Meri shook her head. As if she couldn’t believe it. They’d be surprised to know that Alden wasn’t always the serious, formal man they knew. He was a man who could appreciate a red thong.
“There’s more.”
Beneath, there was a beautiful satin teddy set.
“Something classy, something trashy,” Carlyn said. “Now she’s got all the bases covered.”
“I think they’re both very pretty,” Gran said.
Carlyn took the box and wrote down the contents and the giver’s name.
Next came a wicker picnic basket with china plates, two crystal wineglasses, and a bottle of wine.
A set of kitchen canisters and white designer utensils.
Geordie’s gift was three picture frames that she explained were salvaged and repurposed from castoff wood and metal from Gilbert House.
The last present was from Lizzie. A wind chime made from delicate pieces of glass in Meri’s favorite colors.”
“How did you know I loved these colors?” Meri asked.
“You were wearing a sweater with them one day last spring and you said you’d just gotten it for your birthday and they were your favorite colors.”
“Wow, and you remembered. Thank you.”
There was a flurry of cleanup and more eating and drinking, though Meri switched to soda since she was planning to drive back to the farm afterward.
At ten o’clock Ray opened the bar to the public. The first one in was Alden.
“Am I too early? Should I go back and wait in the car?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Carlyn said. “You can help us carry these things out to your car.” Meri handed him a stack of boxes. Nora went with him to open the door.
Some of the guests decided to stay. The others helped Meri carry the rest of her packages out to Alden’s SUV.
NORA WAITED TO hand her packages to her dad, who was organizing the back of their new SUV. He’d sold the old Volvo last spring when he thought he was moving to the city. They still had his pickup truck but he said it was unreliable. What he meant was that he didn’t think it was safe for Nora to drive now that she had her restricted license. So he’d bought a big SUV, big enough for the whole family, he’d said. But it wasn’t big like Mark’s minivan that sat six people and a baby car seat without a problem.
The SUV only sat four or five if you smushed. So maybe they weren’t thinking about having babies right away. She wouldn’t mind having a sister or little brother as long as they weren’t spoiled brats like her stepbrothers.
But she thought about what Lucas said about second marriages starting families right away. And they both had seen what happened to the older children when the new ones arrived. They’d be shoved to the back again.
“Hey Nora.”
She jumped. It was Lizzie Blanchard, the glassmaker who Nora had hung out with last spring. She’d even learned a few glass layering techniques.
“I’m starting a new class in basic glass techniques after the new year. If you’re interested, I’ll make sure you’ll get in.”
Nora just looked at her. She’d get her into class? Nora couldn’t believe it. She’d had really gotten into working with glass. Had even begun to think about going to college for about the first time and studying glassmaking.
“Really? That would be awesome. I—” She’d forgotten that she wouldn’t be here to take the class. “I . . .” What was she thinking? Even if she did end up going to college, her mother would never allow her to study anything artistic. Everything was all screwed up. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.” She swallowed her disappointment. “But I won’t be here.”
“No? Where are you going?”
Nora quickly looked around. Everyone else was busy loading the SUV or talking. “I’m going back to live with my mother after the wedding.”
“Wedding” fell into a sudden silence. It seemed to echo in the night air. She quickly looked up and saw what she’d hoped she wouldn’t see.
All conversation had stopped. Everyone was looking at her. Carlyn, Geordie, Gran, Meri, her dad. And he looked so—Nora knew that expression. It was her dad trying to control his hurt, his anger.
She hadn’t seen him look like that for ages. Meri had done that. And Nora knew she had just ruined it. The sooner she left, the better it would be for everybody.
“Sorry. I would really have liked that.” Nora left without waiting for an answer. She walked quickly to the far side of the SUV and got in the back. She slammed the door and hunched against the seat.
She’d screwed up everything. She could be staying here and taking glass art classes, instead of going back to live in New Haven. It was only a few months, they could have put up with her until then. If they wanted to. Which they didn’t. They all heard her say she was leaving.
And no one had tried to stop her.
Chapter 6
ALDEN JERKED FORWARD.
Meri touched his arm. “Just stay calm,” she whispered.
“Like hell I will.”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”
“Then why did she say it?”
“I don’t know. But overreacting isn’t going to make her feel like talking about it.”
“Has she said anything to you about being unhappy?”
“Not to me. Gran?” Meri looked to her grandmother, who was looking at the back of the SUV, but Nora had slumped down in the seat, out of view.
“She hasn’t said anything to me either. I expect she’s feeling overwhelmed with all the preparations. Maybe a little insecure about where her place will be.”
“Her place is here with me—with us,” Alden said.
“And I suppose you’re going to tell her so,” Gran said.
“Of course.”
“Just like that?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It sounds like an order or a reprimand. You want her to want to stay.”
“But why wouldn’t she want to?”
“That, you’ll have to ask her”—Gran emphasized the word—“and then ask her what she truly wants to do.”
“And if she says she wants to go back?”
Gran sighed. “You know the answer to that. Now, I’ll drive back to the farm with Meri if that’s okay.”
“Of course,” Meri said.
“And you’ll drive back with you daughter and try to have a conversation. A conversation,” Gran reiterated. “Back and forth. And you’ll do it gently.”
Alden looked as if he might argue but merely nodded curtly, glanced at Meri, then walked around to the driver’s side of the SUV and climbed in. A few long moments later the back door opened and Nora moved to the front seat.
The engine revved, the lights came on, and they drove away.
“Well,” Gran said, letting out what might have been pent-up breath. “I hope you weren’t planning on going out tonight.”
Meri shook her head.
“I hope it wasn’t the sexy underwear,” Carlyn said. “You know how teenagers can be. ‘Eeew. TMI.’ ”
“Maybe that goes for grandmothers, too?” Meri said, suddenly flustered.
Gran shrugged. “I thought they were cute.”
Carlyn grabbed her and gave her a big hug. “You are the best.”
Meri looked around the small group that was left. Saw Geordie Holt standing with Joe. “Geordie, we’ll have to talk later.”
“No problem. If it comes to it, we can do it by e-mail. I know what’s what.”
“Carlyn, can you stay here with Gran while I go get my car?”
“Of course,” Carlyn said.
“And I of course will be here, too,” Joe said gallantly.
NORA WISHED HER dad would just say something. But he just stared straight ahead like he’d never driven home from Newport before. It w
asn’t like he even had to pay attention, there was hardly any traffic.
And she was afraid to look at him, so she just looked out the window at nothing. Except for a few passing cars, it was like they were the only people on earth. She wished they were, then she wouldn’t have to go back to her mom and Mark.
Well, she’d want Lucas there, too. And Meri, except she’d had them and now she’d lost them. Everything was so effed up.
And Gran. She should have asked Gran if she could live with her instead of going back to New Haven. Why hadn’t she thought of that before she called her mother? That way Dad and Meri could have their privacy and she wouldn’t have had to go back.
But it would make her dad sad to think she didn’t want to stay with him. She did, but she couldn’t say so because that would hurt Meri, and besides, she’d already told her mom. Which was so dumb.
Her mother didn’t want her either. But at least if she were there, she could be her bitchy self and not have to pretend that everything was alright. Because it wouldn’t be. It would suck.
“Why?”
Nora jumped and her forehead banged on the window. She risked a glance at him. He was staring at the highway like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. No, it wasn’t that kind of stare. It was as if he hated every inch of asphalt. She hadn’t seen that look in a long time.
Not since she had come back. Not since Meri decided not to marry Peter. Maybe, Nora thought, she was more like her mother than she wanted to admit.
“Don’t be mad,” she said.
“I’m not mad. I just don’t understand. I thought you liked it here.”
“I do. I mean . . .” Damn, she’d prepared what she was going to say, but now that it was time she couldn’t remember how it started. The kids, she reminded herself. She took a breath.
“I like it here, but school is well . . . it’s kind of boring.” She loved school in Tiverton, she actually felt smart in the classes there. “And the other kids. Are kind of dorky.” She really liked them. “I don’t have that many new friends.” But she loved the new friends she’d made. “I miss my old life.” If she were Pinocchio, she’d have to let down the window to make room for her nose.
“I want to graduate with the rest of my friends.” Except that she probably wouldn’t even graduate because she’d be so far behind. Which would mean a whole extra year— No. She’d move out as soon as she turned eighteen, get a job. Never learn glass work or hang out with Meri and Dad by the water, or—
“You should have told me.”
Nora shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”
“You don’t want to spend Christmas with Meri and Lucas and me?”
More than anything. “There’ll be a whole lot of stuff I have to get done before school starts in January.”
He didn’t say anything for the longest time. When he finally did, his voice sounded like it used to when he was fighting with their mother and was trying to control his temper.
It tore her heart into little shreds. She was so horrible. She should have realized the way things would be sooner and not waited until the week before the wedding. They would get over it. She might not. It had never occurred to her until she’d talked to Lucas that they wouldn’t want her around. But she didn’t have any questions now. They’d heard her and they just stood there.
They all heard her tell Lizzie she was leaving and not one of them said, “Don’t go.” She hoped her dad would say it now. And then she could say okay and pretend that she was staying because of him. But he didn’t, just kept driving.
It wasn’t fair. She tried to hold her breath so she wouldn’t cry but she couldn’t help it. She looked out the window and tried not to make any sound.
Until her dad reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. “We’ll work it out.”
Then she couldn’t help it. She turned away from him and buried her face in the seat.
As soon as they drove into the driveway, Nora took off her seat belt and bolted for the house. She went straight up the stairs and locked herself in her bedroom.
A while later she heard his footsteps stop outside her door. His soft knock. She held still until she heard him walk away.
“I JUST DON’T get it,” Meri said for the third or fourth time.
“No,” Gran answered for the same number of times.
“Do you have any idea where this all came from? I mean we were into the wedding and Christmas and we were going shopping in the city and all sorts of stuff, and suddenly she’s going back to live with Jennifer and Mark?”
“It does seem odd.”
“Do you think she and Alden had a fight?”
“No. I just hope they don’t have one now.”
Meri sighed. “Maybe we all should have gone in the SUV. I could have come back tomorrow or the next day for my car.”
“I think the two of them need some alone time.”
Meri turned to look at her grandmother.
“Watch where you’re going.”
Meri pulled the wheel back to the lane. “Am I preventing that? Is that what is wrong? Maybe she doesn’t want me to marry Alden. I don’t even remember why we were in such a hurry to get married. We could wait until things calm down again.”
“Meri Calder-Hollis soon to be Corrigan, you’re getting married next week. If you’re getting cold feet, it sure had better be for the right reasons.”
“Like what?”
“Like you don’t love Alden enough to spend the rest of your life as his wife.”
“I do love him, and Nora and Lucas. It’s just— Maybe they don’t need me.”
“I dare say Nora and Lucas will do fine without you. Nora will be going off to college or a job in a few months. Lucas seems perfectly happy at his science school. But Alden? At the risk of sounding like something from your karaoke night—the two of you belong together.
“I’ve always known it,” she added in a quieter voice. “Now I suggest we all remain rational and open-minded and not go off in hysterics, because chances are it’s just a misunderstanding. And if it’s something deeper, it won’t be worked out tonight.
“Well have a family powwow at breakfast in the morning after we’ve all gotten a good night’s sleep.”
BUT MERI DIDN’T sleep. And as the hours ticked by, confusion turned into panic. What was happening? What was she getting into? She didn’t even have a clue what Nora was thinking, and she spent part of every day with her. She just knew that the girl was so miserable that she’d rather live with her mother than stay with them.
She turned over and looked at the bedside clock. Another hour had gone by and still she was awake. She wondered what was happening in the other house. Had they worked everything out and gone to bed, forgetting to call her and tell her everything was back to normal? They wouldn’t let her worry, would they? Were they even thinking about her?
She sat up. Pulled the comforter to her chin. Looked around the darkened room. Maybe she should just give up and go make tea or coffee—or even cocoa. But she might waken Gran. She eased out of bed and tiptoed to the window, careful not to step on the creaking boards.
The moon was waxing and it cast a cold light over the land, turning the dunes to mysterious shadows and the beach grass to sharp points and angles.
Corrigan House was dark. It used to be that Corrigan House was always dark. Even when Alden was at home, he lived by a reading lamp—not that he was stingy but because he said it was all the light he needed. He didn’t mind the shadows closing in around him.
When things bothered him, he just retreated into his work, a place inhabited with fairy tales and nightmares, patterns and chaos of color. He was comfortable there. But she wasn’t. He pulled ideas from deep inside him and put them on the page.
She was just the opposite. She worked from the outside in, carefully uncovering layers unti
l the past was revealed.
Maybe they were just too different to go through life together. Raise two teenagers to adulthood. Maybe have children of their own.
Meri reared back from the window. Of course. That’s what Nora was afraid of. She’d said as much, not in so many words, but everytime she complained about the attention paid to her little stepbrothers.
Meri had always thought she would have children. Wanted children. Even thought about children with Alden. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. But did she love Alden enough not to care about a family of their own?
Their own? Like Nora and Lucas wouldn’t be theirs. But Nora was right. It wasn’t the same, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t love them all.
Nora would be off at school in a few months. Would it still matter to her? She might even be starting her own family after a few years. She’d move away and only think about them on weekends. Maybe only visit at Thanksgiving or Christmas.
But what about now? Maybe she and Alden should have waited until Nora went off to school. But she’d seemed so on board until the last day or so. What had happened to change all that?
Meri rested her head on the window frame. The sky was just beginning to lighten. And way out on the dunes a figure rose. She knew that figure. Knew it so well, it felt like her own. And she could tell just from the way he stood that he was unhappy.
Lord, how many times had she seen him stand looking out at the waves. Angry, hurt, alone. She groped for her sweatshirt, pulled it on over her flannel pajamas. Found socks in the drawer and tiptoed downstairs, where she shoved her feet into a pair of boots left in the mudroom. Borrowed a padded jacket and hat from Gran and eased out the back door.
She wanted to run, but the ground was frozen and she had to slow down. She was close, no more than a hundred feet away, when he hauled back and heaved something he’d been holding into the water. He watched for a moment, then turned and strode back inside the house.
Meri stood there. She should go after him. Try to talk to him. But already she felt shut out. And what had he thrown into the sea?
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