by L. K. Gandy
“Hi! I’m Armie. Are you here for my party? I’m four today. We have a pool and extra floats if you need one to swim. I like ninjas.” Holy shitballs, that was quite the introduction. I have to admit, he is the cutest little boy I’ve ever seen with his dark hair styled into a mohawk, and a slight pout to his lips. And his eyes, they’re a brilliant hazel green shade with sunflower yellow bursting from the center. I kneel down to get a closer look; they’re mesmerizing and somewhat familiar.
“Hi Armie, I’m Sawyer. Your dad invited me, I hope that’s alright with you.”
“Did you bring a present? I love presents,” he says excitedly. I can practically see him bouncing out of his skin impatiently waiting with enthusiasm.
“I sure did. I’m glad you like ninjas, because I brought you an official ninja uniform. You want to try it on?”
“Heck yes! Man, you’re one smart cookie.” He smiles at me lovingly as I hand it to him. “That’s what my dad calls me. I love cookies!”
“You love cookies? Me too! Wow, it looks like we have a lot in common.” I raise my arm and place a hand on his shoulder. The warmth that I feel when I touch this little boy astounds me and makes me start second-guessing my thoughts. Maybe I really am ready for this. I know I was trying to psych myself into thinking I am but seeing Armie and talking to him, watching him interact, it’s all amazing.
“Armie, what are you…oh, Sawyer, hi.” Branson looks up from behind his son with his spellbinding smile. “I see you’ve met Armie. He’s quite the little man, if I do say so myself.” Turning toward his son he points to the backyard. “You’ve got some friends looking for you by the pool. Why don’t you get your trunks on and join them?” He kisses the side of his son’s mohawk as to not mess up his hair.
“Yes sir. Thanks for the ninja suit lawyer,” he says while running away frantically with it in his hands.
“It’s Sawyer you dingbat.” Branson shakes his head before looking at me again. “Sorry, he gets everyone’s name wrong at first. He’ll catch on. Although now, I think it has become more of a game for him just to aggravate me. Kids are notorious for that you know?” I feel an awkward tension hanging in the air between us when the topic of kids is mentioned.
“Listen Branson, I know it’s taken me a long time to get back with you…”
“To contemplate you mean,” he says interrupting me.
“Umm, yes.” I wring my hands together to diffuse some of the unease I’m feeling, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I result to picking at my nails. “But I want you to know that I’ve thought about it, and I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t ready and willing to give it- this- a try.” A massive sigh of relief comes from his mouth.
“I appreciate that Sawyer, and you have no idea how incredible it is to hear you say that out loud, but I need you to know that there is no try with us. Either you are, or you’re not ready. I can’t have him get attached to someone that’s going to break both of our hearts. We’ve been through more than you can imagine, and it kills me to see him in pain. He’s only four, for God’s sake. As a father, that’s the last thing I want for my son.”
“You’re right. I’m not sure what it is that y’all have been through together, but you’re right. You both deserve better. You deserve consistence and faith.” I step into him and place my left hand on his solid chest, and we both shiver. I can see the muscles in his jaw clenching as he tries to keep control over his obviously eager body. “I want to be that for you- for both of you. Before I came here I was basically talking myself into being ready, but meeting him and talking to him, I just…he’s amazing Branson. There are no words to describe him and the only lame ass word that comes to mind is amazing, but it doesn’t do him justice. He’s lively and witty, full of joy. I don’t think he’s ever met a stranger. I want to be part of that.” I pause, looking into his eyes. “If you’ll let me.”
“Sawyer,” he says taking my hand in his and removing it from his chest. “I’m so happy to hear you say that, you have no idea.” His fingers interlace with mine, and he leans down to kiss the top of my head lovingly before embracing me in a hug. My body feels like it’s on fire, every nerve ending exploding from his contact, and I can tell the same thing is happening to him because his breathing is becoming deeper, labored, taking more time between breaths. The sexual tension building between us could fill this room, and I’m finding it inappropriate for a child’s birthday party.
“We should uh, maybe go…”
“Oh, yeah.” He slowly releases me but keeps his right hand on my lower back. “Come in, I’d tell you where the gift table was but it looks like you’ve already been robbed of it,” he says leaning down to whisper in my ear. “I told you, anything ninja would be a hit.” I can feel his lips on my ear, and his ragged breathing is turning me on. My lips part and I lean my head into his and close my eyes. His hand slides around my waist bringing me closer to his body. I can tell he doesn’t want to move, and neither do I, but we’re interrupted by a mob of insane kids running around like a gang that’s strung out on drugs, screaming at the top of their lungs. “Guess that’s our cue for cake. Follow me.” He takes my hand and guides me into the backyard. I take my chances glancing through the house and I can tell it’s had a woman’s touch. I’ve never met a man that decorates in antiques and actually fills a house with furniture. Pictures of Armie and Branson line the walls in the hallway that I assume leads to the bedrooms. I find myself fantasizing about what his bed looks like and picture us between the sheets. My daydreams are interrupted by a tug I feel on my jeans.
“Lawyer, do you want some cake?” Armie asks, looking up at me with his beautiful eyes wide with excitement.
“Her name isn’t lawyer, it’s Sawyer.” Branson pats his head and chuckles. I swear that laugh is music to my ears.
“Sawyer? Hmm.” He looks between his dad and me before settling on my face. “Well do you?”
“That depends, what kind of cake is it?”
“Strawberry. It’s my favorite, chocolate is gross,” he says sticking his tongue out in disgust.
“I don’t like chocolate either,” I say sticking my tongue out like he did. “Strawberry cake sounds great, I’d love a piece.”
“Awesome! You get a corner piece. That’s my favorite because you get all the icing.” He runs away screaming something about ninja chopping the cake and someone’s face. I hope that wasn’t about me.
“Should I be worried about that?” I ask pointing in the direction he ran off.
“That? No, I’m sure he wouldn’t try that, at least not in public. He won’t if he knows what’s good for him. What’d you do to get on his good side anyway? This is bullshit; I don’t even get the corner piece. The little bastard fights me off every time I try and snag it.” I know he’s joking because he wraps his long, muscled arms around me in another hug. Damn, I could really get used to these. With my head buried in his chest, his smell invades my senses. It’s an earthy aroma with touches of masculinity. It’s not a gross hippie type of earthy that people can smell from a distance but a rich, deep, and invigorating earthy that makes women want to drop their panties. Maybe Charlee is onto something with the nickname she gave him. After eating cake and watching Armie open presents, Branson and I make our rounds so he can introduce me to some of the parents. I should be jealous of all the mothers who clearly think he’s the hottest thing to walk the earth, but instead it makes me proud to be on his arm. I notice a few of the dads eyeing their wives trying to keep them in check. Good luck with that.
Looking at the faces of everyone here and pretending to care about their kids’ coloring achievements is boring me. What I really want to say is “no one gives a rat’s ass about the snake he drew. It’s a fucking line. Throwing in a few curves doesn’t make it the world’s greatest drawing,” but I refrain as much as it pains me to do so. Best not to make an ass out of myself just yet. My eyes wander around the vast fenced in yard. Either Branson has an amazing landscaper or the man spends some serious t
ime out here. The grass is cut perfectly, and the entire length of the fence is lined with a variety of plants. I watch Armie play soccer with his friends, and I’m lost in a daze, captivated by his movements. He’s so coordinated for such a little boy, and the thought saddens me. Jaxx was amazing at any sport he played. It didn’t matter if he knew what he was doing or not. He enjoyed the adventure and was skilled enough to fool anyone with the fluidity of his movements. I’m drawn from my daze by a boisterous voice.
“Whoa, killer. Easy on the candy,” Brooks says as he manages to dodge a child that is running through the yard screaming like a banshee. Looking up he sees me standing next to his brother and a suspicious smile spreads across his face. I can’t quite place the expression on his face- wonder, amusement- I’m not sure. I scoot closer to Branson for safe measure.
“Sorry I’m late, had to work. People are either out sick or on vacation with their families celebrating the fourth. I figured since it wasn’t Armie’s actual birthday it would be alright. I’ll be here all day to celebrate Tuesday.” Turning toward me, I can already tell he’s about to try and charm me. “Hey Sawyer, good to see you again.” He’s holding his hand out, waiting for mine. “I’m sure you remember me, the slightly more handsome brother,” he says sarcastically, like I wouldn’t remember spending time with him at the bonfire and having to watch him flirt with Charlee all night. I don’t want to be rude by laughing, but I’m not sure where this guy gets off on telling people that he’s hotter than his brother. Granted, he is very handsome in an all American football player sense with the square jaw and chiseled cheek bones. His light blue eyes look like pools of ice in the sunlight, and his hair is disheveled. He’s very much Charlee’s type, but there’s no way he outranks Branson in the looks department. I give him my hand, hoping he doesn’t try and kiss it, but I’m out of luck.
“Brooks, good to see you as well.”
“All right dipshit, get your hands off of her. Don’t forget I can kick your ass, and I’d be happy to prove it.” Branson pushes his brother’s chest trying to lengthen the distance between the two of us. Brooks laughs, and I’m left thinking that it must be an inherited family trait, because they sound identical.
“You better not let Mom hear you talking like that. She doesn’t care how old we get, she’ll still whoop us.” His eyes flash toward me for a brief moment.
“Do you mind if I talk to Sawyer alone for a minute?” His intense gaze has turned to his brother as he waits for an answer. I’m starting to wonder if that’s his normal look.
“Umm…I guess not. I’ll go see if Mom needs help in the kitchen,” Branson says before kissing the top of my head and walking away. He looks back at us over his shoulder, his eyebrows furrowed. Turning back toward Brooks a sense of dread washes over me. What could he possibly want to talk to me about? I’ve already gone through five different horrifying scenarios by the time we both sit down at a nearby table.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I want to talk to you,” he says leaning back in his chair, the front legs coming off the ground as they perform a balancing act to keep his body upright.
“You can say that.” I nervously bite the skin off my bottom lip until it’s on the brink of bleeding like I have since I was eight years old. Some habits die hard.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure whatever you’ve thought of is much worse than what I have in store for you.” His left eyebrow arches and I can see a hint of sarcasm in his eyes. “I just wanted to sit and talk to you about my brother.” His chair returns to all fours as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He looks at the ground between his feet before continuing. “I know he’s older, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to protect him. I’m not going to get into the details because, honestly, that’s not my place. If he wants to tell you about his past then I’ll leave that up to him, but I will say that he’s my best friend and he’s always been there to look after me, even when I least expected it or deserved it. I owe him more than I could even begin to explain.” His eyes glaze over, and I’m starting to feel slightly uncomfortable because I’m not sure where he’s going with this speech. “My brother has come a very long way in the past few years, and I want to make sure that you’ll be there to help him continue to progress in his ventures. I know you’re early in your relationship together but I’ve noticed the way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention. He already has invested feelings in this thing, and I need you to be aware of that. I’m not sure how you feel about where this thing is going, but I know where he stands. My brother is a passionate man, he always has been. Please respect his feelings and his time, if not for him, then at least for Armie. That little boy is the most important part of our lives, hands down. He has literally saved our entire family. His presence has eased unimaginable heartache more than once. Hearing his laughter every day makes us go on when that’s the last thing we want to do. Keep in mind that this is a child, not a toy or a doll that you can just throw away when you don’t feel like dealing with him. There are going to be days that try your patience, trust me, but they’re worth it. You appreciate the good days more because you’ve been through the hard days. I’m not going to say there are bad days because every day with him is a blessing and as long as you have each other then it will never be a bad day.” Brooks runs his hands through his hair as he looks around the yard watching the children play.
“It takes a big man to open up about his feelings. I admire and respect that,” I say smiling. “I’m flattered, actually, that you’re even discussing this with me. It means that my feelings are on the right course. Branson isn’t the only one who has grown in the past few years. I’ve had to battle my own demons, which I don’t want to talk about right now for more than one reason, but it’s definitely been a struggle.” I clear my throat trying to buy time and distract myself from the tears that are beginning to form. “He’s the light I’ve been hunting for in the darkness. Everything seems to make a little more sense when he’s around. As far as Armie, I’m not saying I’m ready to step into a mother role any time soon, I just met the boy today, but as far as I can tell he’s a vital part of this family. It amazes me how someone so small can have such a massive impact on the people around him. He seems to be the heartbeat that is the driving force for you and your brother. I’d love to see how my relationship with him grows, and I’d be honored to continue to be a part of his life, but I think that’s ultimately up to your brother.” His smile grows wider, and I can tell he’s pleased with my answer. We’re interrupted by Branson, and I couldn’t be more thankful for an escape from Brooks’ penetrating stare.
“There’s someone here I want you to meet. She’s probably been in the kitchen the entire time even though I told her not to. She doesn’t listen very well. I guess that’s where I get it from,” he says warmly as he leads me back into the house, stealing me away from his brother.
“Mom, I want you to meet Sawyer. Sawyer, this is my mother Denise.” Branson steps away from me to give her a hug but surprises both of us by picking her up. Her squeals of laughter make me giggle.
“It’s nice to meet you Denise,” I say offering my hand.
“Oh honey,” she says smiling, “call me Mom, everyone does.” She ignores my hand but wraps me in a hug swaying us both from side to side. I’m guessing she’s in her early sixties by the graying hair that rests on her shoulders. I notice small diamond studs peeking through some of the strands and my breath catches in my throat, but I regain my composure as quick as I can, hoping no one noticed. “It’s so nice to meet you too, dear. Branson has told me so much about you.” Her loving nature is contagious. I’m curious as to what exactly he’s mentioned about me but let it slide for now.
“He has, has he?” Raising my eyebrow in his direction I can see him looking anywhere but back at me.
“Of course he has, my boy tells me everything.” Yep, I’m fucked. “Especially when he has a girlfriend,” she says beaming with joy. “It’s been such a long time since…”
“That’s enough, mom,” Branson interrupts sternly. “Sawyer, I think Armie has a piece of cake with your name on it,” he says turning toward me.
“Wouldn’t it have his name on it? He is the birthday boy after all,” I reply sarcastically. I’m not sure where his mother was going, but I got the impression it was somewhere Branson wasn’t ready to go just yet. Fine by me, I’ve got a boatload of baggage that I’m not sure he’ll ever be prepared to unpack.
“Always the wise-ass,” he says shaking his head and laughing. “Mom, we’ll see you in the backyard.” Before leading me back outside, he gives her a hug and apologizes for his behavior. “I’m sorry I cut you off like that,” he says looking at their hands that are held together between them. “I just haven’t gotten there yet, and I want to be the one to tell her,” he whispers. All right, now I’m curious. Thank God I’m not a cat, because I’d probably be dead by now.
“I understand baby, I’m sorry.” She pats his cheek and follows us outside to have cake. Once we’re outside Branson pulls me to the side.
“Is everything alright? You looked shocked for a moment about something?” I had hoped neither of them noticed.
“Me? Oh, I remembered I haven’t worn my earrings in a while.”
“The diamonds you wore to lunch? I liked those on you.” Branson smiles fondly down at me. “Must have been some boyfriend.”
“He was something, that’s for sure,” I say biting the right corner of my bottom lip. “I think I’m ready for that cake I was promised.”