I took a breath, trying to calm my nerves.
“It’s so beautiful out here,” I said, looking up.
“Nothing compared to you,” he said, staring at me.
He moved closer and kissed me. When we pulled away, I looked into his eyes as the flames danced in the reflection.
“I love you, Ty,” I said.
The words flowed, even and naturally. I whispered in his ear in between heavy breaths.
“I love you so much,” I said, wrapping my arms around him.
His eyes softened, softer than I’d ever seen.
“I’ve been waiting a long time to hear those words, Abby.”
“I didn’t think I could. I didn’t think I could love anyone again. But I do. I love you with all my heart.”
My feelings were strong and steady as our lips met, our bodies close, our hearts beating together. I couldn’t deny them anymore, couldn’t stop them either.
I inhaled, breathing him in, shaking, the words powerful and passionate, falling into the flames and turning into smoke to spread out far into the universe. I took his hand and placed it on my chest.
“My heart is yours now.”
He kept it there and stared for a long time into my eyes, not saying anything.
“You belong with me, Abby.” His voice was soft, but urgent. “I won’t let you down. Not ever. Trust me tonight.”
I trusted him with everything.
My heart, my soul, our love.
He kissed me again and pulled at my shirt. I let it fall to the ground as his hands moved over my body, soft and tender, the fire crackling loud in my ears, the night gathering in around us.
He pulled me to him and I sank inside his white energy, lost, and then taken.
Taken, wrapped in his love, under a sky bursting with burning stars.
CHAPTER 22
It was pitch black outside when we walked over to the lake. It was the most brilliant sky I had ever seen in my life. Ty wrapped his arms around me as he stood behind me, whispering in my ear.
“I love you, Abby,” he said.
“I love you, too,” I said, surprised at the ease now of the words that used to be so hard.
We stood there quiet for a while, listening to the sound of the mountains. Grass blowing in the wind, frogs croaking in the lake.
“You’re shaking,” he said. “Are you cold?”
I had on my thick fleece jacket, but it wasn’t enough.
“A little,” I said.
He took off his jacket and put it on me.
“Thanks,” I said.
“It was incredible,” he said in a low voice. “I hope it was—”
“It was,” I said, letting my head fall back onto his chest. I touched his arms with my hands, brushing the small hairs that were standing up. “It was, Ty.”
He was quiet, looking up.
“There it is. Andromeda,” he said, pointing up. “That’s the constellation that reminds me of us. And there’s Perseus.”
He took my hand and we traced the outline together.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because of the story,” he said, leading me back to the fire.
“In Greek times Andromeda was a princess who lived with her mother and father in a kingdom by the sea. Her mother was very proud of her and bragged to everyone that her daughter was the most beautiful girl in the entire world.”
“Uh, oh,” I said. “Bragging like that is never good in Greek mythology.”
“Nope, never is,” he said. “Poseidon was furious when he heard about what the queen had said because he thought his sea nymphs were the most beautiful creatures in the world. So to teach her a lesson, he sent huge waves toward the kingdom to destroy it. And then he sent a sea monster.”
I moved a little closer to the fire.
“Soon the king heard about Poseidon’s anger and was at a loss as to what to do. He consulted the oracles and they told him that there was only one way. He would have to sacrifice his daughter to the sea monster to satisfy Poseidon.
“So the king had Andromeda chained to the rocks.
“A young man named Perseus happened to be walking by when he came upon the beautiful princess tied down. He fell in love with her at first sight and vowed to save her. And just as the monster was about to attack, he killed it. He untied Andromeda and asked for her hand in marriage.”
Ty smiled, his face glowing as he stared at me.
“So you’re Perseus?” I asked, looking back up at the constellation.
“Yep,” he said.
I was quiet for a moment.
“And you think I need saving?” I said.
“Everybody needs a little saving now and then. That’s part of love, isn’t it?”
“I guess so.”
I stared into the flames.
“So what happened to them, Perseus and Andromeda?”
“They lived happily ever after and loved each other forever. And because their love was so pure and special, the Gods placed them in the heavens for all time. They’re up there to remind us about what’s important.”
“That’s a good story,” I said.
“It is,” Ty said.
We stared up at the black sky above us, where everything seemed so real and free.
CHAPTER 23
In the morning a light frost had coated everything. I woke up and stepped outside of the tent and found Ty standing in the meadow.
I walked up to him and put my arm around his waist.
“Look at this place. It’s stunning,” I said.
The early morning sun was hitting the tip of Broken Top, the jagged peaks bright in the light.
***
“So how was your wilderness trip?” David asked, handing me paper towels across the counter so I could clean up the spill in the corner. “And don’t leave anything out.”
I wiped down the table and walked back to the register, taking a few orders.
“So?” he asked again when it had quieted down.
“It was a great trip,” I said.
“More.”
“We had a really good time,” I said finally, refusing to meet his probing eyes.
“Um, hmmm. Thought so,” he said. “You seem stupid happy, Abby Craig, and I can tell that you’re in love.”
I still didn’t look at him, but he hovered near me anyway, staring. I could feel my lips break out in a smile no matter how much I tried to stop it and he laughed.
“It’s beautiful up there,” I said. “You know, you might want to get outdoors once in a while, go on a walk or something. We do live in this incredible place.”
“Forget it,” he said. “You’re preaching to the lazy.”
I laughed and took a tray of dirty cups to the back. When I came out, Lyle was working the register and David had moved behind the machines.
“So, it’s not like love or anything, but I met someone too,” he said, screaming over the whirl of the steamer. “A hottie visiting from Portland.”
“That’s great,” I said.
“Yeah, at least he’s not far if things heat up. Hey, we’re going out tonight, if you want to meet up at Club 6 or something.”
I was pretty sure Ty wouldn’t be so excited about going back there.
“Maybe,” I said. “I’ll let you know. I have a game tonight.”
“How’s the new season going?” he asked.
“I have a good feeling about it.”
CHAPTER 24
The FedEx package was on the front porch when I got home from work.
It was a box of gardenias, arriving just in time. I picked it up, fumbled for my keys, and sighed.
It was hot inside, the air stagnant. I put the parcel on the table and opened some windows, letting the breeze blow through the house. I changed and brought my laptop out to the dining room table and turned it on.
She would have been 51 tomorrow. Even with all the time that had passed, that was still young. Too young to have that first part always attached now to her
birthday. “She would have been…”
Sometimes I dreamed of her and most of the time they were good dreams. She looked healthy, like how I remembered her when I was in elementary school. Her hair long, down her back, and her face full of life and energy.
And that smile. She was always smiling.
It’s when I’m awake that I have to chase away those other images.
Her thin, gray body lying on hospital sheets, with tubes and wires attached everywhere. Vases of wilting flowers pushed to the corner of the room.
Kate and I sleeping in chairs near her bed.
That doctor.
“It wasn’t what she would have wanted,” Kate yelled, her voice strong and fragile at the same time. “Just take the damn tubes out!”
I stood there, not saying anything, watching like it was a movie. Too numb and destroyed to beg him. The doctor shook his head, glancing at the chart he was holding. He knew there was no hope.
Later that day, he did it. We sat stroking her hands, telling her how much we loved her as the quiet of the heart monitor grew. She took her final breath while we foolishly clung to the hope that she would open her eyes.
I shivered at the memory.
I was making her a playlist for her birthday. It was just Kate and me and we did it every year. We went to the graveyard and left her the gardenias. I made a lemon cake and we brought out the old photo albums and listened to some of her favorite songs.
She loved Bruce Springsteen, the old songs. Spirit in the Night, Growing Up, Born to Run, Thunder Road, Point Blank. As I created the playlist, I remembered that one rainy night.
“Come on, girls,” she said, turning the stereo up loud. “Katie, Abby! Dance with me! It’s Bruce. Come on!”
Kate rolled her eyes and took the phone into the kitchen. But I loved dancing with Mom. I met her in the middle of the living room and we moved fast toRosalita, sweating and laughing and almost crashing into the TV a couple of times.
When it ended, a slow song came on. She ran over to the stereo and I thought she was going to skip it, but instead she turned it up even louder.
She grabbed me and we started dancing slow.
Bruce’s sad voice echoed throughout the house, full of longing as he sang about loss and old love letters that made one of the characters in the song feel a hundred years old.
She wrapped her arms around me tighter and I put my head on her chest, her voice vibrating through my body as she sang along.
The song ended with a confession. The singer was afraid that in “this darkness I will disappear.”
We rocked back and forth, back and forth to the slow, haunting beat, like no darkness would ever touch us.
CHAPTER 25
“You won’t believe what they’re expecting me to wear,” David said as we roamed up and down the aisles at Ross. He was looking for an outfit for his upcoming play, the one where he only had a few lines.
“They handed me something that Lyle would wear. And it looks like it’s just as old as he is, too.”
I gave him a look.
“Seriously, it’s dusty and just hangs there on me. I don’t know who they think I am. If I’m going out on stage, even in some lame minor role, I’m going to look bad ass.”
I laughed as I held up a shirt for him to consider.
“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “Too western. Remember, it’s a serious story set in Kansas City in the 1940s. I’m looking for something, I don’t know. I’ll know it when I see. And I’m not seeing it.”
I put it back on the rack.
“So, remember too that I can’t really spend as much as I was hoping. I went all drunk millionaire last night.”
I looked at him.
“You know. When you get so drunk that you keep buying rounds at the bar? It’s cut into my costume budget.”
It was fun being with him away from work.
“So that’s really cool that your mom’s coming out for the play. That’s a long trip.”
David’s family all lived in Maine. I was never too sure why he had moved to Oregon. The few times he began to tell me, the story meandered around so much that I never got a real explanation.
“Yeah,” he said, sounding a little sad.
“Don’t you get along with her?”
“Oh, it’s not that,” he said. “Let’s go look at shoes.”
He pointed out a bunch of shoes, all with three inch heels on them.
“Abby Craig, it’s time to say goodbye to those river sandals.”
“I thought we were shopping for you,” I said. “And anyway, what’s going on with your mom? I can see it in your energy.”
He stopped and looked at me, worried.
“Oh, my gosh, really?” he said. “Well. Okay. This is how it is. I was so sure that I would get the lead role. You know, like I should have. So that’s what she’s expecting to see. That’s why she’s coming out.”
I nodded.
We went back to look at more shirts.
“Isn’t this color incredible, Abby Craig?” he kept saying, forgetting about my color blindness for at least the hundredth time.
We were becoming really good friends, and despite his loose mouth, I felt like I could trust him. It was nice to have someone to talk to about my abilities. It made me feel good that I had someone else other than Kate who I could be honest with about this kind of stuff, someone who didn’t judge me.
“I just wish she’d be able to see me in a real production,” David said, sighing and holding up a blazer. “I invited her to come out thinking I’d get the main role, not the role of Cab Driver Number One.”
“Yeah, that’s too bad,” I said. “But I’m sure she’ll love just seeing you up on stage. Plus, there’s always a chance that you could still be the lead. You’re the understudy, right?”
David turned to me, that signature eyebrow of his flying high.
“And don’t you think I haven’t thought of that,” he said, lowering his voice. “You never know. Marlon might just have a…”
He looked around making sure nobody else was within earshot, then cleared his throat.
“An accident the night of the show.”
He winked and after a moment of silence we both started laughing.
“It would serve him right,” he said. “Any actor who calls himself Marlon these days has it coming to him. Don’t you think? I mean, how pretentious is that?”
“So, David, I’ve been meaning to ask you about Club 6,” I said, as he made a face while holding up a hideous checkered number.
“I’m your man,” he said. “Shoot.”
“I was wondering if you’ve ever seen anything, you know, anything odd there.”
“Practically every time I’ve been there,” he said. “That place can be a real freak scene. But it’s my kind of freak scene.”
He smiled.
“No. I mean, like have you ever seen something you couldn’t explain? Like what Paloma’s talking about? A ghost of some sort?”
David thought on it for a minute and then shrugged.
“If I did see a ghost, I didn’t know I was seeing it. Anyway, by the time I wind up at that place, I’m usually a few sheets to the wind, if you know what I mean.”
“Paloma says the ghost is a man in his 40s with dark hair and blue eyes. She says he likes to hover around her. Have you seen anyone like that in the club?”
I knew I was just grasping at shadows in the dark, but I figured there was no harm in asking.
“I’ve never seen anyone under 25 in that place,” he said. “Besides, I thought you were the one who was supposed to see ghosts.”
“Not this one,” I mumbled. “I really want to help her, but I can’t do much if I can’t even see the ghost she’s talking about.”
“Well, don’t beat yourself up over it,” he said. “We can’t always shine like we want to. Sometimes, we just have to settle on being cab drivers.”
I laughed.
We walked over to the Halloween section.<
br />
“Maybe I can find a costume here,” he said.
“Isn’t it a little early for this?”
“Where’s your inner child, Abby Craig? It’s never too early for Halloween.”
He suddenly picked up a skull with a candle on top.
“Alas, poor Yorick!” he began in a deep, booming voice. “I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rims at it.”
A few people turned and began staring. David continued.
“Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that.”
When he had finished, some of the people listening started clapping.
David set the skull down and took a bow.
Sometimes I forgot how good he was. He was always acting funny, but when he turned it on he had real presence. It made me wonder if the director knew anything about acting.
“You’ve got a real gift, David Norton,” I said. “Maybe you could put on a one-man show for your mom.”
“That’s so nice of you to say, Abby Craig.”
“No, I mean it.”
“I’ll give it some serious mulling over,” he said excitedly. “It might be fun.”
We walked back over to the shoes.
“Look!” he said, holding up a pair of plastic snakeskin cowboy boots. “Giddy up, anyone?”
I didn’t have to see colors to know that they were the ugliest cowboy boots this side of Texas.
“What’s Mama Norton gonna think when she sees you wearing those?” I said.
“That she did a good job raising me,” he said, laughing. “Because her son is one fierce mutha.”
CHAPTER 26
I was about a mile into my run when I saw him walking out from the trees at the edge of the park. I was glad to see him, but a little nervous. I didn’t know what to say, or if he knew.
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