“I knitted them wooly socks,” Smudge said. “Soldier people really like toasty feet, CC!” The dragon thumped to the floor. He crinkled his eyebrows together. “Listen, horse. You’re not gonna get my bestest friend all stubbed up!”
“GUARDS! DO SOMETHING! NOW!” The queen stumbled to her feet. Her hair was a mess and her dress was wrinkled. She also seemed a little dizzy. “KILL THAT DRAGON!”
The guards pulled themselves off the floor. Several of them reached for their swords. A few others reached for their
crossbows. They began to position themselves around the room.
Smudge counted the number of guards. His eyes went wide with worry. “Six … seven … eight people?” Smudge gulped. “And a horse? This is not a fair fight, CC.”
Cornelius turned to Smudge and gave the dragon a hateful look. He scuffed the dance floor with his front hoof like a bull about to charge.
Smudge was going to be attacked, and Carlos was powerless to stop it.
Or was he?
Carlos scanned the room. Resting by his feet was the salad spork he had dropped at dinner.
He picked it up.
He remembered his new juggling routine. Focus, Carlos told himself. Focus on the exact spot where you want the spork to land.
Carlos closed his mind off to everything else. He focused.
With a quick snap of his elbow, Carlos threw the spork. It landed exactly where he wanted it to land.
Cornelius’s rear end.
Carlos didn’t know horses could scream. But they can. Cornelius leapt and bucked and jumped and bellowed so loudly that Carlos had to cover his ears. The guards dropped their weapons and covered their ears, too.
Cornelius rampaged around the room. He smashed through yet another stained-glass window and galloped wildly toward the distant horizon.
Dang! Sporks are dangerous, Carlos thought. I’d better come up with a new routine for the Stein triplets’ birthday party.
Queen Cayenne shook off her dizziness and surveyed the alarming sight. The ballroom was a disaster of shattered glass, mangled furniture, crumbling walls, and bruised guards.
She grabbed Hortense’s jacket with one hand. With the other she pointed a bony, accusing finger at Carlos.
“He did this!” she wailed. “That wretched Charming did all of this! Wage war on him! Destroy that rotten Faraway Kingdom once and for all!”
In reply, Hortense giggled.
The queen’s eyes narrowed. “Are you giggling?”
Hortense giggled even more.
“Stop giggling!” The queen’s voice grew low and menacing. “Wage war on Faraway Kingdom. NOW!”
But Hortense’s giggle blossomed into a merry, wheezy laugh.
“I can’t do that!” Hortense quivered with glee. “This was the most fun I’ve had in years! Did you see Prince Carlos buzz that horse’s nose? Or the way he cartwheeled around the musicians?” He gasped for breath.
“ENOUGH OF THIS!” the queen roared so loudly that her voice made a fourth and final stained-glass window shatter. “If you’re not going to declare war on Faraway Kingdom, then I will.”
“You can’t declare war,” Pinky said. “Only the absolute ruler can declare war. You gave that power to Hortense!”
“That’s right. You did,” Carlos said. “I’m a witness.”
“I’m a witness, too!” Smudge shouted.
“No, Smudge,” Carlos said. “You didn’t witness that.”
“Oh, poop,” Smudge replied.
“You may have your witnesses.” The queen smiled. “But I have the law. And the law says you can’t be the absolute ruler of Dire Dominion until you declare war!”
She folded her arms across her chest. “So! The choice is yours, Hortense. Either declare war, or lose your power.”
The room grew very still. Hortense bit his lower lip. He glanced at the battered whiteboard.
“Mom’s right,” Hortense sighed. “Dire Dominion will go to war whether I like it or not.” He sighed again. “I just need to wage one war,” he muttered to himself. “Just one. One war is not so bad. And then I can keep my power.”
Hortense turned to the whiteboard again. He took a long, hard look at the second-highest number on the list of kingdoms. It was Ever-After Land. Pinky’s kingdom.
Pinky clutched Carlos’s hand. “Oh, no,” she whispered.
Carlos whispered back, “Faraway Kingdom and Ever-After Land are best friends. If Dire Dominion wages war on you, we’ll fight by your side.”
Hortense cleared his throat. The guests held their breath.
“My first act as absolute ruler is to declare war on…” He paused. Then he smiled. “Boring parties!”
Everyone whooped and cheered.
Well, almost everyone.
“NOOOOO!” the queen sobbed. She stamped her feet and stormed from the room.
“You are a pretty good absolute ruler, Hortense,” Carlos said.
“Thanks,” Hortense replied. “So let’s wage the war right now. Show me a few of those cool dance moves!”
“Awesome!” Carlos called out to the party guests. “Does anyone know how to play music that rocks?”
“On it!” Smudge announced. The dragon snapped up a flute and trilled out a power ballad.
The dancing began.
First, Carlos did the Empty the Dishwasher. Pinky followed it up with the I Really Shouldn’t Have Eaten That Last Burrito. Then Hortense tried a dance of his own called the Why, Yes, I Would Like Another Donut.
Before long, all the guests were going wild with dances of their own invention. Even Meadows and the dominion’s guards busted a few moves.
It was a fantastic party.
After about a dozen songs, Pinky strutted to Carlos’s side. “Hey. Wanna shake things up with a box step?” she asked.
Carlos kind of did. “Okay,” he said.
He took Pinky’s hand. Moments later, the two of them were counting off steps.
“Hortense hasn’t stopped laughing for the last hour,” Pinky said. “I think Dire Dominion is out of the war business once and for all.”
Carlos’s eyes sparkled.
“What is it?” Pinky asked.
“You just reminded me of something,” Carlos replied. “A long time ago, in the early days of my training, Jack the Jester told me something.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘A laughing world is a happier world. A more peaceful world. A jolly, jelly-belly, silly world!’”
Carlos smiled at the memory.
“It looks like you proved him right,” Pinky said.
Carlos shook his head. “We both proved him right.”
Pinky didn’t reply to that. She just smiled a little and looked down at her feet.
Carlos did the same.
He watched his own scuffed boots and Pinky’s muddy, bare feet move in perfect sync.
Forward. Side. Together.
Backward. Side. Together.
Prince Not-So Charming
Once Upon a Prank
Her Royal Slyness
The Dork Knight
Happily Ever Laughter
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Roy L. Hinuss is the authorized biographer of the Charming Royal Family. He is also fond of the occasional fart joke. When he isn’t writing about Prince Carlos Charles Charming’s many adventures, he serves as the president of PITCH-SPORK, an anti-spork lobbying organization. Be sure to sign the petition on Facebook!. You can sign up for email updates here.
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
Matt Hunt is the illustrator of the Prince Not-So Charming series of young readers books, including Prince Not-So Charming: Once Upon a Prank and Prince Not-So Charming: Her Royal Slyness. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Prince Not-So Charming
About the Author and Illustrator
Copyright
Copyright © 2018 by Imprint
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Book design by Ellen Duda
Illustrations by Matt Hunt
Imprint logo designed by Amanda Spielman
First paperback edition, 2018
eBook edition, November 2018
eISBN 978-1-250-14243-6
Happily Ever Laughter Page 4