Stony took out a cigarette and lit it, drawing deeply with pleasure. "Except for this one Indian in the tribe who was really fat and greedy."
"Was his name Tyrone?" Derek snickered.
Tyrone started to protest.
"As a matter of fact, his name was Derek."
Tyrone laughed.
"No it wasn't." Derek suppressed a smile.
"Well, really his name was De Coco."
"That's your name," they both said.
"Yeah, well, he was my ancestor."
"You an Indian?" They stared at him popeyed.
"On my mother's side," he said.
"You really an Indian?"
"Hey, c'mon, you gonna let me tell the story?"
They both stared at him with awe.
"Anyway, De Coco was a fat an' greedy Indian, an' his family was always starvin' because he would eat everybody's food. His squaw got really mad an' went to the counsel o' chiefs an' said, 'Chiefs, my man De Coco is one greedy sucker. Me an' my babies ain't had no grub for three days. He just eats everybody's share. Why I got to count my babies every night just to make sure he ain't eaten one of them.' So the chiefs call De Coco to stand trial, an' he comes into the tent, all fat an' greasy like he just swallowed a bass drum, an' the chiefs take one look at that gut he got an' they know his squaw is tellin' the truth, so they say, 'De Coco, we heard you was more pig than man an' we can't afford to have greedy braves in this tribe. You like to eat us all out of house and home, so you got two choices: either we knock you down an' let you roll until you starve to death, or we give you some rations and banish you from the tribe an' let you wander around the desert. What's it gonna be?' Well, De Coco felt like there wasn't much of a choice so the next day they booted him out of the tribe into the desert. They gave him three days' supply of food and drink, you know, some beef, some cheese, two salamis and a six-pack o' Doctor Pepper, and off he goes. Well, he traveled maybe two hundred feet when he starts feeling hungry an' before you know it, he plunks himself down in the sand an' in ten minutes he ate the whole three days' worth o' food. So now he got no grub and he's wanderin' aroun' the desert an' he starts to get hungry again. An' he says to himself: 'Gah-damn, I'm hungry!' But he knows if he go back to the camp they'll kill 'im so he just trudge on ahead for miles an' miles, an' it's hot in the desert an' he's sweatin' an' puffin'. Finally after walkin' ten miles he come to a little water hole. He just lay himself down on his belly an' he's gulpin' it up like a camel. Well, after he got enough, he's sittin' there under that burnin' sun an' he says, 'Ooh-wee! It's hot. I gots to find me some shade!' an' he puts his hand up to his eyes an' he's searchin' the lay of the land."
Stony imitated the action, searching the day room. "An' way off in the distance, he sees some hills."
Stony peered over their bodies. Tyrone looked behind him to see what Stony found.
"So he gets his rear in gear an' starts trekkin' off to the hills an' he walks ten more miles before he gets there an' he finds himself a nice cool cave an' that boy just plain passed out for two days he was so tired."
Derek exhaled wearily.
"Anyways, he wakes up two days later an' he's hungry an' he's thirsty, but he still don't got no food or water an' he got so damn angry he just started kickin' and screamin' an' yellin' just like a baby."
Tyrone laughed.
"But that don't get him no food. An' then he remembers that water hole ten miles out into the desert. Well, he tries kickin' and screamin' for a couple a more hours, then he realizes he better save up his energy for that ten-mile hike he gotta make an' off he goes, ten miles to the water hole an' ten miles back to his cave. He does this for a couple of days an' realizes he's ain't eaten. A man gotta have more than water. Well, he knows he seen some desert rabbits hoppin' aroun' but how can he catch them?"
"With a bow an' arrow," Derek said.
"He don't got no bow an' arrow," Tyrone said.
"Shut up," Derek said in annoyance.
"Nah, Tyrone's right, but you know what he does? He tears off some material from his buckskin shirt an' he takes the lace out of one a his moccasins and he makes himself a sling. An' he takes some rocks out a the cave an' he goes off into the desert huntin' rabbits just like David and Goliath."
"My aunt told me that story," Derek said. "It's in the Bible."
"Yeah, well, he goes, an' he's flingin' them rocks right and left but he ain't hittin' no rabbits because they are fast little mothers, an' they ain't just gonna sit there waitin' to be bonked, an' he's goin' at it for days until finally he beans one right on the noggin', an' De Coco's so damn hungry he wolfs it down raw fur an' all."
They both made faces of disgust.
"Man, you get hungry enough you don't care," Stony impressed upon them. "Anyways, so now he's truckin' out twenny miles a day for water an' he's runnin' aroun' the desert with his sling beanin' rabbits an' he's gettin' pretty damn good at that too now, an' this goes on for two years until one day he's at the water hole an' he looks at his reflection in the water."
Stony peered at the floor. Derek and Tyrone stared between Stony's feet. "You know what he saw?"
"He got skinny!" Tyrone shouted.
"Skinny! That boy made Bruce Lee look like Humpty Dumpty. He was all muscle an'rawhide! He was lean an'tough! He made Shaft look like Fat Albert!"
Derek and Tyrone smiled with satisfaction.
"I mean that man was like whipcord! Then one day he wakes up in his cave an' he hears voices. At first he thinks he's goin' crazy, but then he crawls out to the lip of the cave an' there they are, a hundred Indians on horses an' they all got war paint on, and he can tell by their language that they're Shalako Indians, the sworn enemies of the Hondos, an' he overhears that they're on their way to the Hondo camp to pull off a surprise attack. Well, he just ran out the back entrance of the cave, an' he takes off like the wind. He's gonna warn the Hondos of this attack an' he's flyin'! He runs thirty miles to the camp an' he bursts in an' runs up to the chief's tent an' he says, 'Get your braves ready, the Shalakos are on the warpath!' an' the chief looks at him an' says, 'Who the hell are you?' an' De Coco says, 'I'm De Coco,' an' the chief laughs an' says, 'You're not De Coco, De Coco's fat and greasy, you're lean an' strong' an' De Coco's feelin' frustrated but he's got no time for 'To Tell the Truth' an' he says, 'Where are your braves?' an' the old chief says, 'They're all out hunting. There's nobody here but women, children and old men like me.' "
"Oh no!" Tyrone slapped his forehead.
"Stupid motherfucker!" Derek cursed.
"An' now De Coco's flippin' out. He don't know what to do. He can't fight all the Shalakos so he says to the chief, 'Get all the people together an' I'll lead them to safety in the desert but hurry because the Shalakos are almost here an' you know De Coco knows all the hidin' places in the desert pretty good after all these years.' The chief looks out his tent an' sees a cloud of dust way off in the distance an' he knows that it's the Shalako war party comin' down hard an' De Coco's tellin' the truth. Well, in ten minutes he gets everybody ready to go an' De Coco's leading all the women, children an' old men through the desert. An' he's takin' them up and down these tricky paths an' windin' ways, an' behind them now they can see two clouds, one is the Shalako war party and the other is the smoke comin' from their burning village."
"The Shalakos burned it down?"
"Yup, an' now they're hot on their trail. An' every time they turn aroun' that cloud is gettin' closer an' closer 'cause all them Shalakos is on horseback. Well, finally De Coco leads the Hondos into this hidden valley between these two mountains. One end of the valley is wide, but the other end is really narrow, too narrow for a horse but wide enough for a person to crawl through. An' if he can get the Hondos out the other end of the valley, they'll be safe. Well, he runs everybody through the valley an' they get to that narrow passage, but there's about a six-foot-high smooth ledge of rock that everybody's gotta climb to get to that passage, an' it's smooth, too smooth for anybody to climb, you know, they're
all children and women an' ol' men. So they're all standing there trapped between two mountains an' suddenly they see the Shalakos at the other end of the valley an' they're a whoopin' an' screamin' about two miles off. Suddenly De Coco gets an idea. He stands like this."
Stony stood up and bent his arms into right angles. "An' De Coco's standin' there an' all the women an' children start climbin' over him and through the passage to safety and the Shalakos are gettin' closer and closer an' every once in a while an arrow lands near them an' the Hondos are tearin' ass to get outta there an' De Coco's standin' up there like the friggin' Rock a Gibralta. All those people climbin' over him an' the arrows are landin' closer an' closer an' the Shalakos are about a hundred yards away an' there's two people left and De Coco's knees are givin' way an he's sweatin' an' bleedin'."
"Hurry!" Tyrone shouted.
Stony maintained that strange crucifix position, spit flying as he talked. "An' just as the last Hondo child scrambles over De Coco's shoulders to safety, the Shalakos get there an' see how De Coco cheated them out of their massacre. An' there's nobody facing the Shalakos now but De Coco, an' he's too damn tired to escape an'just stays in that position against the ledge."
Stony collapsed against the wall, exhausted, but holding his arms in that position.
"Well, the Shalakos are so damn angry, all one hundred of them take out their bow 'n' arrows an' shoot De Coco right where he stands. An' all those arrows pin him to that ledge in that position, an' he got a hundred arrows stickin' in his body, but he dies with a smile on his face because he knows he saved his whole tribe."
"Why didn't he escape?" Derek's eyes were glistening.
" 'Cause he was tired, right?" Tyrone said.
"But the Indian gods were watching an' they thought that De Coco's dyin' was the bravest thing they ever saw, and even though he was dead, they were going to make him immortal ... an' the next morning when the sun came up in the desert, there were thousands of plants, a new kind of plant that stood straight up and had two arms that were stretched out just like De Coco's arms an' that plant was covered with a hundred long needles just like the arrows in De Coco's body an' do you know what plant that was?"
They stared at him blankly.
"The cactus." he answered himself. "And now all over the world anybody wandering the desert can get food from the cactus and he can get water, or maybe some tequila if he's lucky."
"Man, if I was De Coco I wouldajust ... choo!" Derek made a motion of flying. "I wouldajust... jumped away up that rock, man." He fidgeted anxiously in his wheelchair. He looked up at Stony and asked with a strange softness, "Can you tell us more stories?"
"Gimme a break." Stony fought back a smile.
"What's a cactus?" Derek asked.
"They got needles in 'em, right?" Tyrone offered.
"You never seen a cactus?" Stony was taken aback.
"I seen pictures, but I never seen one before," Tyrone said.
"Come to think of it, I never seen one live either."
"They're in Texas, right?" Tyrone picked his nose.
"They really got needles in 'em?"
"Well, you know, stickers, like a rose but bigger ones," Stony said.
"Ugh! I hate needles." Derek made a bitter face. "Las' night I dream I run aroun' the hospital an' break all the needles and when Mrs. Le Pietro come in the mornin' to give me a needle, it all broke an' I jus' laugh."
Tyrone jerked his head back and looked at Derek with scorn. "You crazy nigger! You do that an' lotta people gonna get sick! If ah don' get a needle in the mornin' ah die!"
"What?" Stony sat down and stared horrified at Tyrone.
"He got diabeanies." Derek nodded gravely.
"Tha's right! An' I got to getta needle every mornin' or ah die! But it don't hurt no more. They even teachin' me to do it mahself," Tyrone said cheerfully.
"My mamma stick me once." Derek held up his left hand and pointed to the center of his palm. "Wit' a sewin' needle right here." He stabbed the spot repeatedly.
"She did whatStony felt barraged.
"Yeah, 'cause I was bad. I was a little kid, like six." Derek squinted at the ceiling. "Yeah, I was six."
"What you do?" Stony and Tyrone asked simultaneously.
"I was playin' with matches."
"Did you cry?" Tyrone was hypnotized, eyes big as saucers.
"Shit yeah! I was a baby, man! That sucker hurt! She jus'put mah hand out on the dinin' table and went wham!" Derek jabbed his palm again.
Tyrone twisted away in his wheelchair. "Stop!"
Derek laughed. "Tyrone, you still a baby!"
"Wait a second, wait a second." Stony put out his hands. "You mean to tell me she took a friggin' sewin' needle and put out your hand onna table or somethin' an'..."
"Right through, look." He held up his hand, revealing a small star-shaped white scar dead center in the palm. "Hey, Tyrone! Look!" Tyrone kept his face buried in the crook of his arm. "Tyrone, look!"
"No!" A muffled cry.
"Tyrone, you a faggot," Derek taunted.
"I don't fuckin' believe it," Stony said to no one.
"You think I'm lyin', man, you can ask my mother. She jus' upstairs."
"She's visitin'?"
Derek laughed. "No, man! She's in the psycho ward. She bus' up mah legs wit' boilin' water. Tha's why I'm inna wheelchair. She try an' come down everyday, but ah jus' hide under the covers. When ah get out I'm gonna live onna farm wit' my granma in South Carolina."
"Hold it, hold it." Stony was getting dizzy. "Your mother's upstairs onna eighth floor?"
"Right! An' they gonna keep her there too! Look!" Derek raised his pajama legs, revealing blistered skin." The worst of the burned tissue was smeared with a yellow salve. Stony fought back the impulse to vomit. "This lady come an' she say to me, ah don' have to see mah mother anymore if ah don' want to. They gonna sen' me down to my granma when mah legs get better."
Stony got up and walked around the room. Behind him, Derek tried to make Tyrone look at his ravaged legs. Stony leaned against the window overlooking Bronx Park and tried to space out, counting the number of people walking or biking along the curved pathways.
"Hey! Hey! De Coco!" Stony turned around and leaned against the sill. "You ever been on a farm?" Derek wheeled himself in a circle.
Stony returned to the folding chair. "Nah."
"I'm gonna milk the cows, and feed the chickens, man." Derek stopped wheeling.
Tyrone sat holding his stomach, looking like he'd just drunk cod-liver oil.
"Wait, hold on. Your mother comes down an' visits you!"
"Only once. She ain't supposed to, but she slip down las' week. I was sleepin' an' I wake up one mornin' and she jus' standin' over mah bed, man, she jus' standin' there. Ah jus' start screamin' an' Mrs. Le Pietro runs in an' drags my mama out there. I screamin' for hours, man. Mrs. Le Pietro gotta gimme a needle, man, an' I ain't got no diabeanies, I jus' go back to sleep an' I wakes up again an' everything cool."
Stony exhaled through his mouth and shook his head. "I remember once when I was five my mother made me touch a hot iron because I broke a window kickin' a football in my room."
Derek laughed.
"You lose the football?" Tyrone asked.
"That thing hurt like a bitch." Stony shook his hand as if to cool off the burn.
Derek asked, "You play football, man?"
"Well, yeah. I played for three years in high school."
"You ever on TV?" Tyrone asked.
"One time, when we was playin' Christ the King for the championship. We lost."
"You ever on 'Get Christy Love'?"
"Who?"
"She a cop, she fox-yy." Derek rolled his eyes.
Tyrone snickered.
"Tyrone! What you laughin' at? Man, Christy Love come in here an' take her clos' off you run the other way!"
Tyrone giggled, "Shut up!"
"I dream once, man, Christy Love come inna my room, man, an' take me in a convertible. An' we drivin' d
own to my granma's farm in South Carolina."
"My granma live in Newark," Tyrone said. "You know where that at?"
"New Jersey." Stony was still trying to place the name Christy Love.
"But she come in every Sunday for Reverend Ike, you know him?"
"Sort of."
"He a ba-ad preacher, man. My granma come in wit' all her frens an' they all dress up and go to see him. One time she took me. I wore this nice suit, man, it light blue except the pockets. They dark blue." Tyrone ran his hands down his sides as he talked. "We all sit in this big gold movie house and all these ol' ladies what look like my granma they all start yellin' an' jumpin' aroun' when Ike come out." Tyrone laughed. "You know what he tell them? He say, 'Give yo'se'ves a big bear hug,' an' my granma and all her frens they hug theyse'ves an' go, 'Mmm.' I start laughin' an' my granma smack me."
"My mama say Rev Ike fo' fools!" Derek sneered.
"Yo mama a fool," Tyrone countered.
Derek reared back to punch Tyrone. Tyrone wheeled backward fast. Stony held the rear of Derek's wheelchair to keep him from chasing Tyrone all over the room. "You know I got a brother that's eight."
"He a Indian too?" Tyrone asked.
"Nah, he's black." Stony smiled.
"You liah." Derek squinted skeptically.
"It can be! It can be! Ah knows this white boy in mah class las' year, Robert Parker? He black an' he got a white sister!" Tyrone wheeled himself in front of Derek. "Right?" he asked Stony.
Stony shrugged, stuck on his joke.
"Is yo' brother in the hospital?"
"Nah, he's home."
"What's his name?"
"Albert."
"Fat Albert!" Derek and Tyrone exclaimed together.
Stony snorted. "Yeah, Fat Albert."
"Hey, De Coco, you got a car?" Tyrone asked.
"Yeah."
"I can drive," said Derek. "My granma got a tractor an' she gonna show me how to drive it."
"What kinda car you got, a LD?"
"A what?"
"A LD! A Catalac."
"LD, LD." Stony frowned. "Oh, an Eldorado! No way, try a Mustang."
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