by Angie Hayes
My phone rings taking me out of my thoughts and I see that it was Shawn calling. We haven’t spoken in a while, but we grew even closer since the last time when he came to the hospital to show support when Destiny was there and for that I will always be grateful.
“What’s good my man?” I asked as I answered the phone.
“Man ain’t shit good. I gotta talk to someone before I fucking snap!” He yelled into the phone sounding frustrated.
One of the things that keep me and him cool is the fact that we both are in a relationship with cousins who are driving us crazy at the moment.
“Damn what’s going on?” I asked.
“Man this shit with Alicia is about to drive me to drink and smoke on a damn pipe!”
“It’s that bad?” I asked laughing at his “smoking on the pipe” comment.
“Hell yeah! You already know we still going back and forth about me adopting Zaria like we planned soon as she was born, and last night I heard her on the phone telling that nigga Troy how I’m in her fucking ear about it!” He yelled.
Now when this whole thing first started with Shawn and Alicia, I always supported how much of a standup guy he was to step in and accept the responsibility to take care and love a child that’s not his. At that time I knew my boy Troy was on some wild shit; with having affairs with different women on his wife, not to mention having other babies out here too. But things have been different with all of our lives this past year.
“I get what you saying man, believe me I do, but don’t you think Troy does have a right to be in his daughters life if he wants to? I mean that won’t stop you from being in her life either,” I explained in hopes that he would really just let this shit go.
I never wanted to be in the middle of their situation and tried my best not to, but Shawn was really starting to get on my nerves with this whole isolate Troy from Zaria bullshit. I know Troy has his faults, but he has paid for them with the loss of his wife and now he’s trying to better himself.
“Come on, Shawn that nigga ain’t give a fuck about Alicia let alone Zaria. Now that she’s moved on he wants to step back in the picture, when I have been the one here for Zaria from the beginning.”
“Shawn I know all that, but what I also know is that Alicia was the one that left and didn’t tell Troy she was pregnant. I know how fucked up their relationship was, but that still doesn’t mean he didn’t want anything to do with Zaria. I’m telling you this from a man stand point who didn’t even know he had a child in the beginning also. Maybe you should just let Alicia and Troy handle this between them, and you just focus on you and her,” I suggested.
I’m trying my hardest to tell him to just let the shit go with as much respect as I can.
Shawn just started laughing.
“You know what? I knew it was gonna come a time where you would show your true colors. I almost forgot that Troy was yo' boy, and I’m just a dude fucking with his ex. But it’s cool though, I see what time it is.” And with that Shawn hung up the phone in my ear.
I sat shocked at how much this nigga just got in his feelings. I’m all for what’s right and wrong, and not letting a man be in his child’s life especially when he hasn’t done any harm to the child is wrong. Fuck it, I ain’t got time to be pacifying another man because he can’t handle hearing the truth, I got my own shit going on.
Keisha has been walking around lately looking more miserable and tired. I wish I could go to her and tell her that I’m here and she doesn’t have to go through this alone anymore, but my pride won’t let me. She cut me deep with what she did and I don’t know if it can be fixed.
CHAPTER 9
KEISHA
“Keith we need to talk,” I said as I went inside the guest room.
“What’s up?” he asked sitting up in the bed on his laptop. He didn’t even bother to look up and acknowledge me.
“I would greatly appreciate it if you would give me your attention,” I said standing at the foot of the bed with my arms folded.
I can no longer live like this. I’m coming up on my last trimester and I need to know where my marriage stands.
Keith closed his laptop and sighed with irritation.
“Ok you have my attention, so what is it?” he asked coldly looking at me like he has no interest in what I’m about to say.
I just stand there for a moment looking at the man I no longer recognized as my husband. Before I can say anything, tears started falling out of my eyes. It wasn’t my intention to cry, but unfortunately my hormones are taking over my emotions.
“Keith I know I have said this over and over before, but I am so sorry baby for what I did. If I could take all of it back I would, but I can’t. I just want you to give me a chance to make this right again because I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
Keith just sat there for a moment looking at me. He shook his head and then he started laughing which pissed me off. I didn’t know if he was taking what I said for a joke or he just didn’t give a damn; either way I’m not feeling this reaction.
“You have the fucking nerve to stand there and tell me how much more you can’t take? I was the one that caught yo' ass coming from getting fucked by your baby daddy, and now I have to look at you every day carrying child that might not be mines; but you don’t know how much more you can take?”
Keith was getting loud as if Jasmine and Destiny weren’t aren’t in their rooms across the hall.
“Keith if that’s the case then why don’t you leave huh? Since you can’t stand to look at me, why be here?”
“I’m here because of Jass and Destiny, and leaving would be too fucking easy. I want you to look at me every day and see how much of a good thing you fucked up,” He said with the most hateful look in his eyes that I have seen.
“So you’re punishing me Keith?”
“I’m giving back to you what you gave me, and that’s hurt. You don’t know what it feels like as a man to know that your wife went to someone else to please her! I gave you every fucking thing! My heart, trust, love and respect but it still wasn’t enough! I never put my hands on you or even thought about stepping out on you. I honored our vows Keisha and yet you still shit on me. You women are always complaining about how there are no good brothers out here, but when you get one you still choose the no good ass niggas! So to answer your question about us getting back to our marriage that will determine if the baby is mines.” Keith got up and headed into the bathroom and slammed the door.
I quietly left the room and headed back into my bedroom. I closed the door and began crying harder than ever. I know I brought all of this on myself, but hearing the hatred in Keith voice was way more than I could handle. My son started moving around kicking in my stomach as if he knew something was going on.
Keith and I never discussed the possibility if the baby might not be his, but I refused to continue to sit around and be treated this way until I give birth. I made a mistake and I fucked up big time, but I can’t let him making me suffer come before the health of my baby.
CHAPTER 10
SHAWN
Alicia doesn’t know I had heard her talking to Troy on the phone earlier. Why the fuck is she calling him to see how he was doing in the first place? Then she had a nerve to tell him what was going on between me and her! See, this is why I’m always telling her I think it’s more with them two than just about Zaria as she tries to proclaim. Tonight though I decided I wasn’t gonna even gonna confront her on what I had heard, I have other plans.
ME: What you doing big head? I texted Dana.
DANA: You’re the one with the watermelon head. Lol I’m just getting in from the gym.
ME: Oh yeah you do have that PT test coming up. You got it though, you’ll pass.
DANA: Yes I do and thanks! How’s your evening going so far?
ME: It was going ok until I heard Alicia on the phone asking her baby daddy how he was doing and shit, and then complaining about me. I’m telling you Dana I’m just about over th
is shit here.
DANA: Why don’t you just talk to her Shawn?
ME: I have! But no matter what I say she still always finds a way to justify shit about him.
DANA: I’m sorry you’re going through that. Look my cousin is visiting this weekend, you wanna hang out with us on Saturday? We are going to see the new Liam Neeson movie.
ME: That sounds cool. I’ll let you know by Friday.
After me and Dana finished texting, I went into the living room to find Zaria playing in her play pen, while Alicia was in the kitchen cooking.
“Hey daddy baby,” I said as I kissed my baby on the top of her head.
She started laughing which caused me to smile. Zaria knows exactly who I am and that’s her daddy. I don’t give a fuck whose blood runs through her veins, I take care of her and she’s mines. I take her out of her play pen and played around with her on the floor, completely ignoring Alicia in the kitchen. There was a time when I would have gone into the kitchen and started kissing all over her and making conversation with her while she cooked, but I am far that man now with her. I’m still pissed about over hearing her talking on the phone with Troy. As bad as I want to say something, I know it’s a complete waste of time and breath.
Ten minutes into me and Zaria playing, Alicia let me know that dinner was done. I put Zaria back in her play pen with her bottle and went to the table to eat in silence.
“So how was your day?” Alicia asked after noticing I wasn’t talking to her.
“My day was straight.” I answered very short not asking her the same.
“Shawn why are you acting like you got an attitude?” she asked.
“How the hell I’m acting like I got an attitude Alicia, I’m just eating my food damn!” I snapped.
“See what I mean, why you gotta get loud and curse?”
Decent conversations between us were nonexistence. Every time we seem to talk it was always a debate about something.
“I’m good Alicia, how was your day?” I finally asked in a calm tone trying to ease this conversation.
“My day was fine. The clinic was pretty busy so it made my day go by quick,” She replied.
Alicia had finally gone back to work at the clinic on base and seemed to still like it.
“That’s good,” Is all I said in return.
“Shawn is there something you need to talk about?”
“Nope,” I replied as I continued eating.
We both sat there in silence while we finished our food. After we were done, Alicia did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while I got Zaria ready for bed. Once I put her down, I went to get ready for bed myself. When I finished taking my shower, Alicia was already in bed turned over on her side. I went to the other side of the bed and got in turned on my side as well with my back towards her. I would have never thought we would be where we are in our relationship right now, especially since I handled everything with the Carmen situation.
It seems like things have gotten worse with us and I just didn’t know how to fix it anymore. Alicia had stopped talking about planning our wedding and never even brings it up anymore, so I don’t even know where we stand at getting married. I just feel like I’m in a competition with her past that I thought was buried. No matter how much she tries to tell me she only communicates with Troy due to Zaria, I know it’s a fucking lie.
CHAPTER 11
ALICIA
I’m finally able to take my lunch break at work and was relieved when I saw that the break room was empty. I really wasn’t in the mood to have conversation with anyone or answer any questions as to why I was so quiet. My home life was starting to get worse with Shawn and his attitude. We went from arguing daily about the same thing to barely talking now. Shit most of the time he acts like I’m not even in the same house with him!
He’s been coming home later than usual from work and only attending to Zaria. Then when we are in the same room he stays on his phone texting. Not to mention he always seems to be hanging out with his homeboys on weekends now. Now you know I have been around the block when it comes to knowing when a muthafucka ain’t up to any good. I would hate to think Shawn is stupid enough to fuck up things with us again after I took him back after his last fuck up. I felt a headache coming on as I keep thinking about Shawn and whatever it was that he might be doing, so I decided to call Troy to see what was up with him.
“What’s up” Troy said as he answered the phone on the third ring.
“Hey you, I’m just calling to check on you that’s all,” I replied.
I was hoping that he and I could have a civil conversation without bringing up the birth certificate.
“I’m good, just on this road working. What’s up with you?” he asked.
“I’m at work on my lunch break trying to catch a breather,” I responded.
“How’s Zaria?” he asked.
“She’s great, getting big. She’s at the babysitter now probably tearing up her house as usual,” I told him laughing.
“So when do you plan on coming down so I can see her?” Troy asked.
He has been asking me for a while about coming down, but since I had returned to work I knew I couldn’t just take those days off. Believe me the way things have been going with me and Shawn, I wouldn’t mind taking a break and going home to visit for a while.
“I don’t know yet Troy. You now I recently returned to work so I have to wait to take any type of leave again,” I answered.
“I’m sure Alicia, but I’m not surprised,” He said with a hence of attitude in his voice.
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked raising my voice.
I’m confused as to why he suddenly had a damn attitude with me.
“I’m talking about everything always being your way and on your time. But you know what, it’s all good. Holler at me when you know when you coming down,” and with that Troy hung up.
I just looked at my phone after he hung up wondering what the fuck was going on! First Shawn with his attitude, and now Troy! It amazes me how both of their asses did me wrong and yet they have the nerve to act like I’m the enemy all of a sudden! If anything I should be the one mad and giving them my ass to kiss, but I’m trying to move on with my life and forget about the past. It’s times like this when I need to vent to Keisha, but lately she seemed a little distance from me as well.
I take it as she was still going through her problems with Keith and just trying to focus on her pregnancy, so I won’t brother her with adding my problems on top of hers. I do know one thing though, something has to give because I refuse to let Shawn or Troy think they running things over here with me!
CHAPTER 12
SHAWN
“That movie was good as hell!” I said to Dana as we were leaving the movies.
I decided to go with her and her cousin to get out of the house and not have to think about the drama there. When I met up with Dana at the theater, she told me her cousin had something come up at the last minute and couldn’t come. So it was just me and her, and I didn’t mind.
“Yeah it was good, but I swear it seems like that Liam dude never ages,” Dana said.
We decided to get something to eat after the movie so we headed to the Chinese place at the food court in the mall. My phone started to vibrate. I looked at it to see that it was Alicia calling. Before I left the house this morning, I told her that I would be chilling with some of my friends today. I didn’t even feel the need to elaborate more on my plans or whereabouts like I normally do, so I just left it at that. This was her third time calling me today since I left and I still haven’t answered her call, and I don’t plan on too.
“You’re not going to get that?” Dana asked me as she noticed me checking my phone again.
“Nope,” I said as we continued walking.
“So I take it everything is still the same at home?” Dana asked.
“Yup, but hey, I’m learning to not trip off of it anymore. If Alicia wants to back pedal to her baby daddy that’s on her,” I
replied.
I wasn’t sure if I really meant that, but I was becoming fed up with the situation and her trying to convince me that he’s all of a sudden this stand-up guy.
“You know that’s not the way to live Shawn. I don’t know why you just won’t let her know that you heard her phone conversation with him and how you feel so you two can lay it all on the table,” Dana suggested after we finished ordering our drinks and food.
“Because I already know she’s gonna make a fucking excuse as to why she called him and we’ll end up going back and forth like we always do. I’m just not up for it anymore. I did everything I could in the beginning of our relationship to make things right, and now I’m the one that’s holding the short end of the stick,” I said getting mad all over again.
I don’t mean to keep talking about me Alicia when I’m with Dana, but she seems like the only outlet I have right now.
“Look, just be honest with her on how you feel and everything will work itself out. If it’s meant to be then you two will get through this.” Dana said.
We got our food and drinks and found a table where we sat down and started eating and talking about other things. I was really enjoying myself with Dana. It felt good to talk to someone and laugh again. After we finished eating, we headed to the parking garage to our cars.
“Well I definitely enjoyed your company today; we have to do this again,” Dana said as I walked her over to her car.