by Allison Rios
“It’s not something I want to talk about right now,” he replied, picked up the axe. He swung it heavily back towards the wood. The sweat beaded on his skin, snaking like a rollercoaster over the bumps formed by muscle. “It’s nothing against you. It’s just me.”
She wasn’t backing down, and from the look in her eyes, he knew he better confess a story or she’d pester him all afternoon.
“Fine, you win. I loved a girl once. Still love her. But it’s not something that can ever work out and so I’m here and she’s there and that’s the whole story.”
“That’s not the whole story. Tell me about her.”
He sighed. “She’s gorgeous, inside and out. She can make me laugh harder or get angrier than anyone on earth has ever been able to do. She’s intense, but I love her stubbornness.”
“Anyone I know? Or used to know, post-amnesia?”
“You’d of liked her.” As long as you like yourself, he thought.
“So why aren’t you with her?” Addie had an inkling that AJ wasn’t talking about some girl he’d met years before.
“Because we all have to make choices and I’m here in Lee, helping Helen and Matthew and putting my life together. And she’s got a new life. I have to accept that.”
She walked over to him as he set the axe on the ground to pick up the pile of burned splinters, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t expect it and wasn’t prepared for the contact.
She immediately felt a shock rush through her as her mind filled with images too vibrant to be anything but memories. She saw him hovered over Rose’s leg, his hands stopping the stream of blood that had been spraying into the air. She saw him in the open field she’d ever only taken Robert to, the sun setting around them as she lay wrapped in his embrace.
She stepped back, yanking her hand away from him. He turned to face her as their eyes made contact.
“I think I remembered something,” she whispered and pulled her fingers up towards her mouth as if to stop the words from coming out.
“What do you remember?”
“I saw something. At least I think I did.”
“What do you think you saw?”
There was no way she’d remember, he reminded himself. She wasn’t meant to. If she did, he knew he’d have to leave town to protect her.
“You were stopping the bleeding on Rose’s leg. Is that where the scar came from?”
“I think you might have heat stroke,” he replied in a swift attempt to distract the situation. He walked over to her and lifted the back of his hand to her head. “You’re burning up.”
“Yeah because it’s hot as hell outside and I am working my ass off out here!” Her annoyance was glaringly evident.
“Let’s head on back for the day, Addie.”
“Did you stop the bleeding?” she asked, yanking his arm back towards her as he tried to walk away.
“Addie, stop trying to force memories. You can’t make your mind remember things that didn’t happen.”
He wished there were something else he could say. He knew without a doubt that he had probably just forced the microscopic thought into her mind that perhaps she were crazy. Just as she believed her mother to be.
She looked straight at him as tears filled her eyes. He didn’t have to see her; he could feel the beautiful, extraordinary orbs as they dug into his back in total contempt.
“Can we please go back, Addie?” he asked, slamming the driver’s side door shut after climbing inside.
“Fine,” she whispered. “Let’s go.”
They rode in silence back up to the house, not a glance between them.
As the truck ambled up to Addie’s place, the tension rose between them. AJ knew when he’d made the decision to stay in Lee that it wouldn’t be easy. He knew that he’d be friends with Addie and be close to her to some extent. He knew that his heart would break with each and every moment he wasn’t able to touch her.
He just hadn’t taken into account being the reason she was hurt over and over again.
“Listen, Addie,” he started, reaching towards her.
She pulled away, her eyes never leaving the windshield even though the car sat at a dead idle. AJ got out and she slid over to the driver’s seat.
“Don’t touch me,” she whispered back through gritted teeth as his hands approached her window. Addie’s hands rigidly grasped the steering wheel and AJ was sure it was to keep from punching him. She was feisty, memory or not.
“If you really want to know another of my secrets, about my mom, I will tell you.”
She softened her grip a bit and let her hands drop down to her seat.
“Fine. Let’s hear it.”
“Here goes. My mom died of cancer a few years back. It was only ever her and me. Watching her die was the single worst experience of my life.” He wanted to add second worst, next to losing Addie, but kept the thought to himself. “I don’t talk about her much because it is still just too painful. She was an incredible woman and when she was gone I was all alone. I found a friend in Max and he’s become the only family I’ve got now.”
“You have us.” She looked over towards him, the anger softening on her face. “You have Rose and me.”
“I know. And Helen and Matthew. It’s just really hard for me to navigate all of this because until a few years ago it was just her and me, and now it’s just me. I think that’s why you and I got along so well before. At first I thought you and Rose needed someone to be there to protect you. Until I got to know you and realized that you could pretty much protect yourself.” He smiled at her, a laugh escaping his lips. “Then I realized how much I needed you and Rose.”
“Was I the girl you were talking about before?”
AJ smiled. “Yeah, Addie, you were. I never had a family and I really, really wanted that. I still do, to some degree. But Robert is here now and you and Rose actually are his family. I cannot stand in the way of that and I won’t either. Not when I can see how much he loves you both. You and I had a connection, like you thought. It just isn’t the connection that either of us needed. We depended on each other, for something we were lacking in life. But you have Robert back now and he is the real missing piece. And I’ve got Helen and Matthew. So there’s no point in straining to remember the months you missed because they are nothing special compared to this enormous opportunity you have with Robert.”
Silence filled the air. AJ tried wishing words into existence that would bring up any topic but this.
“I’m sorry, AJ.”
“You don’t need to be sorry.”
She got out of the truck and both walked towards the hood.
“I do. I’m sorry I’ve put you in the middle of this whole circus act. I hope I never led you on or hurt you.”
“No. Any of that I’ve done on my own.”
He reached around his neck and undid the medallion, closed the clasp, and held it out to her.
“I want you to take this back.”
“AJ, I gave that to you.”
“You gave it to me when we thought we were something else,” he said, forcing it into her soot covered hands. “I appreciate the gesture, I do. But this belongs in your family. It should stay in your family. And now, Robert is your family.”
She looked down at the shiny medal in her clutch. She still didn’t understand how she would have given it to anyone she hadn’t felt strongly for. She’d never even thought of giving it to Joseph. Everything AJ told her made sense, but she didn’t feel as though it completely added up.
“Medallion or not, you’ll always be a part of my family,” she whispered, pulling him into a hug.
Robert caught the exchange from the doorway of the house and felt jealousy well up within him. Anger flowed through his veins towards AJ, a man he now assumed had no intention of letting Addie go.
As AJ headed back to the B&B, Addie went up the stairs into the kitchen where Robert sat waiting at the table.
“How was your day?” he asked, a hint of fr
ustration in his gravelly voice.
“Fine, same old, same old. Lots of cleaning. Where’s Rose?”
“She went into town with Gram for dinner. What’d you guys talk about?”
“Didn’t really talk all that much, honestly. AJ’s not really a talker.”
“Really? I find that hard to believe.”
Addie shot him an amused glance.
“Jealous much?”
“I ain’t jealous,” Robert replied, stepping up out of his chair. “Protective, maybe. Not jealous.”
“Protective? About AJ? Please. That man’s never hurt a fly. He’d never hurt me.”
“Maybe it’s me he wants to hurt. For showing back up in your life.”
“You’re wrong. It’s me who wants to hurt you. Not for showing back up, but for bailing on us in the first place, with no plausible reason, mind you.”
She loosened the lid on the peanut butter jar, dipping the butter knife in.
“There was a reason. And this isn’t about me. This is about you and AJ.”
He moved closer to her. He couldn’t stop the anger he felt, the jealousy raging in his heart. He had given up years of his life already, he reminded himself. He was finally back to reclaim his family and no one was going to take that away.
“There is no me and AJ, Robert! He’s a friend. The best one I’ve got around here.”
“You have me now.”
“Yeah I have you – a man I’m trying to learn and love. You’re not making it easy though. You still haven’t told me why you left or where you’ve been. And I’ve never been anything but honest with you! I’m letting you build a relationship with our daughter, aren’t I?”
“Letting me?”
“Yes, letting you. Don’t forget that, either. I don’t have to let you near her at all. In my eyes, you gave up all rights to being a father when your last gift to us was the sight of your taillights heading away as fast as they could, down the road.”
“Are you ever going to forgive me for this?” he wailed, slamming his fists on the counter.
“Are you ever going to tell me why you left?” she screamed back.
“I can’t Addie! I wish I could, but I can’t.”
He wasn’t ready to let go of his powers. He wasn’t sure whether she’d forgive him and let them become a family again and if she didn’t, he needed to have a purpose in life. Once he told her about his abilities, they’d be taken from him.
“Robert, I can’t do this! I am trying my best to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m trying my best to love you, but I just can’t do that when I feel like everything about you is one big lie.”
He threw his hands to his face in an attempt to rub away the frustration. Walking back towards her, he turned his back to her again and leaned back against the counter.
“Addie, I killed your mother.”
Silence.
“You what?” she said, walking around the counter to stand in front of him. “You what?” She slapped him hard, the sound echoing against the walls in the house.
“I killed your mother.”
“How? I mean, why? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I went to see her the day Rose was born. I don’t know what happened. I was telling her about you and Rose. I wanted her to find a reason to snap out of whatever was wrong with her. I wanted all of us to be a family. I wanted you to have your mother back. And I don’t know. She started screaming at me and when I touched her, I don’t know. She just had a heart attack or something. She told me to stay away from you and Rose and then she was gone. I don’t know what I did, but I killed her.”
Addie reached out and slapped him again hard, directly across the cheek. The sound echoed through the farm house yet he didn’t move. Both of them had tears streaking down their cheeks. She slapped him again and then again for good measure until he pulled her into his arms.
“Addie, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry, I love you so much. I had to leave. I don’t know what I did or how, but I couldn’t face you knowing what I had done and worrying if I would do it to you. I had to go get my life together. I couldn’t hurt you and Rose.”
“Just shut up,” she said, pushing back from his grip although she didn’t want to. “That’s for lying to me again! You didn’t kill my mother!”
“I did! I don’t know how Addie but I did!”
“You didn’t! She didn’t die the week Rose was born, you jerk. She died about a year after. Why are you lying to me? Why did you leave?”
She wrestled herself out of his grip and backed up a few steps. She hadn’t noticed but in the midst of their exchange, AJ had shown up outside the screen door after having sensed Robert’s anger.
“Everything okay?” he called in gently.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Robert half laughed. “This is a private discussion, AJ.”
“I wasn’t talking to you Robert. Addie, you okay?”
“I’m fine AJ, everything’s fine.”
“You sure?”
She walked towards the door, resting her hand on the handle and leaning in towards the screen. Her voice came out a whisper.
“Everything’s okay. I promise you. Just go home, please. Please AJ, just go home.”
She put her hand up to the screen and he placed his against it momentarily before turning down the stairs. As she turned around, Robert reached out to grab her hand.
“Seriously? In front of me?”
“Let me go. There is nothing between AJ and me!”
She turned to walk away as Robert tried to pull her into his arms to explain.
“Let me go!” she yelled before falling in a crumpled ball to the floor.
Mid-stride, AJ’s back arched and he nearly dropped to the sidewalk below. A bolt of intense pain shot through his body. In an instant he was back up the stairs and into the house.
“Let her GO!” he screamed, avoiding the urge to destroy Robert in favor of dropping to the ground near Addie. She was more important to him at the moment. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything! AJ, I swear, I love her! I didn’t do anything!”
AJ lifted her body into his arms and his mind filled with images racing at high speed through his consciousness: Addie on a ventilator; visitors fluctuating in and out of the room; Rose crying at her mother’s bedside and placing a rose on a coffin as she held Gram’s hand.
He couldn’t heal her. She wasn’t meant to live.
“Look what you’ve done,” he said, both men now endowed with the realization that neither would ever have her.
“Do something!” Robert yelled back at the Healer.
“I can’t!”
“You’ve done it before. Broken the rules before. Why won’t you do it now? Why won’t you do it for her?”
“I can’t Robert! I’ve broken the rules once and I can’t do it again! You think the choice is easy? You think letting her die is easy? I have to think about the thousands in the future that will die if I heal her right now! Thousands! Max already lost his gift for me. And someone else has to suffer in her place if I heal her! What if it’s Rose? I don’t have a choice anymore Robert. I don’t have a choice!”
AJ cradled her limp body close to him as Robert stood nearby watching.
“I did it again,” Robert stammered.
22 RETREAT
“Is she breathing?” Robert asked, dropping down next to her.
“Don’t touch her!” AJ growled.
While he could feel the threat recede from Robert and watched the Grim’s face retreat into one of sadness and remorse, he remained untrusting.
“We have to get her to a hospital.”
“I didn’t mean to! I stopped focusing for just a second. It was only a second!”
“I thought you were letting go of your gift,” AJ barked at him, knowing full well that the Grim hadn’t because he’d never felt the threat disappear. “You were supposed to give it up for them.”
“I was going to. I am going to.”
>
“What use is that now?”
The fury surged through AJ’s veins, boiling over and creating brute strength within him. He ran his hand through Addie’s hair, her body eerily still as she lay coddled in his arms.
“Is she alive?” Robert’s voice seemed small and contrite, agonized even.
“She’s alive. I’m not sure how long though.”
“What did you see?” Robert understood the meaning behind AJ’s words. Healers were never mistaken.
“Let’s just get her to the hospital.”
Robert reached for the phone before AJ barked out another order at him.
“No, we’re not calling 9-1-1. We’ll take her there ourselves. I don’t want to draw any more attention to this block. We’ve had enough reasons to raise suspicion the last six months.”
AJ scooped her up while Robert opened the door and started up the truck.
“You drive,” AJ said, handing him the keys.
He wasn’t about to let Robert touch Addie again until he was sure the Grim was under control. Gram pulled up and bolted from the car to AJ’s door as her sixth sense kicked into high gear.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
She searched their eyes for an answer; both told her the situation wasn’t good.
“What did you do?”
“We’ve got to get her to the hospital. I was going to grab Helen to look after Rose, but can you? She’s out in the barn. Addie’s had an accident Gram,” AJ choked out, hating every bit of the lie. “She’s going to be okay, we just need to get her some help.”
“We’ll follow you.”
Gram was off in a haste to scoop up Rose and back in her car in a heartbeat, as the men began the long trek to the hospital.
As soon as blue-clad nurses and doctors whisked Addie away, Robert and AJ stood in the waiting room avoiding all contact. AJ knew that if he started to talk, he would likely beat the man to a pulp – something he wasn’t allowed to do. No matter what the personal connection, he could not touch a Grim unless the Grim touched him first.
“What happened?” Gram called out, rushing towards AJ, Rose just inches behind.