it reminds me of what I’m doing. I walk forward, through one of the many doorways, and into a huge farmhouse style kitchen. At first I don’t see him, but something moving behind the island catches my eye. I quickly walk around to see what’s going on.
There, laid out on the floor with smashed crockery and glasses all around him is Fin’s dad, Fred. I hardly recognise him, mind you. Gone is the stocky, muscular man I remember from my childhood. Instead, the man in front of me looks like a frail old man. I know him and May had Fin later in life, but he must look at least ten years older than he actually is. His skin is grey and a little translucent looking, his eyes are dark and sullen, his cheeks hollow, and lips thin. He is so skinny that I can see from here how much his trousers are bunched up with a belt to hold them up.
I bend down to assess the damage. He’s cut his eyebrow. I can see a little pool of blood appearing on the limestone tile below him. His hands both have cuts all over them, but most worryingly, he seems to be out cold.
“Fred,” I say gently. “Can you hear me?”
Nothing.
I try again and am just about to grab my phone to call an ambulance when I hear him groan. It takes a few seconds, but eventually, he opens his eyes, and after a few moments they focus and I see life enter them when he looks at me.
“May? Oh, May, darlin’, it’s so good to see you, it’s been so long. I knew you’d come back to me.”
Eh?
“No, Fred, it’s Connie. Elizabeth and Nigel’s daughter. Are you okay to sit up?”
He stares at me like I’ve just tried to convince him I’m am alien from another planet. I put that to one side, in favour of making sure he’s okay first. I manage to get him up off the floor and on to the window seat that overlooks the forest of a garden. When I’m confident he’s relatively stable, I ask him where I might find a first aid box. But when he starts asking me what I’m cooking for dinner, I give up and go hunting myself.
I eventually find some stuff I can use in a bathroom cabinet. It doesn’t look like it’s been touched for decades, but it’s all I’ve got, so it will have to do. My hunt revealed old and dirty room after room. I saw two bedrooms that look lived in, along with the living room. Everything else looks like a dusty shrine to the 1980’s.
I begin cleaning him up and try to ensure all the glass is out of the cuts on his hands while he chats about where we should go on our summer holiday this year.
“I enjoyed that caravan in Paignton last year, but I think we should splash out and stay in a hotel this year. Finley and William will love it.”
I think I’m beginning to understand what Fin has been hiding all these years. My heart bleeds for him, dealing with this all alone.
“DAD,” I hear him shout in panic.
“In the kitchen,” I shout back as he comes running into the room, looking harassed and panicked. “He’s okay, just cut his eyebrow and hands. I think I’ve got all the glass out,” I say in what I hope is a calm and soothing voice.
“Dad, are you okay?”
“Yes, Stevie, I’m fine. My May looked after me,” Fred says, and grabs my hand for emphasis.
I look at Fin and see pure horror fill his face, and I know exactly what is coming next. I can read him like a book.
“You need to leave,” he says coldly, looking straight past me and to his dad.
“Fin, don’t. I want to help.”
“NO,” he snaps, “Just go. Please,” he adds, sounding totally defeated.
“Don’t send my May away,” Fred says sternly, and grips my hand even harder. “We’re going to have dinner as a family. Where’s Finley and William?”
I see Fin look to the heavens out of the corner of my eye. He runs his hands through his hair and tugs so hard that I’m worried it’s going to come out.
“You’ll stay, won’t you, Stevie?” Fred asks Fin, but he doesn’t respond. H
e just walks silently over to the sink, places his hands on the edge, and hangs his head between his shoulders.
“Fred, let’s go and get you sat in front of the TV while dinner cooks.” I give him a gentle tug and he follows me towards the living room. I get him sat in what I presume is his chair, and put a quiz show on the TV. I leave the remote with him in case he wants to change it.
I’m just about to leave the room when he stops me.
“May, I really have missed you. Can we have my favourite for dinner to celebrate?”
“Of course, Fred, whatever you want,” I state confidently, even though I have no clue what his favourite food is.
When I return to the kitchen, Fin is exactly where I left him. It causes me actual pain to see him hurting so much, and I hate that I had no clue. I should have pushed harder to find out what was going on. He should not be doing this alone.
“Fin,” I say, and place my hand on his back.
He doesn’t say anything, he just flinches away from my touch. I try really hard not to let that affect me, but the tears come anyway. For him, for Fred, for our baby, I don’t know - but I end up crying again.
I just about manage to keep them as silent tears, and I move over to the smashed glass on the floor to start picking it all up.
I’ve got a few of the bigger bits in my hand when he booming voice stops me.
“STOP.”
Fin
I eventually pull myself together enough to call a taxi and get home from the hospital. I should go back to work, but my head is not in the right place for that. Instead, after paying the driver, I head inside to make sure Dad is okay, then I walk out to my favourite place.
I haven’t been out here in forever, and I have to fight with the overgrown plants and weeds to get there, but eventually, I find the tree. The tree that got hit with lightening when I was a kid. It basically split in half and it left a nice place to make dens and hideaways - all that kind of stuff kids do. Now, though, it is where I come to get away from everything, just sit and look over the countryside beyond in the quiet.
Angel Series Books #1-2.5 Page 103