01-03-2036
Tuesday
Diary entry: 6
They say all wounds heal in time, but what if the scars left behind are so deeply embedded into ones psyche they play as a constant reminder to the distrust inflicted. What if pain is all you see when you look into their eyes, what if people you held so close to your heart are now as estranged as the ideas of happiness in this distrustful place? Is that what it had eventually come to, was it truly every man for themselves or could I believe they did what they did, knowing it was for my own good and accept their farfetched tales of four armed men and scaled women. I mean after all my existence sounded as implausible as the same characters I was finding hard to believe in.
Now left in a predicament I had to choose to either trust these people who were so eager to attack without giving me a chance, or yield in their presence as I accepted their promises. Were the drastic choices really made for the preservation of both mine and the group’s safety? Or did they just panic in the presence of the unrecognised? What would happen if the beast showed up again, would they embrace the new me or choose to attack every time they felt threatened. If Smith was telling the truth the explanations of the Professor would have allowed them to know I would retake my human form, thus justifying their actions in chasing me out of the bunker in such an injurious manner.
What about my relationship with Sharif, was it amendable? He was the one keenest on my mutilation. Had trust been completely lost between the two of us? Did he and the others really know my form would handle the strikes? The decisions I had to make left my mind boggled, I mean I had seen the three of them in action and was quite certain if they wanted me dead, their combined besiegement upon me would have done so. As I contemplated the different scenarios I knew there was only one way I would get the truth. I hated being in this predicament, I wanted my family dynamics to go back to the way it was. I wanted to fully trust them again, and there was only one way I could do so.
I had to find this Professor; or make an attempt at least.
But as time does, it dragged on and I found myself still trapped down in the bunker. My request to find the professor had continuously fallen upon deaf ears, as Smith hid the Professors location from me. Exclaiming that when I had mastered control over the beast he would personally take me, telling me we would need his controlled power if we chose to take such a long trek. This rattled my thoughts even more so, some nights I think he really cares for my safety others nights, I think it is all just a lie.
Two months have gone by, and even though things feel exactly as they were before I changed, I bide my time and act like the incident never happened. We have built our life around the New me as I become a weapon, protector and all round life insurance policy for the new world. We train hard and long but no matter how many hours I spend with them I will not forget that day. I will make the journey in search of the professor and of the truth, with or without their approval.
Northern Exposure: Episode Six Page 2