by Allison Rios
When he’d woken up to see her and the beautiful face he’d memorized in the past weeks, he thought perhaps he had died or was dreaming. Once the pain resided and he realized it truly was her, his heart felt triumphant in being able to choose her. To love her. To be with her. With Addie in his arms he felt a sense of relief as though the world had chosen for him and told him it was okay to fall in love.
Now there was a wrench in the plans. Addie was still Addie and he was still AJ. He still loved her and ached to kiss her again.
Max had introduced a wall though. This newfound ability seemed almost too much for him to push aside, even if Addie was on the other side waiting.
The only fear he could find in his soul consisted of a vague thought that they wouldn’t be together. She’d never forgive him if he went back now and said goodbye. Max had a point, even if AJ’s heart didn’t want to listen. He’d be able to use this gift to help so many others and he’d still be able to protect her and Rose. The choice was glaringly obvious, but unavoidably painful. If he still had a choice, that was.
AJ rubbed his fatigued face. The anxiety in his stomach returned, causing a wave of nausea. He wanted one day of normalcy. When he hadn’t anticipated waking up, he’d been content because there would be no more decisions, no more ‘what if’ or ‘how to’ debates. Now there were a thousand more than he’d had in the past, all of which begged him for answers.
He knew Addie. She was stubborn and fierce, and utterly afraid to be alone again. She’d be at her house waiting for him to drive up. She would run out to him, feeling as though the choice had been made and it was her because he’d told her as much. She would wrap her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to his in anticipation of this enormous and exciting future ahead of them. Their kiss had sealed the deal for her; she wouldn’t expect the choice to be anything other than the two of them together.
He knew her heart would be broken the moment he didn’t return her affection, and despite all that had happened that day, she would never get over the heartbreak he caused her.
“It’s going to break her.”
“Maybe not.”
“Or maybe so. I can’t stay here. Not after doing this to her again. She won’t go out and live her life if she has to see me every day.”
“Give her some credit.”
AJ turned, slamming his fists against the roof of the car.
“She won’t! I wasn’t supposed to be here. I was supposed to be gone, giving everyone the opportunity to move on. I had prepared to be gone. To die a good guy in her heart. Not to wake up and create some hope within her, only to smash it hours later. I couldn’t resist kissing her, Max. I couldn’t. She won’t forgive me now. She shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.”
He turned his head to face Max, the pain morphing from physical to emotional.
“And I’ll be resigned to watching her like you watched your family, Max. From afar, without her knowing. You know how that feels. You’ve told me time and again how awful that was; to see the people you love and not be able to reach out to them. That’s what is going to happen here. I’m going to hurt both of us, and then I’ll be forced to watch as she moves on with her life without me and I won’t be able to do a damn thing about it. And I’ll watch because I’m not strong enough to let go.”
He turned to face his friend and resisted the urge to punch him.
“You never, ever tell me what I should do and all of a sudden you pick today to start?” AJ’s tone reeked of sarcasm, truth, and anger.
It was Max’s turn to be quiet. He had no answers. He only knew what he felt. And he felt that AJ had to make the harder choice.
“Let’s go,” AJ said, opening the car door. “Let’s get this over with.”
Poker faced and slinking into the passenger seat, he slammed the door. He rested his head on his fist, taking in the breeze as the car started down the path.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Max said lightly.
“We’re surrounded by people Max, every day, who want to make the world better. Doctors fighting to save lives, officers doing the same. They don’t have even the slightest idea that it is all predetermined. That everything and everyone has a path already set out for them when they’re born. Everyone always wants the ability to change lives and to make them better with something as simple as a touch like we can. I bet they never stop to think what they’d have to give up in return.”
He may have been a Healer, but he was human, too. The fear of being alone weighed tremendously upon his soul.
3 FORGETFULNESS
AJ’s premonitions of Addie had been right; as they pulled up to the B&B, Addie sat fidgeting on her front stairs, impatiently awaiting their arrival. Only she wasn’t alone – there were three others standing near her. Their presence, though peaceful, didn’t serve to make any of them more comfortable.
He swung open his door before the car had stopped moving and began walking over towards them. He knew they weren’t there to harm anyone – he could sense they were Healers – but he wasn’t taking chances. Not with her.
She jumped up from the stairs and ran to him as he swept her behind him with one arm. It made him think back to Joseph’s rages and how he’d stood between the drunk and Addie. He felt just as protective now.
The trio wore pleasant smiles. This gesture was sincere. He approached cautiously, ignoring the fact that his battered clothing might signal distress to anyone not aware of what had happened that day. He had forgotten about his appearance, only hoping now that Matthew and Helen wouldn’t be home to see him.
“Hello, AJ,” one of the men said as he approached.
With white hair and lightly wrinkled skin, AJ knew he must be centuries old. He was spry though, walking towards AJ swiftly, reaching out a hand. AJ followed suit, placing his hand into the stranger’s. He had no fear, only confusion. He and Max knew they’d arrive. Neither had thought it would be so soon.
“Hello?” AJ replied in a questioning voice.
He looked at Addie who nodded, assuring him she was okay. Max approached behind them, reaching out in greeting towards the group.
“Why don’t we go inside?” Addie asked, motioning towards the door.
She knew that whether or not the group was friendly was not the issue; AJ didn’t need any more attention drawn to him. Questions already abounded about him throughout the town.
She opened the door and one of the other men took her place to hold it open and allow everyone inside. The others followed, with Max bringing up the rear.
Addie took a seat on the couch and AJ sat down next to her. He gently reached his arm around her and hugged her to reassure her they were okay. He was angry. He’d wanted time to talk to her. He’d wanted to do this anywhere but in her presence. The silence was uneasy and he knew that by these men allowing her in, they were aware of how much she knew. And that was not good for her. Part of him couldn’t help but feel relieved at the possibility that the day may end with him being able to be a bigger part of Addie’s life.
“You know why we’re here, I assume,” the man he had shaken hands with said. “My name is Benjamin; with me are Isaac and Philippa.” He motioned to the others, who nodded without breaking the smile plastered on their faces.
“I do,” AJ responded, now feeling Max hovering behind him like a protective father.
“I apologize for the interruption. I hear it’s been quite a day for you.”
“That’s an understatement,” AJ replied, a smirk spreading from cheek to cheek.
“So I hear.”
More silence. The smiles quickly became a little disturbing and doll-like. Addie leaned in towards AJ, wishing to be wrapped in his arms but knowing better than to do so in front of the elders.
“It has been brought to our attention that this lovely young lady has … seen some things that would put us in jeopardy.”
“I wouldn’t say anything!” Addie interjected, almost jumping out of her seat until AJ’s hand landed softly on her leg to settle h
er down.
“I believe you,” Benjamin replied. “Unfortunately, that’s not the way things work for us, dear. The repercussions of such an action are very clear and very well known amongst our group. This isn’t merely for our protection, but for yours as well. This is a tremendous burden to know about and one which we keep from humans in order to preserve their innocence.”
“What good is it to take someone’s powers though?” Addie countered. “If I already know, taking them away will only hurt the people that can be helped in the future.”
A brilliant plea, she thought. While she made her appeal she found herself believing the words. Her heart waited in quiet anticipation for AJ to interject, telling the group he wanted to give everything up and be with her. Her hope met with only silence.
“That’s not the only repercussion,” Benjamin said, his gaze turning towards AJ and Max. “These gentlemen know. I’m so sorry, Max and AJ. But we have rules, and the rules are to keep balance in the world. We are so very grateful for what you have done AJ, but to overlook what happened prior to that would be to send a message that the rules can be broken. When the rules aren’t taken seriously by an entire clan, the world will not continue forward as it should and humanity would only grow worse with time. We’ve seen this play out with the Grims. If we don’t have order, we don’t have anything.”
“I understand,” AJ said.
He hadn’t wanted to lose his powers this way, as if he were being dishonorably discharged from service after serving nobly. The reprimand was needed, and he was partially grateful to not have to make a choice. It was being made for him. He could be with Addie.
AJ’s eyes stayed locked with Benjamin’s. He knew this wasn’t a punishment. Benjamin no more wanted to take AJ’s gift away than AJ wanted to have it taken away, at least in the past. The silence was broken by the sound of Max’s voice.
“I understand as well,” Max said.
AJ looked up at him, wondering why he was speaking. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He wanted to mouth to his friend to shut up and stay out of it. Addie only knew about him through default.
“She only knows about AJ because I healed her daughter in front of them. I couldn’t let a child die. At least not this child.”
AJ’s eyes bored into Max and the Healer felt it. He refused to budge and stepped forward towards Benjamin.
Benjamin’s face turned quizzical. “I was led to believe it was young AJ who had healed the child.”
“You were led wrong, sir,” Max responded. AJ stood up, his face level with Max’s.
“What are you doing?” he growled. He didn’t want to make things worse. He wanted this to be his way out. “Why are you doing this?”
“It was me,” Max responded again over AJ’s shoulder. “I’ve been doing this for so long, I couldn’t bear to watch another child die. I wouldn’t allow it. The years have gotten the best of me.”
“Is this true?” Benjamin asked.
He looked to Isaac and Philippa, whose curious smiles conveyed a sense of understanding. Their experienced minds knew Max didn’t speak the truth. The lie was a cover-up, as anyone could have sensed, yet Benjamin played along.
“Yes,” Max said, interrupted by AJ’s voice.
“No!”
“Which is it?” Benjamin replied again.
Max lowered his voice to the lowest level possible. His eyes spoke louder anyway. “AJ, you can’t take the fall. You were born to help people. You were born to be better.”
AJ responded just as softly, his voice strangely fierce. He was eye to eye with Max now, faces inches apart. “You don’t get to make this choice for me, Max. You don’t get to choose now.”
“I do. You owe me that much for all I’ve done for you.”
It was a low blow and Max knew it. He played it anyway. He knew AJ would take the bait. AJ’s stare grew fierce and angry. He knew Max was right. Addie sat alone on the couch, as realization crept into her overworked mind. Her future with AJ was slipping away before it had even had a chance to start. She wanted to object; to reach out and tell Max to shut up. To beg AJ to reconsider and to choose her. Her lips simply wouldn’t work. She felt as though her lungs barely worked either, as she searched to find a breath.
She knew asking AJ to give his world up would be asking too much. She’d never be able to live with herself if she had forced him to make a decision he didn’t want to make. There was no other way out. She wasn’t born a Healer as her mother had been. He had to make a choice – no matter how difficult that choice was – that he would be able to live with. If it wasn’t her… she stopped herself from thinking it. While she knew he wouldn’t choose her, to think it clearly in her mind seemed more than she could handle.
AJ’s head bowed, defeat evident in his stance. Max never offered advice, at least not in terms of what choices to make. For him to do so was a grand gesture, one that could not be ignored. Max saw the greater scheme of things more clearly than AJ did, evidently. AJ knew his friend’s judgment wasn’t clouded by the dark haired beauty seated on the couch. The breath went in and out through his mouth, slowly and painfully as he came to the same realization Addie had only moments before.
“It’s true,” he whispered, his fierce eyes closing as the lie escaped his teeth.
His stomach cringed as though Devin had thrust a final punch in victory, which in a way rang true. With his hands on his hips, he kept his back to Benjamin so as to not reveal the anguish in his face.
“You’d give up a life with her for this?” Benjamin replied in a sincerely quizzical tone.
It wasn’t often he encountered a Healer with as much strength and willpower as AJ. The young man was almost a relief to Benjamin, a hope that the future of their kind was growing instead of recessing.
The familiar silence filled the air. It was measurable, to say the least. Standing statue-still, AJ’s voice came out in a rushed whisper as he uttered the sentence that would forever cement the hurt in the minds of those he loved.
“You can’t give up what was never an option.”
A gasp escaped Addie’s lips as she fought the rush of pain that overcame her. Never an option, she repeated to herself. AJ could nearly feel her thinking it and stood firm, unable to allow himself to look at her. He knew what he’d see and his heart would never withstand the blow.
His voice was nearly a growl. Max bowed his head now, too, knowing all too well that his friendship with AJ may never recover from such an experience. It wasn’t like asking a friend for a ride somewhere or to be a wing-man at the bar. It wasn’t even asking for a kidney. It was asking for someone to give up a sense of happiness and reprieve for a future where there was no concrete outcome, no sure way to know if the choice would all be worth it.
“It was me, like I said,” Max said, stepping around the couch. “I take responsibility and the repercussions that come with it. I made my choice and I stand up for it.”
“Very well,” Benjamin replied.
All three knew there was no way Benjamin took their words as truth, but knew he was also aware that none of them would change the story. They had faith in AJ and hope in what he could do for the world and none would be the one to take that opportunity away from earth no matter what rules were to be broken.
“Then Max, I must remove your gift. From this day forward, you will live out your life as a human, no special gifts or requirements involved. Your life will no longer revolve around whom to heal and protect, but rather on building relationships and doing good for your community in other ways. You may not be a Healer anymore, but the expectation you were born with remains – that you be an honorable person and bring integrity to the world through your life and your actions.”
It was over in a moment. No grand spectacles or fireworks, no ornate speeches. No pomp and circumstance. Simply seconds with hand to body contact was all it took for hundreds of years of changing lives to disappear.
“Understood,” Max replied.
He felt Benjamin’s hand upo
n his shoulder combine with warm shock as the life he had known was pulled out of him – entirely – for the last time. When it was done, he felt as though nothing had changed. He knew better, however. He was no longer gifted or special; he was merely Max.
AJ still hadn’t turned around. He didn’t want to watch as it all unfolded. Max was giving up everything for him and while he was partially angry, he was also honored at the thought. He couldn’t watch Max lose everything in the hope that AJ would surpass everyone’s expectations, because he couldn’t bear the idea of disappointing anyone in return. The weight on his shoulders grew tremendously as he thought about how much faith had been placed in him without proof that it should be. It was like staring at a blank canvas with only hope that someday the white, textured material would become a valuable painting. There was no guarantee. It wasn’t dependent upon the paint or the canvas itself, but rather the artist behind the tools. Would he be a Picasso or an unknown?
AJ shifted only as he heard Benjamin’s heavy footsteps near him. More precisely, near Addie. As his head turned to watch, he saw Benjamin reach for Addie’s hand.
“Things are going to change for you, too, my dear,” he said, his smile so sweet that it was sickening.
AJ became suddenly interested, pondering the big man’s next move.
“How so?” Addie asked.
For a moment her heart skipped a beat, excited that perhaps she’d be made like AJ and able to be with him.
“We can’t have anyone here on earth knowing about us and we can’t make you into something you’re not,” he explained.
The words pierced the ears of everyone in the room. She was suddenly fearful, yanking her calloused hand away from his grip.
“Don’t worry,” he laughed. “We’re in the business of bettering lives, not taking them away.”
The words didn’t ease her much.
“What do you plan to do to make mine better?” she said with an air of challenge.
She dared him to do something right, at least in her eyes.