"I can't say a hundred percent, because feelings change, I guess, but the way I'm feeling right now is that we might never talk about that note again."
"Done," he said. "I'm sorry for telling you about it."
"I thought you said you weren't sorry," I said.
"I'm whatever I need to be to get you back to the girl who was smiling at me and cooking those eggs."
I gave him a half-smile before glancing into the pan. "I bet these are still edible," I said.
A relived smile touched his lips. "They're definitely edible," he said.
"A little overdone, but that never hurt anyone."
I pulled plates out of the cabinet before arranging the toast and eggs—one egg for me and two for Gray. I slid his plate toward him, and he looked at it before glancing at me with a smile.
"Jane," he said.
"What?" I didn't feel much like eating after all the excitement, but I still casually took a bite of the food.
"Thank you for not kicking me out."
I smiled. "Thank you for checking on me," I said. "Even if it took you four years."
Gray squinted his dark eyes at me, smiling as he took a bite of the toast and egg. I couldn’t help but smile at him.
"No really," I said. "It sucks that it happened, but it was gentlemanly of you to follow-up on it. Did you have to see a lot of stuff like that?"
Gray smiled sadly. "That wasn't even a bad site," he said.
"I'm sorry," I said.
He looked at me. "Don't be. I chose to be there. I could've gone into the Army and played with the marching band if I wanted to."
"Are you a musician?" I asked.
He chuckled as he took another bite. "No, I just meant I could've chosen another military job. I could've quit the Army for that matter. I saw some things that haunt me a little bit, but I really don't regret seeing them. All that stuff made me who I am."
I stared at him, knowing I wanted to know more about that guy.
Chapter 10
Gray and I talked until two in the morning.
It took us a little while to settle into comfortable conversation after Gray dropped that bomb on me about Seth, but I sympathized with his position and ultimately respected that he told me even though it caused awkwardness at first.
We ended up discussing a ton of different topics, including my job, and the band, and his potential job with his brother. I laughed at how much pop culture he'd missed out on while he was away, and caught him up on the highlights of things he missed in the eighties.
He told me about some of the things he'd seen in Germany and the Middle East, mostly light and fluffy stories about things that happened to him on his days off. It had already gotten really late, and I was somewhat delirious when I asked him if he would tell me one of the things that would haunt him. We were sitting on the couch when I asked that, and I regretted it the instant it came out of my mouth. I glanced at him, flinching at myself like I knew I was out of line, but he smiled sweetly at me.
"I've already given you enough weight in your bags for the night," he said.
"Weight in my bags?" I asked.
"I heard a story once. I don't remember exactly how it went, but basically, there were two people, and the first person really wanted to know some bit of information. He asked the second person to tell him. The second person then explained that the information was like a heavy bag that person one would have to carry around with him. It was out of love that person two didn't give person one more weight than they needed to carry."
"Could person one maybe, eventually, one day have enough muscles to carry a little bit more weight then she can carry now?" I asked.
Gray smiled at me and pushed at my knee, and I reached out to grab his hand and defend myself like I assumed he was going to tickle me. By instinct, I began to tickle him back, and we had a brief exchange of delirious poking and tickling each other that led to me being so close to him that I was practically propped up on his lap.
One second, we were laughing and wrestling around, and the next, our faces were only inches apart. I had kissed a few guys since Seth died, but none that I had significant feelings for. We were touching in several different locations on our bodies as we stared at each other, both struggling to catch our breath. I didn't know if Gray had pulled me over there or if I had just thrown myself at him. I thought it was likely some combination of the two.
He didn't ask my permission, he simply leaned forward and touched his glorious lips to mine. His lips were true perfection, and I felt an electrical charge jolt through my body the instant he kissed me.
He touched his lips to mine two, three, four times in a row like he just couldn't stop.
Kissing Gray was like nothing I had ever experienced. Maybe it felt magical because it was the middle of the night. Maybe I was just desperate to fall in love with him. Either way, I felt the earth shatter.
Gray took my lip into his mouth, and I let out what felt like my very last breath. I literally felt like I was dying with pleasure. My body had never felt this way before—not even the time that I was with Seth on our wedding night. Gray's kiss was warm and wet and it gave me unrelenting pleasure. He kissed me gently but with a sweet fervency that made me know it was something he'd been anticipating as much as I had. I felt desire so great that it came washing over me like a wave.
The sensation came to what felt like a crescendo, and then I pulled back, breathlessly forcing myself to break the kiss. My hands were on the sides of Gray's face, and I had been so out of my mind that didn't even realize I had put them there.
"I'm tired," I said, dropping my hands and struggling to catch my breath.
"Are you okay," he asked. "I'm sorry."
I shook my head as I readjusted, sitting next to him, but not pressed up against him like I was. "Please don't be sorry," I said. "I'm the one that… Just don't be sorry. I really, really wanted that to happen. I think I'm the one that… Anyway, I definitely wanted that to happen, it's just that I, I can't really… I think it's best if I take things slow because of Shelby and everything. I usually don't even bring guys…"
Gray stood up, stretching and glancing at the clock, which indicated that it was after 2am. He glanced down at me with a guilty smile.
"Please forgive me," he said sincerely.
I stood up, being careful not to touch him on account of the electrical charge I knew I'd get. "There's really nothing to apologize for," I said honestly.
He was quite a bit taller than me, and I looked up at him through my lashes because I couldn't bear to fully face him. The feelings I was having for this man we're so different than anything I had experienced before that it scared the living daylights out of me.
"I wanted that to happen as much as you did," I assured him.
He gave me an irresistible grin. "I don't know about that," he said.
"Believe me," I said. "I did. I really did. A lot. That's why I have to take a step back. I can't go from zero to ninety like that. I already know I have a weakness for you, and I have to go super slow for Shelby's sake. I'm seriously still dizzy from that just now."
"How far do you want to go back?" Gray asked.
"Far," I said, thinking about the sensations I had just experienced during that kiss. "I think we need to go really far back."
Gray extended his hand and straightened in an official manner. "I'm Gray Kennedy," he said. "I'd like to see about renting your upstairs apartment."
"Not that far," I said. "We need to skip past all that." I blinked heavily and faked a yawn. "I'm too tired to sign a lease."
"I'm tired, too," he said seriously. "Thank you for a fun night."
"Are you leaving first thing in the morning?" I asked. "Because I'll probably make Shelby breakfast before my parents pick her up for Sunday school."
"Aren't you going?" he asked.
"I'll meet them at church," I said. "But Shelby likes Shug and Doozy to pick her up for Sunday school because they take her to get doughnuts on the way."
> "I thought you said you were cooking her breakfast."
"I did say that, didn't I?"
He smiled. "Yep."
"Well, I meant I'll cook you some breakfast."
"As friends," he said as more of a statement than a question.
"Friends can cook friends breakfast," I said. "Especially when one friend has no food in his fridge."
"I won't turn down an egg for the road and a chance to say 'hi' to Shelby before I go."
I smiled rocking back and forth a little bit and feeling like I desperately wanted to kiss him again—just one last time before we went back to being friends again. I couldn’t do it. I knew I shouldn't.
"Okay, so what time?" he asked.
"Eight-thirty," I said. "Is that too early? My mom gets here at eight-forty-five to pick up Shelby."
"You think it's okay if I'm down here when they come by?"
I nodded. "Why not?"
He shrugged. "I'm just making sure."
"You don't have anything in your fridge," I said, logically. "I can't let you starve."
Gray smiled at me since we both knew he could just stop at IHOP or McDonald's on his way out of town.
"Eight-thirty," he said.
"Eight-thirty," I agreed.
And then, since I was the biggest dork in the whole wide world, I stuck my hand out to shake his hand. "Good night," I said, shaking it.
"Good night," he said, smiling at me.
"Sleep tight," I said after he turned to walk to the door.
"Yep," he said. "You too."
I followed him toward the door and felt the cool, fall air waft in as soon as he opened it. "See you in the morning," I said.
"Thank you," he added sincerely. "For understanding everything."
I grinned at him. "Thank you for finally getting your butt over here to check on me," I said.
He knew I was totally teasing him, and he disappeared onto my porch wearing a huge grin. I was spent and exhausted and on top of the world all at the same time. It was as if I was gliding as I walked back to my room. I physically felt good as a result of having Gray upstairs and officially dreaded tomorrow when he had to get back to Illinois. I wanted him to be my new best friend and hang out with Shelby and me forever.
I was so charged by the events of the evening that it took me a little while to fall asleep even though I tried to force myself. Shelby woke up at ten till seven, which meant I only got a few hours sleep.
"Pssssst," she said.
She did it again after a few seconds and I nodded sleepily without taking my head off the pillow or even opening my eyes.
"Awe you awake?" she whispered.
I nodded again, still without opening my eyes.
"Awe you sleepy?"
I nodded.
"What time did you finish singing?" she asked.
"Not late, but I'm still tired."
"Shug's singing at chuwch today," Shelby said.
"She is?" I asked, peeking out of my eyes. "Who told you that?"
"Shug."
Mom only sang at the church about two or three times a year, and it was really a treat to watch her. My mom who was normally a soft-spoken, even keel woman, had the capability of turning on this jazz, blues character who brought down the house. She was talented and passionate, and the first thing I thought of when Shelby said she was singing was that I wanted Gray to be there.
"She said they have to pick me up eawly."
***
I was so utterly exhausted that the next couple of hours went by in a whirlwind. Shelby was right; my parents got to my house at 8:30 instead of 8:45 like usual. My mom called first to warn me, but I told her Shelby had already informed me about what was going on.
Gray had just knocked on my door when my parents pulled into the driveway. Shelby bounced to the door excitedly when she realized everyone had arrived at once. I had already warned her that Gray was coming over, so she was anxiously expecting everyone.
She and I had been up since before seven, styling our hair and deciding on what clothes to wear. Gray was wearing jeans and a dark red shirt that hugged his chest. He had on a light jacket, but I couldn't quit looking at that fitted shirt. I was noticing how handsome he looked when Shelby rushed over to greet him.
"Hey Mistew Gway!"
"Hey Shelby, how are you, pretty girl?" He came into the house, stooping to talk to her.
"Did you bwing youw dog?"
He made a sorrowful expression. "I hadn't seen Roxy in a while, so I didn't realize she was a little too old to come with me."
"She's too old?" Shelby asked, tilting her head.
"Dogs get old just like people, punkin," I said, ruffling her curls. "Maybe we can go see Uncle Jacob's dog soon."
Gray poked Shelby's tummy gently. "I saw you at your mom's concert last night."
"But you wewen't thewe," she said, holding onto his hand.
"I don't guess you noticed me, but I was there. I tried to wave at you, but I don't think you saw."
"Maybe you should tap me on the shouldew if I don't see you," she said.
Gray smiled. "I should," he said. "Next time I will."
"Can you come to chuwch with us?" Shelby asked.
My parents approached the door and I motioned for them to come in.
"She's asking because Shug's singing a song," I explained as Mom and Dad came into the room.
"I'm doing three songs," Mom said, overhearing me as she came in the door. "It's Pa's birthday, so I'm doing Amazing Grace and a couple others. We still have time to stop at Dean-o's, though." She high-fived Shelby, who let out a whoop.
"Are you guys coming to church?" my dad asked, looking at Gray and me.
"I'll be there," I said. "I think Gray's got to get on the road."
Chapter 11
"Are you sure you have to get on the road?" I asked three minutes later when my parents took off with Shelby and I turned to face Gray.
He smiled at me. "Are you asking me to come to church with you?"
I shrugged. "Why? Would you? You don't have to. And even if you do, you wouldn't have to stay the whole time or anything. I just think you'd like seeing my mom sing. She only does it a couple of times a year."
He gave me a gorgeous amused grin.
"Does that mean you will?" I asked. "You can still be on the road by eleven or whatever if you leave after the music."
Gray agreed, saying he was excited to see my mom perform.
He and I cooked and ate breakfast before heading to the church. He followed me in his truck because he was planning on leaving straight from there, but we parked next to each other and walked in together.
Gray glanced at the man at the door (who was dressed in a suit and tie) and then down at his own clothes, which were sharp and handsome, but casual. "Are you sure this is okay?" he asked.
I decided to tease him. "You're gonna get called out for the no-tie thing, but just try to play it off as best you can."
He stopped walking, and I looked back at him with a huge grin that let him know I was only joking.
"Come on," I said, pulling his arm.
I couldn’t bear to let him go once I reached out for him (plus I knew it must be hard for him to walk into a new place where he didn't know anybody) so I looped my arm into his as we continued to walk inside.
"Hey Mister Mosley," I said, stretching up to hug the man at the door once we made it up the steps. Gray tried to let me go, but I kept my arm in his. "This is my friend, Gray from Illinois," I said.
"It's very nice to meet you," Mister Mosley said, shaking Gray's hand. "And good to see you, Jane. Your mama's singing this morning. I believe they're about to get started in just a second."
"Yes sir," I said, taking his hint, and pulling Gray toward the sanctuary.
We were right on time. I had done that on purpose so that we could get in and sit down while going unnoticed. I led us to a seat in the back, knowing he would probably want to get up and leave halfway through the service.
Gray didn't leave early. I tried to get him to sneak out after my mom sang, but he said he was fine staying a little longer since it was only about seven-and-a-half hours to his house if he didn't make too many stops.
My Uncle Jacob was the pastor, and he talked about God's great and provincial love for us. Gray listened intently the whole time. NASA had just launched a space shuttle, and Uncle Jacob was talking about outer space, and the moon and stars, and how we were all just basically tiny specks of dust in the grand scheme of things.
I knew when Uncle Jacob was about to dismiss us, so I leaned over to whisper in Gray's ear. "If we don't leave now, you will be stuck here for thirty-minutes getting the third degree from everybody."
Gray looked at his watch and then around at the congregation before leaning over to speak quietly to me. "I guess we better go," he said.
The sun was bright, and I squinted and held my arm above my eyes to block the light as we stepped outside. I figured I would go back inside after I gave him a goodbye hug, so I stopped at the top of the stairs. Gray turned, regarding me with a sweet smile.
"That was good," he said. "Your mom and your uncle. I enjoyed the whole thing."
I wanted him to like it, so it made me happy that he did. "Thank you," I said. "I'll tell them you said that."
"I liked that stuff your uncle was saying. It makes me think about how tiny we are when you step back and think of the grandeur of the universe, and how tiny the universe is when you step back and think of the grandeur of God. I just kept seeing us as these little ants. I mean, I know the analogy isn't perfect, but it's somewhat fitting to think of us as ants. And then I think about how God subjected himself to becoming an ant and sharing in our little ant struggles. It's amazing."
"It really is," I agreed, slowly heading down the steps with him.
"The craziest thing is that if I look at an ant mound, I can see all the ants that are on the outside, but I can't possibly go down into the tunnels and be with each of them and care about all their lives and everything. It's really astounding that God can do that—listen to each of us, and truly be accessible to each of us. I think sometimes I forget he's accessible."
Maybe Memphis (Bishop Family Book 3) Page 7