by Allison Rios
The air was different. He attributed it to the fact that there was the ability to breathe freely again with Devin out of the picture. He recalled the fight – the first time he’d truly thought about what they’d done. In the hour after, when he and Max set Devin’s body to rest, he could sense the disgust Addie held. He could feel the animosity that was hidden deep within her as she pushed it further down, because he knew she didn’t want to be angry with him.
The men felt that Devin had deserved a proper burial, as all living beings did. Especially AJ. His mind still held the vivid pictures Devin passed on to him during the battle. Pictures that formed a timeline of Devin’s life, shouting silently to AJ that he hadn’t always been the man he had become. AJ had seen it all – Devin’s rough and tumble beginnings during childhood, the love of his life dying. It was a fast-speed movie reel playing through his aching mind. Devin pushed it into him, wanting him to know. It was the Grim’s personal absolution for all that he had done. He needed someone to know that he wasn’t just the monster before them. He had been a person with feelings.
AJ flinched at the memories. The visions of Devin’s childhood alone had been enough to make AJ believe anyone could be turned on the wrong path, no matter how strong their resolve.
He heard a knock on his door and got up, figuring he’d find Max on the other side wanting to talk. He settled on the realization that he at least owed the man that much. He sighed, his hands thrust on his hips. He knew that one day he would forgive Max and that this would all be an ancient memory, at least for him. Max would start aging now and AJ was sure to outlive him.
He twisted the painted, decade-old doorknob in his hand and pulled the door back.
“Come on in, Max.”
It wasn’t Max. It was Addie.
“I saw the ambulance today. Is everything okay?”
“Matthew thought he might be having a heart attack, but he’s going to be just fine. Helen made him go to the hospital to make sure.”
“Oh.”
He could see the pain on her face. She loved Helen and Matthew like they were her family. They’d been there for her in the past without judgment and he could sense the fear coming off of her body.
She stared down the hallway for another moment. AJ, forgetting she didn’t really remember him other than their meeting that morning, pulled her into his arms to hug her for reassurance.
“Really, Addie, he’s going to be just fine.”
She flinched and pulled back, causing AJ to cringe.
“I’m so sorry, Addie. I just don’t know. I saw you looked upset and I didn’t think.”
He stood at a loss for words. Her body felt good with his wrapped around it and he hated that she couldn’t remember his touch.
“It’s okay. I just … I don’t know you, you know? I’m not used to being touched by people, especially strangers.”
Strangers. That word hurt.
“You could probably call over there,” he said, hoping changing the subject would make the awkwardness evaporate. “Or they’ll probably be home soon. You’re welcome to wait here.”
“In your room?” The fear rose up within her.
“Or downstairs. The kitchen, I mean. In the B&B in general. Just… here,” he said motioning his arms around to indicate everything and anything that existed on the plot of land which housed the B&B.
“Okay, thanks. AJ?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you something?” Her eyes were locked onto the floorboards and her hands wrung around each other in a frantic need to keep busy.
“Sure.”
“What did we talk about? I mean before the accident. Gram says we talked sometimes. I’m just wondering how close we were. It’s hard, you know, not remembering things. People especially, but you and that Max person are the only two I don’t remember. One minute I’m dating Joseph, and the next he’s gone and I remember nothing. The idea that he’s disappeared isn’t all that strange, seeing as he wasn’t the most decent of men to being with. It’s weird. I keep using that word but it’s the only one I have to describe it. Everything is just… weird.”
He paused in hesitation, gathering his thoughts. He wanted to tell her everything they’d ever talked about, how much they’d shared. How he’d felt with his lips on hers, aching for something more from her. How brave she had been standing up to Devin and how much he admired and was scared of her stubbornness, all at the same time.
All that came out was, “Not much. The weather. Rose. Stuff like that.”
“Did we talk about anything… personal?”
“No,” he lied through gritted teeth. “Never anything personal. You said … well, let’s just say you weren’t the type to overshare.”
“Were we close?” She noticed his hesitation and could feel the discomfort oozing from him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be attacking you with questions. I’m so confused. I feel like I’ve lost so much. I know it’s only a few months lost but… I need to make sense of it all. And you hugged me. That’s not normally just talk about the weather type of friends.” She paused in an attempt to read the stranger in front of her. “I’m sorry, I’ll go.”
“No,” AJ whispered, putting his hand tenderly on her arm. “It’s okay, Addie. Really. Come on in.”
He led her over to the two chairs near the window. She walked past the bed noting the giant, packed duffle bag sitting there.
“Are you leaving?” she asked, finding the surprise in her voice a bit shocking. Why did she care, she thought?
“Uh, maybe. Not sure. Probably time for me to move on. I never really stay in any one place long. There’s a lot of this country to see,” he lied.
His hands reached up to rub his head as they tended to do when he wasn’t sure what to say. If he’d played poker, the tell would give him away every time.
She looked closely at him as he sat down across from her. Her eyes studied him closely, starting from the tip of his head and working their way down his body. She couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. She had that morning, too. How had she not come on to him the last few months? She must have had some reason to maintain the friend card with him.
“We weren’t,” AJ lied.
“We weren’t what?” she asked, fearing he could read her mind.
“You asked if we were close. We weren’t.”
He saw her eyes widen, and then tighten into slits as she fiercely examined him. Was she searching his eyes for clues, he wondered?
“Where did you get that?”
“What?” Did he have a scar or a cut on his face? He didn’t remember but then again, he hadn’t looked in a mirror since before the battle.
“THAT!” She pointed again and leaned over the red tablecloth until her fingers were nearly touching him.
And then they were touching him.
The delicate fingers picked up the St. Christopher medal that was pressed against his chest. He had forgotten all about it. The medallion’s gleaming exterior reflected under the light from the ceiling and he knew she wouldn’t remember buying it.
“I bought it.”
“You’re lying.”
“No, I bought it,” he said again.
“Are you a thief or just a liar?”
“Addie, what are you talking about?”
“That’s my mother’s medallion. I’ve had it since I was a little girl. So you’re either lying about how close we were or you stole this from my house. I know it’s mine from the dent in the right side – I did that when I was wearing it one day and climbing a tree.”
He was caught, her fingers smoothing over the metal and resting on the chipped spot. He hadn’t realized where the medal had truly come from or how valuable it was to her. What was he supposed to say now, he wondered?
“Fine. You gave it to me.”
“I wouldn’t just give this to a person I barely knew. It belonged to my mother. It’s the only thing of importance I have left of her. Why are you lying to me? What the hell is going on?”<
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Addie was back – the Addie he knew. The fierce, stubborn, angry hell raiser who didn’t back down stood in front of him again. Only, she still didn’t remember him.
“We were getting close, Addie. We were – but it was a mistake.”
“I was a mistake?” she whispered as her rage turned to shock.
She’d been a lot of things in life and made a lot of wrong choices – but she’d never actually considered herself someone’s mistake.
“No! Don’t twist my words!”
“Then spit them out!”
AJ was tired, flustered, and hated lying. Each mistruth that flew out of his mouth he pledged silently in his mind to run one hundred miles in repentance for. He wasn’t good at lying. The truth was easier to remember, that was for certain.
“I am the mistake Addie! I won’t be here long. My life is not a settling down kind. We had talked and I decided to move on to a new place,” he said, pointing towards the duffle bag atop the bed. “You gave this to me… to keep me safe. To remember you with. That’s all it was.”
She had been the one who lied, he thought. She said she’d bought it.
“You told me you bought it,” he whispered, fingering the chain in the hopes of finding the tiny claw clasp that held it together. “I can’t leave and take this with, knowing it was your mother’s. Here, take it back. I’m so sorry Addie, I never meant to hurt you,” he mumbled as he fumbled with the chain’s clasp. “I swear. If I could go back I would take all of this away and just leave you to live your life without me.”
He pushed the necklace towards her, sliding it across the tabletop between them. She reached for it, stopping her hand mid-way before placing her hand on top of his. Silence filled the room for what seemed like minutes, yet was likely mere seconds.
“No,” she said, looking down. She didn’t want to catch his gaze. “You keep it. If I gave it to you, it’s because I wanted you to have it. I may not remember why, but you are obviously important enough to have it.”
They sat frozen and staring at each other.
“Did I … did I love you?”
AJ breathed in deeply, the air inflating his lungs and puffing out his chest, making him look larger than life.
“I don’t know,” he said, adding another one hundred miles to the tally. “I don’t know.”
“Did you love me?”
It was a hopeful question, as if she were hoping his answer was yes. She wondered briefly if that’s what her dream had been about – maybe she had seen him as a savior who would change her life and that’s why the sky cleared up and he replaced the menacing figure the dream had started with.
“Addie, stop.”
“Just tell me the truth. I can take it.”
AJ glanced out the window and saw Gram in the front yard welcoming Matthew home. He saw her glance up at the window. The look on her face said it all – she needed him to go. To leave them be.
“Addie, we hadn’t known each other very long. Especially not long enough to know something like that.”
“Oh.” She didn’t fight him or question him further. “Then I guess it’s probably pretty good I don’t remember anything, huh?” She stood up and pushed the chair in, a hint of sadness in her voice. “I mean, you can just pack up and go, essentially missing nothing, while I stay here and only have to miss knowing what happened the last three months of my life. The things I’ve done in the last three months, which are probably more epic than anyone seems to be letting on considering you have my medallion and no one has any straight answers for me. At least I was able to forget everything we don’t have.” The tone was angrily sarcastic, and she regretted her words the instant they escaped her mouth.
A slamming screen door broke their conversation and concentration and Addie welcomed the excuse to make her way out of his room.
“That must be Helen and Matthew,” she said. “I’d better go. Take care AJ.”
“Addie, I’d feel better if you take the medallion back. It’s part of your family.”
“Keep it,” she said, her back towards him and her shoulders hunched forward as if she were ready to bolt out of there at any moment. Her feet stood still, a statue to the ground. “It seems to find its way to people who walk out of my life. I don’t think I’ll want to give it to anyone else.”
The shattering of his heart had to be audible, he thought. It sure felt loud enough to echo the world.
10 SLITHERS
“How much for a room?” the old man asked, standing across the beat-up counter of Bob’s auto shop.
“Well sir, it’s actually a whole house. If you want a single room, there’s a B&B up the street that I can point you to.”
“A house would be better. I like my privacy. How much?”
“How long are you staying?” Bob countered.
“A month. Maybe more. I’m just chasing the breeze, looking for a new place to settle down. This one sort of called out to me.”
“Lee has a way of doing that.” Bob picked up a ring with keys on it and pulled two off. “Here’s a form for you to fill out. Nothing too detailed, just a phone number and contract to pay for anything broken while you’re there.”
The gentleman scanned the paper quickly, scrawling his signature in nearly unrecognizable handwriting across the bottom.
“Here you go,” Bob said, sliding the brass keys across the counter. “This one is the front; that one is for the back door. Rent is due on the first of the month, every month. Stay as long as you like. Don’t cause trouble. If you need anything, you can find me here.”
He’d only rented out the house a handful of times but knew the script. He’d only come up with a contract the day after Devin had left abruptly without paying. He placed the remaining clanking key ring back into the pocket of his coveralls, looking at the newcomer again.
“Where did you say you were from?”
“Nowhere in particular. I’m a drifter, I guess.”
“Town’s been getting a lot of those lately,” Bob replied, thinking of all the meanderers wandering around. Max, Devin, AJ, and now this guy.
“That’s what I hear.” The snicker in his voice was lost on Bob, who hadn’t been listening closely.
“If you need any help finding something, let me know. I know everyone in town.”
“I bet you do,” the man replied. “I need some peace and quiet. This seems to be a good place for that. Anything exciting go on here?”
“Nothing memorable has ever happened here,” Bob laughed. “Biggest thing that’s ever happened to us is getting our outhouses upgraded to modern plumbing.”
“Perfect,” the man replied.
11 BURNING
The sheets on his bed grew surprisingly wrinkled thanks to the thought of leaving town after his unconventional conversation with Addie that afternoon. Although on the surface she was unable to remember, underneath the lies were the memories of him. He knew it wouldn’t – actually, shouldn’t – matter if she remembered him, but he desperately wanted it. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if all of the good, bad, and ugly memories came flooding back to her, but he decided he would be around if it happened.
He tossed and turned in the sheets, pulling the soft-blue fabric up before pushing it off again with his legs, sweat beading across his body. Half southern night air and half visions running through his dog-tired mind, the fever that was upon him would break before his soul did.
His closed eyes squinted, begging for the dream to be over. The crowd of blurred faces was distorted, vaguely resembling a zombie apocalypse as they ascended upon the town. Only faceless bodies lurching forward, heading towards the center of Lee as AJ helplessly watched. Their black clothes gave them away and AJ stood trapped by the encirclement approaching with their slow footsteps. As they neared, the evil was apparent through the only visible feature of their faces – their mouths. The pink-lipped grins were turned upward at the corners amidst no other identifiers. AJ inherently knew that they were grins of resentment and revenge.
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Outside the dream his twisted body writhed on the sheets, sweat leaving an impression of where his body lay. Back inside his head he stood helpless, his mind unable to process all of the skills and tactics he had learned to defend himself. There were so many figures with a united purpose of getting to him, taking away his life in return for his taking Devin’s.
He screamed. The muscles of his arms bolted him upright in bed. He clutched the sheets as if they were weapons at his disposal to defend himself. The haziness in his vision cleared through rapid blinks, his dark eyes adjusting to the night’s veil upon the room. He couldn’t hear, couldn’t see, couldn’t feel – all of his senses numbed. His chest rattled, sucking air in and pushing it out hastily as though he couldn’t get enough.
His heart was pumping with such force, he was scared it might pop out of his chest. His hand clutched at it, seemingly pressing inward to keep it behind the thick skin he had grown over the last few years. The adrenaline rush faded, leaving in its wake trembling limbs and appendages.
As reality came to him, he settled in the knowledge that he was alone and safe, standing in the middle of the desert during a sand storm where irritation and pain surrounded him with no visible way out. More alone than he’d ever wanted to be, he thought. It had been one thing to grow up without a father; another to lose his mother. However, the loneliness he felt with Addie fifty feet away from him was so astounding he thought his heart might actually shatter. If he had one left, he said to himself.
With his eyes clear, his other senses started coming back one by one. It was then that he heard the anguished screams from outside, shooting the burning fire of adrenaline throughout his body. He jumped out of bed, not bothering to throw on anything over his running shorts as he made his way downstairs.
Matthew and Helen were at the screen door, Matthew’s aged but strong arms wrapped firmly around his wife. She was crying – the first time AJ had seen or heard such a sound crossing the barrier of her wise lips. The whimper was enough to splinter any illusion he had that the screams were a dream. He gently angled them aside so that he could open the antiqued screen door to peer outside.