Love Everlasting

by Julie Lessman

  “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, Tess,” he’d told her the night she’d put their relationship on hold over eight months ago, “and I will wait forever, if that’s what it takes.”

  He grunted, the sound harsh in a night filled with the heavy groan of a bull frog, obviously as unhappy as he. “Yeah, well looks like I was the only one …”

  Dropping his head on the back of the chair, he closed his eyes, his newfound faith suddenly niggling at the back of his mind. You didn’t even give her a chance to explain. Just popped your cork like she wasn’t the most important person in your world other than Lacey. Self-condemnation sandpapered his conscience.

  Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

  The mangled can dropped from his fingers as shame curdled in his gut along with the warm beer.

  Nope, he just went off half-cocked, spewing jealousy and bitterness like a sewer gone awry.

  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger … be put away from you, along with all malice.

  “Okay, okay, I blew it,” Ben snapped, “and I’ll fix it, I promise. As soon as I can talk to Tess.” He stared into the dark, his dock lights winking at him in the distance. “If I can talk to Tess,” he muttered, painfully aware she’d been avoiding him since the incident. Not coming home till late that night with Bozo, then gone all day today and again tonight. She was obviously still ticked because she hadn’t answered or returned his calls, texts, or emails, and with Jack and Lacey out of town, he couldn’t bug them to help him out.

  No, he’d have to wait her out till he could catch her alone to apologize and grovel if need be. After all, he’d made his bed and now he’d have to lie in it. His mouth compressed. Problem is, I want Tess lying right next to me when I do, the thought came, the feel of the engagement ring he’d bought last year a lumpy reminder in his pocket.

  Lights swept onto the street to indicate the approach of a car. But when they disappeared at Tess’s house, along with the sound of an engine that eased to a stop at her curb, Ben knew she was avoiding him still. Tess never parked in the street, always in the back of the house. Which meant she expected him to be lying in wait in his backyard for her to pull into her free-standing garage.

  Wrong.

  Lips flat, he strode to the corner of his eight-foot, Japanese privet hedge—the one he’d paid big bucks for eight years ago to shut the world out—painfully aware his temper had erected an even bigger barrier between him and Tess. Sucking in a deep draw of air, he attempted a casual stance as he leaned against the light post, hands in his pockets while he watched her retrieve her briefcase from the backseat. Slinging the strap over her shoulder, she carefully closed her car door with nary a noise, then turned toward her driveway.

  And froze—body taut with surprise and stiffer than the wooden lamppost gouging his hip.

  “A little late to be working, isn’t it, Tess?” He pushed off from the post and ambled forward.

  She visibly sagged. “Oh my goodness, Carmichael, you scared the living daylights out of me!” Hand splayed to her chest, her rib cage physically depleted like a blood pressure cuff releasing its air. “What on earth are you doing?”

  Hands still plunged in his pockets, he approached with extreme caution, wishing more than anything he could just reel her into his arms and kiss her like he used to. “Waiting up for the woman I love since she hasn’t returned any of my calls.”

  She buffed the sides of her arms as if she were cold, a noticeable duck in her throat. “I’ve been busy, Ben, but we’ll talk soon, I promise.”

  He reached to take the briefcase from her shoulder, and his chest cramped hard when she jerked away. “Yeah, I know—busy avoiding me. But I learned from the best not to take no for an answer, Tess, and how to deal with my problems head-on, so I’m afraid ‘soon’ doesn’t cut it.”

  “I’m not ready, Ben,” she whispered, clutching the strap of her briefcase like a lifeline.

  His smile was gentle. “I wasn’t either, Tess, but I don’t remember you cutting me any slack.”

  “Tomorrow.” She took another step back. “We’ll talk tomorrow, when we’re both fresh, okay?”

  “Nope, tonight,” he said calmly, tugging the briefcase from her shoulder, “or I won’t sleep and neither will you.” He nodded toward his dock across the street. “My dock or yours—take your pick.”

  “And you call me ‘pushy,’” she muttered, reminding him of all the times he’d accused her of being a rammy neighbor. Heaving a cumbersome sigh, she nodded toward his dock and slid by to head in that direction.

  He followed, lips twitching in a near smile at the way she marched with head high and shoulders square, reminding him just how much he’d missed her humor and stubborn resolve. When she reached his dock, she sat in one of the Adirondack chairs with hands folded on her lap, gaze fixed on the moon-striped river, which rippled and rolled as much as his stomach.

  Setting her briefcase down, he claimed the chair next to hers, shifting it to face her directly. “Words can’t express how sorry I am, Tess, for losing my temper,” he said softly. “I was completely out of line, and I apologize.” He paused, ducking his head to force her gaze to meet his. “Will you forgive me?”

  She warded him off with a tight clutch of arms to her waist, the glaze of tears in her eyes twisting his gut. “Of course I forgive you, Ben, but I won’t deny it worries me. I knew you had a temper because Lacey always alluded to it, but I honestly didn’t believe it until I saw what you did to Cam.”

  He fought the need to grind his jaw, slowly easing back and resting his arms on the chair to keep his temper in check. “I haven’t lost my cool since that night Lacey jumped off my boat over a year ago, Tess, and before that it’s been years. But you have to understand that coming home after eight months of missing the woman I adore, only to see her in the arms of a man I can’t abide, tripped an anger in me I didn’t even know was there.”

  “Cam and I are friends, Ben, nothing more,” she whispered, her tone mellowing even if the intensity in her eyes did not. Her chin tipped up in challenge. “And frankly, after barely hearing from you weekly for almost two months and not at all the last two weeks, how on earth was I supposed to know you were even home since you never bothered to tell me?”

  “I wanted to surprise you,” he ground out, forcing a tranquility to his tone even though his gut was in knots. “I came straight to your house, but nobody was home, so I took Beau out on the boat to kill some time.” His jaw notched up, even with hers. “The last few months of the trip were grueling, Tess, with 18-hour days and very little sleep, so I didn’t always have the luxury of writing.” His voice softened along with his heart. “The only luxury I did have, however, was thinking of you—which I did day and night.”

  Gaze tender, he leaned in to hunch on the edge of his chair, hands in a loose clasp over his knees while he zeroed in on the dark circles under her eyes. “How are you, Tess?” he whispered, suddenly worried that her overly perky letters hadn’t revealed the depth of her mourning. After Adam had passed away in January, Ben had written her almost every day and called as much as he could, given the demands of his schedule and time zone. And although she’d seemed to struggle at first, the spunky and perky personality he’d fallen in love with had re-emerged quickly, both in her letters and phone conversations, much to his relief.

  Until now. Now the woman before him not only appeared tired and worn, but so tightly coiled, she looked spring-loaded, ready to pop from the chair. He grazed her arm with a gentle touch. “You’re still grieving, aren’t you?” he said quietly, distraught that she hadn’t let him know. “Why didn’t you tell me, Tess? You know how much I wanted to be there for you.”

  She pounded the sides of her chair with her fists, jaw quivering as she seared him with a soggy glare. “Oh, don’t you dare go all tender on me now, Ben Carmichael,” she hissed, looking so much like a little girl throwing a tantrum, he
couldn’t refrain from a faint smile. “And you can just wipe that silly smirk off your face, too, because we have serious issues to discuss, mister.”

  “I know.” He reached to glide the pad of his thumb along the curve of her face, grateful for the shiver his touch produced because heaven knows she was setting off Richter-scale tremors in him. “The most important of which is—I love you, Tess.”

  She slapped his hand away and jabbed a tight-fisted finger right under his nose. “Don’t you dare try to sidetrack me, Dr. Doom, because I am serious here.”

  “I know that, too, babe.” He gripped her wrist so fast, she caught her breath, smile soft as he slowly reeled her in. “Seriously beautiful, seriously perky, seriously perfect …”

  “I’ll-show-you-perky …” she bit out with a flurry of smacks that only made him chuckle as he scooped her onto his lap, grinning when she bucked like a catfish out of water.

  “And I’m seriously crazy about you, too, Teresa O’Bryen,” he said, burying his head in her neck to feather her skin with kisses before trailing up to suckle the lobe of her ear. “Marry me, Tess—please—and I’ll even consider inviting your annoying friend to the wedding.” He suddenly thought of Phillips touching her like this, and his jaw went to iron as he staked his claim with a possessive kiss that lured a soft moan from her throat.

  Then again, maybe not.

  Chapter Ten

  Sweet Southern tea, what am I doing? Tess slammed two stiff palms to Ben’s chest, hoping he hadn’t heard the moan that almost slipped from her lips. “You’re crazy all right, Carmichael,” she said with a last-ditch flail of arms, desperate to keep him in line until she could drive her terms home. “And God help you if you think you can waltz in here—”

  He cut her off with another kiss so urgent and deep, his groan tangled with hers as she melted against his chest. She dug her fingers into the hair at the back of his neck, trying to decide if she wanted to grab him or gouge him when his mouth slid along the curve of her jaw to nip at her ear. “God help me is right, Tess, because I want you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.”

  “Ben, wait, please—”

  He silenced her weak protest with another ravenous kiss, like a man starving for the only sustenance his soul could abide. “I can’t, Tess—not any longer,” he rasped, voice hoarse with a need he obviously could no longer deny. “I want to marry you now.”

  Oh, Ben … She went completely still in his arms, her fingers at the nape of his neck suddenly limp and flat. Me, too, but … She slumped back, facial muscles wilted with a sadness she’d only displayed one other time—the night he’d revealed a past that had almost cost him her love.

  Her heart ached as he fumbled in his pocket for the diamond ring he’d so longed for her to wear, holding it out with shaky fingers. “Marry me, Tess—tomorrow, the next day, I don’t care—but soon because I need you like I’ve never needed anyone before.” Her resolve weakened when he cradled her face in his hands. “In my life,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck with a tenderness that immediately lured her eyelids closed. “In my house …” He mated his mouth with hers, exploring until he coaxed a soft mew from her throat. “And most definitely in my bed …” he said with an answering groan, voice husky as he devoured her body and soul.

  Her breathing was as ragged as his when she finally pushed him away, soggy eyes revealing the depth of her love.

  And her hesitation.

  “Ben, I love you, I do,” she said quietly, the deep slash between his brows putting a stranglehold on her heart, “and I want to be your wife so badly, I can taste it—”

  “Oh, me too,” he said, diving right back in to nibble her neck all over again.

  “But …” She squirmed from his grasp with two rigid palms, arms locked to keep him at bay. “I have concerns.”

  The air in his chest seemed to slowly seep out. “My temper?”

  She shimmied off his lap to slip back in her own chair, the absence of his warmth chilling her as much as the vulnerable look on his face. “Yes, your temper, although it’s not my chief concern at the moment because losing it only twice in a number of years is not a deal breaker.”

  His throat convulsed several times before he spoke. “Deal breaker?” he whispered, voice a near croak as he slipped the ring back into his pocket.

  She studied him with caring eyes that longed to kiss away every worry line in his face. “Jealousy, Ben,” she said softly, bracing her arms to her waist again as if shutting him out. “I can’t abide jealousy because nothing will destroy a relationship faster than that.” Her gaze veered beyond him to absently trace the shore, a mist of moisture glazing her eyes. “I never fully realized it at the time, but jealousy was one of the root problems in my marriage to Adam. Our fights escalated the last few years because he wanted me to attend conferences with him, you see, but I never wanted to go. I used my job as an excuse, which infuriated him, of course, and it was certainly a factor in the rift between us.”

  She swallowed hard as she met his gaze once again. “But it wasn’t the main reason.” She looked away, skimming her arms as if she were cold, not knowing if it was the chill of a sudden sea breeze or her guilt, but either way, a shudder rippled her body. “It wasn’t until Adam and Karen got involved that I realized just why I couldn’t tolerate those stupid conferences where women flirted and fawned over Adam like I wasn’t even there. I was jealous and couldn’t handle it, so I chose to turn a blind eye to it all, trusting Adam far more than I should have.” Expelling a shaky breath, she finally faced him again. “So when he ran away with Karen, the monster of jealousy finally took over my soul, blackening my heart until it snuffed out any love I may have had for my husband.”

  Ben reached to give her hand a squeeze. “That won’t happen with us, Tess, I promise.”

  She stared at him for several seconds, regret etched into every pore of her face. “You can’t promise that, Ben, because it’s my Achilles’ heel.” A muscle jogged in her throat. “But I can promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn’t happen to us.”

  He gave her a lazy smile while he slowly circled her palm with the pad of his thumb. “Put me under lock and key?”

  She didn’t crack a smile. “No, Ben, not you. Your temper.”

  He dropped her hand, eyes in a squint. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

  Huffing out a sigh, she rose to pace the deck, her arms in a tight fold. “It means I have two conditions before I put that ring on my finger, Dr. Carmichael, and you can either comply or we can call it quits.”

  “You’re joking.” He stared, mouth dangling.

  “Nope.” Her chin jutted up as if to prove her point. “Dead serious, Dr. Doom, and no amount of kissy-face is going to change my mind.”

  He ground his jaw as he leaned back in his chair, elbows on the armrest and fingers laced. “And what exactly are these ‘conditions,’ Tess?” he said, giving her a death glare over the clasp of his hands.

  She held up a finger. “One, I want you to deal with your bitterness toward Cam, because I refuse to marry a man where jealousy blackens his soul like it did mine.”

  His lips took a hard twist. “It won’t, Tess, as long as he stays away from you.”

  Head cocked, she sucked air through teeth clenched in a tight smile. “Yeah, well, that’s just it, Ben—Cam is my friend and as a widower whose wife died from cancer, he’s helped me through my grief a lot, which means his friendship is here to stay—”

  Ben shot to his feet. “Over my dead body,” he growled, “not if you become my wife.”

  She scrunched her nose. “Which is a pretty big ‘if’ right about now, Doc, so you might want to hear me out.” She shrugged. “If not, I’ll be happy to give your eulogy.”

  Leaning forward, he stared her down, hands perched low on his hips. “It would be downright irresponsible for you to even consider a friendship with another man, Tess, especially one I can’t stand, and there isn’t a marriage counselor
alive who wouldn’t agree with me.”

  “Maybe,” she said with a slow nod, remembering that Adam had called her irresponsible once as well, and she supposed she had been. But this was different. Ben’s ring wasn’t on her finger yet, and unless he was willing to rid his heart of the bitterness he still harbored toward Cam, it didn’t look likely. The barest semblance of a smile flickered at the edge of her mouth as she arched a brow, hoping a tease would soften the blow. “But then it’s not the marriage counselors you want to take to bed, now is it, Dr. Doom?”

  He turned away, slashing fingers through his hair. “This is nothing short of blackmail, and if you really loved me, you wouldn’t do this.”

  “On the contrary, Ben, it’s because I love you that I am doing this.” His eyelids weighted closed after she rose to tenderly touch his arm, her voice gentle with the deep affection of a woman in love. “Why on earth would I stand by and allow the man I adore to be eaten up by bitterness when it’s a cancer we can cure?”

  His rib cage deflated in one, noisy bluster of air. “What else?” he bit out, tone as sharp as the hackles she’d apparently raised.

  Silence reigned for several seconds before she whispered her second request. “I’d like for you and Cam to be friends.”

  He spun around so fast, it made her dizzy, his eyes wide sockets of shock. “Are you crazy?”

  She moved in close to wrap her arms around his neck, tone husky to convey her intent. “Yes. Undeniably, unequivocally, and certifiably crazy in love with an unbelievably stubborn man with whom I hope to spend the rest of my life.”

  She stood on tiptoe to sway her lips against his, and he swallowed her up in a raspy groan. “God help me, I love you so much, it aches,” he whispered, taking her mouth with a ferocity that mirrored the love that they bore.

  She pulled away to cup his face with her hand, a sheen of tears in her eyes she hoped told him that she felt the same. “That’s what I’m counting on, Dr. Doom,” she whispered, nuzzling his mouth with a tenderness meant to drain all the anger from his soul. “But I promise you, Ben Carmichael, that once I say ‘I do,’ I’ll do everything in my power to make the ache go away.”