by L. K. Gandy
Listening and watching him tell me about how much he loves his job puts a smile on my face. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that someone is truly happy with their life. I wonder if I will fully get to that point again. Who knows, maybe Branson will be the man to help get me over my hurdle.
“I went to school for business, but dropped out a year early. I had a great opportunity to buy what’s now Whiskey’s, and I had to jump on it. I think I’m doing pretty well though.” He stops for a moment, and he’s begun wringing his hands together on the tabletop and small beads of sweat are starting to form on his forehead.
“Branson, what aren’t you telling me?”
“Am I that obvious?”
“Let’s just say, from what I’ve seen so far you’re a confident man, but right now it looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“It’s just…Sawyer, I really like you. I know we really haven’t spent that much time together. Truthfully this is the first time we’ve been alone, which makes this harder, but I can’t continue to go along with this without knowing that I’ve been completely honest with you. I always want to be upfront and honest when it comes to you.”
“Spit it out already, shit. You’re giving me anxiety just listening to you talk.” I take a sip of my water trying to calm myself down.
“I have a son.”
I don’t think my eyelids have ever blinked that fast. I feel like they’ve gotten a mind of their own and are having a spell.
“I’m sorry, what?” It’s a good thing I already swallowed my water, otherwise I think I would have choked.
“His name is Armie. He’s three, and he’s the most amazing, perfect little boy in the world.” He reaches across the table to grab my hands. His fingers weave between mine, and I find that the feeling of his hands is already settling my shocked nerves. “I know this is a tremendous surprise and I’d understand if you need some time to think about it. Honestly Sawyer, I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Where’s his mother?” It’s the first thing that comes to mind. Who on earth would let this amazing man go? Was the stress of daily life so heavy that she let it get in the way of their relationship?
“She, uh, she’s no longer in the picture. I’m a single dad, but I’m the luckiest man on earth. He’s the light of my life. His mother and I were married for five years, together for seven.”
Wow. Not only does he have a son, but he was previously married. This newfound information is starting to weigh pretty heavily on my mind, and I’m not quite sure how to process it. “Branson, since we’re being honest, I’m going to let you know that I’m not…it’s just…I’m speechless. This isn’t what I expected, I guess.”
“I can take you back to work if you want.” Looking up from his hands that are still woven with mine I find his eyes. The sadness and uncertainty I witness in them is disheartening, and I feel horrible.
“Actually, I’ve already finished my work for the day. We’re slow at the office right now.”
“Oh.”
I’m not sure where this conversation is heading now, but I do know that it seems to be coming to an end. “I guess you can take me back there. My truck is in the parking lot, and I have to get home somehow.” Slowly he removes his hands from mine and my body feels like it’s growing cold. The electric current his body brings to mine gradually seeps from my skin.
“Anything you want.”
The quick drive back to my office seems prolonged with the lack of cheery conversation between us. Pulling in front of the building and shutting his truck off, I can tell Branson wants to say something.
“Sawyer, if this is the last time I’m going to see you, there’s something I need to let you know.”
“You mean there’s more?” My smartass comment gets me a clipped sarcastic laugh in return.
“I want you to know that I had to tell you because it wouldn’t be fair to keep it hidden from you. I’m big on honesty, and it wouldn’t be fair to either one of us, let alone Armie, to let whatever amazing connection we have together continue without you knowing the truth about the most important part of my life.” Hearing him talk about his son with such love and adoration warms my heart. Am I ready to for that? Will I ever be ready? These nagging questions are foremost in my mind right now, and I need to give them adequate amount of time and consideration to make a decision.
“Thank you Branson. I respect your choice in telling me, but I think this is something I need to let sink in.” His head drops slightly before looking out the driver side window. “Thank you for lunch, it was delicious, and you’re right. I did fall in love with the place.” I reach across the black leather seats to squeeze his right hand that rests by his side. “Bye Branson.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Don’t say goodbye. I never say that. It’s too final, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, you never know what will happen or where it will take you. I’ll see you later, that’s what I say. Even in this case, though I’m not sure if it’s completely true.”
“You’re right, we don’t know what will happen.” He finally squeezes my hand in return and my heart warms slightly. “See you later, Branson.” Opening my door and walking across the sidewalk to the parking lot is the longest walk of my life, especially knowing that a part of my heart is still in the truck on the street, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get it back.
IT’S BEEN A FEW WEEKS since I left Branson sitting alone in his truck. It has literally haunted me every day and night since then. I try to busy myself with burying my head in work, but my thoughts always seem to drift back to the look on his face when I said I needed some time to contemplate. At night I dream of his mesmerizing smile and the way his deep, hardy laugh impacts my body. I feel like I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep since then, and it’s taking a toll on my body. Bags have appeared under my eyes, and my skin looks less vibrant than before. I have little drive to get myself out of bed and get ready in the mornings, but one thought still comes to the forefront of my mind—a child. Am I ready for that responsibility, when I thought I would never want that for myself again? Could I handle him being another woman’s son, and knowing that I would more than likely feel like an outsider when it came to the family relationship? What about the relationship between her and Branson? How does that work? These are all serious questions that are stopping me from running straight into Branson’s arms, as much as it’s killing me not to, but I’ve made up my mind. I convince myself that I need to at least test the waters, see how things go before I jump ship just because he has a son. He’s such an amazing man. I’d be an idiot to let him walk out of my life without putting up a fight even if it’s only an internal one. My cell phones rattles erratically on the countertop, and I dry my hands of the soapy water from doing dishes.
“Hey Charlee, what’s up?”
“I think I have an idea that will help you out. I’m a genius I know, you can thank me later.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start calling you a genius. What’s this idea of yours?” A general rule of thumb when it comes to Charlee’s ideas- be afraid- BE VERY AFRAID. Running isn’t such a bad choice either. I skeptically wait for her answer.
“All right, I know you’ve been drooling over panty boy- which I don’t blame you- total hottie, so I thought, what better way to test the relationship than to introduce him to all of your friends.”
“What do you mean all?” She’s out of her damn mind if she’s talking about what I think she is.
“You know exactly what I mean. I won’t be drunk this time, well alright that’s a lie, but not initially. Have Graham and Harrington meet him, test him out. They can get a man’s perspective and see how he stacks up.”
“Against who, Jaxx? Like that’s fair. Graham’s his best friend, you know he’ll show favoritism, there’s some dumb man loyalty there.”
“Fuck it, Graham’s a little bitch anyway. I’ll have a talk with him first, don’t worry. So wh
at do you say…bonfire tomorrow night?” I close my eyes and sigh loudly into the phone. “You know you want to,” she goads, extending the ‘o’.
“You’re such a pain in my ass, you know that right?” I say pinching the bridge of my nose.
“I live to please!” I can hear her smile through the tone in her voice. I’m so fucked. Branson will be running for the hills by the end of the night. Lord, help me.
“Fine. I’ll give him a call and see if he has any plans. I’m not guaranteeing anything, understand?” I wait for a few seconds with no response. “Charlee. Do you understand?”
“You’re such a buzzkill. Fine. Don’t forget the booze. Love you, bye.”
“I never do. Love you, bye.” Shaking my head I send Branson a text to see if he’s even remotely interested in meeting my group of freak show friends. I swear they belong in a circus. I would have called him, but frankly I’m too nervous. I wait anxiously by the phone, staring at it like I have magical powers. I count down from five, four, three, two, one…nothing. Let’s try that again. Five, four, three, two, one…well, shit. Maybe one more time. Five, four, three. The phone buzzes. I should be prepared by now but the sound makes my body jerk slightly in surprise. Oh, lovely. He’d be happy to come…and he’s bringing his brother. Now I’m in deep shit. Charlee is going to have a field day. Returning back to the dishes I pray silently that things will go smoothly tomorrow night, and that no one brings up the past. I’ll have to castrate someone, Graham, if that happens. Branson needs to find things out in due time and from me, not be blindsided by my dirty laundry basket of baggage that’s my life.
Waiting for Branson to pick me up is the most nerve-racking thing I’ve had to experience in quite a while. I’ve already changed three times, the evidence scattered across my bed. I don’t know why, I’ll just end up smelling like smoke from the fire, but I settle on jeans, a white t-shirt and a pair of brown Ariat boots. I have a Vanderbilt sweatshirt sitting on top of my purse, just in case. I’m always cold. It could be seventy-five degrees in my house and I’ll have a blanket around me if I’m watching a movie on the couch. My hair is braided to one side, and I have on the diamond earrings that I like to wear to dress up a casual outfit. The nerves travel to my feet, and I can feel them bouncing erratically. Get a hold of yourself woman! It’s just a damn bonfire. The doorbell resonates loudly throughout the house and I jump to my feet, eyes wide. My hands are awkwardly stiff at my sides. Just breathe, you’ll get through this. Taking a deep breath I head for the door. I stare at the doorknob like it has an infectious disease. When’s the last time I sprayed Lysol on this thing? Gross. I make a mental note to go around the house and clean like a crazy woman before I have any guests over.
“I was beginning to wonder if you were standing me up,” Branson says with a smirk after I swing the door open.
“Sorry, I was, um…well I don’t really know what I was doing, to be honest.” He chuckles at my awkward facial expression and it eases the tension in my body.
“Sawyer, this is my brother Brooks. I told him to wait in the truck, but he’s kind of stubborn,” he says waving his hand toward his brother. Just a few inches shorter than Branson, Brooks has similar features but also looks completely different. Where Branson’s eyes are a vibrant green, his are a caramelized brown; intensity emanates from them, like he’s seeing right through me. His hair is dark like his brother’s, only slightly shorter. His jaw is squared off just a bit more, and his lips are slightly thinner. Their mother must be so proud to have such handsome sons. Maybe she’s a good fighter; you’d have to be to have kept women off of these two growing up. I smile at the idea. Brooks must take it as a compliment because his smile grows as well.
“It’s nice to meet you Sawyer, my brother has told me some wonderful things,” he says shaking my hand. His grip lingers a bit longer than normal, and I can tell he’s testing me. I squeeze his hand as hard as I can before letting go. He laughs.
“It’s nice to meet you, too. I wish I could say the same, but I haven’t really heard much about you yet. I’m sure that’ll change later tonight though,” I say in Branson’s direction. Brooks nods, the anticipation smoldering in his eyes. Trouble. I can see it written all over his face.
“You ready to go?” Branson take my purse and sweatshirt from my hands and gives me his arm to hold as we walk across the street to his truck.
“Ready as I’ll ever be. Oh, we have to stop by the store on our way. Charlee would kill me if I forgot the liquor. She’s a feisty one.”
“Charlee? Who is this?” Brooks chimes in from the backseat, his eyes wide like a kid in a candy store.
“My best friend. She’s umm…wow, how do I describe her? She’s…interesting.”
“Is that the one who said those things about your panties?” he asks his brother.
“That’s the one.” Branson chuckles.
“Hmm. I like interesting,” Brooks says with a coy smile as he slides back into his seat. Great.
“What do you need from the store? We brought a cooler full of supplies,” Branson questions me.
“She’ll want tequila at some point during the night, but we’ll definitely need vodka. Do you have those?”
“Sawyer, I own a bar. Who do you think you’re talking to?” He laughs as he pulls the truck into the street.
There’s still time left before sunset as we drive further into the country. I can see a kaleidoscope spectrum of orange and yellow beginning to merge with different shades of red, mostly crimson, until the mixture is complete; splotches of color painted across the sky. It’s hard to tell where one begins and the other ends. I’ve always loved sunsets. Listening to my directions Branson takes a right on a dirt road that’s hidden from the normal passerby. I’ve been coming here for many years; it’s ingrained in my memory. Too many things are ingrained in my memory. I look out the window trying to clear my mind of them. Please let tonight go well, I think as the velvet blanket of darkness settles itself across the vast landscape.
“Are you taking us out here to kill us? I swear, I don’t think anyone could find us if you did,” Brooks jokes from the back seat.
“Right, like I could overpower you two giants,” I say rolling my eyes. “We’ve been coming here for a long time. Graham & Harrington’s grandparents own the land we call ‘the back forty’ but they don’t check on it often. They know we come here and party but they don’t seem to mind.” I see the faint glow of a fire in the distance through the trees and know we’re getting closer. “We’re almost there, just a little further.” The boys have their trucks parked facing away from the fire, sitting on the tailgate with cold beers in their hands. Charlee is standing in front of the flames, enchanted by the movements it is making. Hopping out of the truck I quickly walk to her side while Branson and his brother grab the cooler from the back.
“Hey bitch.” I nudge her with my shoulder to bring her back to reality.
“Hey! When did you get here?” She looks genuinely surprised. I’m not sure how she didn’t hear the truck from the blacktop road, it’s not exactly stealthy.
“We just got here. You alright?”
“Me? Yeah.” She picks up a long stick and pokes at the logs. “Just thinking, that’s all.” Her gaze returns to the center of the flames. It’s not blue yet so they must have just started it a few minutes before we got here.
“About?” I tilt my head forward trying to get a good look into her eyes. I can always tell when she’s hiding something. She can fool many people, but not me. You can tell a lot from a person’s eyes. Lies linger, trying to force themselves to the forefront. Truth shines through.
“The question should really be what am I not thinking about?” She looks behind us toward the twins before leaning closer to whisper, “Graham hit on me earlier. Harrington was busy parking his truck so he didn’t hear it. I’m pretty sure if he was around Graham wouldn’t have done it. We’ve always been ‘buddies’, never anything more. NEVER. It’s not like I haven’t thought about i
t. Honestly, look at him,” she says waving her hand in his direction. “But he’s like my brother. They both are. I guess I’m just confused. He could have any woman he wants, and he has. Every time we talk he’s with someone else. It’s just throwing me off I guess,” she says shaking her head a little.
“Wow, I figured you would have retorted with a smartass comment. It must have thrown you off.” I laugh a little at her expense. It’s mean, I know, but that’s what friends are for. I give her a small hug to level out my jab at her. Looking over my shoulder I can see Branson and Brooks making their way over to the fire. Brooks looks around quickly but his smoldering eyes rest on Charlee and me. I scoot back a few steps, uncomfortable with the situation, and his gaze is cemented on Charlee. Hmm, I have an idea. “There’s someone I want you to meet,” I say pulling her by the arm to close the distance between the advancing brothers.
“Graham, Harrington,” I say pointing between the two so they’re able to distinguish them, “this is Branson and his brother Brooks. This is Charlee.” I push her toward Brooks a little after giving her a quick tap on the ass. Go get ‘em tiger.